That's right. I'm back.

♣ ♣ ♣

Taehyung had been clinging to me all night. His arms had practically been locked around my torso while he was sleeping soundly with his head resting on my chest, leaving me more or less immobilized.

I on the other hand, hadn't been able to sleep at all.

All that went through my head during those extremely slow hours was a mental replay of him screaming and begging me not to leave him. My heart hurt so much for him because of this. When I had made sure that he was asleep, I had finally allowed myself to silently cry while holding his body close to mine.

This was my breaking point. I had to know the cause of these nightmares, because screaming like that while sleeping is never a good sign. If this was indeed linked to his mother like I suspect, then I have to know what happened to her in order to put his broken pieces together again.

The only way for me to know is to ask him about it, however if I knew him right he'd refuse to tell me.

Taehyung is currently sitting in front of me, refusing to look into my eyes as he pokes his fried eggs with his chopstick in silence. And that's how he's been ever since we woke up; silent like a peaceful, deserted meadow at midnight.

"Taehyung, talk to me," I finally beg him after not being able to endure his absentmindness anymore.

Silence.

"I know you can hear me."

Yet again silence.

I smash my chopsticks flat onto the table, making him flinch upon my sudden, slightly violent action.

"For fucks sake, can you please tell me why in hell you were screaming in your sleep!"

"It's none of your concerns."

"Can you stop being stubborn for one goddamn minute?"

He sighs heavily, finally looking up to meet my eyes. "You don't have to worry about it. It's nothing, I swear."

"Bullshit. And no, I can't just not worry about it. Do you have any idea how afraid I was for you?"

"I'm so sorry that I made you worried, but I promise that I'm fine."

I stare at him in disbelief. I knew he'd refuse to tell me, and it was making me incredibly frustrated. How does he expect to solve his problems if he doesn't even admit that he has them?

Silence engulfs us again, his eyes avert to his half-finished breakfast. A minute manage to pass before I finally speak up again.

"Is it because of your mother?"

His entire body stiffens when the words leave my lips. That small action was everything I needed to confirm my theory. I notice him inhaling deeply, closing his fists as if he was in pain. I almost regret asking, but this was the only way to make sure I was correct, even if it hurt him to think about her. However, it was only going to hurt him more if he kept it inside him.

"Please, can you never mention her again?" he says so quietly, but with so much desperation in his voice that I was taken aback. Therefore I stay mute, because this was all the confirmation I needed.

What happened to her?

My mind is in a daze as I rise from my seat, taking both our plates with me to the sink. Then I spin around to face him, noticing that he's already looking at me. I crack a small smile and nod my head towards the stairs.

"Come, we have some studies to catch up on."

♣

It was obvious that Taehyung was grateful that I didn't bring up his nightmare nor his mother for the rest of the day. We studied until four and ordered some takeout which we ate while watching some anime. I tried really hard not to think about how I should process in finding out what happened to his family, but being the master of over analyzing-ness made that part slightly difficult.

All I knew right now is that I couldn't stay with him tonight. I needed some time to think about this, because I was feeling that my emotions were reaching a peak and I needed to let them out in some way. Which is why I currently found myself in the passenger seat in Taehyung's car, while he's silently driving me home -- even though I insisted on walking he refused to let me go unless he drove me.

"Thank you," he says when the car eventually stops in front of my house. A smile find its way up his lips as he notice my confused expression before continuing, "for staying with me.. For taking care of me. I appreciate it."

I can't help but smile back, feeling my heart flutter at his sudden softness.

"Of course. I don't want you to suddenly die before graduation," I reply with a chuckle.

"Don't worry, you're not getting rid of me that easily."

And you're not getting rid of me either.

"Drive safely. Don't forget to eat and stay hydrated!" I remind him while holding the door open after climbing out of the car. He laughs and shakes his head.

"No ma'am, I won't forget."

I grin and shut the door closed, waving goodbye before walking up to my front door.

I really need to go for a run.

♣

After unpacking my bag and changing into sportswear, I finally head outside to clear my mind and organize my thoughts -- of course while listening to some upbeat music. An hour later I'm in the shower, doing the same thing again; thinking.

How can I find Taehyung's mother?

That was the question I found myself coming back to over and over. I need to contact her, but is that really a wise move? What if she's the one that's been hurting his family, and they were better off without her? No, he wouldn't have the picture of her left in his room if she hadn't been good to them. It's rather a risk I'm taking if I try to find her, but it's the only plan I have.

After exiting my bathroom, I notice that I have a message from Areum.

Thirty minutes later, Areum arrives at my doorstep with a gym-bag and two tubes of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. She happily greets my parents like she always does before we disappear into my bedroom and plop ourselves down onto my bed, facing each other.

"Code paprika: you've been with a guy. Spill," I speak dramatically, scooping up a spoonful of chocolate fudge ice cream and shove it into my mouth, waiting suspensefully for her story to unfold.

"Okay okay," she breathes before grinning widely. "It's about Hoseok."

My eyes widen as I cover my mouth, muffling my squeals.

"You were with Hoseok?! Oh my god, how, why and when?"

"Well it all started yesterday when you were absent. We all ate lunch as usual and stuff, but when Hoseok noticed that you were gone, he took your spot next to me and claimed it was so that 'I wouldn't feel so alone'. But you know how guys are when they're hinting that they're interested, he was like really close to me and tried to talk to me more than usual. I was honestly shocked that he seemed genuinely interested, but I didn't want to get my hopes up too much so I didn't think too much about it. That's until I saw him waiting for me by my locker. I literally asked him if he was lost but he was like 'I was waiting for you' as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And when I asked why, he said that he wanted to walk me home because we don't live that far away from each other anyway. Again, I didn't think it was anything more than a friendly gesture until..." She drags out the word, like she's building up the tension -- which she definitely succeeded with because I was craving the continuation of this cute saga.

"Until..?" I continue, urging her to spill the beans.

"Until he asked me on a date!!" she squeals before burying her face into the pillow she was clutching and screams into it. My hand slaps against my mouth as I let out a high-pitched squeal and start slapping her leg with my hand.

"DUDE! That's like the cutest thing I've ever heard! What did you say? Did you say yes?!"

"OF COURSE I SAID YES!"

"AAAAHH!!" We both squeal loudly while high-fiving each other continuously with both hands. This is a whole new level of fangirling. No K-pop group could ever make you happier than when your friend finally gets somewhere with her crush she's been talking about non-stop and silently admired for weeks. If champagne's were to be opened; we'd pop them all right now.

"I fucking can't even," I wail. "Was he nervous at all? What did he say?"

"So we reached my house and when I turned to face him he had the brightest smile I've ever seen, you know how smile-y he is. He actually didn't seem nervous at all and he was so cute, I've honestly never seen him act like that before. He was like 'Areum, I've been wanting to ask you this for the longest time but I've never really had the confidence before. And I can't wait because it feels like it will be too late otherwise. Areum.. Will you make me the happiest guy in the world by going on a date with me?' and I frickin' cried in front of him and he deadass got scared because he thought that he said something wrong. But when I said yes he literally picked me up and hugged me so hard. Guuurl, he smelled so good I swear I almost melted right then and there."

My cheeks literally hurt from smiling so much, and I couldn't help but relate to the last part. I immediately thought of that time when Tae carried me through the park, being so close that I could inhale his scent. I definitely knew the way she was feeling all too well. However, I couldn't help but feeling sad that I couldn't share my own miracle with her.

I desperately wanted to tell her about Taehyung and what's happened these last three days when I was taking care of him, but I just couldn't allow myself to bring it up. This night was about her, I'd feel bad if I suddenly started talking about what's been going on with me which would then probably ruin her happiness. My problems can wait.

Just when I thought about him, I receive another message. This time it's from Tae.

My lips twitch slightly after reading his message, wanting to smile but fought against it.

After tapping in my answer, I put away my phone and focus entirely on Areum the rest of the night. Though, I felt guilty that he had to sleep alone tonight. What if he has nightmares again? But I can't be there with him every time he has them, even if I wanted to.

Sorry Tae, not tonight..

My eyes are glued onto the screen of my phone as I chew on my nails, waiting nervously for her reply. Why am I feeling nervous all of sudden? Get a grip of yourself.

The grip was immediately lost when my phone eventually vibrated, indicating that she had finally answered my text.

My heart sinks to a bottomless pit.

No..

It had been the first night I've ever actually slept through without waking up every half-hour in total panic because of these goddamn nightmares.

It had been the first time in six years.

I had even forgotten what it felt like to actually sleep. I always told myself that they'll go away eventually.

They never did.

But with her... It's as if everything just disappears for a while. She distracts me -- she makes me forget. And that's all I've been trying to do all these years; forget. Move on for once. But I can't. I don't want to admit to myself that it's because of her, but what possible reason could it be except that she left us -- left me. Blue saw through me. She knows. But there's nothing I can do and there's nothing she can do to make this go away. She's gone. She's much happier without us in her life, hell I don't know if she's even alive. She hates me, I know it. She would never want to see me again..

Though I can still see her as clear as that night. Their shouting. Her screaming. The shatter. The fear inside me. How I couldn't move. How I couldn't protect her.

I close my eyes and shake my head as the vivid images starts flickering in my mind, reopening the scars I've struggled to keep closed. Oh, this will be a rough night.

My stomach suddenly twists in dread at the thought of going to sleep without her.

I can't lose her.

I can't let her go.

I need her.

The image of her smile is etched onto my mind, memorized with such immense detail that I can draw it perfectly without actually seeing her. The sound of her melodious laugh makes me feel so much more than my favorite piece of music could ever make me feel. Her touch is unlike anyone else's, charged with so much invisible electricity but still as soft as a lonely feather. Her body fits so perfectly against my own, as if we are two pieces of a puzzle only created for one another.

As much as want to deny it, and for long I've already been denying it... I know how I feel about her. I knew all too well what my emotions has developed into.

I have completely fallen in love with Blue.

♣ ♣ ♣

I'm honestly that I haven't posted a new chapter but it's because uni has been a massive pain in the ass, I've honestly never been this stressed in my entire life. I literally had no time to write new chapters. So I've been hardcore rewriting the entire fic instead lol, but mostly the first 9 chapters have gotten a real glo' up I must say.

Also another reason for the delay is that I've been trying to think how the fic will process, and I can happily tell you that I've planned out until the end! If my calculations are correct, there will be at least before this fic comes to its end -- and I to finish it by the end of this summer (August 2018) but I can't promise anything yet!

AND ALSO WE SURPASSED 2.2K READS I'M FCKN Q U A K I N G

STIGMA WAS AROUND 1K AT CHAPTER 20

AND THE READS UNTIL NOW?! EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T UPDATE YOU WITH NEW CHAPTERS?! I'M SO I JUST WANNA HUG YOU ALL AND TREAT YOU TO SOME BEN & JERRY'S BECAUSEREADING THIS DESERVE ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD ♥

So from the bottom of my heart, ♥ I will try to bombard you all with updates this summer so we can finally reach the end of this story ♥