"You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness"

—that one song that's always stuck in my head even tho I never listen to it. (Somebody that I used to know)

I really like that quote cuz there's something about it that's really relatable. If u really think about it it's just so true. Like sometimes i get this strange feeling like I want to be sad. I'm just in the mood to be sad all alone in a cocoon. I just really want to read a sad story and watch a sad movie and listen to a sad song in my big sweater and blanket burrito with some chocolate. And it makes me cry and breaks my heart. But it makes me happy? Well no, not happy, cuz I'm sad, but it's just kind of comforting I guess. There's something about it that I like. Like when u eat soup that's a bit too hot on a cold day and it burns ur tongue just a little bit but u can feel it warm up ur belly. It hurts but something about it is just so satisfying. Maybe it's because you're letting everything out and it's relieving cuz u just let go of all ur stress and emotions and cry it out without really addressing the problem. Or maybe it's because it's fictional and u know that if it ever gets too painful u could just stop. We never get to experience that in real life. When something sad happens we have to just deal with it. But in a story or movie or song, when it's over we go back to real life and everything is ok again. No matter how sad it is, you're never truly hurt in the end. Of course, sometimes a story can be emotionally scarring, but it's not the same as getting hurt in real life. There's always an end to a story, but in life the pain never really leaves, you just get over it. And sometimes u don't. In stories you feel pain but don't get hurt. Irl you do. So stories give u an entirely different perspective, you can experience the emotions without ever really having any injuries inflicted upon u. You can watch from a safe distance. Like watching a disaster strike from far away. You can see it happening, you're sad and petrified and you sympathize for the victims and the victim's family (let the references begin), but you never truly experience first hand trauma. You feel pain, but don't get hurt. No injuries, physical or emotional. You can turn around and it will all be ok again. Stories let us see these things happen and feel the pain but never truly get hurt. And I guess in a way it's addictive. It feels nice and comforting and cozy and safe, so you keep coming back to it. It's safe and sad all at once, and it's an entirely different feeling all together and it's kind of beautiful. So yeah, you can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness. It's the safest kind of sadness. Because no matter how heart breaking, there's always the comforting fact that you can always turn back.