✖️✖️

My parents are one of the most successful businessmen in our country but they're always away. They don't know how important it is for me to be with them. I always do things that can make them come back from a business trip but neither of it can stop my parents. Maybe they don't love me enough. They'll come back too late.

And as for falling in love, it looks like I don't care but I'm waiting... I want someone who would care for me. I want someone who would have the effort to make me feel loved..

I'm quite known for being a bully here in our school. I do it for my past time. It's a way to express my frustration and sadness.

"(Y/N)! Someone's calling for you!" A classmate called me.

"What did you just called me?" I asked her with an intimidating tone.

"Ah-ah! She meant Ma'am (Y/N), someone's calling for you.." It looks like a friend of the noob is trying to save her.. Well, oh well, it's a good thing that I'm in the mood.

"K." I replied and started to walk outside

I was surprised because my mom was the one who called me.

"Why?" I asked her, trying to act cold in despite of being excited to see her. It's so unfair. I love seeing them but for them, it's just a responsibility as parent to bond with me. They do it out of responsibility and not love.

"Let's not talk about it here. Where do you want to eat?" She asked with a smile, but someone called her so she excused herself for a few minutes. See? I'm not their priority. But it's unusual for mom to come back and interrupt me with my school. She's obsessed about me being a perfect student.

The call ended and she faced me again

"This will just be short, (Y/N). Where do you want to eat?"

✖️✖️

I just brought her to the cafeteria. She said it should be short. We both ate a sandwich.

"How's school?" She asked me. But I gave her a glare and answered "you said it would be just short, state your aim"

"Your dad and I are going to get divorced" her face saddened and I can see the sorrows in her eyes. What the heck were they thinking?!

"Mom.... Is that true?" I tried to calm myself... I'm enraged yet the melancholy is trying to devour my soul.

She gathered her strength to nod and that's it, her tears started to fall.

And mine as well... I just felt like my whole world has been shattered.

"What the fxxk, mom?! Why?! I knew it! You both don't care about me, right?! You don't care about our family, right?!"

"No, it's not--"

"No! It is! It wouldn't be that easy for you to decide if you care about me! You didn't considered my feelings about this! I was longing for your love... I was longing for it... I was waiting for us to together... It was my greatest wish.. But now..! How can we?! I HATE YOU!" I didn't waited for her reply and ran as where my feet would bring me to..

I was crying and people were looking at me but I don't care... I don't freaking care! I hate my life! I hate my parents..! I hate myself... I hate myself..

I found myself on a cemetery. I sat under a tree and let out all the emotions that I feel.

It has began to rain hard but I don't care. I think this is better, at least the nature knows how I feel and sympathizes with me.

I saw a shattered piece of bottle and picked it up. I started to think of thongs I never knew I would but I think it's a good idea. I never mattered to anyone, I might as well disappear.

I cut my arms but I failed. Maybe I'll do it on a vital part.

I was ready to do it and pointed the sharp glass on my neck but someone held my arm to stop me

"What do you think are you doing?" It asked and grabbed the shattered bottle piece off me. I glared at this sxxt

"Leave me alone!" I screamed and let out a mad tone

"You know, ending your life is not the answer to your problem" He replied despite of what I have said

"Are you a retard or something? I said leave me alone! This is none of your business! This is my life I'll end it if I want to!" And then I pushed him but he had managed to get my arms. He lookd so frustrated and mad. He was frowning hard.

"Stop and wake up!" He exclaimed and pinched me hard on my arms that I punched him in instinct. He pinched right through my wounds and for the first time I felt the great pain it gives

"This is the (Y/N) I know.. She fights back" he stated

I laughed at him. A very loud sarcastic laugh

"Do you think that will stop me? No one loves me. I'm just a burden to everyone and they would be happy if I were to disappear. No one cares for me, I don't have a reason to live so please... I beg you, leave me alone." I pleaded while my tears can't stop falling by themselves.

He finally handed me the glass shard but when I was about to pick it up, he pulled me and let out a tight hug.

"I do.. I care.. I'll give you reasons to go on.. You can hold onto me.. I promise"

I tried to push him away but he's stronger. This was the first time I felt someone's hug for a very long time. His hug somewhat gave me a strange comfort.

My soul gave up, I can't take it anymore. I let myself cry and hugged him back tightly.

I feel so tired... I want to sleep...

✖️✖️

I woke up feeling dizzy and my body aches..

I saw my arms and it's full of cuts and bruises. And also, a drip is injected on me.

My dream was true.. I felt my tears fell again.. I'm so pathetic.. My emotional pain hurts greater than these cuts, bruises and injections.. Nothing can heal this kind of wound.

I heard someone groan so I looked at him. It was the guy who stopped me. He's asleep at the sofa. His uniform were bloody and I noticed the cotton that was taped on his arm. I looked for where the IV connects to and it's connected on a bag of blood.

He's willing to give his own blood just for me to live. This guy is impossible. What did I do to deserve these?

My tears began to fall again..

The door opened and our adviser appeared.

The guy woke up and took a glance on me before letting our adviser in.

"Yoosung, how's (Y/N)?" Our adviser whispered. So his name is Yoosung.. I knew it.. He's the class president.. That's why he cares.. He did this out of responsibility again.. Great.

"She's awake" yoosung replied. Our adviser sat at the chair beside my bed.

"(Y/N).. The whole class were worried about you.. Look, they bought you some fruits. They will visit you after school." Our adviser said with a bright smile.

Those fancy words, her bright smile.. Nothing can ease me than disappearing..

I remained quiet and didn't made a single sound..

She held my hand and smiled painfully..

"Get well, okay? I'll visit you again and I'll bring your favorite chocolate" she said and left the room..

"(Y/N)--" before he could continue it, I interrupted him

"Yoosung, thank you.. You don't need to be involved with me.. You look so pale.. This is all my fault.. I beg you, please take care of yourself from now on.. I'm tired.. I'm tired of dealing with people.. I just want to disappear" i started to blabber things and cry..

He hushed me and held my hand..

"(Y/N), I have a favor to ask... Please live... All lives matter. Our classmates were really worried. Your father is coming here despite of the showcase of the biggest project he had. Your mom will come back and forth from a 12 hours flight.. And we all did this because we care and love you.. We just forget to tell it but look at everything that we do for you.. Actions do speak louder than words.."

"They all care when it's too late.. I could've died... I want to die" i said and violently tried to remove the IV from me but Yoosung stops me..

"But it's not too late to show it to you.. You're not alone (Y/N).. I'm here." He said and hugged me. The tears began to fall again..

I surrender.

"Help me, Yoosung"

✖️✖️

My parents talked with me.. They apologized for all of their shortcomings as a parent.. I still don't have the strength to talk to them but I just nodded. I can't ignore my parents... And somehow mouthed that I forgive them.. My heart is so unfair. Why do I still love them so much even though they care less?

After a few days, I was discharged and was allowed to go home.. I'm also going through a treatment.

Little by little, I'm doing fine, little by little, I can feel everyone's love and care. Especially the ones from Yoosung. He never left my side even though I'm in the verge of hurting everyone. He have seen my ugly side and yet he chose to stay by me.

Hours, days, weeks, months, a year have passed and I can finally say that I've recovered, like nothing has happened. My parents still continued the divorce tho. It was because dad was having an affair. At first I felt mad, but there was mom and Yoosung to calm me.

Yoosung and I became inseparable. And I stopped bullying. I still can't refrain from making fun of people sometimes.

People were being nosy about our relationship. But nope. We're not like that. We're just friends.. We have pure platonic relationship.

"Hey, (Y/N), you're spacing out" Yoosung called. We're at the school rooftop. Yes, it's late at night, so you could say that we sneaked out.. I'm planning on telling him about Russia.

"Hmm. Maybe you're hungry. Wait.. I'll grab some snacks" He didn't even waited for me to talk. He ran and went to the canteen. Yeah... We sneak snacks too... But we pay for it.

I noticed that he left his wallet. It was open and I saw a picture. Ooh, why does he have a picture of me?!

I picked it up but I accidentally opened it wide and saw a picture of a familiar person..

Wait...

This is Rika.. Why does he have a picture of her? Rika was the girl who jumped off the rooftop... She killed herself...

✖️

"Yoosung, why were you on the cemetery that day you met me?" I asked him as soon as I heard the doorknob

"What?"

"Why do you have a picture of Rika on your wallet?" I continued. He looked horrified.

"Yoosung, tell me the truth. Why did you saved me?" I asked. I can feel that my tear may fall any second now

"Is it because I remind you of Rika, is that it? So if I didn't looked like her, act like her, you wouldn't care about me, is that it? What is Rika to you? What am I to you? A substitute?"

"Let me explain.." He calmly said and tried to hold my hand but I dodged it

"All this time I thought someone really cared for me with his pure intentions.. A person who truely cares--"

"I am! Let me explain, (Y/N)!!" He called me by my full name and he raised his voice that surprised me "look.." His voice calmed "Rika is my cousin.. I was at the cemetery that day to visit her grave.. You were just at the top of her tomb.. I can't resist myself from stopping you.. I won't let you kill yourself because..." He paused

"Because I remind you of her. You just helped me for your own sake.. You just helped me because of guilt."

"No!"

"Then why?! I'm tired of people's acting!"

"It's because I love you! Isn't it obvious?!" I was taken aback. His blush were fuming. I-Is this true? Or he's lying again? "Ah! I've said it" he whispered and covered his face

"I'll admit, I had a crush on you because you remind me of Rika.. And it was before I could be this close to you.. Then I realized that you're different from her, I know that. I love you, (Y/N). I know that you're not Rika, and I helped you because I wanted to.. It hurts that you still have that kind of mindset.. But even though, I'll stay by your side... I'll change your mind. I'll make you better." He said and let out a painful smile

I've calmed down and realized all that I've and he have said..

"D-do you really mean it?" I asked him.

"Yes" he answered without any hesitation. Maybe it is him I've been looking for.. I was looking through people who are far but he was right beside me all along.. I want to be with him.. But I'm not good for him.. I want to be a person who is deserving for his love.

"I'll be selfish, Yoosung. Please wait for me.. I want you to wait for me.. I'm going to Russia with mom because of her job and I'll study my college there. Till then, please.. Wait for me. When I come back, I'll be a person who would be deserving for you. I'll be a person who buried all her past and can finally focus on her present.. Can you promise that you'll still be by my side when that happens?"

"I promise"

"Pinky swear?" I stucked out my pinky

He intertwined his pinky to mine.

"Pinky swear"

✖️✖️

😭😭