So I was tagged by I don't remember who to write 13 facts about myself so here we go

1. When I was a kid (I think kindergarten or grade 1. Idek) I had a crush on this guy and I was at my cubbie/locker thing and I couldn't reach my shoes. And he passed by and I asked him for help and he said "get it urself" so I was like oh ok fuck u. And I just went on my tip toes and got my shoes cuz I didn't need him, I was an independent five year old and it didn't phase me at all.

2. I no longer have this attitude my five year old self had. I am an emotional wreck.

3. I think that feeling vulnerable and helpless is the worst feeling in the world. I'd much rather feel anything but vulnerable. It makes me want to crawl in a hole and disappear.

4. I absolutely hate crying in front of anyone bc it makes me feel vulnerable and, as mentioned, I hate that feeling.

5. I repress my feelings all the time. Whenever someone tries to talk about my feelings I use sarcasm and jokes as a defence mechanism. It's not even on purpose, I just automatically start making jokes until the subject changes. I repress my feelings so much that half the time idek what I'm feeling.

6. Not wanting to talk about my feelings is also bc I don't like feeling vulnerable.

7. Sometimes when I feel uncomfortable or nervous I start laughing uncontrollably. This usually happens at the most unfortunate times.

8. I feel v uncomfortable when trying to comfort ppl. And since I laugh in awkward situations, I sometimes find it hard to surpress my smile when comforting a sad person. It's not that I feel happy, I just don't know how to react.

9. I lose track of time v easily, so I'm late quite often. Unfortunately, being late makes me extremely stressed and I nearly have a panic attack b4 school when I'm very late.

10. Once I actually had a panic attack before school. I was extremely late and I had forgotten my uniform, and u could get in a lot of trouble for that. And my mom was yelling about smt and I just started crying and hyperventilating. It wasn't fun.

11. I hate it when ppl look over my shoulder when I'm drawing/writing. It stresses me out and I feel like they're invading my personal space. I feel like I can't continue until they leave. The worst is when they make comments like CAN U JUST LEAVE.

12. I hate when ppl look at my sketch book or ask to hear what music I'm listening to. Cuz my music and drawings express how i feel in a way I can't explain and if I show u one of them, it's bc we're close and I trust u and feel comfortable enough to show u. I feel really uncomfortable and vulnerable when ppl do this. I especially hate it when they don't get the lyrics or what I'm drawing cuz they obviously don't know me well enough to understand my deep thoughts and that's kinda why I didn't want them to see/listen in the first place. I'm kinda worried they won't understand.

13. I feel fine.

...

Well that was a lot more depressing than I thought it'd be...

Achievement unlocked: u guys now know more about me than my friends irl.

Anyway, I tag:

(as usual)