of death.

Quite often actually.

When I went to the Conversion and heard the endless screams of other girls who shuffled in and out after me- I've thought of death.

I felt little panic as my parents stood to the side of the room, as far away from me as possible. Waiting for the arrival of the doctor.

In some ways, this was extremely messed up.

But the world I lived in had no room for love.

Boys were shipped off at a young age to work, gruelingly train day and night in the cold mountains to become warriors.

Some were not as lucky and were placed within the deserts.

They came back different.

Hardened.

After they came back - training for ten to fifteen years and seeing no females in that time- they arrived to find the majority had already completed their first bleeding and gone through the Conversion and were ready to be bought.

Not as wives though.

I honestly still didn't know what title women held.

Mother told me once, before the Conversion that she was father's rock. I thought her very naive.

Father could care less.

If mother passed, he would simply get another female to occupy his time.

I could tell he felt no emotion to see me gone.

I had not turned out to be the boy he wanted and had caused more trouble than I should have- not only with this broken deal but with my first bleeding and the Conversion process in general.

Too much trouble.

That was what I was.

And mother.

The poor lame thing had never gone against father. If he thought this was best, then who was she to argue otherwise.

I could see the tears in her eyes. But knew they were most likely tears of the lost deal. Tears of financial ruin. Tears that this was all somehow her fault and knew already that father would blame her.

"So you thought being Queen was beneath you?"

I did not look father's way as the taunts began.

"Thought you were above the Wolf King himself?"

I continued to stare at the painted swirls and clouds upon the ceiling.

"Might as well go into the Frost Mountain and eat the Forbidden fruit for all the crap that you think of."

My head snapped to father and he flinched back from my eyes. I smiled at his action. He glared back at me, no doubt kicking himself for showing how weak he was.

"The Frost Mountain..." I continued to stare at father and mother. They squirmed under my gaze. Mother let out a small sound of terror as I got up from my seat and took a few steps in their direction.

"The forbidden fruit..."

"Don't get near us," father growled, his eyes turning red as he backed away. Mother stayed behind him, knowing she would be the first one thrown at me if I attacked.

"I had forgotten that story."

Father spat at me. Actually spat.

I looked in disgust at the small white form that now stained the carpet.

"You really just spat on the King's carpet?"

He ignored my words and shook his head, "The devil is inside you. If that story was real, you would be killed on the spot by Axis himself. Not even the keeper of the dead would want you."

I did not flinch at his insult. It was a weak one really.

"Jog my mind a little father," I said, taking a few more steps towards them, "What happens when you eat the fruit?"

Father looked at me as if I had asked him to save me. It was hilarious.

"Why would you want me to tell you this?" He angrily said, almost shouting the words at me.

I shrugged, "Indulge me. Think of it as my last wish before I go."

He did not even blink at the reminder of what we were sitting in the room waiting for.

Mother said nothing, as always remaining dutifully quiet.

"If you eat the fruit, you are locked away with the dead. Axis takes you for eating what is forbidden and giving into temptation. You never return to the living and your soul never moves on. There. I told you the story. Satisfied?"

I shook my head and looked at mother.

"I remember a different version."

Mother seemed to shrink into the wall behind her as father's glare found it's way to her.

"What other version?"

Mother's pale face turned green. I could actually hear her teeth chattering as she looked up at father's gaze.

"I-I...Do-don't know wh-what what she's t-talking about."

She flinched when father let out a deep breath of air.

"Aw just tell me mother. Let your daughter know the story before she leaves you for good."

Mother's whole body started to tremble then.

Father's waiting eyes rolled in his head as he silently communicated, humor her.

"There is...another version where Axis needs a companion... and so if any dare wishes to help rule the dead with him, they can tell him by eating the fruit. Once he sees it's eaten, he comes and collects you- taking you to his K-kingdom."

I laughed then, ignoring my parent's gaze.

"I like that version better. I like it a whole lot better."

I walked towards the door, brushing off father's shouts of protest for me to stop.

"I think," I paused taking in the two figures who pressed themselves against the wall, "I'll hold off for killing you now. Instead, I'm going on a little trip. I'll see you again in the land of the dead," I grinned then, my crazy mind going to new heights as I opened the door, "When I rule it!"

I closed the door on their shocked faces, holding back my manic laughter that threatened to escape from my loose lips.

The entrance was just down the hall.

The King must have gotten sidetracked. No doubt thinking he had better things to do in his day than putting down a crazed girl.

I walked out with ease. The same guards as before standing in their place.

I smiled and waved to them. The same fool dropped his spear for a second time.

Mother and father's car pulled up as a palace worker got out and handed me the keys.

It was almost too easy.

As I drove away, I laughed at the sight of panicked guards rushing outside, pointing to the car.

I sped up, ignoring the guard who held his hand for me to pause and identify myself at the open gate.

Instead, I pressed the gas pedal down and continued to laugh, not stopping as the guard jumped away to safety or when beasts ran in pursuit behind me.

They didn't follow me for long.

The King had better things to do than chase a crazy girl.

He probably watched me leave, thanking the moon goddess above that he had not made me his Queen.