Ch. 19

I looked around at the scenery before me and couldn't believe just how much my life had changed in just a matter of weeks. Everything that I had been running from had caught up to me and to my surprise it wasn't as detrimental as I thought it would be. Now that everything was out in the open and I was back in Atlanta there were some things that I had to take care of that couldn't wait. Now that my life was a clean slate and I was no longer running I had to evaluate what was important to me, who I was as a person, and what I wanted out of my life. I had created a facade and lived behind that for so long as a defense mechanism that I allowed myself to become someone I didn't know. I heard the bell on the door chime indicating that someone had walked in and it caused me to turn my head in the direction of the sound. I locked eyes with a smiling Rico and haphazardly returned his smile. At that moment I almost backed out of what I came here to do but I heard a voice in the back of my head telling me to keep pushing. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and mustered up a faint "Hey" as he kissed my cheek and took his seat. I scanned his face as he stared at me intently. His smile never fell and his gaze never left me. He reached for my hands and I instinctively pulled them away and placed them on my lap. His facial expression read that he was confused and I knew at that point that I couldn't drag this out any longer.

"Baby whats wrong" he said with concern coated over each of his words. I sighed.

"Rico there's a reason I asked you to meet me here"

"I know baby, I missed you too." he responded cheerfully. I mentally groaned.

"No. It's not that"

"Look I know I just left New York but I had an emergency work meeting, I explained this before but I can see why you might be stand offish towards me"

He was making this so much harder than I wanted it to be. But I was just going to rip off the band aid and say it.

"Rico. I can't do this anymore"

He raised an eyebrow and said "I'm confused, do what?"

"This. I can't do this. I can't do us."

After I said it I felt all the weights that I had been carrying around with me since Julian came back in the picture lift off my shoulders. I waited for him to speak but no words left his lips. He was reacting the way I expected him to. I sat there for a little while longer watching people walk in, order, and walk out with their items while Rico just stared off into space. People were carrying on with their days and I was seemingly ruining someones life. Someone I cared for, for the past seven years and someone I thought I loved. He loved me and my daughter when I was broken but as selfish as it sounds he just wasn't the one I loved. I cleared my throat and this caused him to snap his head in my direction. His gaze caught mine and I spoke.

"Rico... I care about you... I Just.."

"You just don't love me" he dryly chuckled

"Yeah" I whispered while lowering my head.

He cleared his throat before saying my name. Hmm I responded never really looking up at him.

"I don't blame you." I didn't respond.

"I thought I could change you are make you fall deeply in love with me when I knew from the day I met you that your feet were planted in cement somewhere else" he continued.

I stood to leave "Rico I.." he lifted his hand up to stop my from speaking. "I heard you out and let you finish so let me"

I slowly sat back in my seat and listened to whatever else it was he had to say.

"There were times I would say I love you and all you would have to say is I know."

I fidgeted in my seat. He continued "And I thought if you saw that I was family oriented and had future plans for us then you would forget about this ghost from your past that you couldn't let go out"

I tried to open my mouth to say something but he cut me off. "And this sort of makes me realize that you were never devastated when I was gone and it makes me wonder if you really wanted to move here to help me follow my dreams or if this was your way of trying to dig up long buried skeletons in your closet"

I had enough. "Rico that's not fair." I said standing up and slamming my hand on the table.

He matched my movements. "No what's not fair is being led on by someone you love." He said that and those words sliced through me like I was butter. What I did to him Julian did to me at first. Hurt people, Hurt people. At this point his eyes were bloodshot red and his breathing had intensified and the only words I could muster up were I'm sorry. He stared at me long and hard before grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair he had sat in and brushing past me out the door. Once he was gone I let out a deep sigh and slid back into my seat. The whole ordeal with him had drained me, it was like the wind was knocked out of me but it had to be done and I was glad that I had finally let everything hit the fan and close that chapter. I waited around the coffee shop for a little while longer to regain my energy before stepping out to take the short walk back to my moms house. I had only been walking for a few minutes before I started feeling sluggish. I stopped momentarily to catch my breath but that only made me dizzy. My legs started to feel like they weren't there and my vision started to blur. The last thing I remember was me trying to hold on to the sidewalk railing before my knees buckled from under me before I blacked out.

When I opened my eyes there were bright lights all around me and that only made me shut my eyes back closed. I tried to move my body put felt a sharp pain in my arm that made me shoot my eyes open. I looked at my arm and noticed there had been an IV placed in it. I looked around and it was only then that I realized I was in a hospital. I immediately started to panic trying to rack my brain to remember the earlier moments of my day but I couldn't remember anything after my argument/breakup with Rico. In midst of my panic Dr. Liz, who had been my primary doctor before I left Atlanta the first time walked in. I was relieved that I would be dealing with somebody I knew, maybe she would be able to shed some insight on how I ended up in the hospital in the first place.

"Heaven it's good to see you again" She started. I mustered up a faint smile before she said "I wish it wasn't under these circumstances but we're here to help" she continued

"How did I get here" I croaked. After the words escaped my throat I took my IV free hand and rubbed it. My entire body was sore and aching.

"Yeah you might want to be careful you took a pretty bad fall"

"FALL?!" I could feel my eyes bulging out my head at that point.

"Relax Heaven, you can't put any more strain on your body that you already have"

"How did I fall? How Did I get to the hospital?" I questioned.

"It seems that you your blood pressure was a little low and you were a little dehydrated and the heat caused you to pass out. A person witnessed you fall and called the ambulance."

"Pass out? I've never fainted in my life. Did I break anything am I going to be okay?"

"Well fainting during early and middle pregnancy can be caused by a woman's blood vessels naturally relaxing and dilating under the influence of the hormone progesterone, lowering her blood pressure. Fainting is not usually a problem, just a little embarrassing if it happens in public." She said without so much as batting an eyelash.

Once I heard pregnancy I blocked out everything she was saying. She continued to go on and on about me being okay and things I could do to reduce the pain and alleviate the dizziness but all I really heard was blah blah blah.

"What did you just Say Dr. Liz?" I asked not because I didn't hear her but because I needed confirmation.

"I said every time I see you I'm telling you congratulations!" She chuckled. "Only this time you're very early on, only about 4 weeks when before you were way further out."

She must of noticed that I was completely out of it so she excused herself but not before telling me that they were going to keep me a few hours just for observations.

All I could think about was Julian and how I was going to tell him. I definitely wasn't waiting Seven years this time and I definitely was going to tell him right away. I didn't want any repeats of the situation with Janae.

After a few hours I was released with orders to be on bed rest and prescriptions for prenatal pills that were to help with my dizziness. I promised Dr. Liz that I would go straight home but I slightly bent the truth. Once my Uber arrived I directed her on how to get to Julian's house. After about 20 minutes or so we arrived in front of Julians' house. I asked the uber driver to wait for me for a few minutes in the event that he wasn't home. She agreed but let me know that she couldn't wait any longer than five minutes. With that I thanked her and rushed up his porch steps. I knocked on the door a few times and even rung the bell but didn't receive a response. I assumed he was at practice and that I would just have to tell him later but just as I turned to walk back down the steps I heard the lock unlatch and the door swing open. I turned around with a huge smile on my face ready to greet my man but my smile was quickly replaced with a look of confusion. The person I presumed was Julian wasn't Julian at all. There stood Robyn answering Julians' front door in nothing but a robe. I could feel my blood start to boil but for the sake of my unborn child I kept my cool. I hadn't seen or spoken to Robyn since high school and not much had changed besides the fact that she looked to have gotten cozy with Julian despite all I went through with him in High school. Despite her knowing I left Atlanta because I was pregnant with his child and wanted him to be able to live out his life.

As if she could sense that she had gotten under my skin she cleared her throat and smirked.

"Where's Julian" I asked cutting straight to the point. I didn't have the time or energy to address anything with her and even if I did, I wouldn't simply because I was pregnant and her ass whooping would have to wait until I had my baby.

She smiled slyly before saying "We've been so busy making up for lost time since he got back from New York he decided it was time for him to get back to work and secure our bag"

I gritted my teeth and clenched and unclenched my fist to keep from slapping her.

I laughed at her. There was no way this hoe was telling the truth. "Yeah alright tell him I came by" I turned to walk away before she said "You know Heaven, we were friends once we should really try to get along considering I'm carrying your daughters brother or sister"

My heart stopped. She was pregnant for Julian? I wanted so much to believe that she was trying to get under my skin and play me but look where she was. She was in his house, in his robe. Janae and I hadn't seen much of him since we all got back to Atlanta but he was working or so I thought. I didn't give her the satisfaction of responding to her. I walked out the house slamming the door behind me. I got back in my uber and headed home, the entire ride replaying what she said to me over and over in my head. How could Julian do this to me again I thought as I silently cried in the backseat all the way home