Hello, readers.

Did you actually read the story? Or did you skip ahead to this chapter? A lot of you probably skipped. I know I would. 😆

But! If you read on from here, without having read the book, you will be spoiling it for yourself. Don't say I didn't warn you. 🖐

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By now, it's been a long time since I had the inspiration for this book. I knew I wanted to write a story about being a teenager living with the grief of having suffered a loss, as I was a young teenager when I lost my parents. But it wasn't until I broke up with a boyfriend, years later, that the story fell into place.

Ricky's character is partly inspired by that ex-boyfriend (self-medicating/substance abuse/father issues), partly by me (the loss of a parent after a long period of illness/hidden TBI), and partly completely made up.

In the case of Olivia, she is partially inspired by myself too (bullied/clumsy/sudden and dramatic loss of a loved one—and I started using glasses a while into writing the book too 🤓), but she's also partly inspired by one of my best friends (half Italian/photographer). The rest is, of course, created out of pure imagination.

I first started working on the story back in 2009 (on a different computer). Back then, 2004 wasn't that far off. Little did I know the cruel tricks life had in store for me, making it an immense challenge to reach the end of this writing journey.

This is a screenshot of an early document I still keep, dated December 2nd, 2009. The title is 'Historie forløb,' which translates as 'storyline.' You might be able to detect the bolder text at the very top reads 'September' and 'October' about halfway down.

When I started the book, I knew I wanted Olivia and Ricky to bond over having lost a loved one, as this was my main inspiration. But I thought it would be too dramatic to write about teenagers who had lost both parents—even if it's my story. Thankfully, the number of young people becoming orphans are limited.

To change things up a bit from myself, I decided Ricky should have lost his mother in a way similar to how I lost my father. The description of her in the hospital is based on my dad.

For Olivia, I took inspiration from the loss of my mother; a sudden car accident. But I didn't want both characters to have lost a parent, so I changed it to Olivia's brother. Though, as fate would have it, I lost a younger cousin, who was like a brother to me, while writing this book. And thus, giving me a very real perspective of what it's like to also lose someone dear from my own generation.

The book is dedicated to them. ❤️

At the beginning of writing the book, it went really well. I would get home from school, do homework, and then write into the early hours of the night, go to bed, get up after only a few hours of sleep, and get ready for school. Rinse and repeat.

But shortly after I started, my cousin began to show signs of mental problems, my grandfather became seriously ill, and I was run down on my bike, hitting my head so hard I was brought unconscious to the hospital and stayed for two weeks.

After that, my writing almost stopped. My grandfather passed away, my cousin was found dead, and I could not keep up in school or at home. My life was chaos. I dropped out after being diagnosed with a depression, and tried starting school again after half a year. But nothing changed. I still couldn't keep up with my lessons; even dropping more and more classes didn't help. Especially because I started getting panic attacks when there were too many people around me.

Finally, my aunt approached me, mentioning the possibility that I was struggling because of a hidden traumatic brain injury. My doctor sent me to a psychiatrist, who asked me the same kind of questions the psychiatrist asked Ricky in the story. And just as with Ricky, his conclusion was clear and immediate. I had a TBI.

Now, not only had the details of losing what felt like a brother become a reality for me during my writing, but also the TBI. (And, because of course, I also lost my second grandfather three days after entering the Paid Stories program.)

My writing has never returned to how it was in the beginning. Every chapter has been slow and hard-won. But I made it. I finally succeed in my efforts after ten trying years. 💪

Did I expect the story to become so long and take so many years to finish when I first started writing? Heck no. And it hasn't always been a joyful journey. But I had to continue. There was no giving up for me because the story wouldn't get out of my head and leave me alone. Seriously, these characters have continuously been roaming around in my head, at all hours, for years and years.

But that's the funny thing. Having had the story in my thoughts for such a long time, little details kept popping into my head, elements that would tie the characters and their individual stories together, making for one cohesive storyline. I was able to drop subtle hints for things to come, long before they would be revealed. And I love that. (Roxie's makeover suggestion in chapter two is a foreshadowing.) So, in that sense, it hasn't been all bad that it's taken me so long to complete the novel. Though, I will admit, there have been times when I wished someone else could come in and take over because I just wanted the story to be done with already.

Over the years, the book has gone through several title changes as well. Here, on Wattpad, it's been titled 'Loser' and 'The Broken Heart Syndrome,' before finally landing on 'Olivia & Ricky's Odyssey to Rock Bottom.' The funny thing is, in the beginning, I was very set on giving the book a one-word title. I obviously didn't stick with that. 😂

When I first started writing, my chapters were also a hell of a lot longer. Chapters 1-67 used to be only 18 chapters. I know. 👀

These are the original chapters from before discovering Wattpad. As you can see, I've kept part of some titles to this day, using them as inspiration for the titles appearing in the finished book.

Originally, the story started with a flashback instead of a flashforward. I, of course, never deleted the original prologue, and it is, in fact, now the first part of chapter 111. Bye, Mamma, though I ended it differently back then - more dramatic.

"... A couple of weeks later, there was a call from the hospital. Elizabeth's condition had worsened severely, and if they wished to see her one last time, they needed to come immediately. They hadn't made it. His mother's body had given up, and she had died alone in the hospital. From that day onwards, Ricky's life took a dramatic turn."

Regarding the ending, I always wanted to end with the event in chapter 114. Sorry—not that I knew the story would be 114 chapters long at that time.

Personally, I know what happens beyond the last chapter. And, in the end, I decided to compromise with myself and give you just a little more to be hopeful about with the epilogue. Though, I still stuck to the premise of chapter 114, not giving you a full answer to what the future holds for Olivia and Ricky. Some of you might dislike this, others might love that you can make up your own ideas about what will eventually happen to them, and I'm okay with both. 😊

That said, I know the continuation of their story, and in my head, it doesn't end here. The real ending, as I call it, ties Ricky's story into a nice bow. He is, in fact, the real main character and center of the story.

I have been thinking of writing this next and final part of the story, but should I choose to do so, it will not be ready for quite a while. So, for now, I hope you are happy with the journey I've brought you on. With all its ups and downs.

And once again—because I can never say this enough—thank you so incredibly much for reading, voting, and commenting on this story. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and spent some time in the company of my characters. I am forever grateful that you gave me and my book a chance. ❤️

/Maria Jo

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Should you have any questions regarding the book and/or characters—or me, I guess 🤔—feel free to ask away. I will try my best and answer them here. 😊

Do Ricky and Olivia get back together and eventually marry? – by

Yes. I'm not saying they will get a happy ever after, but they will become a family and have kids.

What is it that Olivia's parents know about Ricky? – by

Aha! This is my Pulp Fiction "What's in the briefcase?"-moment. It is the truth behind the rumor that Ricky killed someone.

William has access to Ricky's criminal record through his job as District Attorney - even the sealed ones. Therefore, he knows the reason why Ricky was kicked out of school and sent to boarding school in Switzerland.

Toward the end of 7th grade, Ricky completely lost control and beat up a kid so severely (Bradley, mentioned in chapter 112) that he landed in the ICU, and was diagnosed with a critical traumatic brain injury. (That's why I made the small comment by the end of chapter 94 about karma being a bitch. 😉) - A kid who can do that is not someone William wants his daughter involved with.

Why did Gabriela hate Olivia so much? – by

It really comes down to her being incredibly petty and holding grudges. Gabriela felt Olivia deliberately humiliated her in front of the whole school during the Start of Term Quiz on their first day at St. Aquinas. So, she's been getting revenge by humiliating Olivia in return ever since. It's as simple and awful as that.

Did Ricky ever like Claudia more than just fuck buddies? – by

No. There were never any romantic feelings in it for him. He liked her well enough, and she was sweet to him, but Ricky had his guards up. Had he not been so protective of his secret, they might have been more than just friends with benefits. I don't see them lasting very long, though, as they're too alike and would constantly get into hotheaded arguments.

Who snitched on Ricky, accusing him of raping Joey? – by

Who else but the Amelia's. 😕 Misinterpreting what they'd seen in the hotel hallway, they each went to Correll (that's why one of them was waiting in the front office).

Does Ricky still get money from his dad because of that contract he signed? – by

Yes. The contract is only made void if and when the secret were to come out.