Chapter 23

Her mother helped Dessa stand in the middle of the courtyard, legs shaking beneath her. Somehow, her lips lifted at the corners to smile, though her mind still raced with all of her unanswered questions. Questions Lyv promised to answer for her, though Dessa had a feeling that would be until later once they were alone.

Right then, her aunt Ada stepped forward again, bringing along with her a skin of water one of the guardsmen handed her. "Here," she said. "Drink something. Are you feeling all right?"

Dessa nodded, taking a long drink. "I guess. My stomach's still turning, but I don't think I'll get sick again."

Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment as some of the palace staff came to clean up the mess she made. Training was obviously finished for the morning, so the guardsmen began to shuffle out until the only ones left were her, her mother, Ada, Balian, and Imrie.

Meeting Balian's worried gaze, Dessa stepped forward just as he opened his arms for her, hugging him tight. "Hi," she said in his ear.

"Hi?" he snorted. "That was some entrance, Dessa."

"You know me," she laughed.

When they pulled apart, Balian gave her another blinding smile before leaning in to kiss her cheek. The way her stomach flipped then wasn't anything related to being sick, but rather nerves and awkwardness. What a way to come back to Escarral, especially after what happened between them the last time she was there. She would always find him handsome, though they would never be anything more than friends.

Imrie got to her then, yanking her forward to hug her. The jerking movement had Dessa laughing at her other female best friend, blowing the strands of blond hair out of her face.

"The only time you're allow to get sick like that is when we're drinking the night away with Milena, got it? You scared me half to death!" she chided, squeezing her tight before leaning back to grin at her. "But magic, huh? Why didn't you tell us you finally got it?"

"Because that was the first time," Dessa answered.

"Are you all right?" Balian worried. "Do you need to go to the infirmary. You know Mother's got anything and everything you would need to ease any nausea..."

"I'm fine. Would you stop it already?"

Lyv was shaking her head as she said it, though. "No, even though your healing magic..." She made another little sound of happiness. "...has pretty much healed every break, bruise, and cut, I want you to drink some of the tea she usually has on hand. Balian, Imrie, would you take her, please?"

At the thought of her mother leaving her side, Dessa's panic rose in her throat. What if she couldn't regain control of her magic if it exploded again? What if another portal appeared and pulled her into it with no way of knowing where she was going?

Lyv reached forward, grabbing Dessa's hand and squeezing tight. She could practically feel her mother's magic in her fingertips, which made Dessa's jump at the familiarity, at the opportunity to say hello. It was mostly the fire magic she'd inherited from her, though theirs were so different yet alike. Intricately intertwined with it, there was the side of her magic from her father, magics from all four territories of Dalcaine.

"You're going to be fine, Des. I promise. I'll just be a little while, all right? I need to...I need to talk to Ada and then I'll meet you there."

"But..."

"Go on."

It was the tone in her mother's voice that had Dessa going silent, nodding in compliance.

Lyv looked to Balian, smiling as she reached to squeeze his arm in greeting before he took Dessa's hand in his and lead her and Imrie out of the courtyard and into the palace.

And since the two of them didn't have as advanced hearing as Dessa did, neither one of them picked up on when her mother broke down in tears in front of Ada, saying over and over again, I did this to her, Ada. Oh, gods, I did this. She barely had a moment to look back to see Ada pulling Lyv into her arms and hold her tight.

Though they were silent as Dessa, Balian, and Imrie walked through the palace hallways toward the infirmary, everyone around them was anything but. That was until they came into view, of course. Nothing was ever kept secret in a royal palace, especially when the staff liked to talk amongst themselves.

As soon as they saw Dessa, though, silence gripped them as they bowed slightly at the waist. Her mother was still a princess of Escarral, after all, which made her part of the royal family, too.

She's spent a lot of time in the human lands all throughout her life, which made it feel like her second home. But now, with the curious looks being thrown her way, knowing they all heard how Princess Dessa appeared out of nowhere, she felt as if she were a curiosity stuck in a cage. One to be feared even though she was locked inside.

And with that thought, her shadowflames began to flicker to life in the hand not holding Balian's. Curling her fingers into a fist, they winked out with just one thought.

Balian, though...he saw before she could stop it.

"Imrie," he said then, looking over at his sister on the other side of Dessa. "Can you go get Mother? Didn't she say she was heading home for the afternoon? I want her here, though, to make sure Dessa's all right."

Imrie huffed out a frustrated sigh. "You know she's physically fine, Balian. She has healing magic. And I know exactly where Momma keeps the ingredients for the tea if she doesn't already have some brewed up..."

"I'll handle that if it's not. Now, go get Mother."

Stopping them in the middle of the hallway, Imrie narrowed her eyes at her older brother, crossing her arms over her chest. "Is that a command from Captain of the Palace Guard or a request from my annoying brother?"

"A command from your captain," he said simply.

"Just know my brother will find himself on his ass the next training session for this."

"Go."

Grumbling to herself, Imrie turned on her heels and stalked back down the hallway, going left instead of right in the direction they'd come from.

"You know she really hates it when you give her orders as her captain," Dessa told Balian, smiling slightly up at him.

"And as my second, you'd think she'd be used to it by now."

He guided her along, down hallway after hallway deeper into the palace complex, down a short flight of stairs, and into the infirmary. For now, it was empty. The guardsmen hadn't had time to do much damage to each other in training, not when Dessa dropped in unannounced. Here, she felt most comfortable because it was so much like the infirmary back home in Ayveri, a place she felt at ease working with the tonics and salves.

Balian sat her down on a stool beside the work table. Stacks of small mixing bowls, dried herbs, and oils were spread out. Just like Dessa, Balian had not only grown up learning sword and fighting techniques from their fathers, but also healing methods from their mothers. He knew where everything was in order to make the tea to calm Dessa's stomach, barely even having to glance at the labels on the jars of herbs as he reached up to grab them off the shelves.

"Why did you send her off?" Dessa asked Balian in a whisper, watching as he worked.

"You know how Imrie can get," he replied with a fond smile as he thought about his sister. "She doesn't know when to stop pushing, when to stop asking questions. She'd give you a headache after a few minutes."

She snorted out a laugh. "True."

A few more minutes of silence passed as the tea brewed. Balian grabbed a cup from another shelf, putting just a little bit of honey in before pouring. The aroma of chamomile wafted over to her before he even handed her the cup. Her stomach wasn't flipping like it had been, but rather an ease spread through her as she sighed.

"Thanks," she said to him. "Even given the situation right now, it's really good to see you again, Balian. I've missed you and Imrie."

Balian's mouth lifted into a half smile. It used to make her head spin, that smile. Now, all she did was smile back at her friend. "Given the last time I saw you was your birthday last year, I've missed you, too. What took you so long, huh?"

Dessa smiled into her cup as she took another sip. "School."

"School. The answer you always seem to give to everyone."

"Right? And now that I'm pretty much finished, I guess I'm going to need to find a new excuse."

Balian chuckled, leaning his forearms against the tabletop as he stared at her. "So...magic, huh? Finally, since I know you always moaned and groaned about not having it."

This time, her smile was half grimace. "Well, I didn't want my magic to come like that."

His eyes dropped to her hands, undoubtedly remembering how her shadowflames had curled around her wrists and fingers. "You want to talk about it?"

"Not really. Not right now."

"Then how about what happened, what you were doing before it did?"

"You mean training? It was me and Milena against Elys, Eamon, and Archer."

Balian let out a surprised laugh. "And I'm guessing you two won? My men still remember the last time they tried to take you on all together and still lost, even though Milena didn't use her magic then."

"Remember when you thought it would be a good idea, too?"

"Worst idea ever. I think I still have the scar..."

"Several, you mean."

He laughed again as Dessa took another sip before draining her cup. He was quick to pour her another.

"So, Elys's back in Ayveri, huh?" Balian said then. It was more of a statement than a question.

"He is. They were in Laria for a few weeks before coming back, then went to Waiter to get Archer. They've been home for a little over a week now."

"Hm."

Dessa had a feeling she knew why he was asking.

Just to mess with him, she leaned forward to whisper. "I'd watch your back the next time he's here in Escarral or you make the trip to Ayveri, though. Maybe keep a dagger on you for protection. Gods know he doesn't need magic to maim you."

Oh, how she loved making a grown man's face blush scarlet!

Balian sputtered, bolting up to stand straight, and ran his fingers nervously through his hair. "I...you...we...gods."

Though they'd both agreed to keep their relationship strictly a friendship, Balian was still shifting uncomfortably at the thought of Elys knowing they'd explored being more than that. Why would he, though, when Dessa and Elys were nothing more than friends right now?

She couldn't help the boisterous laugh that came out of her then, so loud it echoed off the infirmary walls. "It's fine, Balian. Promise. He only wants to kill you a little bit."

"Just a little?"

"Eh, maybe?"

"Not helping, Des."

"Oh, you know you love me."

"As one of my oldest and dearest friends, of course, I do."

Dessa reached forward to squeeze his hand. "Good, because I do, too."

Balian snorted out a laugh, leaning against the table again. "Don't let him here you say that, though. Then I'd really be dead. He's way too overprotective of you. Always has been. I'd say he's just as protective of you as your father is."

"He's practically my brother."

"And yet the way he talks about you is anything but brotherly."

"Not helping, Balian."

He shrugged one shoulder, watching as she finished off her second cup of tea.

Silence followed, but it was quickly broken by the voices coming down the hallway. Imrie's was unmistakable, still irritated by her brother's command, as she complained to two others, her parents Merek and Evelien. With the two of them being close friends with Dessa's parents and everyone else, of course, they were practically another aunt and uncle to her.

A smile lit up Dessa's face as soon as Imrie and Evelien came into the infirmary. Imrie was almost identical to her mother in looks and hair color but had her father's eyes and mischievous smile. Merek was following close behind, still tall and broad as he always was, though his dark hair was peppered through with more gray than Dessa remembered it having. Instead of being Captain of the Palace Guard, a title that was now held by Balian, Merek was in charge of all of Escarral's army and Queen Ada's third in command under her husband and Dessa's uncle, Gyver. He had a hand pressed to the small of Evelien's back as the three of them entered, all eyes landing on Dessa.

Immediately, Evelien rushed forward to give her a tight hug. "Dessa, sweetheart, are you all right? Imrie told us what happened..."

"I'm fine. I think. Still a little shaken, but the tea Balian made me has helped tremendously."

She smiled, brushing Dessa's hair back behind her ear. "At least he remembers one thing I taught him."

Balian grumbled in complaint, rolling his eyes.

Merek was there to give her a hug then with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, mostly because worry was in them also. "You caused quite a stir with everyone."

"Have to make an entrance, don't I?"

But her laughter didn't ring true this time, though. She was still scared. Scared of what she could do, what her magic meant, and what rumors must have been going around both Dalcaine and Escarral. What would others think when they saw her now? Would they only see the dark magic and not even realize she had light in her also?

Not only that, but her thoughts went back to her mother, bursting into tears just a half hour before and telling Ada what happened with Dessa was all her fault. Her fault? How could Dessa's lack of magic until now be her fault? Though she knew the story of those few years before her birth, how both her parents having to take on dark magic to help destroy it, was there something else she wasn't being told?

And as if on cue, two other sets of footsteps came down the hallway.

Ada was the first Dessa saw. Her aunt smiled at her, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. She swept quickly into the infirmary, her skirts swishing around her legs, and came up to Dessa's side.

"How are you feeling?" she asked her, putting her hand on her cheek.

Dessa nodded. "Much better."

"Good. Your mother and I talked and I'm insisting you stay for the night. She thought the same, of course. I want you to just rest, all right? Go upstairs, take a bath, change clothes, and I'll send for someone to bring you food. Something light, though, so it doesn't mess with your stomach."

She reached up and squeezed her fingers. "Thank you, Aunt Ada."

Ada stepped back then, allowing for Dessa to see her mother still standing in the infirmary doorway. Lyv's eyes were still bloodshot from crying, her cheeks flushed, and was nervously wringing her hands together in front of her. She seemed as if she wanted to be looking anywhere but at Dessa, but she couldn't manage it. It didn't take long before she realized it was guilt and heartache she read in her mother's emerald eyes.

Giving Balian, Ada, Imrie, Evelien, and Merek a grateful smile, Dessa hopped off the chair, gave Balian back the tea cup, and slowly made her way toward Lyv.

And as soon as they were a short distance apart, mother and daughter were both reaching for one another, holding each other fiercely.

***

An hour later, Dessa was clean and in a fresh shirt and leggings as she walked barefoot out into her mother's room. Usually, whenever they were staying in Escarral, her parents occupied it with Dessa and Len staying in another room down the hall. But now, she didn't want to be parted from her. Not with what happened. Not when her mother seemingly blamed herself for her magic, magic that wanted to be shown off now that it was fully present, and she desperately needed to know why.

Dessa was curious as to what all she could do, too, thinking about everything her mother and father could do. She had a combination of their magic, didn't she? So, naturally, she tested herself while alone in the bathing room.

And everything she tried...worked.

She didn't want to have to reach across the tiled shower for the soap, so with one thought, it flew into her hand. Funny how something so little could make her so excited. She did the same with the towels, mostly because she'd forgotten she sat them on the counter by the sink. But her clothes? Yeah, she could have reached them, but why?

Dessa wanted to try out more of her fire magic. She blamed her mother for this thought, too. Lyv always used hers to dry her hair and also Dessa's and Len's. Of course, Dessa's was different as she watched the onyx flame spark to life in her palm, growing and curling around her wrist. Excitement bubbled up in her chest at how easily it seemed to come to her, and she couldn't wait to really figure out what all she could do with it.

But for now, she reigned it in, and allowed it to burn just below her skin. Her hands radiated warmth as she ran her fingers through her damp hair, drying it completely in less than a minute before tying it halfway up into a knot at the back of her head.

When Dessa went back into the bedroom, her mother was sitting against the pillows on the bed, holding one against her chest. Her eyes were far off for a few seconds before she realized Dessa had finally come out, but her smile was nowhere near what she would have expected. Was she not happy that she finally had her magic, no matter if it was a perfect combination of both light and dark?

"Momma?" Dessa said quietly, coming over to the side of the bed.

Lyv patted the space beside her. "Come here."

She obeyed, snuggling against her side. Finally, she got her to laugh as she kissed the top of Dessa's head. Silence stretched out between them long enough for Dessa to start worrying.

She shifted to look up at her mother. "Are you mad at me?"

Dessa might as well have slapped her. "What in the world made you ask that? Of course, I'm not mad at you! If anything, I'm mad at myself."

"Then what you said to Ada..." Dessa swallowed hard, looking down at her hands as she folded them in her lap. "What you said about being the one to do this to me..."

Lyv's gaze was distance once more as she stared forward. Dessa gave her a few moments before looking back up at her, waiting for her to say something.

"We haven't been telling you the truth about your magic, Dessa," her mother said quietly, tightening her hold on her. "None of us have. Me, your father, Gideon and Thia, Mik and Allel, Kalla and Cleo...literally, all of us. And I'm so sorry we didn't. It's nothing to be afraid of, though. I know you're not, but when we first learned of what it would be, your father and I were. But once we knew what Cleo's was like...there was nothing to fear from her magic with the darkness and light intertwined into one."

Confusion made Dessa's brows furrow, even as Lyv continued.

"You know the whole story. Everything. I've told it to you since you were a baby. What happened with my adoptive mother Guinevere stealing me away, the siege of Escarral, the war between darkness and light, your great-aunt Corliss...everything. You know what happened to me when Corliss made me go dark, my escape from the Keep..."