Ch. 20

I had spent the past few days crying over Julian and whatever he has or had going on with my ex best friend. Just as I had tightened my grip on the reigns of my life I was throw yet another wild card. Here I was not sure of where I stood with Julian again, in love with him again, hurting over him again, and lets not forget pregnant with his child again. Although I didn't plan on keeping this from him again I wasn't sure if there would be anything to tell him as I wasn't even sure if I wanted to put myself through this drama. It seemed like that was all that ever came along with Julian. I was not about to be a single mother to his second child. I looked at the planned parenthood screen on my macbook and couldn't believe that I was actually contemplating doing something I always viewed as heinous. I closed the screen and turned my attention to my cell phone. I turned off airplane mode after what seemed like years but in all actuality was just a few days. I needed a break from reality. No phone calls, no interactions with people, just quality time with my daughter and my thoughts. Janae continued to beg me to see her father and I finally gave in to calling him I just wasn't prepared to deal with him, his antics, or his questions. I especially wasn't ready to deal with the attitude and flack I knew he would be throwing my way even though I was the one who should be annoyed with him. Whether what Robyn said to me was the truth or lie, the simple fact that he even allowed her to get so close to him was disrespectful or not. Even though I left there are 10.4 million people in Georgia why did he have to choose her. I shook off my thoughts and dialed Julian's number for Janae's sake. The phone rung for what felt like forever and in all honesty I was holding my breath praying that he didn't pick up at least I could say I tried to reach out. Just as I was going to end the call I heard his raspy morning voice sound from the other end of my receiver.

"Hello"

"Hey" I answered flatly. The butterflies in my stomach started to flutter at the sound of his voice but I couldn't let him get one up on me.

He cleared his throat I'm assuming to get his voice to normal as it was apparent that I had awakened him from his sleep.

"That's all you have to say to me Heaven?"

I rolled my eyes. Here he goes I thought.

"Yeah. What else you want me to say?" I said allowing my attitude to slip out.

He took a deep breath and I knew that meant I was frustrating him but I didn't care.

"How about you start with where you've been and why I haven't been able to get in contact with you or my daughter"

I stayed silent not sure If I wanted to be petty or be an adult about things and actually have a civil conversation with him. Before I could respond to his statement he was already asking me if I heard what he asked me. This immediately unleashed the childish side of me.

"Well I went to your house a few days ago because I had something to tell you and Robyn told me you were busy."

I heard nothing but silence from his end of the phone. I silently chuckled to myself not because anything was funny but because I was still in complete disbelief and his silence was confirming everything I already knew but didn't have the heart to accept.

"Are you there or did you not hear me?" I said mimicking what he had said to me just a few moments prior.

"Heaven, look, it's not what you think."

"Oh.... It's not? Enlighten me."

"She's not my girlfriend. I don't even care about her."

I Scoffed. "You don't care about her but she's answering your door in a bath robe when I couldn't so much as get a visit from you since we got back from New York"

He sighed. "You know work had me busy and I didn't know she was even at my house I've barely been there and I told you she's not my girl, you ar.."

"I'm not your girl either" I cut him off.

I wasn't playing the fool for Julian again, I had too much to lose. He wanted me to believe that he had nothing to do with her but couldn't explain to me how she had gotten in his house or how she could even be comfortable enough to do that in the first place.

"Just come pick up Janae, I'll have a bag packed for her she misses you." With that I hung up the phone and put my phone back on airplane mode. He knew to pick up his daughter, I did all i had to do. After that draining conversation with Julian I woke up Janae and got her ready to head off with her dad. After about a hour and a half of chasing Janae around I was completely exhausted. I got her settled in her play room and plopped down on the sofa to rest. I watched a few episodes of 13 reasons why before drifting off into a well deserved nap. My doorbell and the police knocks that came after were what woke my up from my nap. At first it took me a while to even register that it was happening in real life and not in my dream. I groggily pulled myself off the chair and answered the door. I rubbed my eyes and there stood a smiling Julian with arms stretched out awaiting a hug. I rolled my eyes the hardest I had ever rolled them in my 25 years of life and stepped to the side to allow him to walk in. He wasn't getting a hug out of me. He frowned and dropped his arms to his sides before stepping in. I went over and reclaimed my seat on the chair while he stayed by the door leaned against my wall staring at me long and hard. After a few minutes of him burning a hole into the side of my face with his eyes I couldn't take it anymore.

"What Julian, What do you want?" I asked

"I want you to stop being mad at me"

I scoffed. Julian was such a piece of work. Stop being mad at him? He couldn't be serious

"You can't be serious" I laughed

"I'm serious Heaven, What's the problem I already told you what was up"

"And you want me to believe that you have nothing to do with her and that you had no idea that she was at your house?"

"Yes." he replied flatly

"Yes? What do you mean yes? She was in your damn robe Julian, your robe."

He slid his hands down his face before letting out a frustrated sigh. This only made me more upset because here I was arguing with the father of not one but both of my children over a woman that use to be my friend who was also carrying his child. How could he be more frustrated than me.

"And she told me you got her pregnant, is that why you were ignoring me and Janae? You were just getting your real family together?"

I could tell my words stung him because I know he loved Janae but there was no way his sting stung worse than mine. I felt like a complete fool. At this point his face was so red I was almost sure it was going to explode. He started pacing in effort to calm himself down and after a few minutes he turned and looked me in my eyes long and hard again.

"That's bullshit Heaven and you know that"

"I don't know anything"

"Heaven she can't even have kids she just said that do get under your skin. I haven't been with her in months. I would never do anything to deliberately hurt you."

Oh I mouthed silently feeling more stupid than I did before for jumping the gun. Part of me wanted to believe he was telling me the truth but he still couldn't explain to me what she was doing in his house.

"Then why did you get with her in the first place knowing she was my friend"

He sighed before finally taking a seat next to me on the couch

"Listen, I knew Robyn before I knew you. We were always in school together since we were kids but I never paid her no mind. Not till she started hanging with you."

"What?" I semi-shouted completely taken aback by what he was saying to me

"Yo, you're always ready to jump down my throat let me finish man damn"

I rolled my eyes and motioned with my hands for him to continue

"Like I was saying, I knew from when I saw you on those swings with Peyton that I wanted you I just didn't know how to come at you. But once you started hanging with Robyn I knew for a fact she would help me shoot my shot"

I nodded and allowed for him to continue because my blood was already starting to boil. This girl never once told me anything about this. Not even after me telling her I was pregnant with Julian's child. She even encouraged me to move and keep Janae a secret.

"So for a while I would ask her if she spoke to you about me and what you said but she would always say that you were uninterested and didn't think I was the guy for you."

"So you left me alone" I finished his sentence for him

"Well yeah and no, I wasn't going to but Brionna came into the picture and at first I wasn't even stunting her but you got with old dude so It just confirmed what she was saying to me in my head and after that night we shared where we conceived Janae I didn't know whether or not you thought that's all I wanted so I avoided you because I was falling right into that stereotype she told me you thought I was. I felt low."

"Wow." Was all I could come up with. How could someone I called a friend do me so wrong. For all these years I avoided Julian and everything I assumed was so wrong. The person I thought he was wasn't who he was at all.

He placed his hand on my cheek and turned my face so I was looking directly into his eyes. The eyes I loved so much. "Heaven what do I have to do to make this right?" He said softly.

"I don't know" I said barely above a whisper

"What do you want me to do Heaven? Change my locks? You wan't me to move? Yeah thats what I'll do I'll move. I'll move right now."

I started laughing. "Julian you're being delusional"

"No I'm not. You're delusional if you think I'm losing you. Let's go"

I stale faced him. "Where are we going"

He ignored me and shouted for Janae to come down. He pulled her booster seat out of the hall way closet and moved around me. Janae came flying down the stairs and jumped right into his arms.

"Come on baby girl let's go. Get mommy's shoes too."

"Julian where are we going?" I shouted tired of being ignored.

"Alright you want to play." he said. Before I knew it he had picked me up and started carrying me towards the door bridal style. I kicked and shouted to no avail. He opened the door with his free hand and once Janae was out the door he armed the security system and locked the door all while carrying me in his arms. He unlocked the door and placed me in the car before picking Janae up and making sure she was all buckled up and ready to go.

"Are all the little babies ready to go?" He mocked.

I sucked my teeth and fastened my seat belt before he pulled off.

After about 25 minutes we arrived in Buckhead and my jaw completely dropped. Now I had seen some beautiful houses in my time but none like this. Julian pulled into a community after a little while and stopped in front of the most stunning home I had ever seen. He left Janae and I in the car briefly while he made a phone call. Soon after another car pulled up and the person inside stepped outside and gave Julian a firm handshake. Julian then walked over to the passenger side to open my door and let me out and then he made his way to the back to pick up Janae.

"Robert, this is my girlfriend Heaven and our daughter Janae"

Girlfriend I thought. The butterflies in my stomach were at it again after hearing him say that.

"Pleased to meet you both" Robert said while shaking my hand.

"What are we doing here? Who's he?" I whispered in Julian's ear.

He turned to me and said "Robert's my realtor, I told you we were moving."

"We?" I said completely confused as to what he was talking about.

"Yes, We." He said while Robert unlocked the front door and maneuvered for us to come inside.

The other side of the home was beautiful but the inside had completely taken my breath away.

"This house is newly on the market. Perfect for a young family such as yourselves. There are 5 bedrooms, 3 1/2 baths and an extra room that was made into a nursery by the previous owners" Robert started.

"Can we take a look around ?" I said

"Yes of course, take all the time you need."

Janae stayed down stairs running around with Robert while Julian and I took a look around.

"Julian this is beautiful you don't have to do this."

"Yes I do, I want my family."

I smiled and we continued looking at all the rooms. We eventually stumbled across the nursery and my heart melted. This was perfect.

"Julian, there's something I have to tell you"

"What's up?"

"I'm pregnant."

Before he could respond Robert and Janae came running up the stairs and through the nursery.

"You lost Mr. Robert, you lost." Janae chanted and danced around him

He chuckled and shook his head at her before he asked "So what do you guys think?"

Julian looked at me, then my stomach, then Janae before saying "We'll take it, we'll definitely need all this room".