*

I stood in front of the mirror and inspected myself. I rested my hands at my sides. I kept fiddling with the ruching on my dress. "It looks beautiful Jay." I glanced up to see my mother standing behind me. I smiled. "Yeah it does." I agreed. He phone rang. "It's your father." She said glancing down at her phone. "I'll be right back." She said and turned to walk out. My smile faded a bit when she walked out and I looked back at my reflection in the mirror. I took a deep breath. Jay you can do this. You love Will. You will marry Will and live happily ever after. It will all be fine. He will make a fine husband. I kept telling myself. "You make a beautiful bride sweetie." My granny came up and patted my shoulder. I smiled at her. She glanced around to make sure no one was around to hear. "Do you feel better now?" She asked. I nodded. No not really. I feel worse granny. I smiled. "Yes I feel fine." I answered. You feel fine. You feel fine. You feel fine. I repeated to myself.

"Take a deep breath. You've got this." Chelsea said from behind me. My eyes shot up to hers and tears welled up in my eyes. She wrapped her arms around my waist from behind and placed her cheek against my shoulder. This calmed me. I took a few deep breaths. My mind raced a million miles in reverse. I heard Ben's calm and steady voice in my ears. "Stay calm. You can do this. I know you're scared. I was scared the first time I had an emergent patient too. Think. What do you need to do?" I looked around the room and found the tubes. I took my light and opened the kids mouth. I peered inside. "His airway is swollen. I can't see anything." I said unsure of myself. Ben gave a slight nod. "What do you want to do?" I racked my brain for an answer. "Give him meds to try to bring down the swelling but in the mean time we need to intubate to help him breathe." Ben nodded in agreement. I picked up the tube and laryngoscope. I felt Ben move so he was standing over my shoulder. I moved the child's tongue to get visual on the cords. "Just like that. Perfect." Ben said as I slid the tube in. I smiled and took a deep breath. I did it. "I told you baby. I knew you could do it." He said and kissed my neck before moving away. I smiled. I took a deep breath feeling the memory wash over me. A tear slipped from my eye.

"What's wrong sweetie?" Will's mom and my mom said together. My eyes shot open. "Nothing. I'm fine." I said and painted on a smile. "The dress is beautiful. I think this is the one." I said looking back at it in the mirror. The dress really was beautiful. It was a sweet heart neckline with beautiful beading and then a fitted bodice with ruching and then it flared out around mid thigh. They both nodded in agreement. "I think this is your dress." Will's mom said with a grin. I smiled at her. "Alright it's decided. You ready to get out of it?" Mom asked. I nodded and stepped off the platform and followed the store consultant back to the dressing room and took it off and put my skirt and top back on. You love Will. You love Will. You love Will. I kept saying to myself. I walked back out into the shop floor where my mom, my granny, Will's mom, Chelsea, and Will's granny waited. We went up to the counter where we ordered the dress. It should be in in 3 weeks. "Alright dress is done. Wanna call the girls and have them meet us to start on bridesmaid dresses?" Chelsea asked. I nodded. "Yes please. I'll call Kim and Julia. Can you call Brooke and Margret?" Chelsea nodded pulling out her phone. I did the same and dialed my cousins' number. "Hey Kim! Wanna come out and meet me at David's Bridal in town? I figured we could go ahead and try and find yalls dresses...alright see you in 15." I said before hanging up. I dialed my college roommate from Freshman year. "Julia!! Want to come meet me and the girls at David's bridal? I figured we could go ahead and try to find yall's dresses...sounds good see you in 15." I said hanging up. We pulled up into the David's Bridal parking lot and waited until Chelsea got off the phone. "They're on the way." She said putting her phone up. I nodded with a smile. "Julia and Kim are on the way too." We got out of the car and walked towards the door for the girls to arrive. They all soon arrived and we went in to look around. After searching and trying on like 30 dresses I finally decided on some very simple but elegant long dresses with a sweetheart neckline. I ordered all 5 of them in my color aqua with a violet belt. Thankfully everything was coming together. I only had the flower girls dress and shoes to pick out. We ended the shopping day with lunch and drinks at Olive Garden. I drowned all of my doubts and uncertainty in wine.