I got in the car with Pharaoh and out of habit leaned over to kiss him. He kissed me back and smiled once I pulled away. I shook my head knowing this conversation and situation in general was going to be harder than I thought.

For the last week, I have avoided seeing Pharaoh at all cost. I needed to really think about what I wanted for us. I also had to deal with my emotional roller coaster before having the conversation I knew was coming. As he drove, I realize we weren't headed to his place but to his parents house. My eyes widen as I got nervous. Best friend or not, I am not trying to witness the ass whopping his mom is handing out over this.

"Rao... baecon... where we going?" I asked

"Girl you know we going to my parent—"

"I know damn well you ain't dragging me to tell the parental! Uh-uh! I might get beat by association"

"Shut up" he laughed "I'm pretty sure you being there will calm ma down some"

"Rao!"

"If you would've talked to me before now then you wouldn't have to do it" he spoke nonchalantly

"Petty"

"No avoiding me was petty"

"Rao---"

"I know. You need time to think and everything... but before anything else we best friend Ess. I did some thinking too and I can't lose you. I can't lose my friend" he parked in his parents driveway before looking at me "So if you cutting me off.... tell me now"

"Pharaoh I told you as friends we rocking til the wheels fall off baby boy" I caressed his face/beard and sighed "But the feelings I have go beyond that. I had to get myself in order and I couldn't do that with you beside me"

"Yes you could" he moved my hand "I know it's a fucked up situations but I just wanted to know you always here for me like I'm always gone be here for you"

"Do you see where I am?"

We both laughed

"Just don't leave me Ess... I can't control a lot of what's going on but I got this"

I nodded not sure if I could truly believe him. It wasn't that I didn't, more or less that I knew he didn't believe himself. Still, I got out of the car and followed him into his parents house. His mother was cooking and had the whole house smelling like heaven. Heiress went back to school early to chill with her friends so it was just his parents and King.

I helped Mama Tori (who popped me like I was a toddler for not calling her Mama Tori) with the rest of dinner before we set the table. Once everything was in place, we all sat down at said grace. Pharaoh was visibly nervous so as we ate, I rubbed his thigh to calm him down. Just as everyone was finishing up, he cleared his through.

"Umm I gotta talk to yall about something" he sighed

"What is it baby" his mom smiled

"Don't be smiling Tori" he dad rolled his eyes "That was a 'I fucked up' sigh. What you do?"

"Dang pops" he shook his head

"Don't dang me! I might've been born at night but it wasn't last night. So speak up"

"Just tell em Rao" I moved to rub his back

"Lord" his mom looked shocked "I knew it!"

We both looked shocked as she jumped up smiling with tears in her eyes.

"Ma---"

"I can't believe this!"

"Baby you tripping" his dad laughed

"I told you! I told you!"

"He hasn't even said anything!"

"He don't have to tell me shit! I know! I been dreaming about fish for the last week! I can't believe it! My baby's having a baby"

I laughed as Pharaoh still looked confused, but it was cut short when she pulled me out of my chair and hugged me.

"Oh I can't believe this! You guys are going to make the cutest mini"

"Whoa!" I stepped back

"MA!" Pharaoh jumped up "Essence isn't pregnant!"

"Huh?"

I laughed and so did King as his mother sat down looking disappointed once she processed that I wasn't pregnant. His dad still sat there waiting for more information. Pharaoh pulled my chair back and we all sat back down so he could clear the air.

"Yes" he sighed "I'm having a baby... a baby boy actually... but it's not with Essence"

"Who is it? Essence is the only girl you've ever---"

"Her name is Harmony. We... We're... Look it wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't even know she was pregnant still. She told me a couple months ago but said she didn't want a baby. I tried to talk to her but her mind was made up. Then last week she on Instagram with her belly out"

"So you mean to tell me, you got some lil hussy pregnant and you didn't even know she kept the baby because SHE wanted it gone bu didn't do it"

"Yes ma'am" he hung his head

"So what you gone do?" his dad asked

"I mean I was pissed pops... but I met up with her earlier and we talked it out. I went to her doctors appointment and now I'm having a baby boy"

Mama Tori got up and headed into the kitchen wiping her eyes. I know it hurt Pharaoh to see her disappointed but I also knew Mama Tori was overprotective of Pharaoh. He was her baby boy, her first born. She told me my ora was the only reason she didn't come at me sideways.

I decided to get up and go talk to her since Rao was still talking to his dad. She bottle of wine and two glasses waiting for me. I laughed as she pour both of us a drink. I sat on the stool beside her and nudged her a little.

"Ma you know that was mean"

"I know" she sighed "But I've told you I just want what's best for my baby"

"Well he's not a baby. Pharaoh is a grown man and a damn good one. He's taking care of his responsibilities being the man you raised him to be. He not showing it but I know he's excited about this baby. You being disappointed is hurting him"

"I'm not disappointed about the baby. I'm disappointed about the mother"

I hollered out a laughed as she rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious Ess! I thought he finally got his shit together and yall were gone tell me you were giving me my first grandbaby"

"Ma, me and Rao and even together like that. And with everything he got going on, he doesn't even want us to get into all that"

"But what do you want? I mean how do you feel about all this"

"I care about Pharaoh a lot. I mean I think it's pretty clear to everyone that I have feelings for him... but I have those feelings because in a short time he became my best friend. He's always there for me and got my back... so that's what I'm going to do. Be there for him and have his back while he figures this out"

"Don't put yourself on hold waiting on Rao Rao" she pointed her finger in my face "If my son is willing to lose out the amazing woman in front of me then it's his lost. But you keep living your best life"

"I plan to" I smiled

"Girl hush! I met Malcolm at sixteen! I wasn't his girlfriend until I was twenty-one. I think I know how you mind is working. But I'm going to tell you what his mom told me: if it's truly meant to be it will. You have to let him go so you can be happy if he's not living up to his potential like you deserve"

I sighed "I can't let go of Rao. He's been the light to a dark world for me and I want to be that for him. I'm not about to wait on him to figure things out with her or anything. But ma I'm not the dating type anyway"

"Essence please try. Pharaoh can't just string you along while he figures this out. And I'm going to talk to him too. You deserve to be happy whether that's with Pharaoh or not"

"But he's my best friend"

"And he'll be that no matter what, just like you will for him"

I nodded before taking the rest of my glass to the head. We laughed before going back into the dinning room. I watched as Mama Tori walked over to Pharaoh and gave him a hug. I could see him relax, knowing that his mom wasn't upset. Once they let each other go, King and Mama Tori started cleaning up. Pharaoh took my hand before I could help and took me to his room.

When we got there, I took off my shoes before climbing into his bed. He followed suit and pulled me into his arms. I laid my head on his chest with my arms wrapped around him waiting for the dreaded conversation. Not know what he was thinking was frustrating no matter how calm I was being.

"Ess..."

"Hmm"

"I love you"

"I love you too Rao" I smiled

"Things not changing the way I wanted them too"

"I know"

"I don't want to jump into something knowing I got a baby on the way with another girl. I don't think that would be fair to you..."

I sighed "I get that"

"But I'm not giving up on us Ess. I aint asking you to wait for me or no dumb shit like that. Just know I'm always gone be waiting on my chance"

"Unfortunetly Rao.... life just don't work that way with me. You've made me so happy in the short time we've been friends.... I'm okay with just being friends with you. Definitely gone miss the dick" we laughed "But nothing's worth losing you. So stop having this same depressing ass conversation"

"I just—"

"I know baecon... but we had this conversation in New York. I'm not pressed bout a relationship" I sighed knowing a piece of me was lying "All I ask is that you be the same Rao you been the whole time"

"I can do that"

He kissed my forehead before we laid there in silence eventually drifting off to sleep.