It's been two weeks... two weeks of me locking myself in my house. I submitted forged medical paperwork saying I was sick and couldn't come into the classroom to all my professors just so I could complete the semester online. All of my professors knew me well so they didn't question it at all.

My girls have come by to check on me and even some of my line sisters who were there that night called. I still talked to no one about what happen. Heiress still comes by almost daily but doesn't know. A big piece of me was just embarrassing that someone could do it to me. The rest of me is just angry... mainly because I still love his fucked up ass.

I was super thankful that Mazi had been keeping the twins more since he moved here. He wanted me to "live a college life" and not raise them alone. It's a big help since I don't have to fake my happiness around them, but when I did see them I put on a whole production. The last thing I wanted was for any of my family, especially Mazikin to find out about our break up.

Today, I decided to go with Kira to the mall. She wasn't taking no for an answer so I just sat at home waiting on her. When she did arrive, I met her outside and we headed out. She waited until we were at the mall walking before talking.

"Ess be real with me" she looked through a rake "How have you been feeling?"

"Honestly? I feel numb"

"Why numb?"

"A piece of me just feels like it wasn't real. Like maybe I'll wake up from a bad dream you know?"

"I wish"

"And I hate that I can't stop loving him" I felt my voice shake "I hate him because no matter how hard I try... I can't hate him at all"

"Babe" she hugged me "I know"

"Then every time I look up, there are flowers at the door and message after message... can't even read them"

"Maybe you should" she shrugged "I know when Keith and I broke up before New Years that last conversation help me get closure and you know how much I hate that shit" we laughed "But realistically it helped me close the door and focus on me"

"I can't do it Kira" I sighed "I tried to... he called yesterday when I was watching Pastor Mike... I answered but the minute I heard his voice I felt sick. I hung up and threw up my breakfast"

"Damn"

I shook my head feeling my phone vibrated. When I pulled it out my pocket there was yet another message from Pharaoh.

I sighed thinking about what Kira said. I didn't feel confident talking to him but I did want to close the door. I couldn't be with him knowing it was all a lie. I could be his friend or anything. I just wanted us to end it all. I sighed before texting him to meet me at the park across my condo before turning my phone off.

Kira agreed to take me home once I showed her the messages. She also refuse to leave though. We went to my house and I just waited on him to let me know he was there. Kira wanted to wait for me to get back home to make sure I was okay. Once he finally text me I felt my heart race. This was it... this was the end of us.

I stood at the park entrance waiting for Essence. She didn't take long to cross the street but once she was near me she kept a good distance between us. It hurt knowing I couldn't hug and kiss her the way I wanted to. I knew she was still hurting. Her eyes were red with bags and her energy was just different.

"Hey ma"

"Hi" her voice came out in a whisper

"You want to walk or sit down?"

She shrugged before walking pass me and sitting on the first bench. I sat beside her putting a little distance between us but watching her the entire time. She looked uncomfortable and irritated. I sighed before hanging my head hoping to find the words to say.

"Why?" she spoke first, still in a whisper

"I can't tell you honestly. We were dumb, doing stupid shit... not thinking about the consequences. It was a joke at first when we were talking to some friends then it became a game... I never meant to hurt you baby"

"Did you win?" she looked away

I shook my head feeling my tears begin to fall.

"Did you?" she looked at me

"I ended the bet... I ended it before we ever had sex Essence, I promise. You're the first girl I've had feelings for like this. I'm being honest baby girl, I had no intentions on falling for you... but I did and I wanted us to last forever. I didn't want to tell you because I knew this is how it would've played out"

She wiped her tears that fell before looking away again.

"Essence... baby I need you. I love you with everything in me. All these feelings came so fast and I can't let them go... let you go. Please just believe me. I'm sorry---"

"I can't trust you Pharaoh" she looked at me "You were exactly what you swore you weren't from day one. You sold me a bunch of bullshit. I let you see me at my weakest and you still played me for a fool"

"I didn't try---"

"You didn't have to try!" she yelled "You did it though. Just being around you makes me sick to my stomach... As much as I love you and I love you... I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be friends. I don't want to see you around. I want you and everybody to leave me the hell alone"

I nodded my head looking away from her.

"Nobody knows we ended except who was there... you can choose to tell them whatever you want. For me... it just didn't work out"

"A-aight" I got out through sniffles "I know I d-d-don't deserve it b-b-but can I please just have one last hug"

"Yeah"

I finally looked at her as I stood up. She wiped her face before standing in front of me. I wrapped my arms around her and held on as tight as I could, sobbing in her shoulder. I could hear her cry as well as she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I still love you... even if I don't want to" she whispered in my ear

Before I could respond she pulled away and left. I followed her to the entrance, the watched her walk back home. She looked back at me one last time before going inside. It didn't feel like the end until I couldn't see her anymore.

I walked to my car and headed home. I still had to meet my parents, siblings, Harmony, her sister, her mom, and her grandma for dinner. I had shut myself out from everyone since Essence was last at my place. I only check on Harmony and the baby every other day but end the conversation once she says he good. My mother has noticed but I avoid talking to her too.

I got home and showered, making sure to wash my face. By the time I was done and ready, I didn't look at bad but I definitely didn't look like my normal self. I sighed before I headed out. When I finally parked I headed inside to the private room my dad would reserve for family dinners.

"Hey yall" I kissed my mother and Heiress check "My bad"

"It's fine, she's not even here yet" my mom rolled her eyes "You didn't ask Essence to come"

"Ma that would be awkward" Heiress shook her head

"I mean she's his girlfriend so" my mom shrugged

"Let's just keep Essence out of the conversation for now" I sat down

Everyone nodded but before anyone else could speak, Harmony and her family were escorted in. I shook and side hugged her and Destiny before introducing myself her her mother and grandma, then introduced them all to my family. Everyone engaged in small talk once the food was ordered but it was mostly our families talking to themselves. Once the food came Harmony decided to speak to my parents

"It's nice to finally meet yall"

"You too sweetheart" my dad spoke "How has my little grandson been treating you"

"He has been a rascal for sure but he's great"

"So Pharaoh" her mom looked at me "Harmony says you graduate soon"

"In May" I nodded

"That's wonderful. Any jobs lined up?"

"I'll be a sports agent at my father's company"

"Wow that's impressive" she smiled "So what about you and Harmony"

"What do you mean?"

"What are you all's plans related to the baby? Like living arrangements, visits, and so forth. Co-parenting can be so tricky"

"Actually, me and Pharaoh have been talking about living together"

"What?" my mom and Heiress looked at me

"Like roommates" Harmony giggled "Nothing more"

"You think that's a good idea Rao?" my mom cocked her head to the side

"I mean we just talking about it ma" I sighed "Nothing set in stone"

"It should be" her grandma spoke up for the first time "Out here making babies but don't want to make an honest woman out of the mother"

"Whoa" Heiress and King said

"Excuse me" my mother turned to look at her "What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said"

"Na---"

"I can say whatever the hell I want" she cut off Destiny "You out her sleeping with young girls but won't step up when pregnancy hit"

"I don't know what you're talking about ma'am" I tried to hold in my attitude "I've been by Harmony side every step of the way since I was made aware that she was keeping the baby"

"Oh so abortion was a better idea"

"Maybe you should ask your granddaughter" my mother spoke "I don't like the tone you have with my son. He is a grown man and can take care of his child without being with her. Babies don't make relationships"

"How about we all calm down" my dad suggested "Harmony and Pharaoh seem to have things worked out so our opinions don't matter"

"No he decided he didn't want her" her grandmother stood up "And I'm not about to sit here like it's okay. My grand and great grand deserve better than this" she pointed at me "Feel how you want about it"

"Nana!"

"Mom sit!"

"Look" I stood up "I didn't even know she was keeping the baby. I asked her to and she said no. I have a girlfriend!" I shook my head "Had a girlfriend. And even if I didn't I don't want a relationship with Harmony. She's amazing but she and I aint meant to be. If you got a problem with me that's fine. But that's my son so choose yo animosity wisely"

I walked out and headed to my car. I could hear my father and brother behind me, but I ignored them and left. It was like everything was building to worse and worse. I got home and the only person I wanted to talk to was Essence. I was pissed and knew just hearing her voice would calm me down... but I had to respect her wishes. I paced the floor of my living room before deciding to take a full bottle of Hennessy from the counter and go to my room. As bad as I knew it was, I decided to just drink the emotions away. Before I knew it, I was sitting on my floor with an empty bottle next to me, crying yet again, feeling it all.

"God please... just... help"