♥ The beginning of 2018 was a difficult time for our boys, but they accomplished so much this year and I honestly couldn't be more proud of them. I hope 2019 will bring them even more luck, joy and love -- just like they deserve! ♥

This chapter is a bit vulgar -- so just a heads up

It also contains alooot of dialogue..

Took me way too long to write per usual..

♥

(Oh, a large part of this chapter will be read from another point of view ^^)

♣ ♣ ♣

The first thought that came into my mind the next day when I woke up, was that I wish that I hadn't.

My entire head was so heavy, it felt like someone had replaced my brain with concrete. My eyes felt like they were going to burst out of my sockets, and the headache from last night had only intensified -- which I didn't even think was possible. The cord from my earphones had entangled itself around my neck sometime while I was sleeping, and I catch myself lowkey wishing it had strangled me during the night.

In summary; I feel like utter shit.

The sick feeling from yesterday still lingered everywhere inside me, and I had a feeling that it wouldn't go away for a while. I let out a miserable groan, resting all my weight on my elbows as I try to very slowly heave myself up to a sitting position. My eyes are still closed since I'm afraid that everything around me is going to start spinning if I open them -- which would result in me vomiting all over my bed sheets.

My next move was to let my legs swing over the edge of the bed so I was sitting properly, which was when I finally had the courage to at least squint to become aware of my surroundings. Thankfully, my room was still rather dark so the light wouldn't burn my retinas to crisps inside my eyeballs.

Swaying my way to the bathroom, I manage to reach the sink without losing consciousness and proceed to wash my face in attempt to bring some life back into me. To avoid getting a heart-attack in midst of all this agony, I leave the bathroom without throwing a single glance at the mirror and wrap myself up in a fluffy bathrobe.

Dragging my feet across the floor, I zombie the way down to the ground floor with my eyes still half closed, and blindly navigate myself to the fridge.

"Honey, call animal planet! There's a rare species of some sorts roaming freely in our kitchen! It seems to crave the sweet juices from an orange!" I hear my dad shout after I opened the fridge and started downing cold orange juice directly from the carton, which of course intensified the throbs that are already quaking inside my head.

"Ugh Rob, that's just your daughter. And she obviously got the ugliness from her father," mom retorts after arriving to the kitchen. I take one last gulp of juice before setting the box back into the fridge and wipe my lips with the back of my hand.

"It's rude to kick a person that's already lying on the ground you know," I mutter with the most hoarse voice, sounding like I've just smoked fifty packs of cigarettes.

"Screw animal planet! Call the exorcist to release this demon that's possessed our daughter!" dad then wheezes, laughing uncontrollably at both his own joke and at my miserable self.

"If you need me, I'll be throwing myself down the stairs until I fall into a coma," I mumble tiredly before swaying my way back upstairs.

After reuniting with my bed once again, my energy level suddenly drains completely, leaving me completely immobilized with my face buried in my pillow. I don't know for how long I just lay here, but after a while I hear the door open and the sound of light steps fills the previously dead room.

"Honey, I made you some ramen soup," I hear my mom speak softly.

Ramen.

My head perk up excitedly at her words, giving me just enough strength to roll over on my back and eye my beautiful mother with awe glistening in my gaze.

"I love you so much," I squeak out as I watch her setting down the bowl on the bedside table with a pair of chopsticks resting between the edges.

"I know a bad hangover when I see one," she sighs and holds up her hand in front of me, urging me to take the pills she's holding. "Some soup and two painkillers usually does the trick."

I gulp them down with some fresh water she also had brought with her. My knight in shining armor.

"Thank you," I croak before slowly extending my hands to the hot bowl of noodles.

"I just have one question for you, and please be completely honest with your mother.." she suddenly says with a serious tone -- the one I only hear whenever I've done something bad. Like that time I stayed up all night playing The Sims 2 on a school day when I was ten and my mom walked in just when I made my sims woohoo in the hottub. Ah, good memories.

"Did you smoke marijuana last night?"

"What? No mom I definitely didn't-"

"Honey, you know that I love you and trust you, that's why I haven't been restraining you when it comes to partying and stuff like that. But this.."

"Mom!" I interrupt her before she starts preaching about how good of a mother she is and how I don't appreciate her 'coolness'. "I swear none of us smoked marijuana. Where did you even get that idea?"

"You're eyes are red and puffy, which is the most obvious side-effect."

"But I didn't. Actually, some things happened with Taehyung last night.." I admit, instantly feeling my throat clogging up with emotions yet again. "And I don't wanna talk about it right now."

"Oh no, honey," mom says softly while her eyebrows curl in worry. She sits down next to me and gently put her hand on my back in a soothing manner. "I'm so sorry to hear that.."

I take a deep breath. "I don't know what to do mom. I've never felt this way about anyone before and I was already scared from the beginning that things will go downhill. I don't know if I can trust him.."

"Make sure to talk to him, okay? Always say what's on your mind, no matter how afraid you are. I hope you will be able to solve your issues."

I shrug slightly. "I don't know about that," I admit with a sigh.

She gives me one last gentle squeeze before standing up again. "Think for a while. Everything will be alright in the end," she says softly.

After she leaves, I nibble on my noodles with all sorts of thoughts swirling in my head.

What is there to think about? Our relationship was doomed from the beginning, and this was just the outcome I had dreaded but sadly only waited to happen. I dug my own grave by getting involved with him so deeply. This pain is solely caused by myself towards myself.

With a last gulp, I finish the rest of the soup and put away the bowl on my bedside table, which is when my eyes lock on my phone. I'm almost dreading to unlock it, but then I remember that I promised Jimin that I'd write to him when I woke up. In all honesty though, I just want to be left alone at this moment.

An exasperated sigh leaves my lips eventually, and I finally gather energy to check my phone for messages. His name is of course the first thing I see.

I blink rapidly at this, feeling my stomach churn in guilt.

Why do you feel bad? That asshole deserved it after what he did.

What.

What the hell is going on here.

Taehyung never slept with her?

My hands starts so tremble just a little bit as I re-read their messages over and over again, shutting my eyes tight before opening them several times just to be sure that I'm seeing correctly.

But I heard... I don't know what to believe anymore. It wasn't them? But she clearly said his name. Unless..

I hurriedly go back to the first message Tae had sent me after he left with her.

Sent: 1:04 a.m

My breath hitch in my throat. That was literally around the time I went up to check on them.

I've never been this confused in my entire life.

Jin. I have to call Jin.

With my fingers still shaking, I press 'call' on the number that seems to belong to Jin and nervously wait with my heart beating hard against my chest.

"Blue?" I hear a deep voice say in my ear, which is when I inhale deeply and mentally encourage myself to stay collected.

"Jin," I almost whisper, closing my eyes to keep the tears from falling.

"I know you must be shaken and confused right now, but please listen to me and don't hang up, okay?"

I hum quietly, but loud enough for him to understand that I comply.

"So this is what happened.."

I stare emptily in front of me, blocking out the sound of Yuna's voice rambling on about whatever. It's not the first time she's had something "important" to tell me, but it all ends up with her talking nonsense, as always. Even though my vision is completely blurred due to unabling my focus, I am still aware of her lips moving as she speaks, but all I hear is the faint echoes of Jimin's voice.

"I've already tasted them."

I subconsciously clench my fists at the thought of him kissing Blue -- the previous anger still lingering everywhere in my body, but also an evident sorrow churns my gut as I recall her admitting what I had feared she thought about me.

"How would I know that you haven't been playing me all this time?"

"I didn't know you'd care this much."

I'm in love with you, goddammit! Of course I care..

But she never knew that.

But haven't I shown her that she means everything to me?

But did you tell her that?

I haven't lost you.. right? I can't lose you..

My thoughts dissolves as I suddenly feel Yuna lightly brushing her fingertips against my hand, causing me to jolt back to reality.

"Taehyung," she calls out softly as her hands slowly cups mine. "She doesn't deserve you."

My eyes instantly travels to meet hers as those words leave her lips, making something inside me ignite with irritation. But I say nothing, just keep searching in her gaze for something -- and see nothing. Blue, however.. There's always this twinkle in her eyes whenever she looks at me.

I love that twinkle.

The gap between our bodies narrows as Yuna draws herself closer to me, enclosing the little space that was left. When she notices that I'm not immediately dismissing her touch, her arms lock around my neck.

"I can treat you so much better than her.. I can give you so much more," she murmurs as she allows her lips to lightly brush against the skin underneath my jaw.

I close my eyes for a second. No matter how much I tried to convince myself to take one step forward, to listen to the dark voice inside me that's chanting; 'Do it. You have to get revenge for what she did to you. It's only fair that way,' I couldn't.

I'm never sinking that low -- not when I know that I'm at fault, too.

Snapping back to my senses, I swiftly grab both her wrists and back off from her embrace.

"Yuna, just stop," I say coldly, my gaze piercing with seriousness. "You know nothing about me and Blue, and stop pretending like you know me at all because you don't. But know this.. Blue gives me so much more than you would ever do."

With that, I let go of her wrists and proceed to leave the room with my heavy breathing and an urgent goal in mind:

I have to find Blue.

Just when I closed the door behind me, I end up face to face with Jin and Namjoon.

Why are they up here alone?

"Taehyung! Why aren't you with Jimin and the others?" Jin asks when he sees me, the mention of his name leaving my body almost twitching with anger.

"I was just about to go look for them," I reply slightly impatiently -- which of course didn't go unnoticed by them.

"Why so uptight? Did something happen?" Namjoon points out, narrowing his eyes at me as if he's trying to analyze something.

Feeling like I'm losing my patience completely, I hurriedly exclaim, "I really have to talk to Blue right now so if you'd let me get through-"

However, only smirks were plastered onto the faces of my friends as I uttered her name. Instead of actually letting me go, Jin wrap an arm around my back and start leading me to a room across the corridor. Namjoon follows us close behind, and close the door after we enter a quiet, secluded bedroom.

When we all sit down, they look at me with curious gazes.

"Why are we here?" I ask with a clearly annoyed voice.

"Because something is bothering our Taehyungie, and you're going to talk to your brothers about it," Jin coos with a grin.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"V, stop acting like we're blind. It's actually humiliating that you thought we wouldn't notice," Namjoon says, making my gut twist in nervousness.

Don't tell me that they know about Blue..

"Uh, notice what?" I try, but they both give me looks that's telling me that they're not buying my bullshit.

"That you're head over heels for Blue, you dumbass!" Jin exclaims exasperatedly while delivering a slap across the back of my head. "You actually think that we don't see the way you are around Blue? That you're looking at her like she's your entire world?"

My entire body softens at that, a gentle warmth finding its way to my heart at the mention of her name.

The effect she has on me is unreal.

"See? You're already smiling by just thinking about her."

"Just admit it already, why are you even hiding it from us?"

Fuck it.

"Fine. I'm in love with Blue, okay?" I admit. It literally took 0.3 seconds for them to wrestle me down onto the bed the moment I finally said that out loud, Jin and Namjoon bombarding me with hugs and extatic squeals.

"OUR TAEHYUNGIE IS IN LOVE!" They exclaim in pure ecstasy, while legitimately suffocating me underneath their bodies.

"Your Taehyungie is soon dead if you're going to keep suffocating him with your fat asses!"

My desperate muffles were heard and I soon felt the air flowing into my lungs with ease again.

"Sorry, we got a little too excited there," Namjoon says while scratching the back of his head with an innocent but smug smile on his face. Jin however lock my head under his arm and ruffles my hair almost violently.

"You little shit! Why didn't you tell us that you and Blue were a thing?! Do you have any idea of how hurt and offended I am?" Jin scolds.

I groan while trying to escape his iron grip, and inhale deeply for air when he finally lets go.

"Alright I'm sorry, okay?" I exclaim with my hands raised in defense. "I just.." I begin to explain my reasons, but the words quickly coming to a halt as a I realize; I have no actual reason to why I kept it from them.

A number of seconds of silence follows. Their eyes are on me as they wait for my excuse, but all I do is let out a heavy sigh before saying, "I actually don't know.. I guess.." I stop suddenly, trying to find the right words to explain but struggle to do so.

".. you are afraid of commitment?" Namjoon finishes the sentence for me. My head perk up slightly at that.

I think that's it.

I nod my head shortly. "I was just afraid and unsure. As dumb as it sounds.. I think I was worried what you guys would think," I admit, my eyes locked on my fidgeting fingers.

"What do you mean by that?" Jin asks.

"Isn't it obvious? I mean look at us.. or at least how we used to be. We didn't catch feelings and we used people, that's how everyone knew us and saw us as. And I thought that you guys would bash me for going against what we used to be, but after Hoseok and Areum.. I was mostly afraid of what others thought about me. What they'd say to Blue if everyone knew. She'd know everything I've done in the past and see me differently, and I don't want her to know that side of me because that wasn't me.."

Jin and Namjoon's eyes are tearing up at this point. I continue, "I want to leave the past behind. I guess I thought I was just protecting her from finding out the truth about me. But I realized recently that she is going to find out sooner or later anyway.."

I can feel Jin's arm gently snaking around my back before he pulls me towards him in a side-hug.

"Oh Taehyung... It amazes me sometimes how dumb you are," he sighs. "But I totally get where you're coming from and I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing. However, one thing I know I'd do differently is that I would tell my brothers the truth the moment I realize that I have feelings for someone."