| YOONGI

-

the inability to be happy was horrible.

yoongi knew the cold, harsh feeling of sadness extremely well although he would never exclaim this to anyone.

what was the point?

the only thing at the moment that was holding yoongi's life together was the thought of finishing college and finally producing his own music without anyone standing in his way. he had goals and dreams that he had dedicated his life to and it would just be a waste to throw all that hard work away.

trying to overcome this feeling however, was a goal that he had yet to achieve. he didn't know when or how he would manage to pull through but every inch of his body hoped that he could and the only person who had his back in this moment was jimin.

he sensed jimin's presence lingering outside the bathroom feeling as though yoongi was going to try something. He really didn't blame him, if he was in jimin's place he would do the same. knowing exactly how nerve wracking the situation can be.

yoongi just wished that he could sleep, sleep on the cold, hard bathroom floor and forget everything. his goals were the thing keeping that small will to stay alive- well alive.

now, yoongi hadn't heard from hoseok for a couple of days. he had shrugged it off as he was used to it, he shouldn't be but he was. people came and went every day of his life.

all the happiness that others had spread in his messages only for that solid week before they disappeared onto a quest of finding better people to talk to and enthuse with, never knew just how much that message could have an impact on yoongi's life.

for yoongi, it took a long time to grasp the feeling of trust and warming up to someone was very hard and emotionally draining. he didn't understand why of course but it did make him come off as moody and cold, he was neither but no one stuck around long enough to find out leaving the poor boy behind.

crying was also a common part of his daily routine. as soon as his bag hit the floor of his home, choked sobs would escape his lips and he would carry on wondering why he was doing so bad in the world for living on it literally for such a short period of time.

he couldn't help the coldness that he had shown so why couldn't people just realise that it takes time for him. yoongi wasn't bubbly and certainly not confident so he understood why people moved on and found themselves properly.

hoseok enthused with him over this issue.

but he went and did the same as everyone else.

-

"hoseok open this door!"

fists were banging against the wood that was holding strong as a barrier between the broken hoseok that lay emotionless on his bed and taehyung who was determined to get in.

now, unwanted was a common feeling that drifted around in hoseok's mind. he didn't want to distance himself from anyone and he even went as far as making a promise to himself to not do that yet here he was lying face down on his bed, cried out and unhappy.

things aren't always perfect. they never are.

hoseok was a sunshine and had to maintain his role at college day in day out to support his friends with happiness and make them forget about whatever worries they had. but he just couldn't do it anymore.

that fake cheery aura that he carried on his back, trying his hardest to make his friends happy and smile was hard. it was very hard.

and to keep up this act constantly was so difficult that hoseok found himself collapsing in the cafeteria, his friends not knowing what to do because this had never happened before.

he got told to take a couple of rest days and take a break from work and college but those few days turned into two weeks worth of a reappearance of the duo- exasperation and tiredness.

the sickness was getting worse. It wasn't physical- it was mentally. It hurt, it hurt so fucking bad to keel over int he bathroom every day, phone clutched tightly in one hand feeling so alone and broken that it was slowly killing his mind and his thought train completely stopped, he didn't need it anymore. he was never going to succeed in anything. every relationship he had managed to get into faded away in so little time due to his helplessness.

he wanted help, he wanted help so badly that he had tried everything, from online courses to telephone calls to suicide lines late into school nights where he found himself powerless and oh so alone.

"hoseok, please, i'm begging you. open the door."

this had happened before. no one noticed hoseok's pain, he masked it everyday with a blinding smile and well rehearsed lines that convinced everyone he was okay. as soon as the door closed after college, well that was when it slowly consumed every inch of his body, clawing and gnawing at his mind. only taehyung managed to notice after he caught hoseok in the kitchen, a pile of pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

he slapped both out of his hyung's hand, pulling the emotionless elder to the floor with him. the shards of glass cut up taehyung's legs but he didn't care. because if it meant he saved someone's life, then that was an even more painful experience than the deep cuts on both his legs.

hoseok yelped apology after apology, as taehyung sat there cradling him. it all happened so fast.

now, taehyung was stood outside hoseok's locked bedroom door, feeling sick to his stomach incase the thoughts had gotten to hoseok before taehyung.

-

i knew you'd get bored eventually

i'm very boring and uninteresting

i know

i hope you succeed with everything hoseok

goodnight

-

a/n yikes