《Hiraeth | Regulus Black》Chapter Ninety Seven
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In books... even TV shows and movies, there's always that point in which one of the characters is dying. There's always those dramatic few moments where people rush to the dying character's side in order to say farewell, or even just to scream in denial. There's always the final goodbyes, the seconds where love can be shared or reparations made.
The dramatic music plays, and the characters can share one last look into each other's eyes.
Esmerelda Avery would never forgive magic for robbing her of that moment.
Esme would never forgive the Death Eaters for what they stole from her that day.
Truthfully, she would never forgive herself.
She had so many regrets, so many things unspoken and actions never completed that were taken, ruthlessly from her.
Though, like in the movies, as the flash of the Killing Curse disappeared, time seemed to slow down. Those seconds, as Esme watched the now-lifeless body lying on the ground, stretched out for days.
Tears rolled endlessly down the girl's cheeks as she crumbled down to her knees. Yet, she couldn't bring herself to shout to scream or run to help.
"Esme! Esme, come on!"
She had known of course, the dangers of what they were involved in. Esme had never meant to put her friends in harm's way, never.
Slowly, she dragged her head up to look over at her father, who stood with his wand still pointed in the air.
Lucas Avery had cast the curse with the full intent of striking down his own daughter.
Nobody could ever fully understand what it was like to stare into the deep eyes of the man who raised you and loved you and ultimately, tried to kill you. Esme realised that in the countless years she had spent struggling to develop her own sense of identity, she had drifted so far away that she didn't even recognise her own family anymore. Looking at her father now, she didn't know who he was. The only thing she knew for certain was that he would sacrifice her - and no father should ever be willing to do that to his child.
That was what really broke Esme.
Her heart had shattered and her soul had died.
"Esme, look at me!"
Then the guilt started to creep in. That small flicker of relief that Esme hadn't died. Not yet. That relief that someone had thrown themselves in front of her. Esme hadn't deserved it. Her life wasn't more important than anyone else's.
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She was devastated she had watched her friend die right before her eyes. She was grateful to still be breathing. She was angry anyone would leapt between her and the Killing Curse. She was furious her father was so consumed by the Dark Lord's wishes. She was desperate for revenge.
"Esme!"
Blinking, quickly, she finally turned her gaze to Regulus Black. The young man cupped her face in his hands as he spoke, but Esme couldn't hear a word. She watched his lips move up and down but couldn't hear a word he was saying.
It was as though her body had completely given up on itself - it wasn't worth the effort to process anything else.
"Esme, we need to get out of here!" Regulus urged, most of his eyes masked by his wild dark hair. His hands moved to her shoulders, gently shaking Esme in order to get her to focus on him.
Her voice was so hoarse, barely even a whisper as she forced a few words past her lips, "We-we can't leave her..."
"Of course not. Never. Not now, not ever do we leave her." He nodded rapidly as they both looked over at the frail body lay across the cold floor.
It was something out of a nightmare.
Piper Horix was barely recognisable now that she was no longer living. The light of life had been extinguished.
Regulus grabbed ahold of Esme, pushing her head towards the ground as they ducked out of the way of a jet of white sparks that soared over their heads.
The Order members continued to fiercely duel against the Death Eaters, buying the couple some time to get themselves to safety.
"But-I..." Esme felt a lump rising in her throat and her voice cracked out, "Piper... I... She shouldn't have-I never meant for-I didn't want her to!"
"I know, I know." He comforted, knowing full well that they didn't have time for this conversation with the imminent threat of the Death Eaters breaking through the barrier of Aurors shielding them.
He sighed softly, "Esme, it wasn't your decision to make. I wish I could argue with Piper and tell her I'd have taken her place but... That was her decision. All we can do now is get her to her family, yes?"
"Yeah..."
But Esme couldn't move. She couldn't think. She couldn't even catch her breath.
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The guilt was already all-consuming. Perhaps if Esme hadn't told Piper she wasn't needed, then Piper wouldn't have rushed headfirst into danger.
If Esme had just been nicer... Honest, perhaps...
Then maybe it wouldn't have happened. Maybe it was Esme's fault that Piper had died.
"Let's..." Regulus cleared his throat and took a deep breath as he spoke through the tears that were now pouring down his cheeks, "Take my hand, we'll go." And, it was the worst thing imaginable for him, he reached across to grasp Piper's pale, cold hand.
Esme mumbled, "We need to-to help the Aurors though."
"They're trained, they'll be okay." He whispered, "They can escape when we've gotten to safety."
But neither of them would feel safe again for a long time. How could they feel safe when they lived in a world that could treat them like this?
A world that could mercilessly steak their friends from them?
What kind of world was it where innocent people were killed for doing the right thing?
"You're with me, yeah? You're ready to go?"
"Yeah, I'm ready to go."
And they disapparated away.
But they hadn't escaped from the nightmare yet.
Esme couldn't stop her body from trembling as Regulus sat beside her, unable to tear his horrified gaze away from the girl on the floor.
"Reg... It's... Reg." She whispered quietly, finally drawing his attention up to her.
And as they locked eyes, Esme was briefly reminded of the start of her fifth year at Hogwarts, before she'd befriended Regulus again, and she and him had locked gazes across the Great Hall.
But this time was different.
They were looking at each other as if for the first time. There was that urgency in both of their eyes - that desperation to make sure the other was alive and well. This need for the other to be safe and the desire not to be apart.
Their eyes conveyed their deep love for the other and this shared knowledge that what they were about to go through was the toughest thing they'd face yet - and they'd be there for the other no matter what.
Because they loved each other more than they thought was possible and even though they'd said and heard it countless times before, it didn't need to be said in that moment.
They knew the other loved them.
But what hurt was that they loved Piper.
They'd adored her and she'd been taken from them.
And there was nothing they could do about that.
"You're okay?" Regulus asked her, "You're alright? Not hurt?"
She nodded as they both cupped each other's faces with their hands. "I'm okay. Are you alright?" She asked.
He looked down at himself, the gravity of what had just happened settling in, as he hoarsely replied, "Yes, I think so. I'm alright."
The adrenaline was finally ebbing out of Regulus' veins as his hands began to shake and his breathing grew uneven.
He'd been through the most traumatising rollercoaster of seeing his ill mother to realising his father had betrayed him, to thinking Esme had died, to relief that she was alive, to heartbreak at see Piper on the ground, to gratitude that they'd escaped, to guilt for leaving Sirius behind, to devastation that Piper had died.
"It's okay, it's okay." Esme repeated slowly, resting her forehead down against his shoulder as she kept uttering the same sentence over and over.
But it wasn't okay.
Regulus couldn't stop staring at Piper and for every second he did, he felt worse and worse.
It should have been him.
That whole ambush was set of because of him so it was only fair for him to fall victim to it.
Nobody else should have taken the fall.
"Reg, are you sure you're alright?" She asked, combing her fingers through his hair as she scanned over his expression.
But before he could reply, there was another snap and they both jumped.
Sirius Black had returned home.
He momentarily glanced over at Piper, but pushed that to the side for now as something to deal with in a bit. Tentatively, Sirius knelt down on the floor beside his brother and asked the couple, "I don't-I don't know what to say. I... Sorry that happened. It didn't occur to me that she was still there... Are-are you two alright?"
He already knew the answer, of course. They were far from alright.
"Did everyone get out okay?" Regulus asked his brother.
"Yeah," Sirius nodded, "They're all safe."
But Esme shook her head... Because they were all safe because of Piper. Because she had sacrificed her life.
Piper wasn't safe.
Piper was dead.
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