Ch. 14

Once I arrived at my mothers house I soon realized that there was no way that I would be able to fall asleep. There was just too much on my mind. I laid in bed and tossed and turned. Every time I closed my eyes and drifted off into sleep not only was the nap temporary but all my dreams were centered around Julian. I knew I was going to bump into him sooner or later but I was banking on later. Much MUCH LATER. I felt like a had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, one side telling me to tell him and everything would work out the other side telling me that he would deny Janae not only because we only had sex once but because I waited 7 years to tell him. Even if he didn't deny Janae there was no way we were just going to ride off into the sunset together. There was so much at stake here, my relationship with Rico for one. But most importantly Janae. She has always known that Rico isn't her real dad but how would that be introducing Julian into her life. Janae and I had never been separated, so to go from seeing Mommy every day to having to share time between Julian and I gave me anxiety. I decided to sit up and find something productive to do before the event later on tonight. I grabbed my phone off the dresser and decided to scroll my twitter feed. Alyssa had mentioned me in numerous tweets about tonight expressing how excited she was and her excitement seemed to peak mine. I continued to scroll through social media for the next hour or so before I heard the pitter patter of little feet outside my door. The wooden door slowly creaked open and a huge smile spread across my face. Janae ran over to the bed and jumped up and down signaling for me to help her up next to me. I picked her up and started to leave kisses all over her face while tickling her all over her little body. Continuous giggles escaped her throat which only caused me to bust out into a fit of giggles as well.

"I missed you so much baby" I said

"I missed you too mama" she chuckled

"How has it been here with grandma ? Are you being a good girl for her?"

"Yes mama, abuela and I play all day long. She gets tired but she still plays with me"

"That's good baby, are you ready to come home soon?"

"yes.. no mama."

I couldn't help but laugh at her indecisiveness. Whenever she answered like this it really meant no but she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

"You want to stay with abuela a little longer?"

"Yes mama because..because she needs me to protect her when uncle Peyton is at school. She'll be bored and lonely without me mama"

"Aww baby you're so sweet" I said before kissing her forehead.

I looked down at her while she fidgeted with the remote before finding a channel that she wanted to watch. She was so beautiful. Its so hard to believe that this little angel came from me. She looked so much like her dad it killed me but the love I had in my heart for her was so unmatched and it was at that point that I decided I needed to tell Julian about Janae sooner rather than later. I just had to figure out how to get his contact information. I couldn't go through his mom or my mom that would be too messy and I couldn't go through anybody we went to school with because I didn't keep contact with anyone of them. I continued to plot until my thoughts were broken by Janae's voice.

"Mama, I have a question." she said

"Ok baby girl what's the question"

"Where are we mama"

I didn't answer her at first because I wasn't sure what she was asking. I Immediately thought my baby was sick. She couldn't remember where she was? Had she fallen or something and my mom didn't tell me I thought? I quickly brushed those thoughts away, there was no way my mom would ever allow Janae to be hurt.

"What do you mean baby?"

"Because mama we were in Chicago but we not anymore. That's what I mean mama where are we now"

"We're in Atlanta my love remember?"

"Yes mama I remember thats good then mama"

I chuckled.

"You like Atlanta Janae?"

"Idk mama, I like grandmas house only"

"So what makes it good then baby?" I asked thoroughly confused"

" Oh mama" she said clearly not amused that I didn't know what she was talking about. I playfully tickled her for her to continue

"Because Jay mama"

"Jay what Janae"

"My daddy Jay" she started.

A lump formed in my throat and I felt cold sweats coming on.

"Remember mama you told me my daddy's name was Jay and that he lives in Atlanta? Member mommy member?"

Her words started to slur because she was talking so fast clearly excited at her own revelation. Between her chanting member mama do you member mama and my thoughts spinning around my vision started to get blurry. This was too much for just one day. Janae started to get impatient because I wasn't answering her so she stood up and started to jump up and down on the bed to get my attention all while still chanting mama do you member mama. I let her go on for a couple of minutes before I realized she really wasn't going to stop until I answered her.

"Yes baby I remember"

With that she stopped jumping up and down on the bed and plopped down right next to me.

"Ok mama that means I can meet daddy now because we not so far from each other no more. I want daddy to see me mama. Does daddy want to see me?" She asked as a pout appeared on her face. I was hurting my baby. My own fear of rejection and selfishness was hurting my baby. I had to tell Julian now!

"Of course he wants to see you baby daddy loves you. You're every thing he ever wanted, ok?"

"Ok mama" she said before cheering right back up.

I kissed her on the forehead and said "Mommy promises it'll be soon okay?"

She smiled and with that she ran out the room and went back to making my mom and Peyton her prisoners of war. I knew what I had to do and no matter what I couldn't run anymore. All the events that have transpired today all come together and gave me a tension headache. I reached in my dresser drawer and pulled out a pack of Excederin. I popped two, plopped down on the bed and forced myself to take a nap before I had to get dressed and meet with Alyssa.

After I woke up I felt a lot better and I was definitely ready to meet with Alyssa and get our turn up on. It was good to finally have a girl friend that I could connect with and have fun with. I loved Rico and Janae but having only their company for the last seven years really has me ready to be out tonight. I jumped in the shower and let the hot water careen down my body, the heat from my shower and the scent of rosewater from my body wash had indeed calmed me. After my skin was nearly burned off, as Rico would always joke, I stepped out the shower and started to get dressed. Once I was fully dressed and my hair and makeup were done I took a long look at myself in the mirror and I was shocked. I looked good. My dress was sheer enough to be sexy and provocative but covered enough to leave everything to the imagination. The slit on the side showed off my legs and I loved it. Once I was ready I shot a text to Alyssa to let her know I was on my way. She let me know what she was already there and so was her client. This made a small smile form at the corner of my lips. I couldn't wait to see my work in person.

After about a 45 minute drive I arrived at the venue and I was immediately stunned. It was jaw dropping. I didn't know what to look at first. I figured the most important thing was finding Alyssa and finding her client so I could give him hell about making my life difficult because no one is every really that busy. I texted Alyssa what I saw in my central vicinity and soon after we bumped right into each other.

"Heaven!!!!! Girl you look so good!" She squealed

"No! girl you look good are you crazy" I Cooed

"Yassssss girl you brought the curves out tonight"

"Had to take them out of retirement" I joked while playfully doing a spin for her.

We bust into a fit of giggles before she said

"My client loved loved loved the outfit, the clothes fit him so well"

"Good where is he, I want to see"

"He was at the bar not too long ago lets go see if he's still there. I know you want to see your work in the flesh honey" she joked

We searched the bar and its surrounding area for a couple minutes and we couldn't find him. After about ten minutes of cutting through the crowd and fifty million excuse me's later I heard Alyssa say she found him.

"Hey, my friend who owns the boutique that pulled these great pieces for you is here and I want you to meet her" I heard her say in front of me. I pushed through the crowd trying to follow the sound of her voice and eventually escaped out of the herd of people and made my way over to the secluded area where I saw her figure standing.

"Sorry Alyssa those people were..." I started but was cut off when she moved out the way and said

"Heaven this is..."

"Julian" I whispered cutting her off. She was taken aback , I could tell by the way her face scrunched up out of pure confusion. There he was sitting there in the clothes I picked out for him. Well not for him. For Alyssa's client who I didn't know was him but turned out to be him. My thoughts were jumbled. He looked so damn good, I silently cursed at myself. Why why why did the universe always pull the rug from under me right when I got my balance? Universe - 2 Heaven- 0. There was silence between the three of us and Alyssa just looked back and forth between us both. Julian never took his eyes off of me and that made me so uncomfortable.

"Wait. so you guys know each other?" She asked?

" Something like that" He said

"Knew each other" I replied flatly.

I turned to walk away but Julian was right on my heals. I heard him excuse himself to Alyssa and he pushed through the crowd right behind me. People were dancing laughing and drinking so it made it nearly impossible for me to move around how I wanted to. I heard the beat for Practice by Drake come on and I felt strong arms grab me by my waist.

Drake started. I tried to break away from his grasp but he held me tighter and rocked and swayed us to the beat as he sang along in my ear.

It's like with every line he sung along to the song he was saying what he wanted to say but couldn't say. Universe -3 Heaven - 0. The lump in my throat seem to grow with every passing second.

He turned me around to face him and there I was face to face with the only man I've ever really loved. The father of my child. My biggest heart break. He leaned closer to me and I froze. Our lips brushed and he looked down into my eyes at first I thought looking for confirmation but it was more of a pleading look in his eyes, a yearning. I leaned in and for the first time in 7 years Julian and I kissed. Not like what happened in high school, This was real. This was everything I wanted, but why did I feel so guilty? I broke away from Julian so quickly it left him dazed like a dear caught in headlights. Before he could gain his composure and process what was going on I had already ran out and drove off.