Chapter 40

Dessa didn't expect anything less than the flood of happy tears when she was able to tell her mother and father about going back to see her grandfather Bence. Lyv and Jai had known what Elys was planning for their training session that day, but didn't think about what, where, and, most importantly, when they would manage to get to with their combined magic.

"I remember seeing you," Lyv mumbled through her tears she tried to wipe away without success since they continued falling. "I didn't know who you were but then Elys looked up, saw you, and waved. Then that second time after I got hit...Mother above, I saw your face, Des. I thought it was dreaming since I was looking at me in your features, but your hair and eyes were like Jai's."

Dessa's smile was bright as she looked between her parents. "You two really weren't getting along then, were you?"

Jai grinned as he wound his arm around Lyv's waist, kissing the side of her head. "More on her part, but then she punched me and it seemingly fixed everything."

Dessa's laugh rang out as they both pulled her in for a hug.

"There's something else I wanted to tell you about," she continued when they let her breathe after smothering her. "About someone else I was able to meet."

Lyv and Jai looked at one another before back at her.

Her smile waivered slightly as tears burned in her eyes. "Grandpa Bence."

And that her mother crying yet again.

She told them absolutely everything with Elys interjecting behind her at all the appropriate moments. Of course, Lyv had to go and hit him for never telling her this before, but all he did was laugh and shield himself from her hands before managing to gather her up in a hug as he kissed the top of her head.

"Can I just say again like I always do about how much I miss you being little?" she mumbled into his leather jacket.

Over those next few days, though, Dessa's magic...well, it was fighting her. By extending it farther than she had before, it seemed to falter at every one of her attempts. With her magic limited, it made creating her portals more difficult. She couldn't even manage one to take just herself to the dragon quarters at the Branvon estate, which had her irritated the entire walk there. Even her shadowflame was just a flicker on her fingertips, though they seemed to want to come out more whenever Elys was around.

And that had her seething, eyes narrowing anytime she looked at him and that small smile he'd give her when he was telling her she was doing just fine.

"Just fine my ass," Dessa grumbled as she and Milena trained in the palace courtyard. Her sword was tight in her grip, knuckles going white.

She was trying to keep her cursing to a minimum since Lenora was sitting on the sidelines in Elys's lap, one of her favorite picture books propped in hers as he read it to her. Eamon and Archer were on either side of them, just as captivated with the tale as Len was. If she hadn't been so wound up, Dessa would have been teasing the three males about it, but all she wanted to do was fight.

Milena huffed out a breath, brushing her hair from her face after Dessa successfully blocked one of her blows and called for a timeout. "You're being too hard on yourself. Just like with fight training, you have to build up your stamina with your magic also. How many times have all of us told you this?"

Dessa crossed her arms in defiance. "Well, I just want it to be where it's supposed to be already."

"And just like everyone's told you your whole life, you inherited both your parents' stubbornness combined. Mother help Elys when you two finally..."

Gone was her annoyance at herself when Milena's eyes widened, and she snapped her mouth shut. "Mother help Elys when what, Milena?"

But all she did was press her lips together to unsuccessfully hide her smile.

What annoyed her even more than Milena's innuendo was her parents and even Gideon and Thia constantly watching her. Watching her temper flare, which was pretty much the only way she could get her magic to do what she wanted. And once again, Elys was no help, especially when he was trying to be nothing but encouraging as she focused on her shadowflame that sputtered in her palm.

"You're overthinking it, you know. And you're doubting yourself, which isn't helping either."

"Shut up, Seer."

Dessa was so focused on her raised hand in front of her face that Elys's blurred in her periphery, but she still saw his smirk as he flipped through the text he was reading. She felt like they'd been in the palace library for hours, but in reality it was just one.

"He's right, you know," Lyv sighed from her other side. "You're pushing yourself too hard and you need to..."

"No, you both need to hush so I can concentrate," Dessa snapped. She growled as the little spark she managed to create winked out. "See? And here I was thinking I was making progress. Now, I'm pretty much back to the start."

Her mother's hand immediately wrapped around her own. "Dessa, sweetie..."

But she yanked free of her hold and stood suddenly, pacing. "Why? Why is everything with my magic so difficult that I can't even manage to do anything with it? I've wanted this my whole life and yet it's fighting me with every step of the way. I'm sick and tired of it."

"Des," Elys began.

"No," she told him, holding up her hand. "I can't manage anything on my own, not after Cleo left. Momma, I know you and Daddy have been trying, but it's just not the same when you two don't have dark magic anymore. I need someone who's like me, who can show me how to control it."

Worry and fear appeared on Lyv's face as she stared up at Dessa. "I know Cleo told you to come to Arloerin to continue training if you wanted, but..."

"But what? With you hesitating as you are, I have a feeling you don't want me to."

Her mother remained silent as Elys answered. "She knows you'll have to go soon, but she doesn't want you...falling into the darkness like she did."

Dessa's eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms over her chest, her anger bubbling up and bursting before she could stop herself. "I at least have that much control over it. Enough control not to lose myself and slaughter entire villages."

As soon as the words were out and she saw how her mother's eyes filled with tears, she instantly regretted it. Her emotions and her magic were a chaotic swirl inside her, but they instantly calmed as Lyv's tears well up in her eyes.

Especially when her father's voice sounded behind her, his tone steely and cool as he tried to control his anger and disappointment.

"Dessa Jai Deverell Ayveri, how dare you say that to your mother," Jai told her as soon as she turned around. He was past her the next moment, reaching for Lyv.

Her whole body shook as she coward back, glancing between her parents. Not only because her mother seemed on the verge of breaking down, but also because she'd never seen her father so absolutely furious with her like he was then.

Dessa was searching for the right thing to say, for the most sincerest of apologies, but she couldn't even manage a full sentence. "I'm...gods, I'm sorry! I didn't...I didn't mean that. I just..."

Lyv grabbed onto Jai's wrist to hold him back, hands shaking as she stared at Dessa.

"What you said...it's true. Everyone knows what happened, Dessa, and somehow they have forgiven me even when I haven't forgiven myself yet. How could I when I took the lives of innocents, even though I wasn't myself when I did. It was still my face, still my smile as they welcomed me into their villages. And the last one...those people in it, the leader Moswen and his wife Tairin, they helped me when I needed it the most." She pointed to Elys, who was silently standing on the sidelines. "They were there for Elys when he needed them. I don't know what I would have done with a beaten and bloodied five-year-old if they hadn't let me stay. You might know what happened those years ago through university lectures and books from the library and me and your father ourselves, but you have no idea about how we're still reliving those terrifying days over and over again. You will never understand it until you see it for yourself."

Without even having to look at him, Dessa felt tension tighten around Elys.

"Momma..."

But she stopped her by lifting one hand. "No. You have nothing else to say. I understand you're frustrated with your magic, but that gives you absolutely no right to take it out on me. You will never speak to me like that again, young lady. Do you hear me?" her mother said in a whisper.

Dessa swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, staring down at her boots.

But what was probably worse than seeing the looks on her parents' faces was the disappointment in Elys's as he slowly walked toward her.

"Let's go," he told her without saying anything else.

"No, I..."

Extending his arm, he pointed toward the library doors. "Now."

Dessa couldn't even look at her parents as shame washed over her and whispered another soft I'm sorry, tucking her chin to her chest as she followed Elys's orders. He was just a few steps behind her, but not quick enough to close the doors and her mother breaking down in tears and her father's quiet reassurances.

Footsteps slowing by the time they reached the end of the hallway, Elys all but ran into her from behind as soon as she froze. His hands brushed her elbows to hold her steady since she was still shaking. Only seconds passed before she was sagging back against him, and his arms secured around her stomach as she held onto him.

"Why did I say something like that to her?" Dessa murmured more so to herself than to him. "Why? I know Momma's story about what happened when she went dark, how much she still hurts from what she'd done whenever she was under the darkness's hold. I still hear her waking up from the nightmares sometimes. Why would I throw it back in her face like that?"

Even though he was just as furious with her as her father was, the tension eased from Elys's body as he held her gently and buried his face in her hair. "You said it in anger. She knows that, Des, and your father does, too. You can go to them later. Everyone needs time apart to cool off."

She whimpered as tears welled up, turning under his hold to curl herself against his chest. The rivets and buckles of his leather jacket dug into her cheek as she pressed her ear over his heart, hearing how it raced from the adrenaline of the moment. But while focusing on its rhythm had her own calming, the flicker of a silver cord she'd felt between them just a few days before making itself known again, bright and shimmering between them. Maybe it was just her hyperawareness of him, but Dessa could have sworn Elys's breath caught in his throat the same moment she felt that warmth spread through every part of her.

Or maybe it was just Milena's teasing words that had her overthinking.

"Any better?" Elys murmured against her hair several moments later.

Dessa finally pulled back with a nod, though she still kept close to him, hands gripping the back of his jacket. "A little. I need to apologize to Momma and Daddy."

"And you will. Later. Right now, you need to work through some of your frustrations and I know just the thing that'll do it."

"What?"

"By letting you beat me in a fight."

Her laugh rang out through the palace hallway at the suggestion. "You don't have to let me win since I always manage to beat you anyway."

"That's just because you've gotten good at hiding your plans from me."

"I had to, Seer, since you use that magic of yours to your advantage."

"Well, you've got your own to do the same now, don't you?"

"Shut up."

Elys's smile was blinding as he winked at her, taking her face in his hands as he placed a kiss on her forehead. "Never."

***

He knew her better than she knew herself it seemed because fight training was just what she needed. And just like she said, Elys didn't have to let her win. He realized that when she didn't hold back with every punch, kick, or swing of her sword. They quickly fell into an easy rhythm just like always.

As they did, being able to focus on something other than what she'd said to her mother and her frustrations with herself allowed her to redirect her thoughts elsewhere. Her body moved fluidly through every movement, her sword becoming an extension of her like it always did. She never reached for her dagger, but kept it sheathed on her thigh just in case. Elys had gone for it several times to get it away from her, but she was easily able to stop him.

"Would you stop it?" she huffed after his fourth attempt.

"Nope," he winked at her. "Because annoying you is what I love to do most."

Dessa narrowed her eyes. "I should just take you out right now."

And Elys, being the cocky bastard he was, merely grinned. "Like to dinner? Because I wouldn't be opposed to it. I'm kinda hungry."

Not a second later, her dagger flew through the air, straight for his head, but he easily sidestepped it with a smile.

"Someone's still a little testy, huh?"

Her dagger flew back into her hand without second thought, magic tingling in her palm. "You know it. Now, if I can manage a portal, you're taking me to Jules's to drink. Got it?"

A knowing look appeared in those mismatched eyes. "All right. Do it then."

At his command, Dessa didn't move, could barely feel her portal magic flickering inside her. "Not right now."

"Why not right now?" he challenged. "You want to drink, don't you? Get so shitfaced you don't remember anything tomorrow?"

"Like you did that one night a few weeks ago?" she shot back.

Elys snorted, sheathing both his sword and dagger as he walked over to grab his leather jacket. "Nice one. But we're going. Now."

Dessa gulped. "I can't," she choked out. "Not right now. My magic..."

"I'm going to need you to stop blaming everything on your magic, Dessa Jai. Sheathe your weapons before you go at me again with them and grab your jacket. Hood up, go it? Let's go."

"But..."

He stopped her with one look.

So, of course, she did as he asked, sheathing her dagger on her thigh and sword on her hip. Nerves knotted in her stomach as she slipped on her jacket, but that knot changed as soon as Elys appeared in front of her, helping her with the zipper and buckles along the front. Heart racing, her mind completely got away from her as she watched his fingers, imaging him undoing those buckles and zipper instead...which then had her face immediately flushing. Just to hide herself, she lifted her hood up on her head, casting her face into the shadows.

"What?" Elys asked her, his tone amused.

"Nothing," she mumbled in answer. "You're just annoying me."

"Right back at you, Dessa Jai. Now, make a portal."

"I can't."

"Would you stop it?"

"But I can't."

"Just try, you stubborn female. I'll give you a present later if you do."

"You want to buy out Sherine's for me?"

"Gods, no. Not that I wouldn't love to support her business, but do you know how sick you'd get eating everything?"

"I'd share."

"You've never been the best at sharing, though."

"Shut up."

Elys's laugh rang out as he reached up to push her hood back, then took her face in his hands before kissing her forehead. "Come on. Let's go."

Before Dessa even attempted to create a portal as he asked, she lifted her hood again and found Elys doing the same. He only took her hand for a moment to give it a reassuring squeeze, then gestured her toward the open space of the courtyard.

"I believe in you," Elys said, trying to be encouraging.

"Then take me to Jules's. That can be your present to me if I manage, all right?"

"I can think of something better."

Dessa's concentration was shot as soon as she heard the warmth in his tone...along with the slight nervousness. Having known every one of his expressions and how they changed through the years just as he had, she knew there was something he wasn't telling her.

But somehow, without having to think much about it, Dessa's magic flared inside her, concentrating on her palms as soon as she held them up. A portal immediately opened, though it was slightly distorted around the edges. Elys's magic almost immediately combined with hers, but he wouldn't let her go through first.

And while she immediately took his hand as he stepped through, she couldn't keep her grip on him as time and space contorted around them, shoving them together and yet pulling them apart. When her fingers slipped through his, she wanted to scream for him, but he was always right there and yet not. She needed to concentrate, to get herself to one of the few places where she didn't have to be Princess Dessa Jai Deverell Ayveri.

Yet all she could think of was her mother.

Elys's hand found hers again what could have been hours or minutes later. She knew they were close to being exactly where they were needing to be. He was the first was through the portal's exit point, his boots thudding softly against stone. Dessa quickly followed, keeping her hood secured on top of her head as she squinted in the darkness.

Now...for closing the damn thing.

Dessa held up both hands toward it, but the swirling distortion before her wasn't budging. She pushed again, then clasped her hands as her magic sparked inside her. Growling in frustration, she pushed again as a breeze whipped around, almost blowing back her hood.

"When it comes to this, to my magic, you're always trying to push me and be supportive, but now I'm asking to go to Cleo for more training and you're hesitant just like my parents are. You always take their side," she complained. There was enough steel in her tone to give it an edge, but Elys was frozen and looking past her. That only made her more annoyed with him. "I've been stuck at university for the past two years. I want to do something more. Not only are Momma and Daddy holding me back, but you are, too. You're like a son to them and yet they let you go off and join Dalcaine's army. You got to galivant all over four continents. Daddy and Gideon are proud of you and of all you've done, that's for damn sure. Momma is, too, though she'd rather have you at home. But guess what? I still want to murder you. I'd get Eria to roast you or cuddle you to death if I could, but she loves you too much. I can't even get Ro or Erly to because they're the freakin' same! Maybe Silas would help poke you..."

Where they were was definitely not Jules's or even Asturia.