[unedited]

"you're not going to winter formal?" my mother had asked, frowning in dismay. i looked up from my thick hardcover book and shook my head. "nope." i responded, popping the p. she sighed in return, making me cock my head at her in curiosity. "why? i've never gone. why would this year be any different?"

"i just thought, you know...orion."

her response caused me to let out a harsh, forced snicker. "he doesn't like me mom, trust me. especially not right now."

it was true. winter break was approaching, and he hadn't talked to me for the past week, so i went back to eating lunch alone as i became aquatinted with the small space underneath the bleachers. much to my dismay, every time we crossed paths, he'd glare at me, or turn the other way. at least he acknowledged you my subconscious would cheer in false delight. i'd be lying if i said that i wasn't hurt. i understood he needed his time and space, but i had grown accustomed to having a friend. it was nice having someone to talk to and rely on, but now i was just a lonely soul, like i had been for sixteen years of my life.

i didn't mind. i didn't have the right to be angry at him, not when he was going through something far worse than i had ever experienced.

abuse.

the word felt foreign as it slid off of tongue. he addressed it so casually, as if it didn't bother him in the slightest. the marks that he sported were nothing to him, but they were everything to me. this was his lifestyle. he grew up thinking that love was supposed to leave scars, whereas i grew up thinking love was supposed to heal them.

i wanted so desperately to help him, but how? he obviously didn't want to be around me anymore, nonetheless interfere in his life. i didn't know his father's name, or even their address. in fact, his absence showed me that i didn't know anything about his home life. it made our friendship feel plastic and hollow. as i fell back into my normal orion-less routine, it gave me time to think. was what we had simply a distraction to him?

it made me wonder if i was just a pawn in a game that he clearly didn't know how to play.

i was overthinking this. i had a tendency to overthink things when i was stressed or nervous, and right now, my brain was on overdrive. as i drowned in my worries, my fingers unconsciously turned the pages of my book. glancing up at the clock, i'm surprised to find that it's already three am. should i do it? i ask myself, biting my lip as my eyes trail over to the medicine cabinet in the pantry.

it had been two years since i promised myself i wouldn't touch a single sleeping pill ever again.

but the past week i hadn't gotten a wink of sleep, and the side effects weren't agreeing with me. it's only one, what harm could it do? it would be nice to bask in unconsciousness for a few hours.

so i get up from the couch, grab the pill container along with a glass of water, and head up to my room.

a/n

LiuajAnnali456 who deserves so much more support x