You were awake in your bed, unable to sleep or even get up and stretch. After Alex left, the night went on with more drinks, food, and laughter. You joined in on the fun, but a part of yourself couldn't get over what Alex had done. Why did he do that? What was going on in his mind? Is he even thinking about what he did at all?

You groaned in annoyance and closed your eyes. Why has everything been so complicated recently? 'Well that would be false...things became complicated ever since I met Alexander.' Ever since you met him, basically ever since you stepped foot into the city, Alex has made you question almost everything about yourself. How you feel, how you think, what you do. It is all entangled in Alexander Hamilton. You knew that your feelings were starting to increase, and that they were surely not going away any time soon.

And after tonight, you could see that something else was going on inside of that complex brain of his. 'Is he confused as I am? Does he face this inner turmoil as I do?' You sighed deeply. You would probably never know an answer to these questions. All of these unsolved questions were beginning to wear you out mentally. "What time is it?" You turned to the window and groaned. The darkness outside was beginning to fade to a light grey. You weren't even aware of how long you had been lost in thought.

"Well," you sat up and stretched "there is no time like the present. Time to get up." You stood and made your bed, grabbing some clothes and a shaver to go take a shower...

-----------

After the shower you had felt refreshed and much better. You had quickly gotten dressed, read for an hour or two, and then went out for some early breakfast. It was surprising how many restaurants were open so early in the morning. You were currently taking a stroll through the city, heading towards a park nearby. You had come to the conclusion that being busy helped ease your mental state quite a lot.

The city was finally beginning to rise, workers and carriages slowly filling the city with noise. You reached the park and went a long, taking in all of the beautiful aromas of the nature around you. You smiled at fond memories of you and your siblings running through the woods and playing tag. You were actually very fond of the wilderness. You liked being secluded, surrounded by its beauty and in tune with all of the little noises you could catch. You used to walk in the woods all of the time until...

Your heart grew heavy. You wondered if mother and your siblings still thought about you, or if father would even let them talk about you. Most likely not, seeing that you haven't received a letter from anyone.

You smiled fondly, imagining everyone at home. Your little brothers would most likely still be getting into trouble, your sweet sister still staying far away from it. Your mother would still be as busy as a bee, fleeting all over the house doing this and that.

You even allowed yourself to think of your busy father...no doubt still working hard at his business. You spotted a park bench and decided to take a break. God, you missed them. Despite all that happened, you missed them. Greatly.

'But nothing can change what's happened'. You sighed deeply. "Oh well..ah I'm being such a hypocrite!" You scolded yourself. "I need to start focusing on the present." You straightened yourself up and started looking at the things around you.

Your sad heart was beginning to lighten up again at the faint chirps and rustling of life all around you. You let out a puff of air. "Ah yes, this is lovely..."

———————-

After spending time in the park, you decided to walk back to your apartment. "God above, I never realized how out of shape I was." You chuckled to yourself as you climbed the stairs. You gripped onto the railing and kept pulling yourself along. "Maybe a walk in the park was over-doing it a bit-." "Y/N!"

You looked up to see Alex waiting by your apartment door. "Alex?" He smiled politely. "Hello." Something in his eyes were making you uneasy. He looked almost...hyper aware of himself at the moment. You could sense his own tenseness and the way he looked as if he were thinking a thousand things in this one moment.

You returned the smile. "Hello. Can I ask why the sudden visit? Although, they're starting to become more frequent." You laughed at your own joke and moved Alex aside to unlock your apartment. Alex chuckled nervously behind you.

You moved inside and set your keys on the desk. You turned back to Alex. "Now, is there something you want?" You were surprised to see Alex just slightly closer than what you had imagined. He seemed to be looking at you, but all together not truly seeing you. It was starting to make you nervous.

You placed a hand on his arm. "Alex, are you alright?" You saw him flinch away from the contact. You frowned. 'What has happened to him?'. "Alex, you're starting to worry me. Your mind seems to be all over the place today." You made him look at you. "What is bothering you?"

Alex opened, then shut his mouth. "It's nothing, dear friend. It's just work that I'm stressing over." Something within yourself felt this was a lie, but you weren't wishing to push the subject, so you didn't acknowledge it. "Alright...well I would still like to know the pleasure of this visit?"

Alex smiled. "Well, I've been invited to go to the Schuyler mansion for a day, and I was hoping you would come along with me?" Thoughts of a giddy Eliza filled your head. You had certainly not forgotten her love sick eyes for Alexander. Did you really want to be around that all day?

"While that sounds very charming, don't you think that it would be sort of rude for me to show up un-invited?" Alex shook his head. "Oh no, absolutely not. The girls have actually been wanting to see you again badly." You cocked a brow. That was interesting news.

You most certainly enjoyed their company, but you had no idea the feeling was mutual. Still, thinking of Eliza made you nervous. "Oh I don't know Alexander-." "It's Alex, and please say yes! It will be fun!"

You looked at him for a moment, then decided. "Oh alright then. I have nothing else to do anyways." Alex smiled. "Perfect. Oh, and ah, grab that nice [whatever color you like] coat. You look rather dashing with it on." Alex paused and smiled at you, then made his way out the door.

'Did he just call me...dashing?' You slowly smiled, grabbed the coat, and quickly joined Alex outside...

———-TIME SKIP——-

The carriage ride was shorter than you remembered, yet the mansion was still just as beautiful. Suddenly your coat and simple suit didn't feel grand enough to be wearing. "I can never get over this places beauty." You mentioned to Alex as you both stepped out of the carriage.

Alex laughed. "Yes, well it is quite beautiful." You followed his lead and ascended the lovely steps. "Mr.Schuyler! Hello? I've come to stop by!" Alex called out into the house loudly. His voice echoed into the high ceiling. You smacked his arm. "Alex, you shouldn't call out like that! This isn't your home." Alex gave out another laugh and smiled at you. "I've been here enough times for this to be my home, y/n."

Your stomach turned just a bit. He frequented here? How close were he and Eliza then? 'You honestly must stop doing this to yourself Y/N.'

"Alexander? Why hello my dear boy!" The man who you recognized as Mr.Schuyler approached Alex with a firm handshake.

His gaze turned to you and brightened even further. "I remember you as Y/N, correct?" You smiled and shook his hand. "Yes sir. And I apologize for showing up un-invited, Alex insisted that I came along and-." "Ha! Your southern hospitality shines as bright as a candle son. Please, don't fret a moment more over that. You are welcome here!"

Alex gave you a superior look, and you sent him a playful glance right back. "Come you boys, we have just set up dinner and you must join us! The girls will be so thrilled to see you." Mr.Schuyler quickly swept you and Alex down the hall, and towards the dining room.

Every turn you took made your head spin just a bit. 'How can someone live in a house this large?' You nodded to Mr.Schuyler "You have a lovely home Mr.Schuyler." He puffed out his chest proudly, and you faintly remembered the same stance at the ball. "Thank you! Nothing but the best for my family." You nodded a long. You all neared the doors of the dining room and stepped inside.

All three girls were sitting around a lovely table, draped in fine cotton and decorated with the most expensive looking plates you had ever seen. "Look who came to stop by!" The girls all stood and welcomed us with great delight. You kissed each of their hands and gave them brief hugs. "Y/N! I am so glad you've decided to visit us again. We were talking about you just the other day." Peggy spoke, leading you and Alexander to the table.

"Peggy, don't say it like that! You'll give him the idea that we were gossiping about him." Angelica scolded. "Oh, no I wasn't thinking that at all." You cut in. Angelica nodded and smiled. "Good." Eliza looked up at Alex and smiled. "And how are you, Alexander?" Alex, already digging into his meal, shrugged nonchalantly. "I have gotten a lot of paperwork lately, catching up on some reading. Oh, and I have also taken a recent interest in horse back riding." You watched Eliza exhale just slightly and smile even wider. "That's fascinating." You turned away and decided to just focus on your food.

"Horses? How interesting, I never thought of you as the riding type?" Mr.Schuyler waved his fork at Alex. Alex nodded. "Well it certainly took me by surprise when I discovered I actually enjoyed it. Its extremely exhilarating." Peggy perked up. "Oh yes, I also enjoy riding. Our horses here are the best here upstate, right daddy?" Mr.Schuyler chuckled. "Peggy, don't brag my love. However I wont deny that they are quiet good." Alex laughed. "Then I will take your word on it." The whole table laughed.

"Oh! Speaking of horses, do you remember the terrible storm we had the other week?" You could see Alex tense. No one else seemed to pick up on it. He smiled tightly. "Yes, I do actually." Mr.Schuyler nodded. "Well the storm blew all the stables open, and then as if that weren't enough, the damn thing tore a hole through the building!" Alex raised his eyebrows. "That is unfortunate." Mr.Schuyler scoffed. "It was more than unfortunate. We are still rebuilding it and i've had to buy two new stallions! Can you believe it?" Alex shook his head.

"What did you do during the storm?" Eliza looked at Alex fretfully. Alex was silent for a moment. You could see his hesitation. Finally, he looked up and over at me, and plastered on a fake smile. "Actually, Y/N helped me through it. A few of my windows broke and he quickly came and got me." Everyone at the table looked to you. You nodded, not breaking eye contact. "Yes, I did."

Eliza smiled at you. "How sweet of you!" You turned and smiled at her. "Oh, it was really nothing." 'He lied. I don't blame him, what he experienced...I wouldn't desire to share it either.' Conversation quickly picked back up at the table, but your attention drew back to Alex. He was looking down at his plate. Suddenly, as if he sensed your gaze, he lifted his head and looked straight back at you. 'Its alright' you tried to communicate 'I understand, and I'm sorry for what you had to go through. It's alright.' Alex smiled softly. A warmness pooled in your chest, and you smiled back...

------------

Dinner was soon over, and the ladies were now showing you and Alex around. Again and again the house kept surprising you. Embarrassingly, you were starting to envy the Schuyler sisters. After showing us most of the house, you all went and settled in the study. "Amazing, what an impressive house." You smiled at them. Angelica sat down on one of the cushioned seats. "Thank you. Please, take a seat." You gladly sat down, leaning back into the soft cushion. "You know I must admit, I am a tad envious of your living situation." You winked at Peggy and laughed. The sisters all laughed. Alex smirked. "Oh, so am I. With this many books," he gestured to the large study, all of the wall space covered in many books, "I would be in paradise."

"Well, you can have them. I've never cared for books." Peggy chuckled. Angelica gave a warning look to Peggy. Everyone drifted in and out of conversation, a comfterable silence settling in now and again. You started to notice Eliza looking at you, and you couldn't tell why. It had been going on for a while, and you were starting to get nervous.

Finally, after a few minutes, Eliza spoke up. "Y/N, may I speak to you for a moment?" Now you were extremely worried. 'Could she know something? Can she tell what I am thinking?' Instead of saying of that aloud, you simply said "Of course." You both excused yourselves and went out into the hall. Eliza shut the doors to the study, and turned back to you. "Come this way for a moment." She said, leading you a god distance from the doors. You both didn't say anything. Eliza was looking at you nervously, and you couldn't take it anymore. It was disturbing. "Are you alright?" Eliza bit her lip. "Yes, I just needed to ask your advice on something." You raised a brow. 'Not what I was expecting, but ok.'

"Sure, what could I help you with?" Eliza took a deep breath, looked back at the study, then back at you. "I want to marry Alexander." Everything in your body froze. Everything seemed to slow down exponentially, and you could barely hear a thing. You felt nauseous. Shocked. Sad. Scared. 'She couldn't have just said that.' You blinked. "I-I'm sorry, can you repeat what you just said?" Eliza smiled bashfully. "I have been considering it for a while, but I am sure now. I want to marry Alexander." You felt like screaming. Your whole world just broke and came down, and was now crushing your lungs.

Eliza smiled and reached out to touch your arm. It took everything in you not to flinch away. "I wanted to tell you because you are a close friend of his, and I wanted to know if he was pursuing any other girls. Or perhaps if he was pursuing me?" She looked so hopeful, so trusting. And you were suddenly filled with anger. You wanted to crush her, you wanted to tell her to get lost and that Alex could never love her. 'Does he though?'This stopped you. There were plenty of times when you saw Alex looking at her, flirting with her, etc. But he was just a flirt...wasn't he?

"Y/N?" Eliza looked confused. You shook your head and put on a fake smile. "Sorry, I was just thinking and no I don't think he is pursuing any other girl right now." Her sweet smile was back. "Oh, good. And what about me? Does he ever mention me?" You hesitated again. 'Alex probably does love her. Who am I to tell her otherwise? He isn't mine.' You flinched internally. 'He isn't mine, and he never was...he never will be.' You nodded. "Yes, I've heard him talk about you to me. He thinks you're extremely sweet and beautiful." Eliza gasped and giggled. "Oh! Really? Oh, Y/N, thank you!" She hugged you tightly. You slowly hugged her back. The doors opened and you both jumped apart.

Alex and the rest of the group exited the library. Alex-- 'No, Alexander. He must become Alexander.' ...Alexander led the ladies over to you. "Is everything alright?" Angelica asked, looking between us. "Yes, I just had to ask Y/N a question." Eliza responded, quickly glancing at Alexander. You saw Alexander flash a quick smile at you, and you felt like crying. You looked away and directed yourself to Peggy and Angelica. "I want to thank you so much for a lovely evening. I have had a fantastic time, but I think it is time for me to go." Peggy frowned. "So soon? You're welcome to stay!"

You half-smiled at her. "No, no I should go." Angelica smiled graciously. "It was fun. Shall I have someone see you to the door and to a carriage?" You shook your head. "No thank you, I can manage. Thank you." You bowed to each of them and walked off. After you rounded the corner you picked up your pace. You already could feel the tears about to flow. You just needed to go home and forget this whole day.

Just as you reached the door, you heard a voice call out. It was Alexander. 'Jesus, not now. Please not now.' You collected yourself quickly and turned to face him. Alexander ran up to you and panted. "Ha, I-I thought I was going to miss you." You didn't say a word, and tightly clenched your jaw. Once he caught his breath, Alex stared you down. "Are you alright, dear friend?" The last thing you felt like doing right now was talking. Your throat felt constricted, but you pushed past that and spoke. "Alexander, I need to go." You turned back around and gripped the door handle. A hand grabbed your shoulder and turned you back around.

Alex looked confused now. He made you look at him. "I told you, its Alex-." "Its Alexander." You glared him down. Alex looked slightly wounded, which made you feel guilty. It wasn't his fault after all. "I apologize. Its just, I need to go-." "What did Eliza say to you?" Your eyes widened involuntarily. Alex frowned. "You didn't start behaving this way until Eliza spoke to you. What did she say?" You wanted to tell him so badly. But it would risk everything. Your pride, your heart. And it wouldn't be fair to Eliza. "I...I can not tell you." Alex huffed. "Y/N, what is going on? You're starting to make me angry."

You looked to the ground, your tears were starting to come back. "Please leave me alone." Your voice sounded strained and sad. Lifted your face again. The tears finally ran down your face, like a tiny river trickling. Alex's face turned to sympathy then. His face was shifting through so many emotions. "Y/N..." You backed up and hit the door, trying to get away from him. You didn't even try to hide your crying face now. "Please go away. Please." Alex stepped closer. "No." You sniffled pathetically. "A-Alexander-." "No. It is Alex. Now tell me what's wrong or I'm going to go Eliza." Now you were starting to get irritated. Why couldn't he just let you go?

You looked at him and growled out, "You want to know whats wrong?" Alex didn't back down. "Yes." You gripped the front of his shirt. His eyes widened. "Y/N-." "You want to know whats wrong? Fine. Ill show you." And with that you yanked him forward and kissed him. Hs lips felt odd on yours, yet, they fit well together. Like two pieces of a puzzle. It felt so good to be kissing him. It made you feel intoxicated and much better than you had imagined. You kissed him hard and quickly, not daring to break for a breath and loose this chance. It only lasted for a moment until you threw him off you. Both of your breaths filled the large hall, the impending silence being the only other sound.

Alex looked at you in disbelief. "What the hell-." "You wanted to know what was wrong?" You interrupted. You balled your hands into fists, refusing to cry in fronton him again. "That is what's wrong." Without another word, you whipped back around to the door, flung it open, and ran into the night...