No matter what, life had to keep moving on. Time had to keep ticking by and moments had to keep passing them. There wasn't time to stop and grieve or pause and have a break.

They had to keep going. They had to make it to the end.

Over a year had passed and autumn had sunk its claws into 1981. The three of them, still tucked together under one small roof in the outskirts of West London, had found a new routine over the rolling months.

Sirius had stopped going on as many missions and jobs for the Order and more people were going missing than ever. He had even grown more quiet as he spent so much of his time worrying about James and Lily's safety as they had been under protection with their new baby for a considerable amount of time.

Esme and Regulus, on the other hand, had been broadening their horizons in the muggle world. This had recently manifested itself in some rather extensive movie marathons.

That was how they found themselves watching some old black and white muggle movie that rainy afternoon.

"I don't understand what's going on." Esme complained quietly as she rested her head against Regulus's shoulder.

He chuckled, shook his head, and replied, "That's because you fell asleep and missed about thirty minutes."

It did feel a little strange to be relaxing and watching movies with a wizarding war raging on outside, but there wasn't a great deal they could do.

Occasionally their dark marks would burn - either signalling that the Death Eaters were being gathered together or it was a feeble attempt to lead them into a trap.

They also couldn't help the Order, because the Death Eaters had blocked that as well.

The Ministry were under the influence that Esmerelda Avery and Regulus Black were very prominent and dangerous Death Eaters and they were actively hunting them down.

The upside to this was that they had a fair bit more time for reading and watching movies.

"I'm not as bad as him." She gestured over to Sirius.

Regulus chuckled, "I'll give you that one." He glanced over at his brother, who was on the side perpendicular to theirs. He had been sprawled across the sofa dozing deeply before the title for the movie had even flashed across the screen.

"Do you think he's doing alright?" She asked quietly.

"Well..." He thought for a moment, "He's been spending a lot of time working on that bike of his in the shed. That's got to be a good distraction."

"It is."

Esme and Regulus glanced at each other before looking back over at where Sirius lay. He was still for a moment, before he slowly stretched out his body, lay on his back, and turned his head around to look at them.

"You're awake." Esme stated.

He nodded, "Thanks, Sherlock."

"You haven't been to visit James or Lily in a long while." Regulus pointed out somewhat tentatively, unsure of how to press the matter.

Sirius hummed then replied, "I can't."

"What do you mean?" He frowned slightly in confusion, "I thought they'd moved to a permanent safe house."

"I didn't mean that." Sirius clarified, "Of course I could go and see them."

Esme added, "I was going to say, because you're their secret keeper, aren't you?"

"Yes." He lied.

At this point, Sirius was struggling to even keep track of what was going on.

It had really all started when James and Lily had declined Dumbledore's offer for him to be their secret keeper, instead choosing to rely on the loyalty of their friends.

They had approached Sirius first, as everyone expected they would.

But Sirius couldn't get this thought out of his head. This constant, incessant nagging.

The Dark Lord had been gathering followers at an exponential rate and one of the groups that had joined his side was the community of werewolves, who had consistently ostracised from the rest of the wizarding world.

No matter how much it hurt to think, Sirius couldn't get the thought out of his head - the idea - that perhaps Remus had joined the other werewolves.

There was every chance that he could be a spy in the Order, and he would know that Sirius was most likely to become the secret keeper for the Potters. This would make him a prime target for Lord Voldemort and even though the secret could only be shared willingly, Sirius wouldn't take any chances.

Therefore Peter had become the secret keeper for the Potters, but they continued to tell everyone that Sirius was, in order to provide any extra protection possible.

Whilst Sirius wasn't entirely comfortable lying to his brother again, after how much effort it had taken to get Regulus to trust him again, he thought it was the best thing to do to keep James, Lily, and Harry safe.

"Well we were only curious about why you hadn't been to visit them in so long." Esme explained, "But that's really only your business."

"That much is true." He responded.

So they all turned back to the movie, none of them quite so interested in it anymore. It was one of those moments where none of them were really watching it anymore, rather distracted by their own thoughts, but they had this inclination to keep up the appearance that they were, in fact, watching the movie.

"Who is she?" Esme asked quietly as a female character appeared on the screen.

He shrugged slightly and turned to her, wrapping his arm around her so they sat with their sides completely pressed against each other. "I don't know." He said.

She tutted, "This movie is too confusing for me."

Regulus hummed, masking his chuckle as he replied, "They tend to be like that when you fall asleep during the middle of them."

"Smart arse." She prodded him in the stomach.

He snickered.

And so they returned to watching the rest of the movie - none of them entirely certain of what was going on.

"Coffee?" Regulus asked a little while later, as he stood boiling the kettle in the kitchen whilst Esme sat at the table. Sirius had gone out to the shed the second the film had ended - his fingers itching to get back to working on his motorbike.

"Please, thank you." Esme answered, turning her chair around slightly so she could stare out the back door and through to their tiny little garden. It was a patch of dry grass just about big enough for two people to lie down on on their backs.

"What are you thinking about?" Regulus asked as he glanced over to the girl before resuming making the drinks.

She shrugged, "Nothing. I think I've finally run out of thoughts."

He chuckled, "So it's only taken the two years of being trapped inside for you to run out of thoughts?" He flicked his wand and the milk poured itself into the drinks and the carton floated back into the fridge. Carefully, he lifted the mugs up and walked over to set them down on the kitchen table.

"I suppose... I've been thinking about my mother a lot lately. I know, I've been keeping it to myself." She said as she cupped the warm drink in her hands, "That's kind of put a downer on my mood so I want a break from my mind for a little while."

He asked, in the middle of blowing steam off his drink, "What about your mother?"

"Just about how she's doing." Esme explained, "I wonder what excuse she told my father to explain my absence and not land in trouble herself. I wonder what she said when my father found out I'd abandoned them. I wonder if she's safe and healthy. I wonder what little mundane householdy things she might be doing right now."

Regulus glanced over at the clock on the wall. "It's half past six." He pointed out, "So she's probably cooking dinner. Something French, I imagine. She always made the best onion soup. Ignatius will probably be late to dinner and your mother will scold him for letting his dinner turn cold."

Esme smiled at the thought, because that was most likely what was happening at that moment. She had countless memories of that exact moment from over the years.

"Thanks for that." She replied quietly, taking an absentminded sip of her coffee then grumbling as it burnt the roof of her mouth.

"I know it's been a while now, but..." Regulus set down his drink and looked at the girl, "I... What are your thoughts on your father now?"

Since that fateful run in with the Death Eaters those months ago, both of them had been struggling to deal with the actions of their parents.

Regulus didn't like to discuss his father at all, and would only refer to Walburga in the past tense or talk about what she'd been like several years ago - long before the war.

Esme had initially coped in a very different way. She had shouted and smashed plant pots in the garden, and even once accidentally caused a sandwich on the kitchen table to explode with magic as she burst with anger and hurt.

Much of her time, after Piper's death, had been consumed by muttering bitterly about her father and all of the mistakes he had made over her life.

She'd never had the best relationship with Lucas Avery, so little love was really lost when he tried to kill her. But it was still difficult to comprehend that he'd been willing to do that. That one of her friends had paid the price for his crime.

Somehow, the acceptance of that was worse than the anger and denial.

The acceptance meant Esme not only acknowledged what had happened, but that she was okay with it.

Esme was not okay with it. It hurt her very soul that she had finally accepted the fact that her father would have killed her, and by mistake slaughtered her friend.

"I'm not a fan of the guy, to be honest." She responded, "I wish none of my energy on him. I really think he's dead to me."

-

a/n

i'm thinking of changing the title of this book to Heresy and making the sequel Hiraeth instead

what do you think?

and quick fyi,

obviously you guys already know the plot of this book, having got this far,but of all the stories i write, i won't ever do an arranged marriage storyline

i personally don't like them and i think lots of people expect regulus stories to include arranged marriages, so just letting u know none of my stories will include that bc a lot of people ask about it