[edited 7 February 2017]

•••

– her overly optimistic point of view on things always clouded her vision. As a child, she would stand in front the largest window on the Ark and watch the Earth spin before her wide eyes. Her hands would be pressed against the glass, the tip of her nose flattened as she longed to travel beyond the piece of glass separating her between life and death.

Raine's mother would watch her, her lips turned downward and her arms crossed tightly against her chest. She had seen the same look of awe before – in Raine's father, before he killed himself that was. The deluded man had climbed into a space pod, intent on reaching Earth, and released himself into the atmosphere. She was forced to watch as the man she loved plummeted away from her, towards the very planet that used to be their home. She could only guess he died on impact.

Raine was too young to fully remember her father. She could only remember the blurry outline of his tired face and the calloused hands as they picked her up and spun her around. Although she may have looked like her mother, she was every bit her father's daughter. She had the same wanderlust for Earth; the same naivety that would one day get her killed.

Raine wasn't dead yet, but she sure as hell felt like it. Her naivety to believe that Bellamy Blake, of all people, had the capacity to love beyond himself was what would eventually kill her. When she had hallucinated Bellamy, floating out beyond the Ark lifelessly, she had refused to believe it – to believe that he had died and left her alone. Now, she longed to be able to experience that; the peaceful numbness that came after so much pain and misery.

Hadn't she suffered enough already? Didn't she at least deserve some form of numbness, or even better, some form of happiness? At first, she had believed that that happiness was with Bellamy Blake. He had made her angry at first, then undeniably happy. He had slowly worked away the rough edges to reveal the beautifully sculpted masterpiece that was Raine Thompson.

He had built her up, just to tear her down.

The scene in front of her eyes had already been seared into her mind by the time she had somehow managed to stumble from the tent, Bellamy's cries bouncing off her ears. Bellamy and Raven in a passionate embrace of tangled limbs and locked lips, Raven's bare skin for the whole word to see. Bellamy's horrified face as he recoiled from Raven, his eyes landing on Raine's devastated features.

Raine's former words were now just a fragment of her imagination, a sliver of what could have been in a perfect world. 'I love you' had never sounded so stupid to Raine, and this was the girl that had wanted nothing more than to experience Earth. Now, she wished she had been floated, because it would've saved her all this pain.

Raine's first instinct was to spew out a rude comment, but she couldn't. Her head was screaming yes but she couldn't seem to control her mouth. So, she turned tail and ran. She ripped the tent flap aside and stumbled out into the chilly air, her entire body shaking, as she wanted nothing more than to just disappear.

"Raine, wait!"

His voice – once considered a lifeline; a warm embrace – was now like a kick in the gut. It picked her up just to be the one to knock her down again. Raine's foot caught on something and she went tumbling towards the ground. Her injured wrist was jarred painfully as she landed and she let out an anguished cry.

"Raine, are you okay?"

Hands gripped her shoulders and turned her around, and she came to face to face with Bellamy. His beautiful eyes were creased with a rare vulnerability and his brows were drawn tightly together. She noticed that he had managed to put a shirt on before confronting her. For a moment, her heart stopped racing and her wrist stopped hurting and all she wanted to do was kiss him. But then she remembered what she had just seen and everything came rushing back to her at once.

She didn't answer him; instead she twisted in his grip and began to retch painfully. His hands moved to her face, nimbly tucking the stray hairs behind her ears. He rubbed her back soothingly as she retched, tears stinging her eyes, until she stopped and could finally look at him.

"Mist, I'm–"

"Stop, please." She cut him off, tears spilling over and dribbling down her cheeks. She took a shaky breath before continuing, her tone breaking Bellamy's heart. "It's fine, really."

Bellamy shook his head fiercely, "No, it's not. I messed up and I am so, so sorry. Is there anything I can do–"

"Don't touch me."

Bellamy's features twisted into disbelief but he did what she asked. Raine reached up to wipe under her eyes, accidentally smudging dirt underneath them. Instinctually, Bellamy reached out to wipe the dirt away with his thumb, but before he could she had already jerked away. He dropped his hand, a bitter taste filling his mouth.

Raine was silent for a moment, before she took a deep breath and finally mustered the courage to look Bellamy in the eye. On the inside, she was shaking and sobbing and wanted nothing more than to just let Bellamy hold her. But her mother's word flashed in her mind, a harsh reminder that she and Bellamy could never work.

"You're a sad, little girl who's clinging to a lost soul like he's the life jacket you so desperately want to wear."

Raine steeled herself; she would not prove her mother's words correct. She would not cling to Bellamy like a sad, little girl. No, she would rather drown then be seen as weak. Yes, Bellamy may have been her life jacket, but now he was going to be the one that dragged her under. So Raine did what any sensible person would do.

She let go.

Bellamy was stunned by Raine's sudden shift in demeanour. Mere seconds ago, she had been shaking and crying, and now she was looking at him with such blankness that it scared him.

"Mist, talk to me."

Raine remained silent, instead stunning Bellamy again by climbing to her feet and beginning to walk away from him. Bellamy shot to his feet, racing after her and snatching her wrist in his hand. In a single move, Raine had spun around and smacked his hand off of her.

"We need to talk, Raine. About what just happened." Bellamy spoke again, a tiny part of him growing frustrated with her sudden nonchalant behaviour. Bellamy knew what she was doing – she was hiding under the same façade that she was when she came down. "I know what you're doing."

"I have nothing to say to you, Bellamy. Except that maybe it's my own damn fault that I'm in this position right now. Because I thought that maybe, just maybe, you'd feel the same way that I felt about you." She snapped, her voice as cold and hard as ice.

Bellamy frowned, "Felt?"

She scoffed, "You don't expect me to see you the same way after what I just saw, do you? That's a bit rich."

"Would you just let me explain?" Bellamy yelled suddenly, and Raine let out an exaggerated groan.

"There is nothing to explain! There is nothing on this Earth that you could say to make this situation better! I'm so sick of being your puppet! Well guess what... this is me cutting all ties with you." Raine finished, leaving Bellamy breathless. She then turned on her heels and stormed through the camp, quickly disappearing.

•••

.

The mud had long since seeped into Raine's jeans, staining them and chilling her to the bone. It made her shiver viciously but it was nothing compared to the cold in her heart. In her hand she clutched her knife, carving endless swirls into the mud and watching as they slowly disappeared. How she wished she could do the same.

The forest around her was cold and damp, much like her, and the moonlight bounced off of the tiny water droplets that were perched on the trees and bushes. She didn't know how long it had been since she had run off, tearing through the camp and snatching a bottle of water before vanishing into the forest.

The empty bottle now sat at her feet, discarded and flecked with mud. Raine let out a snicker at the irony; wasn't she too discarded and flecked with mud? Raine tilted her head backwards and rested it on the tree she was leaning against. There was a sudden snap to her left, and Raine quickly spun the knife in her hand so it was pointed in front of her. A scowl crossed her features when she spotted Murphy, who looked amused as he walked towards her.

"What's up, Buttercup?" he asked, quickly pausing to frown at himself. "Did I really just say that out loud?"

Despite the situation, Raine found herself smiling. She lowered her knife and tucked it into her boot before watching Murphy sit down next to her. He threw her a sideways glance before speaking, "What are you doing out here though? It isn't safe."

"Nothing's safe, Murphy." She retorted, purposely trying to dodge the question.

Murphy saw straight through it and rolled his eyes. "Answer the damn question."

Raine let out a sigh, casting her eyes downwards and shrugged. "I don't know. I just needed to get away."

"From your boyfriend?" He asked sarcastically. Raine winced at the term and a tiny part of Murphy was guilty for saying that. He pursed his lips before continuing, "Sorry, I didn't mean that. Did you want to talk?"

Raine answered his question with a childish shrug. "My whole life, all I ever wanted was to come down from the Ark and see our 'home'. But now... I'm not so sure, Murphy. If I'm brutally honest, I feel like I don't belong with the others, and not just because I was framed. I feel like I'm an outsider." Raine cut herself off, suddenly looking embarrassed as though she had just remembered who she was talking to. "Sorry, I don't mean to go all sappy on you."

Murphy stared at Raine, an unreadable expression on his face as he processed what she'd said. Little did she know, Raine had just described exactly how Murphy had ever since he'd landed. No matter what he did, he didn't fit in. He didn't belong, and now Raine was confessing that she felt the same way.

Murphy leant forward suddenly, his eyes wide. "You said that you want to get away, yeah? Well, what if I could make that happen?"

Raine furrowed her brows, shaking her head, "What the hell are you talking about, Murphy?"

"Ever since I arrived back in camp, I've been thinking of a way to leave. I hate it here, Raine, and you do too. What if, what if we could leave? Just take off and find somewhere to belong?" Murphy spoke, his pace picking up as he grew more and more excited.

"What do you mean by leave? That's suicide!" Raine protested, but Murphy shook his head.

"No, it's not. I learnt a few tricks when I was banished. We could survive – we could belong. And there would be no rules, no worrying." He tilted his head to the side, "No Bellamy."

Raine hissed at the name, rubbing her hands over her face. "I don't know, Murphy."

Murphy scoffed, "Stop thinking about Bellamy and Clarke and everyone else in the damn camp. When have they ever put you first? They haven't, have they? Tell me this Raine; has Bellamy risked his life for you as much as you have for him?"

Raine's silence was the only confirmation Murphy needed. He nodded, "That's what I thought. So will you come with me, when I leave?"

Raine thought about it. It was true; she did want to leave and now Murphy was offering her that. The only thing stopping her from saying yes and leaving with Murphy was Bellamy, but he obviously didn't care. What she had seen in his tent mere hours ago was enough to convince her of that. He clearly didn't feel the same way about her, so why was she still here? Her decision made, Raine looked up at Murphy.

"Okay, I'll go with you."

•••

.

Raine's lungs burned with a fire she had never experienced before, her muscles screaming so loudly that it echoed through the empty forest. Her dark hair bobbed in its ponytail, occasionally whipping her on the cheek. Behind her, he was also running. The duo had been running for a solid hour now, their pace having slowed down reasonably due to fatigue.

Raine's foot rolled unexpectedly, and her legs caved out beneath her. She let out a cry as she fell to the ground, Murphy skidding to a stop behind her. She landed heavily, Murphy looking at her with concern. Instead of climbing to her feet, Raine slumped on the ground.

"Here–" Murphy offered his hand out to her, intent on helping Raine to her feet, but she knocked his hand away and gave him a poisonous look.

"Don't, Murphy."

He held his hands up in surrender, a bitter edge filling his tone as he replied. "Fine, wallow in your self-pity. But I'm not sticking around."

He turned, beginning to jog away when he was called back. He turned, walked back towards her with an unreadable expression on his face. Raine sighed, and her voice was frail as she spoke, "It's just, I don't want to depend on people anymore. I'm sick of being let down."

It was as if a dark cloud had passed over her face. Her lips were puckered in a pout, her eyebrows pulled downwards in a frown. For the last couple of days she had masked her vulnerability whenever she was around Bellamy – giving him blunt answers and acting as though they were merely friends. But now that they had left camp – and especially the way they did – it was clear to Murphy that Raine was still heavily strung up on Bellamy.

So, in order to try and lighten the situation, he cracked a smug smile. "Relax, Raine. I was just offering to help you to your feet. It wasn't a declaration of my undying love."

The pair had a light giggle, but Raine's laughter quickly changed into silent tears. Murphy noticed immediately, squatting beside his friend and placing a hand on her shoulder. This time, she didn't knock him away, instead she leaned into him. Murphy was unsure of what to do; he had never seen her so vulnerable before. This was Raine he was talking about – strong, stubborn, sassy Raine who wouldn't let anyone tell her otherwise.

And Bellamy had managed to destroy all of that.

"Come on, there's a couple of caves around here somewhere. We'll stay there tonight." He spoke softly, grasping Raine's hands and pulling her up with him. She winced sharply as pressure was applied to her ankle, and she glanced down at it glumly. "Are you alright? Can you walk?"

"It hurts – a lot. I don't think I can run, but I can walk." Raine responded, looking at Murphy. They were the same height – a fresh difference to Bellamy always looking down at her. Murphy offered her a boyish smile and then moved his hand so it was wrapped around her waist, and Raine placed her arm around his shoulder. The pair began to walk slowly.

The sun had begun to fall behind them and by the time they reached the caves it was almost dark. Everything had developed a blurry outline. Murphy led Raine into the cave, sitting her down on the ground and telling her to wait. She listened, watching as he disappeared out of the cave for a few moments. The sudden loneliness meant only one thing: her mind had almost instantly shifted back to Bellamy.

There was a sharp twist in her gut as she thought of him – remembered him as he choked, the thick rope around his neck stopping him from breathing. And what did she do? Nothing... she should have saved him – like she saved Murphy. She should have cut the rope and freed him, but instead she fled with Murphy. Bellamy was probably dead, and it was her fault.

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