WARNING!

I do interpret each of you who asked a question into a character for this. If you are offended by the way you're presented please PM me and I will fix it!

This is no way to make fun of you guys or insult you! It's just a joke! Please have fun with it!

I love each of you VERY VERY much!!

The gang lines up and rolls in, sunglasses on and looking Gucci. In Taehyung's case; quiet literally. We're talking head to the tip of his left pinkie toe nail, Gucci. The only one who might possibly compete with Taehyung's aesthetic would be either Hoseok with his giant, white circle sunglasses or Namjoon who just in general was lookin like a full course meal.

They sit down in their respective places at the conference table. Flashes of the camera cause Jin to go momentarily blind. In trying to get his sight back, he blinks profusely. So much so that his eyelashes may actually allow him to fly.

Body guards then file in, lining up on either side of the table and in front of the very last empty chair.

"ALL RISE FOR YOUR LOVING DICTATOR VANESSA HADKINS!" one guard announces with a little toot of a trumpet. All comply, except two.

Yoongi stays put, flicking off the general direction of the small dictator. And Jimin scoots as far away as possible, seething in hatred for the possessed ruler. Vanessa, dressed in a flowing fur coat and heavily jeweled crown, glides in on a hover-board. She is lifted off of the board and placed onto her chair.She glares at the two sitting boys. "Will you not stand for your ruler?" she speaks in English and the translator repeats what she said in Korean.

"Freedom of speech b*tch." Yoongi challenges. Jimin throws up a middle finger in swag.

"Yes, well you won't have that for long." She waves her hand, dismissing the standing.Everyone sits. Taehyung smiles widely from the chair next to her, scooting closer with a small giggle.

She side eyes him. As a signal to her guards, she coughs lightly once. One comes in to her rescue, placing a finger on Tae's forehead and pushing him back a couple feet.

"Okay,.." Momo claps, turning back to the audience. "We are really excited for this conference so let's get started! Anyone with questions please line up in front of the mic, and we can begin!"

The mic is handed to the first fan who's wrapped up in a giant hoodie, only half her face peeking through the hood.

"Sup, I'm @xXKimHaneulXx" She nods looking at all the cast members, nodding her head. She smiles big reaching the end at Vanessa. "FUNESHA LONG TIME NO SEE! LMAO!" she luaghs.

Everyone turns cautiously to see Vanessa's response, afraid.

She coughs once.

That was the last we saw of xXKimHaneulXx.... Some say she was deported to Alaska, some say they see her in the sewers from time to time. Others say she was promoted to General of military for having such guts.. the world may never know..

"NEXT!" Vanessa demands.

The mic is handed over to the next fan who is still very excited, despite what just happened.

"Yo guys! I'm @bizz_bangtan! I've got a a couple questions. First, Momo." they wave excitedly with a grin. Momo waves back, happy she got the first real question."wasssupp!" they throw up a peace sign "So, aside from jin, who's your fav person to hang out with in the group?"

Momo sucks in a breath, looking around at the group, assessing them. Hobi excitedly waves his hands back and forth willing for her to pick him. Tae giggles at Hobi then joins in. Jungkook stares her down, threatening. The rest of the cast doesn't really care about her answer, more interested in the little bowl of mints being passed around.

Momo squints. "None of them." She looks back to bizz "they all suck. Just a bunch of leaches using me for my house. I prefer myself if possible."

"That's not true!" Hoseok cries

"Yeah!" Jimin joins in "I've never been to your house!"

Momo sighs "Yeah but I just don't like you so...."

"Big mood." Yoongi mutters.

The directer motions biz to continue.

"My next question is for Hobi."

He cheers with a small 'YAY', leaning in.

"Can you please tell me a lil bout ur obsession with sprite?"

"Oooooo" Hoseok says with a finger to his mouth, leaning back in thought. "Well, honestly we're in a steady relationship. I think it was love at first sip. And now I can't get enough. It has basically replaced my blood at this point. It's in my DNA."

Namjoon sighs "HAte to break it to you, but there's no DNA in your blood vessels Hobes."

Hoseok glares, disgusted at Namjoon for ruining his fun answer.

The mic is passed on to the next fan who quiet frankly, seemed a bit like a spazz. Possibly on drugs or 20 cups of coffee. Or both.

They shakily grab the mic, staring only at Yoongi. He notices, sitting up in alarm, ready to flip out of there at a moments notice.

"I'm @yoonpuff " They say softly, still staring widely into Yoongi's soul. "I only have a question for Yoongi. how does it feel to be an angry little elf with meat on your matchstick legs? how does if feel to scare to scare small innocent children? and how did it feel to drag momo through the car park?" Yoonpuff asks in a rush, the sound barely louder than a whisper.

Yoongi sighs "is it even allowed? to ask that many questions at once?" He asks, hoping to get out of answering them. At a nod of approval from the director, he sighs again. "Okay, first of all, SPEAK THE F*CK UP! People are gonna walk all over you if you keep whispering that asmr sh*t. Second, call me an elf one more time. I'll break your f*cking bones with my thighs. Then we'll see who has matchstick legs. Third, kids f*cking love me. I let them beat each other up, they're into sh*t like that. It's beautiful. Fourth, it felt great actually. I felt like a boss. I was really blessed to have such an opportunity as that. I hope to do it again except with her dead body."

Momo widens her eyes in fear. Jin grabs onto her arm protectively, glaring at Yoongi.

The mic is pried from yoonpuff's hands and passed to the next fan.

"Hey, I'm @strangest_duck"

"TF kinda name is that?" Yoongi mutters.

Strangest loudly laughs it off. "My name, elf"

Yoongi glares and Jungkook snorts at the fan's audasity.

" I wanted to ask Namjoon, what is the last thing you broke today?"

Namjoon grabs the mic suavely, his outfit upgrading his confidence by +1000000 points

"Millions of girls hearts." He winks.

Jin stares at him like he's a pile of trash, feeling plagiarized. He scoffs "Who?"

"You can't even talk to girls Namjoon. "Momo adds

Namjoon comes crashing back to his sad reality.

"No hyung, you're charming. Many find you irresistible." Jungkook reassures.

"hey so you actually gay or what?" Strangest asks Jungkook.

He slams down his fists on the table in a sudden outrage "FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT GAY! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GUYS HAVE STARTED?!" Jungkook accuses his friends.

"Hey, we're just observing." Namjoon puts his hands up.

"You-!"

"Anyways" Strangest cuts off Jungkook's protests " Jin, on a scale of one to pomegranate, how's life bro?"

Jin smiles big, looking over at Momo warmly "It's great" He says softly, grabbing her hand. "I'd say it's all peachy." he winks at Momo.

"I see what you did there." Namjoon chuckles.

"I don't get it" Tae giggles regardless. Namjoon just pats his back.

"It's a good thing your pretty Tae." He says sadly

"Huh?" Tae pouts, turning his head to the side.

"Oh so hey Tae," Strangest continues

"Yeah?!" He sits up, smiling widely at the fan

"Duck? Or Goose?"

"Goose." He stares challengingly " I play the game." Taehyung says confidently with a finger gun.

"Shall we play later?" Jimin asks cutely

Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows in agreement.

"Jimin,"

"Yes?" He smiles, his eyes turning to crescents in joy of having a question.

"why you a smol boi?" Strangest asks

Jimin looks down, chuckling. He looks back up. "Small?" He tsks "I'm big enough."

Namjoon laughs, appreciating the innuendo.

"ewwww." Hoseok and Vanessa groan.

"Where? Under a microscope?" Jin asks.

Yoongi chuckles, pleased at the joke. Tae gives an air- high five. Jimin sits, staring off into the distance, done with the mockery.

"My last question is for Vanessa" Strangest moves on

"Yes. Go on." Vanessa waves

"How's taking over the world going?"

She looks around the area at her full police force and military " Swell."

She waves the fan away, moving on to the next.

" I'm @JKWifey15. Vanessa, Can I have a lolli?"

Vanessa nodds. "Of course, Suckers for suckers. It's my campaign slogan."

"Campaign? Aren't you already Dictator?" Momo asks

"Well, yes. The campaign is just for kicks and giggles. I will, of course, just kill the competitors. Physically and or emotionally."

Yoongi nods approvingly and impressed.

A sucker is shoved into JKWifey's mouth who slightly chokes from the force.

"My last question is for Yoongi. If you had to date one of the children ( Jungkook, Taehyung, Namjoon, Jimin, or Hoseok) who would it be?"

Yoongi looks at the fan in disgust as he thinks it over " Is it an option to kill them at the end?"

JKWifey shakes no

Yoongi sighs "Pass."

"Okay, also can you teach me how to work out?" JKWifey asks, still eating the lolli

"Yea." Yoongi agrees "First, take that f*cking sucker, walk your *ss to the trashcan and throw it away. Boom. You've worked out. You can start there. If you want to continue, you can come to my gym where I'll scream the lazy sh*t right out of you. Satisfaction guaranteed or you pay me a fine of 10,000,000 won."

JKWifey hands off the mic and follows yoongi's orders, throwing away the sucker with a disappointed frown. They stare at their sucker among the trash for a moment, contemplating picking it back up again. JKWifey reaches in

"Don't you f*cking dare." Yoongi threats, ordering them back to their seat. They pout, dragging themselves back to their seat..

"AYO WHAT'S UP FAM! I'm @angstify! I've got a lot of questions so let's start with ma gurl, Momo. Have you ever liked any of the other guys excluding Jin?"

"Oh that would probably have to-"

Fear flashes before Momo. She looks at the fan, not willing to meet eyes with Jin who has slowly turned to stare at her, waiting, challenging, daring.

"OF COURSE NOT! HA HA!! DON'T BE SILLY!!" She switches her answer and then pushes Jin's shoulder "I've only liked you Jinnie I swear!"

"That's what I thought."

The director asks angstify to continue.

"Jin, what was your first impression of Momo."

This time is was Momo's turn to stare daringly at Jin. He just smiles sweetly at her

"Of course, I thought she was adorable. But honestly she was way too skinny, she looked skeletal. I guess I kinda pitied her at first?" Momo scowls at him but he continues "Especially cuz she works at 7/11 with these morons" Momo and the three boys nod their heads knowingly" But after we had little conversations here and there, I thought she was really fun, humorous and cute. And most importantly, she ate very well and appreciated my great talent in cooking." He flicks his hair.

Jungkook gags as the rest of the gang awes. Well except Yoongi. He just stares, wanting the day to be over already.

"My next question is for Jungkook."

Jungkook leans forward, boredly resting his head in his hand.

"WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO WEIRD?!" Ang shouts. Jungkook jumps in his seat, surprised. Hoseok got so startled he fell out of his chair, earning a laugh from Jimin who teases him.

Jungkook coughs, grabbing the mic. "I have no idea what you mean." He says calmly.

"Yes you do"ang retorts

"NO. I dont." Jungkook grits "if you're talking about Momo, she's like my mom, and Namjoon is daddy."

Momo grimaces "Yeah, maybe that's what they mean by weird Jungkook."

"This is why we think you're gay man." Namjoon says, "though you are correct. I'm very daddy." He wiggles his brows at the fan.

"Please never say that again." Yoongi sighs

"The next question is Namjoon's. Have you ever considered dating Momo?"

Namjoon chokes a little, swirling into a coughing fit. "No no, I prefer sexy girls."

Momo hits Jins shoulder. He grabs his arm in pain "Ow! what?" he whispers

"Defend me!" she says like it was obvious

"there's nothing to defend!"

Momo's jaw drops

"Taehyung" Ang continues"Do you like someone from that art class you're taking?"

Tae giggles

"OOOOOOO!!!!" Hoseok cheers in excitement

"TELL US!"Momo yells

Tae covers his face in embarrassment then whispers into the mic "I like everyone."

Silence.

"No you dumb f*ck, do you like anyone ROMANTICALLY" Yoongi rolls his eyes

"Oooh. Not really, no." Taehyung answers

"How many grades did you actually pass Tae?" Jungkook asks, even the king of idiots understood that question.

Tae furrows his brows "None. I was home-schooled in the carrot fields."

Jungkook has been dethroned.

Angstify moves on to the next question "Hobi, do you ship Jin and Momo?"

"OH MY GOD SO MUCH!" Hobi claps "I have a corner of my closet dedicated to them full of their pictures, things they've both touched and little sented candles!"

Jin's eyes grow wider "When did you even get those things?!"

"Thanks man but, please get rid of that."Momo looks at her friend in concern.

"What's so wrong with that?" Jungkook questions "I have one for Asuna Yuuki. It was her birthday last week too and I had a party for her, Tae even came."

Momo snorts "weebs."

Before Jungkook has a chance to rage flip the table, the director tells angstify to move on.

"Jimin, what was your first impression of Jungkook?"

"Weeb." Jimin smiles

Jungkook stands, ready to fight "YOUDIDN'TEVENKNOWIWATCHANIMEUNTILRIGHTNOW! HOWTHEF*CKWASTHATYOURFIRSTIMPRESSION?"

Jimin looks at him with a smile "I can smell weeb from a mile away. If you're really quiet, you can hear 'weibo weibo weibo' whispering from your soul."

Hoseok leans in close to Jungkook, listening. He sits back, hand to his mouth in a gasp " I CAN HEAR IT!"

Jungkook quakes with angry weeb power

"OKAY!" Namjoon interrupts" Thank you for your questions! Lets do one last one and then I think we all need to go before Jungkook kills us all."

The mic is handed to the last fan " Hello, I'm @Gurlimtrulythebest .My question is for Yoongi. Do you think momo can accomplish her goal of loosing weight?"

"Honestly, not my problem. I don't really care if she does or not, I'm still getting paid either way." Yoongi looks around " We're done now right?" With that Yoongi drops his mic, gets up and exits the building.

"Okay! That has been the 2018, press conference for Chubs! Thank you everyone for all your love and support and thank you for coming out today!" Namjoon ends with a clap, the cast standing.

"BYE BYE!! LOVE YOU!!" Hobi shoots finger hearts

"Get home safely everyone. Don't forget an umbrella! Author-nim is making it rain out there with her tears!" Jimin yells through the fans applause. It was true, Author-nim was crying tears of happiness causing a downpour outside.

Dictator Vanessa exits first, rolling out on her hover board with a small emotionless wave.

With huge smiles, the cast walks, waving and throwing hearts to the fans as they exit to the side.

Tae and Jin's head pop out from the side, blowing one last kiss to the swooning fans.

oof. that took forever, I would edit, maybe add a few more funny parts but I think I might literally stab my eyes out.

Thank you guys for participating it really was fun to answer and see your guy's questions even if I did die writing this! Sorry for any grammar mistakes! I'm probably not going to fix it!

MUCH LOVE!!!!!