We don't always get what we want, and we're supposed to be okay with that. You know what? It's easy to say such sucky proverbs but when it comes down to something so fucking basic, I almost feel like God or 'whomsoever it may concern' has something against me.

First day of school was a disaster. How stupid was I when I thought I could go for one day without being involved in any drama. Is that too much to ask for?

One day. Literally one day. But no, Ryder fucking Green had to drop out of nowhere and make that impossible for me.

After the whole 'reveal', which for everyone's convenience, took place in front of half the population of the school, I stormed out of the cafeteria. Wanting to get away from all the judgement and stares of confusion and the worst of all, recognition.

'And him.'

I refused to acknowledge the moment our eyes met or the fact that he recognised me with so much as a glance while no one else could. I refused to acknowledge the look of admiration he had, when I stood up to Jennie. I refused to acknowledge the increase in my heartbeat, when he said my name. That me, is long gone.

'Still a coward.'

I shook my head as I enter my house followed by Lexi and headed straight to the kitchen.

"So... "

"No. Whatever you're thinking, no." I snapped, heading to the refrigerator to grab a box of orange juice.

"I was gonna ask you to make pancakes for me, you rude bitch." She said sitting on one of the stool chairs, that were around the island in the centre of our kitchen.

"It's 3 in the afternoon." I deadpanned, turning to look at her.

"Your point?"

When I didn't budge, she continued.

"It's the least you can do for me, man. I was called by the name of a thing I loathe, on my first day of school." She whined. Literally whined, like a 5 year old.

I sighed seeing no point in arguing with this creature I call my best friend. I almost felt bad for her as it was her first day at that school and well, it was far from normal.

She squealed when she saw me placing different ingredients on the island.

"Is Alec home yet?" She asked twirling on the stool.

"Nope. He texted me, he'll be home late." I said mixing the batter. "Something about catching up with his friends."

That made her stop twirling as she looked at me. I didn't raise my head.

"You know you could be doing the same, right?" She started, trying to be casual as she says each word carefully. "I mean, I'm new to the state and all, but you know people, and have friends here. That was such a cute little group we met today."

I stopped to look at her. "I know" I sigh, moving to get a pan.

"Then what the heck happened at school? Asparagus? Really?" She said throwing her hands up.

I sighed. "Honestly? I don't know. I just wasn't ready. I panicked. I didn't expect literally everyone I knew to come right in front of my face as soon as I walked in there."

"And then entered your real knight in shining armour and you panicked even more, which, by the way, didn't stop you from being you and threatening that bitch." She continued, shifting tracks in every sentence, raising her hand for a high five, which I gladly returned.

"But after that? You ignored literally everyone who tried to approach you, all day and sprinted out as soon as the final bell rang." She said accusingly, while eyeing the pan.

I didn't answer her. I turned to transfer the pancake on the plate she set in front of her and turned to the stove again.

"I needed the day, it was too overwhelming." I said placing the last pancake on her plate and sitting opposite to her, grabbing my long forgotten orange juice.

"So you're not gonna ignore them tomorrow, and talk to them like an adult?" She says with a mouth full of pancake.

I scrunched my nose. "One, gross. Two, I will. If they want to talk to me, that is."

"Why won't they want to? Did you look at their faces when they knew who you were?"

I opened my mouth but she cut me off.

"Oh no you didn't, you were busy ogling the guy you claim to hate." She said waving her hand dismissively.

I glared at her. "Was not. And I don't hate anyone, I just don't particularly appreciate his existence."

"Mm hm sure. Tell me about them, you didn't talk a lot about your life here." She asked licking the syrup off her plate.

It was trying so hard to forget the life before moving, that I pretended that all of it just didn't exist. If only I knew that I'd end up here anyway.

So, I told her. I started by telling her about the embarrassing childhood that we had. Told her about our crazy hair phase. About how everyone looked before puberty hit them.

"Wait wait wait, so you were all nerds. How the hell? Why don't we have such attractive nerds in London?" She exclaimed. "Ryder was a nerd? Nope. Can't picture that one."

"He didn't always look like he does now." I said tying my hair up to wash the dishes, turning towards the sink. "We got our braces together because we were scared that the dentist might pierce our teeth with the wire. He had glasses too, like me. He probably switched to lenses now, as well. His grey eyes are literally the only thing that's still the same. And don't even get me started on his physique, he wasn't always the 6'3 ish lump of muscle that you saw in school today. The best friend I had, was an inch shorter than me, about 5'2? I don't know what kind of sorcery was used for him to shoot up like that." I laugh turning, done with the dishes.

I expected to see her laughing at the miserable image of the scrawny teenager I just described but instead I turn to find her looking at me with a small smile on her face.

"Lex?" I grabbed the almost empty box of orange juice.

She shook her head. "Yeah. You totally hate that lump of muscle." She said with a smirk. "And unlike you, I appreciate beauty when I see it. I very much appreciate his existence and I admit that he is hot, like crazy hot. No wonder that Jenna bitch was clinging on his arm like a bat."

Images of the same flashed in front of my eyes along with how Jennie greeted him, making me want to gag.

"Woah there babe. What did that juice box ever do to you?" Her voice interrupted my train of thoughts and I looked down at my hand. The juice box was completely crushed as my hand clenched into a fist. "Chill, will you? I'm pretty sure you have no competition. That poor boy almost fainted by just looking at you."

"You know it could be your head in my hands instead of this box right?" I asked throwing away the box.

"And that's exactly why I'll take myself and my Oreos to someplace safe." She said grabbing, content with the reaction she got out of me. She headed to the door, to go home when she turned right before stepping out.

"You had a wonderful life here, with amazing people and I know you left it behind, but since we're back why not give it another chance?" She said and walked out, leaving me staring at nothing in particular.

I hate it when she gives me hope.

***

I frowned as I stepped on a leaf and it didn't crunch.

'What a waste of leaf.'

After Lexi left, I tried to read a little but I just couldn't concentrate and decided to go for a run.

I slipped in some black shorts, a black sports bra and a grey nike tank top and my favourite pair of Nike shoes.

I found myself in a very familiar park and after running for about half an hour I decided to walk for a bit before heading back.

I took about 5 steps when a ball of fur crashed into my legs. I frowned looking to find the cutest surprise ever. It was a little brown puppy, wagging its tail, looking up at me.

I couldn't help the whines of my own as I bent down to pet the little fluffball. I can't help, dogs are my ultimate weakness.

I sat down criss cross apple sauce beside the pup lifting it on my lap.

"What is such a sweet little fluffball doing here alone?" I continue petting her when I found a collar on her neck which said 'Lucy'.

"Hi Lucy, so you're not homeless huh? Sad. I mean I could always kidnap you."

Is dognapping illegal?

'Did you actually just think that?'

At this point I've grown used to my conscience mocking me, every second.

Anyone passing by wouldn't think twice before calling an asylum, if they heard me talking to a dog.

I decided to wait there, as the owner must be looking for her.

I was in the middle of telling Lucy about my adventures as Asparagus when a voice grabbed my attention.

"Lucy? Oh thank god, I've been looking for you fo-" He stopped when he jogged to be close enough to see me with his dog on my lap.

Of course it's him.

My breath caught in my throat as my eyes landed on, none other than, Ryder. If it wasn't obvious enough with his tshirt that he wore in school, his muscles were on show thanks to the muscle tee he wore right now.

Is this kid on steroids?

I slowly stood up dusting my shorts.

I noticed how his gaze trailed down to my form, lingering on my legs for a few seconds longer than necessary.

I tried, not to stare at his muscular form right back, as Lucy ran to her rightful owner.

Ugh there goes my plan to dognap her.

I frowned at the thought.

"You're not gonna run away again, are you?" He said, adjusting Lucy in his very muscular arms.

"Lucy is too cute for me to run away from." I said as I regained my composure. "And I see no point in ignoring you, when I'm going to see you at school everyday."

"Uh huh right. So it has nothing to do with me being devilishly handsome?" He smirked.

I raised my eyebrows. "I don't think your ego would survive the blow of my answer."

He scoffed, as a smile found its way to his lips.

A few seconds passed and neither of us moved, standing there looking at each other.

"So, Lucy. When did you get this angel?" I said breaking the ice, raising my hand to pet her.

"Angel my ass, she's anything but that, who is spoilt by my family and loves to torment me. I gifted her to Grace last year on her birthday." He said, and I noticed how his breath hitched when my fingers brushed his arm while petting Lucy. I retracted my hand feeling things I'm not sure I should feel.

"Oh please, as if someone with a face like that could torment someone like you." I cooed, giving him a side eye.

"Says the one who called herself Asparagus." He rolled his eyes.

"I panicked okay? Geez let it go, people." I grumbled. We were now walking out of the park, together.

"It was quite the show you put out there, which left Dylan quite devastated, by the way." He said making me chuckle.

"Put him in therapy, that boy needs help anyway." I said chuckling.

"Why didn't you just come right out and tell them your real name, like literally any sane person would do?" He shook his head, chuckling as he looked down at me. His long eyelashes brushed against his sculpted cheekbones and I had to shake my head again to snap out whatever trance I was in.

"I- uh I don't know."

"What?" He breathed out. I avoided eye contact, looking anywhere but at him.

"Forget it. Doesn't matter now. Your stupid ass made the huge reveal all by yourself, anyway." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah well, it sort of happened." He scratched the back of his neck. "In my defence, I didn't know that no one recognised you."

"How did you?" The question slipped out before I could stop myself.

Silence settled between us as we continued walking and after a few seconds I saw him shrugging, from the corner of my eyes.

"You're Miles. How could I not know it's you?" He said looking at me briefly as Lucy's tiny head lolled on his shoulder as she grew sleepy.

He stopped abruptly making me turn to look at him, raising my eyebrows.

"This is me." He said in front of a house pretty similar to mine. It's then that I noticed that he lived just down the block from me. My house was visible from his. "I'm hoping you won't ignore your friends tomorrow at school? I promise to stay close to you in case you feel the need to check me out once in a while."

I rolled my eyes at the cockiness of this boy, I once called my friend. Unwanted memories flashed before my eyes, reminding me of the walls that I worked so hard on building.

Trust is earned.

"Wasn't planning on doing that. But-" I started with a smirk forming on my face, walking closer to him. "-who said anything about us being friends?"

I winked at him, before turning to leave.

"What?" He called out, clearly confused.

"See you at school, Green." I laughed, and waved my hand in farewell, walking away.

Not gonna lie, I felt content with the reaction as he stood their in shock and uncertainty, wondering if he heard me right.