After spending all day with Harmony I didn't really have time to talk to anybody. I was dead tired and just wanted to be left alone. I thought about trying to hit up Essence but being ignored was starting to become irritating. I'd rather just wait until she hit me up to talk about it.

I killed time since it was now Sunday and I was just waiting on my parents to get home from church. My dad was who I decided to talk to about this. I love my mom and we are thick as thieves close but she loves Essence and they idea of us. I know she won't be a non-bias adviser, where my dad really likes Essence but will focus more on what he thinks I should actually do.

It felt like forever before my dad called me saying he was headed to his office and meet him there. I got dressed quick and headed out. My dad started his own sports agency when I was about 10. He played professional football for a minute before he got hurt. He immediately went to being an agent and eventually open his own agency. I wanted to be just like my dad. I was planning to do sports management but I had a dual major to do music management as well. Thought of my future flood my mind as I drove to my dads office.

When I pulled up, I could tell a few people were there but nothing major. I headed straight into my dads office. He only worked with retired athletes that still did the endorsement deals and what not. I always treated it like he didn't have shit to do but he legit be busy as hell. Seeing him with his desk covered in work and him on the phone when I walked in always made me feel proud.

He laughed hanging up his call knowing I was watching him. We did our man hug before we both sat down.

"Alright son. I know it's something so what's up"

"Man pops" I sighed "I feel like I have no clue what to do. This baby... my baby... he just changes everything"

"What do you mean?"

"I really thought I would've come back from New York with Essence as my girlfriend, start planning for my last semester, and just chillin. But with Harmony coming out the blue with this baby... I don't know what"

"So what's the dilemma here? I mean I thought you and Essence been dating"

"I mean we kinda where but I wanted to make it official like we only focus on each other. But then I gotta divide my time and focus on Harmony sometimes—"

"Is it that you want to be with Harmony?"

"Nah... I mean I thought maybe I had feelings for her but then I had time to myself and realize the only feelings there were sexual"

"Well to be honest with you, I don't see the problem son" he leaned back in his chair "You are in no way obligated to be with this young lady. Baby or not"

"But pops shouldn't I try? I mean I don't know maybe we could make something work if we actually tried"

"Rao Rao I love you son. I've been there and I want you to know babies do not make relationships work" he sighed shaking his head "Clearly you don't remember but you're mom and I didn't get in a relationship again until you were almost four"

"Whoa! What?"

"Yup" he looked at their picture on his desk "She broke up with me the day before our baby shower for you because she said I wasn't taking the relationship serious. I was focused on my friends and the groupies. Everything but the relationship with her"

"Damn pops"

"It was messed up. And I was hurt and mad at her for a long time. We would literally only talk about you. When you were born I tried so hard to get her back because I was so in love with her, but then she felt like it was just because of you. Again I was mad and hurt. I started dating other women and trying to get over her and I couldn't"

"How'd yall get back together"

"My life was turning upside down. Fake friends, issues with my business team, women wanting me for money, your mom was with someone else, and everything else you could think could go wrong. I sat down with my father and he asked me the last time I was happy. I told him it was with her mother" he smiled "I left and went to basically kidnap her and you. She was pissed but she rode it out with me. I drove us for hours until we ended up in Nashville. I got us a hotel and as soon as we got settle I just broke down"

"Serious?" I spoke in shock

"Tears and all" he smirked "I told her everything I had been feeling and everything I wanted out of us. I knew she was the woman I needed to spend the rest of my life with. I knew I wanted my family"

I couldn't believe everything that was coming out of my father's mouth. My whole life I thought they had the perfect relationship and marriage. They had regular ups and downs but that's what made it perfect to me. I couldn't believe at the beginning of my life I almost didn't have my family.

"So she took you back"

"Nope!" He chuckled "She hugged me and told me she was always there for me. Then we spent a couple days together as a family. After that I spent the rest of that year showing her that I only wanted her. When I got hurt, she showed up with you and we decided that we both couldn't live without each other"

"Damn"

"I worked my ass off trying to get your mother back. I almost missed out on my greatest accomplishment in life of being a husband and father" he sat up staring at me "I said all of that so you can understand son, the person you're meant to be with doesn't go away because you decide to live life. That person is just who they are. But you can't put them on a shelf either. You have to take the change to be with them otherwise, you'll regret the day you let them go"

I sighed "I just want to be a good dad and be happy pops"

"I know. And you will. Just do what makes you happy and be the man we raised you to be. Children don't make a relationship work... but the most beautiful relationships bring amazing gifts"

I nodded taking in everything my father said. I still wasn't sure of everything I wanted, but I did feel better. I decided to go to the trail and get some time to myself to think. I needed to figure everything out now. I needed to make the decisions

I've come to the realization that I have an unhealthy attachment to Pharaoh. As much as it has been killing me, I have been ignoring him at all cost. He pissed me off with the "that's my baby mother" bullshit he tried to pull. Fuck her. She not my baby mother and I'm not dealing with no rude disrespectful hoe that he got pregnant before we were even friends.

This doesn't change the fact that it's hard to sleep without at least talking to Pharaoh. Or how I'll drift off into the recess of my mind and be thinking about us. Gianni and Kira have both been talking reckless about my feelings for him; swearing I'm in love.

I'm not admitting to any more feelings about a man I probably will never get to be with. I honestly was going to keep ignoring him and just let whatever we had go finally but my girls wouldn't let me. Jordan convinced them to have game night at his house so I would have to talk to Pharaoh. They aint slick at all.

I sat on the couch thinking of a way to get out of going before Gianni and Kira pulled up. Mazi was in town so he had the girls leaving me with no believable excuses. I legit threw a fit on the couch when I heard Gianni sticking her key in the door while knocking. I could hear her and Kira laughing as I continues to bounce and pout while hitting the couch.

"You done?" Gianni crossed her arms "Good! Let's go"

"Why do I have to go over there? I didn't do shit! He should be trying to come up with a plan to pull up on me"

"You being stubborn and prideful Ess" Kira shook her head "And believe it or not, yall were equally wrong"

"HOW?!" I jumped up

"Pipe down" Gianni rolled her eyes "Kira's just saying Pharaoh is supposed to defend her. She's the mother of his kid. You could've avoid the situation by ignoring her or just answering the question. Her ass was dead wrong for getting slick in the mouth and can get all the hands once she not pregnant, but you should've just let Pharaoh handle it"

"That's bullshit and yall know it" we all headed out to the car

"It might be but yo man got a baby momma and that's how it works" Kira shrugged

"You still want him right?" Gianni stopped in front of me

"Gi--"

"Right!"

"Uuuugh! Yes!"

"Then establish some ground rules and get your man but don't be moping around when both of you could've made the situation better"

"Whatever" I rolled my eyes going to the car "I still don't feel like I did anything wrong"

"You don't see how you made the situation worst?"

"Uuuggghhh!"

I got in the car and didn't say anything else about it. I was trying to hold it in but I was feeling real ganged up on about the situation. My friends were supposed to have my back and it felt like they didn't. I mean we always call each other on our bullshit but I didn't expect them to hit me like that. As I rode I tried to think about something else so I wouldn't be upset but the thoughts of my argument with Pharaoh clouded my mind.

By the time we pulled up, I definitely felt bad about the position I was putting him in. He had a right to defend her. She was his son's mother. She holds more weight in his life than I do. I had to let that go. It just broke my heart feeling like this was going to be the end of our friendship when I didn't want it to be.

I followed my friends into the house and headed straight to Pharaoh's room. I knocked on the door but when I opened it, he wasn't there. I decided to stay inside his room while they had fun so I could have time to myself to think. Plus I wanted to talk things out with Pharaoh so I figured why not. I decided to take picture and stroll through IG to kill time.

I just want to be next to him again... pride is a bxtch right 😒 #HisSquishy

😍🤤

Damn 🥴

Damn baby girl stacked!

Take It Down! Now!

I'm gone beat yo ass!

...

Real King Shit Stay Swagged 😎🤴🏽

Whole Hot Boy Outchea!

...

Killin on my worst day 😜

...

Angels don't always show the wings 😇

More like horns 😈🤣

...

The heart wants what the heart wants 💛 I want you and nothing can change that 😘

Oooh shit who this for?!

IssaTrap

My nigga 😎

Cute

...

I laughed at Mazikin and Pharaoh's attempt to check me, but froze seeing Pharaoh's post. I felt like my heart was smiling but my face couldn't express it. Just as I sat down on his bed, the door open to Pharaoh.