"I'll never be the same

So I'm cutting my losses

I'm not letting you in

Now that I've built a fortress"

✰

Arlo was beginning to find that songwriting was not her forte, no matter the fact that half of her life so far had revolved around literature. The girl could whip up a perfect essay on just about anything in a matter of hours, but she could not write a song to save her life.

Luke had been asleep for close to five hours now and as bored as Arlo was before the rest of the band arrived back from the studio, she was even more thankful that he was sleeping his sickness off. After he got out of the shower she wasn't sure if she could even get him back to sleep. He was adamant about songwriting even though he looked too weak to hold up a pen.

But, the boys came back from the studio full of inspiration and demanded her help, so she reluctantly left Luke sleeping. Arlo and the rest of the band had been on the balcony of the hotel room across from the one she shared with Luke, writing for hours.

"I want to write a love song." Calum declares. "We have Money, She's Kinda Hot and a little bit of Hey Everybody, but we need a deep cut."

Arlo scrunches up her nose at the idea of writing a love song. That was the last thing she wanted to do. Love songs were all unrealistic with dramatic lyrics that made people believe in this otherworldly, magical feeling. She hated love songs, especially considering what her parents were going through recently.

"We have The Girl Who Cried Wolf and Castaway." Arlo points out. "Aren't those sad enough?"

"We need sadder." Michael agrees. "And more in love." He twirls a pen between his fingers, resisting the urge to pace. The balcony was much too small to pace even without the several drinks sprawled around and Ashton said it made him nervous to watch Michael walk around twenty stories in the air.

There are only two lounge chairs on the small balcony and Ashton and Calum had already claimed them. The coffee table placed between the two chairs was completely covered with notebooks, writing utensils, and a little bit of inspiration in the form of a drug- weed. Arlo sits with her back against the railing of the balcony, her knees tucked to her chest. Michael sits across from her, his long legs on either side of her body, his feet placed between two of the bars of the railing, the laces of his converse dangling over New York City below them.

"C'mon, Arlo." Michael whines. "I know you have some sappy shit to write about." He nudges the girl's legs with his own, catching her attention.

The girl rolls her eyes, all this talk of love and being in love and writing about being in love is too much. Why were they so adamant about writing about such serious topics anyways? They were eighteen-year-old kids with a world of new opportunities ahead of them, why not focus on that?

"I've got nothing." Arlo shrugs. As much as she loves her friends, she finds herself wishing that she had managed to fall asleep next to Luke before the boys got back. "Why don't you guys write about being in love and I'll stick to only helping out if you get stuck on a lyric."

"Because we're not in love, duh." Calum points out. His mind suddenly flashes to his one-night stand from after the Battle of the Bands. She'd been in his mind ever since, which had never happened before, but he didn't even catch her name. "I don't know about the rest of you guys but I've never been in love either."

Neither have I. Arlo wants to say, but she bites her tongue, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. "I'm going to go grab a drink from that convenience store around the corner." She declares, standing up and brushing off her pants.

Ashton's brows furrow, recognizing the look on her face as clear as day. Arlo had been his best friend for years, he could easily recognize when she was panicking. The boy almost makes a move to ask her what's wrong, but he knows that would only stress her out more.

He knew when Arlo was stressed or anxious she'd walk for hours. No destination in mind, no music, just mindless walking until she could sort through the turmoil in her head. It was the way she coped.

Just as Luke used sex as his coping mechanism.

"It's already dark." Ashton reminds her gently. He wasn't going to be the asshole to tell her not to go, no matter how much her being out there alone worried him. He knew his boundaries. Arlo was an adult with her own feelings and the power to make her own decisions. "Make sure you keep your phone on okay?"

The girl nods, pulling her phone from the back pocket of her jeans in order to show Ashton that her ringer is off. Arlo pauses in the doorway, doing her best to ignore the surprised and slightly confused looks on their faces. "Good luck with writing, I know you guys will figure it out."

✰

"How much longer do you think we should give her?"

"She hasn't been gone that long."

"It's New York City, mate."

"She can handle herself."

"Try her cell again."

A few moments of silence pass.

"Nothing."

"I'm starting to get worried."

A muffled set of voices coaxes Luke out of sleep. He didn't know how long he'd been asleep, he only knew that he went to bed after his shower still feeling like shit, but now he doesn't feel the urge to throw up.

The boy sits up tiredly, the hotel room dark except for the light of a small lamp in the corner. It was well into the night, he could tell just by seeing the boys in front of him. They're all in their pajamas crowded around the small desk in the corner of the room.

"What the fuck is going on?" Luke rasps, his voice scratchy and weak. As his bandmates freeze in shock, turning to look at him like a bunch of deer in headlights, Luke reaches for the bottle of water on the nightstand.

A few moments pass where the boys stumble over their words as Luke watches skeptically, taking leisurely sips from his water bottle. It wasn't out of the ordinary for his best friends to act like this- all weird and jittery- so he wasn't too worried.

"Where's Arlo?" Luke frowns suddenly, the realization that she'd been right next to him as he fell asleep hitting him. He decides that he hates waking up without her.

"About that..." Calum winces, his tone cautious.

Michael elbows the tan boy in his ribs, shooting him an incredulous look. "She's fine. Perfect actually." The red-haired boy smiles, though it looks more like a wince.

Ashton rolls his eyes at both of them and the way they're tiptoeing around Luke like he was some caged animal waiting to strike. Ashton had known Luke for the least amount of time out of all of them, but he knew for a fact that the blonde hated when people tiptoed around things.

"She's out getting a drink." Ashton tells Luke, watching as he instantly begins to reach for the blankets he's wrapped up in. "She left an hour or so ago, but she's fine. She would have called us if she wasn't"

Luke's heart had already begun to beat out of his chest, the thought of his girl out there alone in New York City was warrant enough for him to drive himself mad. He hadn't even been awake for more than a few minutes but he was prepared to scour the entire fucking city to find her.

"How the hell can you be sure?" Luke snaps, hastily throwing on a pair of joggers as his bandmates watch warily. He aggressively tugs a hoodie on over his head and begins shoving his wallet and phone into his pockets. "That makes no fucking sense, Ashton. What if someone took her phone? Or it died? Or she's too hurt to use it?"

Luke drags a frustrated hand down his face as he shoves his feet into his converse, not bothering to tie the laces. There were three of them, fucking three of them, and somehow, they decided it was a good idea to let a young, pretty, unarmed girl walk the streets of a major city alone after dark.

As Luke works to get the boys to spill the address of where Arlo had set out to, the girl sits across town. She's about a half an hour's walk away from the hotel, but the distance was necessary. It was quieter here- at least as quiet as things can get in a city.

Arlo sits on the fire exit of an apartment building, her eyes on the stars as she takes leisurely sips out of the drink she'd gotten from the gas station. She wasn't too sure who the apartment belonged to, but in her defense, the ladder of the fire escape had been right in front of her face. What was she supposed to do? Not climb it?

Nobody could bother her here- except for the owners of the apartment. The rather sketchy-looking people walking on the street corner below her couldn't see her, so she was safe in that aspect.

Although Arlo loved the simple act of disappearing for a while, she didn't do it often. Only when she really felt like she needed to. This was one of those times.

Just as Arlo begins to really lose herself in her thoughts, the window next to the fire escape opens. The dark-haired girl freezes, her eyes wide as she comes face to face with a rather startled-looking blonde girl.

The blonde girl has a cigarette in her hand, the lighter held to her lips mid-light, and a waitress's uniform covers her rather fit-looking body. Dark makeup is smoked around her eyes and her hair is thrown up into a messy ponytail.

"You okay?" The blonde surprises Arlo by asking.

"I'm sorry." Arlo blurts, already beginning to push herself up from the ground. "I don't usually sneak into random fire escapes I swear-"

The girl merely waves her off, before continuing to light her cigarette. She was so laid back that Arlo began to wonder if she would even care if Arlo said she was there to rob her. "Happens more often than you think." She takes a drag from her cigarette. "It's usually a homeless guy tapping on my window, so you're a welcome alternative."

Arlo winces, casualty sitting back down. "You don't ever think to block off the fire escape so people can't get up?" The younger girl asks, her brown eyes intently watching the embers of the cigarette fall.

"Makes my life a little bit more interesting." She shrugs, flicking the end of her cigarette with her fingers so the excess ashes fall like snowflakes. "By sitting on my fire escape you're legally obligated to tell me how you got here. I need a good bedtime story."

Arlo's eyes widen as the girl extends out the cigarette to her. She shakes her head, quickly declining. "I'm okay." Arlo takes a moment to take in what was actually happening- she was talking to a stranger, on the stranger's fire escape. "You don't even know my name, why do you care why I'm sulking on your fire escape?"

The blonde climbs out of the window to sit on the fire escape beside Arlo before extending out her cigarette free hand. "I'm Molly. I work at a shitty restaurant a couple of blocks away and I'm pissed because my fuck buddy canceled on me tonight."

Molly's boldness shocks Arlo, but she shakes her hand nonetheless. "Arlo." She introduces herself, her stomach turning the longer she looks at Molly. Something felt kind of off, she could feel it down to her bones.

"Arlo. Pretty name." Molly muses, taking a drag from her cigarette. "You wanna tell me why you're hiding on my fire escape?"

Arlo twists her lips to the side in thought. This had to have been the weirdest therapy session she'd ever had and she'd had loads throughout the course of her life. "Why is falling in love so important? Why is this concept of a feeling that we don't even have a real definition for so essential to what makes society consider you successful?"

Molly nods along, urging the younger girl to continue. If she was being honest, the blonde had done coke in the bathroom of her job before she left and her brain was having a hard time keeping up with Arlo, but she decides a good listener is what most people need anyway.

"Like, I could have this huge, successful business." Arlo begins, her hands moving innately as she talks. "But if I haven't fallen in love and married some guy that I'm probably going to hate in a few years anyway, that makes me unsuccessful. Why is love so important?"

Molly rolls her lips into her mouth. "Have you ever been in love, Arlo?" She asks. The girl next to her looked young, too young to really fall in love from her experience.

"Well, no." Arlo begins toying with her fingers. "But what is love anyway? As I said, there's no set checkpoint that lets you know, 'Hey, you're in love.' Love means something different to everyone right? So, who's to say anyone is ever really in love. Who's to say it even exists? What if we just say we're in love because we feel like it's something we should do?"

Molly finishes her cigarette, throwing the bud off of the fire escape. Her high was beginning to wear off the slightest bit and the chill in the air was only quickening that along. "It seems like you've got it figured out." The blonde shrugs. "If you don't believe in love, good for you. Why are you so worked up about it? Did someone fall in love with you?"

Arlo bites down harshly on the inside of her cheek, a sudden sick feeling stirring in her stomach. "Well, not that I know of. I have a boyfriend but I don't think he really believes in love either." She shrugs. "At least, that's what I'm assuming." Arlo explains, recalling the way Luke used to go through girls like wildfire on dry brush.

"And what if he is?" Molly inquires.

Arlo swallows thickly. "He's not."

"You seem to hope that's the case." Molly points out, noticing the way the girl's face had gone slightly pale.

Arlo shakes her head in denial. "It's not that I don't want to be loved. It's just that love complicates everything. He knows how I feel about him and I know how he feels about me, why ruin it?" Arlo's phone vibrates several times in her pocket and she knows it's time for her to get back to the hotel.

"Molly, have you ever been in love?"

Molly exhales, a loud sigh leaving her lips as she stands from the fire escape. "I'm in love with being loved. I love making others fall for me, but I'd move to a foreign country and change my name before I ever allow myself to reciprocate those feelings."

Arlo's brows furrow as she stands as well, prepared to leave. "If you love being loved, why wouldn't you love giving love?"

Molly grins, mischief in her eyes. "I can't get my heart broken if I never fall in love."