"Today we mourn the people we lost.

Because they went before their time.

Today we remember the brave men and women,

The great beasts who fought to protect us all.

Today we weep for what was taken from us.

We remember our loved ones, our cherished friends." Nate's deep voice echos in the silence, breaking at the end.

I clench my fists drilling a hole in the ground with my glare as if, if I try hard enough I'll be able to get across, to the other side of the world. People are sniffling and crying around me and my skin burns in disgust.

What the hell am I doing here ?

I feel Leila reach to squeeze my hand and it feels as if she electrocuted me, I fight to stay put and not pull my arm away. When I lift my gaze to look at her her lips are trembling, her eyes full of tears as she watches me waiting for any kind of reaction.

After I broke down yesterday when the battle ended I put everything into getting a hold of my emotions, bottling them up and waiting. Waiting to be alone. Waiting for time the pass, waiting for the pain to fade. Waiting to get out of this place. Leila convinced me to come to the memorial they were holding. At first I didn't intend to come, but then I thought it might be a good idea.

It wasn't.

And the scared looks thrown my way, the angry hisses and curses at my name made me hesitate.

Ogon curls up its head in my neck and I caress absentmindedly its smooth golden feathers.

I came for him.

And for Marty.

We discovered his body hidden in a room one of the traitors occupied. The only thing that made it easier to breath by an inch was the fact that he didn't seem to have suffered. Lincoln clearly heard the preposterous convictions of his son during the fight and even though he apologized countless times I can't forgive him. He is the one responsible for his son's actions. He should have known better. I taught him better. How could he let him believe those insane stories ? Why didn't he stop him ? I have been debating with myself for hours now and I still can't make my anger subside.

For Leah.

She died protecting a younger fighter as two wolves and a vampire teamed up against him. They were about to lend the finishing blow when she interposed herself between them,successfully killing one of the wolves. She fought bravely but the two other opponents were too strong against her alone. No one had the time to reach them to help her before they killed her. But the young man she gave her life to protect survived.

For Ben.

I was shocked to learn that his mate actually killed him before Rob could do anything to protect him. The young vampire kept putting himself in between the two fighters, trying to protect her from harm's way but as the fight went on he got careless and she didn't wait to sever his head from his body, attacking him from behind. I didn't even realize I ended up killing her in my rage while I was in my wolf's form. Good. Riddance.

For Takeshi.

The man was killed by another of the traitors around the same time as Jared and as a few others I didn't really know when the men that sneaked into our ranks showed their true natures.

"They made a difference." The alpha solemnly continues and I grit my teeth.

Next thing you know he'll start to say that they are still with us somehow.

"They were family, a part of us, a part of our soul." I roll my eyes at that unable to contain my exasperation.

I can see the people around me start to step back as they feel the frustration filling my body, wave of impatience flowing in every direction. I look around me observing the people gathered, suspicious of everyone. There is nothing that proves that they weren't traitors too.

I still believe they should all disappear.

The alphas and betas of the other packs are gathered on my left, their heads bent low while the fighters are from every clan are mixed up on my right. Lastly the civilians who stayed inside with the pups are behind me, assembled in a small group. They are all crying in silence, embracing each other for support and I just want to leave. This is pathetic.

They are pathetic.

They survived. We went to battle, we fought, I killed the men responsible for this mess and we won. People died but what else do you expect from war. War is messy, war is unforgiving, war is hard. War is unfair and unreasonable. War is the product of men. War will never bring peace. Only war.

Cory is beside Nate, gripping his arm as she cries. For a second I question if she's really truly sad or if she's feigning it to cling to him. But I don't care. I don't care about him. I don't care about this pack and I sure as hell don't care for this stupid memorial.

The sooner I get out of here the better.

Nate keeps talking but I don't hear him, I don't listen anymore, I watch the large pictures behind him one by one, a young woman with deep blue eyes and red hair with freckles on her face from the Washington pack, an older man with an olive skin smiling at the camera timidly with dark gray eyes and brown hair from the Boston pack, a mermaid with beautiful green scales covering her body, a group photo of four vampires during a hunting trip.

I stop on Marthy's face for a while, watching his dimples show when he grins, his face covered in mud, one of his front teeth missing, his hair dishevelled, the light reflected in his brown eyes. The shadow of the next picture makes me shudder and I look at the other end of the line of photos. Takeshi looks away, the picture taken without him noticing it, his serious expression the same as I always saw him. On the next shot Ben is standing proudly with his father in front of their small tribe. And then there's the picture of Leah shyly looking away from the camera, she's wearing sweat pants and her hair is tied up as she readies herself to run, I recognize the day of the tournament. There are a dozen of other photographs with people in them, all standing immobile in their frames, sporting smiles, exuding happiness.

The crowd starts to get closer to Nate and the pictures and I can't take it anymore. I shake Leila's hand off of mine and walk back to the pack house, Ogon flying off of my shoulder in a swift motion to go stand on the were-coyote's.

I need to get ready.

I'm stepping over the threshold when an arm pulls me to a stop. The hand is cold and small, but the grip is firm and the sharp nails digging into my skin.

"This is all your fault." Cory growls in a venomous tone and I don't interrupt her. "You should have never come here. You brought them here. These deaths are on you." She glares as I turn to look at her.

She frowns as I don't react but keeps going.

"I knew you were a monster. I knew you would bring us misfortune. I hope you're happy now. You don't deserve to be here. You are a monster who shouldn't exist. I never trusted you and this pack will never trust you either." She stops her eyes shining yellow. "Leave before someone else dies because of you." She spits angrily and I extract myself from her grasp, rolling my eyes as I walk away.

I reach my room without any new interruption, looking around the place one last time. I open my large suitcase on the ground and start throwing stuff inside of it carelessly. My different shirts and pants, the coat I stole during our trip, the different pictures and artefacts I took. I take my old knife from the dresser and throw it in too without looking over my shoulder to see where it lands. My luggage is filled to the brim, overflowing with cloths. I try to push the two sides together to close it, my grip on the metal tightening.

"Why won't this freaking stupid zipper work ?" I grumble.

I push and twist, I turn and kick but nothing happens. The piece of plastic won't do as I tell it to and I just stop trying. I bend on my knees to take the bag in my arms and as I stand up I throw it out the closed window shattering the glass in the process, thick pieces and smaller ones falling on the floor and leaving marks on the wood.

"There, problem solved." I announce dusting my hands off on my jeans.

I hear screams outside and people cursing again but I ignore it. I start filling the other smaller suitcase I have with my remaining belongings, glaring at it the entire time in warning, threatening it to end up like its old worn out buddy if it doesn't listen.

I am threatening inanimate objects, we're back to normal.

"Is everything okay in there ?" Nate inquires from the corridor but when I don't answer him he let's himself inside, stopping abruptly at the sight.

"What are you doing ? You can't leave." He says angrily, pulling my hands away from the second smaller bag still on the floor and taking the cloths out of it, throwing them back on the bed.

I simply repeat the process, putting the cloths in randomly and he gets them out again.

"Seriously stop that." He growls.

I don't care. I decide walking to grab my purse and keys. I don't need these things.

The room falls quiet just like my mind. My wolf hasn't talked to me since yesterday. I don't know what's wrong with it but for now I don't care. It'll start talking again eventually. It always does.

"Talk to me." I hear Nate murmur in a small voice but I only look inside my purse to make sure I at least got my sun glasses and some cash. "Please." He begs weakly with pleading eyes and the sight chars my insides uncomfortably.

I look straight into his eyes without feeling anything. I don't feel the bond, I don't feel the leather of my bag against my skin, I don't feel the air filling my lungs. I don't feel my heart beating. I don't feel sad or happy, angry or peaceful. I don't care to feel. Any of it.

I step toward the door, bored with this conversation but his body blocks my way out. There are three options here. 1- I go though the window, 2- he steps aside and nobody will get hurt, or 3- I go through him. I sigh and wait.

His hands reach for my face forcefully and I cringe. His hold keeps me in place compelling me to look at him. From this close I can see how tired he is, dark circles contouring his eyes, how defeated he feels, his shoulders slumped forward. His shaded green eyes look back at me full of mixed anger and sadness.

"Say Something." He orders me, shaking me a little but I close my mouth tightly. "Say it." He hisses.

"I need him to be here. I say harshly unable to pronounce the name. "I need him in my life but he isn't. He died, because of me. He died because I couldn't protect him. He had his whole life in front of him but it's all gone. And now I have to live with the fact that he'll never see this pack grow, he'll never laugh with the other fighters again, he'll never make funny faces when I tell him about my past, he'll never frown at my jokes. His heart will never beat again and this is all because of me. All of them are dead because of me. Marthy, Leah, Ben. This is all my fault. They didn't deserve to die. I can't just pretend it never happened. I can't forget that I broke so many lives. Because of me Marthy will never grow up, Nolan will never see his son again, Leah will never find her mate. Jared-" I choke on my words and bring my hand over my obstructed throat. "Jared will never see the world I wanted to show him." My voice breaks. "I can't stay here, I can't walk those corridors and pretend I don't hear their laughs, that I don't see their smiles when I close my eyes."

I can feel my heart breaking all over again in my chest, this pain more insufferable than any visible wound. I feel my eyes burning, a single tear rolling down my cheek. With his thumb Nate sweeps it gently away.

"I would give anything for them to be okay," I go on. "I would give my life for them to be happy without a second thought but this isn't going to happen. You are all going to grow up, to grow old and then you'll leave me. You'll die and I will be left alone once again. And it hurts. It hurts so much. Every time I have to say goodbye is a torture. I don't want that anymore. I can't go through it again. I just can't. I'm tired." I tell him desperate for him to understand. "So I'm leaving." I explain squaring my shoulders. "I'm going back to the way it was before. Before any of you mattered so much, before I did that stupid race. Before I met you."

"It wasn't your fault." He says calmly with a frown.

"Yes it was." I say vehemently. "Cory might be wrong about a lot of things but she's right about this. They died because of me. If I didn't exist none of this would have happened. They would be fine. If they didn't create me in the first place-"

"So what, you'd rather forget everything ? I don't care if you're different and neither does this pack." He cuts me.

"Yes they do." I nod.

"Leaving won't make anything disappear. Even if you spend your life running away, it will still hurt the same in the end."

"No it won't." I shake my head stubbornly.

"Just like you forgot about Liam ?" He questions and I stop breathing at the blow, my head spinning under the pressure of all the emotions struggling to surface.

"I-I don't." I stutter.

"It doesn't go away." He whispers calmly.

"How would you know ?" I bite back bitterly and his eyes flash full of hurt.

"Because I know what it means to lose people you cherish. I know how it feels to be unable to protect them." He glares at me.

And I understand. He lost his family before, he lost his pack members, and now, when he finally could rebuild himself, when he became even stronger, he lost them all over again. I am not the only one affected by Jared and the other's death.

"You have to let me leave." I beg pulling out of his hold, stepping back a few steps. "I can't watch over all of you, I can't lose anybody else. I won't." I refuse.

"You won't lose us." He insists.

"You are going to die." I state coldly.

"Everybody does."

"But that's the thing. I won't. I will live long after you're all gone, centuries after Rob and his family turn to stones. And even after that, I'll still be there. I'll always be there, all alone. It is so much harder to be the one left behind." I plead with my eyes for him to see things my way.

Nate frowns as he takes in my words, thinking on them for a minute.

"But I need you here." He refuses to listen.

"No you don't. You'll be fine. This pack is strong, the world you built today with the other clans will be your strength."

"So you'll just abandon me ?" He wants to know glaring at me.

"I'm not abandoning anyone. I'm going home so things can go back to normal. I'm doing what's right."

"You leaving this pack is wrong."

"You'll see, it's for the best." I try to convince him.

"Of course it's not." He scoffs.

We fall silent again, the both of us stuck on our decision.

"Please stay." He implores.

"I don't have a reason to stay."

"Stay for me." He persists.

"Why would you want me to-"

"Because I'm in love with you !" He shouts with bright white eyes and my breath catches in my throat. "I love you. Your eyes, your hair, your voice. I love to feel your skin against mine when I touch you." His fingers reach out to graze my arm sending electricity to my nerves before falling back to his side. "You reached so deep into my soul that I couldn't shake you off. You made me feel alive and strong, you challenged me and made me go past my limits, you taught me about patience and humility, you showed me the world I never knew existed outside of this territory. I fell in love with you the moment you got out of your car. You always get under my skin, I dream of you every night and want to spend every waking moment with you. Every time I finally see you I feel at home. When you're sad I want to gather you in my arms and protect you from everything and everyone else. I love your laugh and I want to be the one making you smile. Even when you get angry at me my entire body buzzes in exhilaration. My heart beats faster every time you look at me and stops when you smile. You are the air I need to breath."

I watch him my heart thundering in my ears, my soul expanding with every word he speaks.

"And I know you love me too." He murmurs

"What about your mate ?" I demand in a small voice, my resolve wavering.

"She stopped mattering the instant I met you. I may be supposed to love someone else but I never could love her like I love you. I know in my bones that you are the one for me. Even in a hundred years I'll still be loving you." He says in a soft husky voice and I shudder. "I choose you. I will always choose you."

Suddenly pain blasts through my heart, piercing it and tearing it apart. I bend over closing my eyes, my hand gripping at my chest. It burns and the world starts to turn on its axis. I look at my skin where the mark of the Sun is smoldering red. It goes back to normal as the pain slowly subsides. That's when I feel it, the bond, like a red string attached to my heart and spreading all around me, leading to Nate's heart. His sweet scent making me dizzy as my soul yearns for him more than ever before, begging me to reach to him. My breathing becomes difficult as I try to stay where I am and fight against the need I feel for him.

"Mine." He growls and my eyes shoot to his shining silvery gaze.

He's watching me in amazement.

"What ?" I choke in a trembling voice, tears in my eyes.

"Mine." He repeats closing the distance between us and pulling me to him.

His lips crash on mine hungrily as he tastes them, his hands roaming over my body as if to remember every thing they skid along of. My skin is ablaze with sensations I never felt before, every inch of flesh he touches under a charm, shocks of electricity passing through my chest and arms. I lose myself to his kiss, savoring his silent declaration of love. He stops and pulls me against his chest, his face resting in the crook of my neck inhaling deeply before sighing, his hold tightening on my back.

I start to shake in his arms, my throat constricted.

'Mate' My wolf talks again, coming from the meanders of my mind.

"How is that possible ?" He questions backing away a fraction and looking at me.

"You can feel the bond too ?" I ask grasping at his forearms for support as my legs suddenly become weak.

"Of course I can." He smiles radiantly taking my hand in his to place it over his hammering heart. "Can't you feel it ?" He questions with a frown as I concentrate on the vibrations of his chest as blood rushes through his veins.

"I do." I assure him. "I've always been yours. From the beginning, I was always yours. I just never thought you could be mine."

"What do you mean ?"

"You're not supposed to feel it."

"Of course I can feel my mate. Wait. You knew I was your mate before today ?"

"Yes." I sigh. "It's part of my curse."

"What curse." He growls aggravated.

'So overprotective.' My wolf coos.