| YOONGI

-

"thank you for your time yoongi, see you next week!"

shyly, yoongi smiles back waving his goodbye to namjoon before exiting the clinic.

breathing in the busy city air was refreshing. when yoongi had first began visiting namjoon, he would go to the other's house instead of the actual clinic- rather late actually to escape those hours when there were lots of people. only because back then yoongi's nerves had got the best of him.

but since then, namjoon has been working with the other to try to help him as best as he can and it is making a dramatic change.

adjusting his beanie that was slowly falling off, yoongi stepped onto the train preparing to get home for the night, his scuffed dr martens slowly drying off in the warmth of the bus.

arriving home was an easy task, a simple block of flats in the heart of seoul and a short train journey to destinations around him.

"i'm home," he breathed, inhaling the scent of a familiar dish as he took off his shoes at the door to dry before walking through into the open kitchen.

home, it was a lovely word, one that yoongi enjoyed using. yes, his home may not be huge, it is only a small apartment but it was home for yoongi.

he was greeted with a huge smile from hoseok and a kiss on the lips as the taller leant over the breakfast bar. "hey! welcome home, how'd it go today?"

home was here, with hoseok in their cozy apartment.

"it went well, i think. i feel better after talking." returning the smile, yoongi gazed over at the man who was currently humming along to the song playing on his speaker, swaying his hips to the beat softly.

"i'm glad yoongi."

-

yoongi left college three years ago and came to study music over in seoul so he could be closer to hoseok.

now, jimin moved back to his hometown shortly after his last year of college but came to visit yoongi at least twice a month along with his new boyfriend jeon jungkook, a shy kid but very good for jimin. seokjin also had decided to live in seoul, him and taehyung never really ended up dating but yoongi knew they had something going on. along with his two best friends he had met a whole group of other people over the past years and this was a huge achievement.

after moving, yoongi gave up on internet friends and along with namjoon's help he had slowly pulled away his emotional attraction to worrying and crying over people who never stuck and now he is feels almost happy.

his gaze wanders over to his boyfriend who was currently sat comfortably across the sofa, his legs threw over yoongi's lap and eyes watching intently the screen of the television.

the lighting in the room wasn't great yet yoong could certainly make out hoseok's perfect features, half his face glowing of his natural melanin skin and the other half lighter from the light intensity of the screen yet he was still bare faced and beautiful. hoseok enjoyed doing makeup and soon, still keeping his hobby of dancing alive, he decided to go down the makeup artist route simply because of his skills when he was playing around with jin's makeup one day.

yoongi protested a lot of the time but still let hoseok do his makeup from time to time with the exception of a few messy makeup wipes and a cuddle.

hoseok's mental state had changed drastically also, his happiness seemed real this time, no more fake smiles and yoongi couldn't be prouder. both of them were working on their own happiness and improving well with the help of namjoon.

"hey hoseok, i love you."

hoseok removed his eyes from the screen and turned his full attention to yoongi, "i love you too?"

" i just felt the need to remind you," and hoseok let out a breathy laugh at this statement.

"yoongi i love you."

-

"remember when i kissed you for the first time here?" hoseok asks squeezing yoongi's hand lightly as they walked along the soft grass.

"of course i do."

they both stop to look at the sky, hands clasped tightly together stood in the same spot they had stood all those years ago.

"remember the promise we made?"

"yeah?"

hoseok turns to look yoongi in the eyes, his own sparkling, "we did it, we've come this far and we have stuck to this promise."

yoongi smiles, so big it's almost blinding, "we're alive hoseok."

"we're alive!" hoseok shouts over the hill down to the city below. "c'mon yoongi shout it."

"hoseok- i-"

"we're alive!"

and finally yoongi shouts, letting his voice be known, "we're alive!"

he then proceeds to grab hoseok's face in his hands, pulling the taller's lips to his own.

that's when it happened.

he took hoseok's hands in his own with clammy hands and slowly lowered himself to one knee, removing one hand to grab the velvety box out of his coat pocket and open it to reveal a silver band.

"hoseok, i'm shit with words, you know this but i know that you are indeed the most precious person in my life and have been for years now. six years ago we made a promise on this hill but now i hope that you will promise me to spend the rest of your life with me?"

"no."

"hoseok-"

"i'm kidding you stupid loveable fuck, of course i'd say yes!"

after a kiss yoongi asked a question that at first would be a stupid thing to ask, "what do you feel?"

"i feel fucking alive."

"me too."

glassy eyes and teary but happy smiles took place as the sun was beginning to set to end a memorable day.

-

you know sometimes i will come back on here just to look at our old messages

it's refreshing

it is

thank you for messaging me back then

you have changed my life

i'm so fucking happy

i can't tell you how many times i had suicidal thoughts

it hurt so badly

i feel so safe with you

you are my own personal cheerleader

you were always there

on my bad days

you were there on mine

i will always be beside you

literally

you will have to get a restraining order on me if u ever decide to leave me for a younger hotter guy

fuck off like anyone is hotter than you

;)

apart from you babe

it's surreal to think we met on the internet

i'm glad you didn't give up on everything back then

as we're both preparing for our big day

it's so wierd to think we both almost were not here to live to see this big step in our lives

*weird

fuck

you still make spelling mistakes to this day

of course

but seriously i'm happy i lived this long

i've always wanted to get married

i'm glad i bought that ring at the last minute

i bet ur gonna look hot tomorrow

i always do

okay

fuck you

i couldn't be serious with you it didn't feel like us

ok true

hey

i love you

so fucking much

like i hate the tradition were the groom can't see his love before the wedding

cause i want you in bed with me right now

;)

u sound like a fuckboy

but when do you now

and for the record

i love you so fucking much too

-

sometimes in life happiness is hard to find.

both yoongi and hoseok knew that.

yet they survived and found happiness in each other.

everyone finds happiness on the long and bumpy road known as life.

there will be twists and turns but only you can decide whether you want to give up finding a way out and rot there or drag yourself up and turn around and leave.

it is hard, it really is but sometimes the bad shit comes first before the good comes you have to be patient.

you can overcome it, i believe in you.

stay strong.

-

.

-

a/n woW this was a rollercoaster to write. thank you so much for sticking with me till the end. unlike fanfics which decide to give a character a mental illness, sometimes they do not truly understand how to portray the feelings properly.

this fanfiction is very special to me and hits home very hard.

i wrote this as a long ass life story then decided to turn it into a fanfic, unlike yoongi and hoseok i still haven't been able to secure closure yet the ending is really what i do hope to achieve. simply happiness.

both hoseok and yoongi have traits of myself which is why this fanfiction was rather hard to write in a way. it also includes insights of very terrible events in my life but i'm glad i have gotten it out for the world to read and understand the mind of someone who does suffer from these ugly mental illnesses.

i sincerely hope you enjoyed this story and i do hope it inspires some people to carry on because sometimes happiness takes a while to arrive.

stay strong and i will see you in the next one ♡

- 🐝