The glisten in her eyes as she talked and ate her cold chocolate ice cream was mezmorising. I couldn't stop smiling. She probably thinks I'm a creep or something.

"So tell me something I don't know about you and I'll tell you something about me. No basic stuff." Thank god silvi broke the silence, but now I'm also kind of scared. what if i tell her something that scares her off? Fuck it peep just tell her whats on your mental and get it over with!

"I think I have to die before somebody will care..."

silvi looked into my soul with those deep eyes of her. It burns...i know shes gonna say-

"Well your definitely not dead, and i care a lot without even knowing you"

i nodded and held her hand from across the table. now its her turn...

"witchblades was the the song i chose to be my last when i attempted suicide 6 months ago..."

Her eyes were puffy and red from tears. its like being in the middle of an icecream shop didnt matter, and it didnt.

But what made me want to get up and run away was the fact that my music helped her want to kill herself...what if...what if she killed herself because of me...and i would have never even known. god i feel like such a douche bag now. I got up from the table and got into my car leaving silvi by herself. i felt like the biggest dick ever.

****

I looked at my phone to see the time was 10:43 p.m. No silvi... theres only one last thing i have to do. Numb the pain.

i snatched a bag of xans and popped as many as i could into my mouth before swallowing them dry. i could feel myself flying away. but then i saw her...and for a minute i thought i was dead and seeing things... but she grasped me in her arms, and cried on my face. I felt every tear.

"Gustav what...why did you do this? why did you take so many?"

"They make the pain go away.." i struggled to keep my eyes open. I wasnt dying..just faded and..numb.

"I know...i know..thats why..thats why i asked for them earlier. They make me feel better...but i couldnt make myself call the deaqler again.."

Wait whyd she stop...whered she go?

What?

I had blacked out. gone

I had let silvi down again~

'''''''''''''''''''''

sorry guys secrets 2 will have a new part today at some point. i got acrylics and typing is hard on phone an computer. but ill try guys. hope you liked this chapter.