Chapter 8

Prom came and went, it was absolutely nothing special. I had so much going on through my head that nothing seemed to matter to me anymore. I broke the news to my mom about the baby and I cant say that she was surprised. She said that she had a feeling I was and questioned me as to whether or not I was going to tell Julian. Well not really if I was going to tell Julian but when I was going to tell Julian and I didn't know how to tell her that I had no intention to. I just wanted to graduate and move back to Chicago. It was the night before graduation and I had spent the whole day packing my things and getting my cap and gown together. I never thought trying to pick an outfit to wear under the gown and a pair of heels could turn into such an ordeal. Being pregnant was really slowing me down. Not to mention this little girl was always going ham on my bladder. I ran to the restroom for about the 50th time that day and when I walked back into my bedroom my heart fell to my feet, there Julian was sitting on my bed. After I got over the instant shock, I get angry, and then I realized that I had to start locking my balcony window. He stood there staring at me and I didn't immediately understand why. After a few more seconds of questioning I realized what he was starring at, my newly protruding stomach. At school I was always in hoodies so no one could tell but I was in the comfort of my own home I didn't think he'd pull one of these stunts yet again. He got up and started to walk towards me and I started to double back towards my door, he grabbed my arm and stopped me dead in my tracks. "What is this?" He questioned. "What is what" I played dumb. I didn't know what exactly I was going to say to him so I simply tried to bide as much time as I could to come up with the best possible lie I could fabricate. He placed his hand on my stomach and our daughter kicked, it instantly sent a jolt of electricity through me. If I was half crazy by the way he looked at me I would say he felt it too. Isn't that crazy that even our unborn child could feel the connection between us. "Hello Heaven I asked you a question" he chimed. I almost opened my mouth and said "what is this? You mean my body changing to make way for your child" but I decided against it. "I'm pregnant what does it look like" "Damn.. how far along are you?" he asked. "I'm 6 months along" He paused before removing his hand and walking to my bed. He looked like he was coming across a revelation but I held my breath. He hesitated before asking me whether or not David and I were excited. I was so disgusted this man knows we slept together and that the time frame fit and he didn't even think to ask whether or not we were careful or if this could be his child. He made my decision to keep this a secret all the more easier. I looked at him and said "David and I broke up, can you leave now?" He got off my bed and stared at me before asking me what I was having. I told him a girl and he let out a warm smile. "You're lucky I always wanted a little princess" I wanted to slap him. How could he unintentionally say all the right things. "Yeah you definitely have a little princess" I said under my breath. "Huh what you said" "I said maybe you and someone you love will have a little princess one day" when those words left my lips a felt sadness take over my whole body. I wanted badly to be the girl that Julian wanted but I know I wasn't and I also know it was too late to say anything. With that he cleared his throat kissed my stomach and began to take steps towards my balcony from which he came. "Don't keep the baby from me we're friends" he said as he climbed down. I groaned, locked my window to make sure he couldn't make anymore debuts tonight and flopped down on my bed. "What am I going to do babygirl" I said talk to my unborn and at that instant she kicked. "Yeah I know your momma has to get her life together. I didn't see Julian until the night before graduation at a friends party. I was dressed in a loose fitting oversized shirt, which by the Grace of God we're in style and I didn't look out of place, distressed jeans and my vanilla colored low top converse. My hair was knotted in a high bun and my makeup was very natural looking. I didn't want to come out tonight by Robyn dragged me along. I really loved Robyn, she's been by my side this whole time and she's definitely the friend I need. She even got me back into playing and writing my music. The party was pretty chill and Robyn was the host so I knew it would be a good time. I spotted David and Julian speaking to each other and I wanted to die. The universe always had a way of messing with me I swear. My attention was stole when Robyn got on the stage and started speaking into the microphone. "Thanks for coming out tonight everyone, its our last hoorah" she started and the crowd full of our peers cheered. "We have something special for you guys before we give the show back to the DJ... My best friend Heaven has been writing some music and she's here tonight to perform one of her original pieces" Every one turned and looked at me and started clapping and cheering, I wanted to throw up for plenty of reasons. I made a mental note to kill Robyn before I took the walk to the stage. It seemed like it took me ages to get up there and before grabbing the mic I purposely stepped on Robyn's foot and told her I hated her. "I love you too" she whispered before running off the stage. I approached the stool before slowly sitting down. "Hi everyone... I wasn't really prepared for this and it's been years since I've sung anything so please bare with me. This song is one I recently wrote called Test Drive I hope you like it" I said with a shakey voice. I looked out into the crowd of people and spotted Julian with his arm wrapped around Brionna. We locked eyes and I started singing, never releasing my gaze from his.

I found myself drawn to you

Looking for something new

Only to find it was used

I was tired of waiting

Was looking to trade-in

You left me with not much to choose

You had me thinking of

How I'm a sucker for love

You were such a good sales man

I signed on the dotted line

Didn't take me much time

You had me sold

U wanted me so bad

Fallen for the best pitch that u had

Selling me what I don't have

I was mistaken

From the outside you looked so good

Shoulda double checked under that hood

I was just taken

Is it too late to change lanes

Feels like I'm going to fast

We're driving on a one way

I knew I shoulda taken that test drive

Cuz something didn't look right

Should taken that test drive

Something didn't feel right

Soon as I started the engine

It was a lemon

Won't make this mistake again

Red lights start blinkin

It got me thinking

What kinda mess am I in?

Feels like I'm riding on empty

U won't get the best of me

Shoulda read my policy

Shoulda got me that warranty

Cause I got no guarantees

U wanted me so bad

Fallen for the best pitch that u had

Selling me what I don't have

I was mistaken

From the outside U looked so good

Shoulda double checked under that hood

I was just taken

Is it too late to change lanes

Feels like I'm going to fast

We're driving on a one way

I knew I shoulda taken that test drive

Cause something didn't look right

Should taken that test drive

Something didn't feel right

I sang the last words to the song and saw a lump form in Julian's throat and he slowly removed his arm from Brionna's shoulder. He knew this song was for him and I love that it made him uncomfortable. The crowd clapped and cheered for an encore and that brought a smile to my face. I walked off the stage and realized that I had been missing out on one of the things I loved the most. I knew my dad was up there smiling down on me. Robyn came and bombarded me with hugs and kisses. For the rest of the night we chatted and it made me so uncomfortable that Julian and David kept hanging out in my central vicinity. I saw them holding conversation again I couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"Heaven's performance was great huh" I heard Julian say "Yeah it was, I didn't know she was so talented." David responded. "Yeah man, Oh congrats on the baby" my heart stopped. "What baby" questioned David. "Aren't you expecting" he asked. Now Julian was an idiot but I'm just glad he never mentioned my name. "No man, I've been celibate all 4 years of high school. I'm saving myself for marriage" Julian's face turned red. He didn't bother finish the conversation. He started searching the crowd, I knew he was looking for me and I couldn't take this conversation I knew he was going to try to have with me. I rushed out the back door and ran to my car. I found my keys and quickly started her up and sped to my house. It wasn't happening he wasn't finding out about this baby. It was then I made my decision that I wasn't going to my graduation ceremony the next day and I was leaving to Chicago as soon as possible. He didn't need me in his life before and I definitely don't need him in my life now.