《Hiraeth | Regulus Black》Chapter Twenty One

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Esme turned the letter over in her hand, shock bubbling and ready to burst. She couldn't believe it.

"I could have seen this coming. I knew something was wrong with him. I should have warned you." Dirk paced back and forth in front of where she sat on the sofa in the Ravenclaw common room. It was so early in the morning that nobody in the dormitories had even stirred as the sun peaked in through the tall windows.

"Not helpful, Cresswell." She mumbled, resting her elbows forward onto her knees as she scammed over her address on the cover of the envelope.

"I'm surprised you didn't tear his neck off then and there. If it were anyone else, your would have ripped them a new one on the spot." The boy shook his head, continuing to pace.

"Clearly." She replied.

"Why would you just... Let him do this?" Dirk stopped pacing and turned to face the girl, his hands firm on his hips.

"Black is like... He's like family to me. A family member I actually like some of the time, which is rare. I can't just cut him out of my life. I tried that. It sucked." She whispered, scrunching up the letter and dropping it onto the floor before allowing her head to fall into her hands.

"I don't trust him."

"He doesn't trust you."

"He probably hates me because my parents are muggles." Dirk grumbled as he sat down next to Esme on the sofa.

She finally looked across at him, "You hate him because his parents are purebloods. You're both idiots as far as I'm concerned."

"Esme..."

"Esmerelda." She corrected.

"Oh!" Dirk rolled his eyes, "I'm glad you're still in the mood for that nonsense. Avery, seriously, you need to confront Black. Ask him why he would steal this letter from Levi Rogers, addressed to you. There must be a motive."

"We should consult with Piper." Esme ignored him.

"Consult? Consult with Piper? You know she's going to tell you the same thing I am. You just don't want to confront Regulus. You've never had a problem with it before. I've seen you snap at each other of the years." Dirk sighed, feeling as though he were talking to a brick wall.

"Well things have changed since then." She whispered.

"Changed? The only thing that's changed is that boy has yet again proved why you shouldn't trust him. First he cuts you out because you're in Ravenclaw, then he steals a letter from you because they're from a Gryffindor." Dirk exclaimed, his voice louder now. Esme looked up, raising an eyebrow at him. She'd never seen the boy quite so worked up. If it hadn't been for the nature of the situation, she would almost laugh at how wound up he was.

"Cresswell," She sighed, "This isn't some stupid petty grievance over Hogwart's houses. We're not eleven anymore."

"Then explain to me what this is about." Dirk folded his arm and stared at the girl, skepticism carved into his expression.

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"It doesn't matter." Esme stood up suddenly, "I should go speak to Regulus about this. Don't tell anybody. Especially not Levi Rogers. I'll handle it."

Dirk held his hands up in surrender, not wanting to push the matter any further. As he watched the girl get up and leave the common room, one thought lingered in his mind. He had seen Esme angry before, plenty of times. She would constantly rant about how unethical and inconsiderate people were. Once, she even flown off the rails at a Gryffindor student who said students from wealthier families should be allowed to pay to travel home more frequently.

Yet, Esme didn't seem angry that particular morning. She seemed disappointed.

That was something Dirk had never seen before, and he never wanted to see Esme like that again.

Storming down the stairs of the castle, Esme knew exactly where Regulus would be at that time in the morning. Hopefully, the Great Hall would be relatively empty and she could shout at him without too much judgment from her peers.

Somehow, it felt like a betrayal.

Yet again Esme found herself being lied too and she had had enough.

She turned sharply around the corner and burst into the Great Hall. Only Professor Mcgonagall sat at the top table, sipping on a glass of water. There were a few students scattered about the tables, but the noise of the whole room was barely above a whisper. It didn't take long for her to spot the Slytherin boy sat alone at the far end of the table.

"Regulus!" Esme exclaimed, anger growing in her. She slammed her hands on the table and flared down at the boy across from her.

Regulus Black had been expecting this. Although not quite before he'd finished his breakfast. Late the prior evening, he'd noticed he'd lost the Esme's letter from Levi and immediately assumed the worst. That was the main reason behind him being sat in the Great Hall so early - that and the fact he hadn't slept all night.

Regulus wasn't particularly a morning person but he knew Esme would confront him and better to get it over with sooner rather than later. He suspected she would be incredibly mad at him; she'd always had quite a short temper. Still, he had a littler hope she might be able to forgive him for yet another of his mistakes.

"You know what you did." She warned, still leaning down on the table.

He didn't quite know how to respond, truthfully.

"Regulus, why? I mean, of all the stupid things anyone has ever done. Why? Have you suddenly become an idiot?" She exclaimed, hurriedly sitting down at the table as Professor Mcgonagall glanced over at the two of them.

Regulus glanced down the table before leaning over to pour out a second glass of water. Slowly, he sat back down in his seat and extended one of the cups towards Esme, sat opposite.

"I don't want that. Don't distract me." She quipped.

He shrugged slightly, "Suit yourself." before taking a bite out of his piece of toast.

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Esme coughed slightly, narrowing her eyes at the boy. Lifting the glass of water to her lips and taking a sip, she made a mental note of how well the boy knew her.

He knew what she needed or wanted before she was even aware of it. Sometimes, she could have sworn Regulus could predict what she was going to say or do.

It was frustrating beyond belief.

"I knew that would happen!" She slammed the glass down on the table, causing nearby students to turn at stare at them, "I've lost my train of thought."

"You want to know why I kept that letter from the Gryffindor boy." Regulus didn't look up from his plate, "I can explain."

"Oh, I bet this will be good." She muttered angrily, snatching some toast off the boy's plate.

Regulus slid the knife and butter across the table towards her, "Believe it or not I was trying to help. Well... Perhaps help isn't the best word. I was trying to avoid confrontation."

Esme buttered the toast, spraying crumbs all over the table deliberately to annoy Regulus. He watched uncomfortably as the mess grew, but knew it would only anger Esme more if he pulled out his wand to clean it up.

"Confrontation?" Esme scoffed, "How mighty of you. Who is going to confront me about a letter I receive?"

"My parents." He stated bluntly, "Levi Rogers' father is a prominent member in the Ministry of Magic. He works in the muggle relations department. Mr. Rogers has always been extremely vocal about being more inclusive towards muggles and muggle borns. He married a muggle; my parents hate him. They loathe the poor man. If they'd seen that letter... Believe me, all hell would have broken loose. I was doing you a favour."

Swallowing a mouthful of toast, Esme inquired, "But that doesn't explain why you never gave the letter to me. If that were true, you would have given it to me later the same day it arrived, when your parents weren't around. Why hold onto it? Why keep it?"

"I... I can't explain that. I didn't think you'd understand why I hid it, so I didn't give it to you. Then... More time went by and it felt wrong to destroy the letter." He mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

"You know I can't believe that!" She exclaimed, growing angry now, "How many times are you going to lie and keep information from me? I can't keep doing this anymore."

"Doing what?" Regulus looked up now, leaning back in his seat slightly.

"Trusting you." She snapped, "I'll still do everything I can to get you out of this... initiation... In the summer. But, I don't think I can be around you. This is too much. I don't understand why you would do this to me!"

Suddenly, Regulus rose to his feet. The table shook slightly as he hurriedly clambered out, looking at Esme as if confused as to why she was still sat down.

"Come on." He urged, adjusting his robes before taking off down the row towards the door out of the Great Hall.

"Where are you going?" She huffed, jogging to keep up with the boy as he led them completely out of the castle and into the courtyard.

Regulus turned around quickly, causing Esme to walk directly into his chest. He caught her, holding onto her forearms so she stood close in front of him. "I kept the letter because I was jealous." He mumbled.

"What?" Esme frowned.

He shuffled on the spot slightly, "I saw you two talking on the train at the start of the Christmas holidays. You seemed to be getting along and... I didn't know why, but it scared me."

Esme's mouth ran dry, "I don't-"

"I kept the letter because I thought there was a chance it might distance the two of you."

She had not been expecting that.

"Why would you..." Her words trailed off and she stared at him, scanning over his features.

The way a strand of his dark hair fell in front of his left eye, the way she could tell he was biting down on the inside of his bottom lip, and the way his cheeks were tinting pink slightly from the cold morning wind.

"I can't go back to not having you in my life. It was the worst. But... Given everything that's happening, how fast the Death Eater movement is developing... We-I... Need to stay focused. No matter what I..." He voice dropped to practically a whisper, "Regardless of how I feel, my top priority is making sure that we make it out of this alive."

"Reg," Esme replied, he let go of her and she placed a hand on his arm.

"So, I'm sorry for what I did. I was in a different headspace to where I am now. I can't be acting on those emotions... I care for you so much." Regulus continued, his eyes darkening as he let out a shaky breath, "I needed to tell you the truth, and the complete truth on this matter is that I can't do what I really want. Not while we're trapped by our families and soon, by the Dark Lord."

"Please, um..." He continued slowly, "Can we not bring this up again? I'd really... I can barely comprehend the idea of becoming a Death Eater, let alone remembering how painful having to do this was - even if it's for our best interests."

Esme felt like she was frozen. She couldn't speak, she could barely move. Only the trembling in her knees made her certain that she hadn't been jinxed. For once, Esmeralda was speechless.

Then Regulus leaned in and placed a fleeting kiss on her cheek, "I'll see you in Transfiguration, mate."

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