Amyra Sadaf.

Every thought is a cause. Every action is an effect.

I always believed in this saying. But my husband is hell bent on proving things wrong. I wouldn't and couldn't have imagined it in a million years that my happy go lucky Aly was holding so much remorse and guilt within him. He made sure nobody could ever figure him out.

He is a rare gem, formed out of stringent conditions, owing to extreme pressure and temperature yet these gems remain unrecognized by the lot. He is not carefree as I thought of him, he is delicate, I realise as I stare at his sharp nose and closed eyes that have become red due to all the crying. His hands are around my waist and his face is buried in my stomach. It pained me beyond limits to see him falling apart.

I had to sit patiently, wiping his tears and waiting for him to calm down. I massage his head, I am sure he must have developed a headache due to all the crying.

What I did not expect was the door to burst open and a furious Mamijaan standing there, her eyes screaming bloody murder. I move Aly's head slightly, trying to get up without waking him but seems like Mamijaan doesn't like the idea very much as screams on the top of her lungs.

"Amannnn, get up now." Her voice bellows and I can't help but flinch at her raging eyes. Aly flinches too, his eyes snap open in shock. Before he could sit properly, a slap lands on his cheek. And I can only shout in horror. My reflexes kick in and I shove Aly behind me, coming between her and him. She goes to grab him again and I stop her hands, hoping to calm her down. Aly is already sensitive now, Ya Allah how much more despair do you want him to feel?

"Mamijaan, kya baat hai? Apne jawaan bete par kyun hath utha rahi hain?" I gather enough guts to ask her.

She directs her murderous gaze at me, "Beta kehlane layak harkat ki kahan hai isne! Raniya ne aaj phone par sab sach bata diya. Tune Saniya ko kabhi uske biwi hone ka haq hi nai diya? Kyun Aman, aisi ghatiya harkat kyun? Us bechari ki kya galati thi? Tumhara nikaah maine padwaya tha. Wo bas tumhari biwi hone ke kaq ke ladti rahi apni aakhari saans tak. Aisi kya burai thi usme jo tu usse do saal mein bhi apna nai saka? Sharm aarahi hai mujhe tujhe apna beta kehte hue. Sach kahun to, tu kisi biwi ka pyaar deserve hi nahin karta. Agar mujhe sach pehle pata hota, to main Amyra ki bhi zindagi barbaad nahin karti Saniya ki tarah. Allah ko kya mun dikhaungi main?"

Her anger didn't dissolve even for a second as she hurled accusations after accusations at my husband. I didn't have enough guts to turn around and see the heartbreak on his face.

But I steel myself for one more heartbreak that will be because of me.

"Bas kijiye Mamijaan. Maana ki Saniya ki koi galati nahin thi. Lekin baat sirf itni si hai, Aman ki bhi koi galati nahin thi. Usne koshish ki, Saniya ko har haq se nawaazne ki. Par usse hua nahin. Wo kal saari raat mujhse sirf itna kehta raha ki kabhi usne wo biwi wala connect uske saath feel hi nahin kiya. Saari arranged marriages successful to nahin ho sakti na? Agar Saniya is dubti naiyya ki shikaar thi, to Aman bhi to tha na. Usne ye tak kaha ke Saniya ke saath uske gale se khaana tak nahin utarta tha. Aap to yahin thi na, aapko nai dikhi apne bete ki takleef?

Atleast Aman ne kabhi uski disrespect nai ki bavajood iske ke wo use force karti rahi apne sath waqt bitane ke liye. Aapko apni tarbiyat par garv hona chahiye, jab Aman ko pata chala ki wo Saniya ke liye kuch feel nahin karta, usne apni needs ke liye Saniya ko use karke use degrade to nahin kiya. Agar wo chahta, to wo bagair feelings ke bhi uske saath so sakta tha, phir kya izzat reh jaati Saniya ki?

Aur jahan tak meri baat hai, main bahut khush hun is rishte se. Aur chah kar bhi aap hamein alag nahin kar sakti.

Please Mamijaan, samajhne ki koshish kariye. Aise ho sakta hai, ki jisse aapka nikaah hua ho, wo apko apne partner ki taur par pasand na ho. Ye mumkin hai, ki do sahi log, galat rishte mein phas gaye ho. Jab aisa ho to, ek hi raasta hota hai. Us toxic rishte ko khatam kar dena chahiye. Yahi to galati ki in dono ne. Aman ko itne saal khudko aur usse aziyat diye bagair aazad kardena chahiye tha aur Saniya ko itni koshishon ke baad samajh jana chahiye tha ke shayad wo bane hi nahin ek dusre ke liye." I finish my rant with a deep breath.

The change in her expressions is telling me I was atleast halfway successful in explaining my point to her. She gives one last look to Aman and walked out of the room.

I slump down on the bed, hoping Aly did not take her words to heart. I quickly get from my place moving towards Aly who seems to be in a trance. It pains me so much, to see him lifeless like this.

I grab his face, tilting it so his blue orbs can bore into mine, I peck his lips twice before muttering, "Everything will be fine Aly. I am with you, every step of the way. They will all understand one day. Please don't feel bad. I don't know about the world, but you will always find me behind you, in every pain, in every problem and in every happiness. Now freshen up fast. You didn't have dinner also. I will get you some fruits."

With that I get up from the bed, walking downstairs to check up on my baby and get Aly something to eat. Maybe Faizu can cheer him up. God, I hope so.

I knock on Mamijaan's room, and mama opens it. I avert my eyes, asking if Faizu is awake.

"Nai beta. Wo raat ko der se soya tha. Tumhare bagair neend nahin aarahi thi usko. Use abhi yahin sone do. Baad mein lejana." I nod just taking a glimpse of him sleeping beside Mamijaan.

"Wo, Mamu. Aap bhi yahi sochte hain ki is sab mein Aly ki galti hai?" I ask him slowly so we are out of Mamijaan's earshot. He comes out of the room, closing the door behind him.

"Dekho Amyra. Tumhari mami emotional insan hain aur aurton ko mard kaise sochte hain ye samajh nahin aata. Wo purane zamane ki soch lekar baithi hai ki agar Nikaah hua hai to, kisi haal mein nibhana chahiye. Main mere bete ko jaanta hun. Wo jaanbooj kar to usse hurt nahin kar sakta. Hamari galati hai, hamein pehle usse puchna chahiye tha ke wo shadi ke liye ready hai ya nahin. Wo us waqt is haalat mein hi nahin tha ke apna khayal rakh sake. Biwi to ek zimmedari hoti hai. Main samajhta hun, ki agar thake hare ghar aane ke baad tumhein biwi ko dekh kar hi saari thakaan chali jaye, to wo tumhari hamsafar hai.

Lekin pichle do saal mein, maine mere bete ko kabhi dinner table pe nai dekha. Wo itna repelled feel karta tha ke usne jaldi ghar aana hi band kar diya tha. Tum fikar mat karo. Wo samajh jayegi, waise bhi wo apne bete se zyada der tak naraaz nahin reh sakti"

I sigh in relief and after asking him to take his morning medicines, I rush to the kitchen to get something for Aly.