♣ ♣ ♣

I ended up never answering his text, the exhaustion hit me hard and I had fallen asleep in an instant. Sleeping through the night like a rock, I woke up the next morning feeling more rested and energized than I've felt in a very long time. While sitting up and stretching lightly, I suddenly got the urge to go for a run -- which happens like.. never.

Ten minutes later I'm stepping into my running shoes with my hair tied up into a ponytail and I have my workout clothes on. My mom emerges from the livingroom soon enough, warily inspecting my abnormal actions.

"Good morning honey, where are you going?" she asks, surprise evident in her voice.

"I just feel like running, don't ask why," I reply with a chuckle before putting on my headphones.

"You? Running? Where is my daughter and what have you done to her?" she gasps dramatically, to which I laugh at.

"I don't know either, I guess I had a good sleep or something. But gotta go now, I'll be back in an hour or so."

And with that, I step out into the fresh morning air, closing the door behind me. I prepare a playlist consisting of upbeat songs and press play. Then I just let my feet take me wherever they wanted to go, with my mind somewhere in the clouds.

♣

An hour later I'm panting in the doorway, sliding off my now probably smelly shoes and walk straight to the bathroom to take a much needed shower. Running this much hadn't really been a part of my original plans, I honestly surprised myself with how long I could actually run. I was never a fan of any kind of physical activity besides walking, but it felt incredibly good and relieving, as if I finally ventilated out the built-up frustration inside me.

After the shower, I stuff my mouth with a number of pancakes I'd much rather not admit before finally plopping down onto my bed in front of some anime -- while suffering the worst food-coma in my life.

It suddenly hits me that I still haven't given Taehyung a reply to his text yet. Mentally slapping myself, I hurriedly search for my phone before tapping in the long delayed answer.

Just like that; my mood was completely ruined. Refusing to waste my energy on arguing with him, I decide to not answer him anymore -- he can go accusing someone else of lying because I wasn't having any of it.

I throw one quick glance at his text, only to put my phone down again without answering.

I'm still not going to talk to you, dickhead.

It's been two hours. I'm not going to answer you, give up already.

Well now I will most certainly not answer you.

I end up enabling complete silent-mode and leave my phone on the other side of the room.

♣

The clock strikes eight in the evening when I finally finish the anime, thinking that I really need to get a new hobby -- or a life, for that matter. The frustration Taehyung caused me earlier hung over me like thick, dark cloud and didn't seem to disappear anytime soon. I feel suffocated, like something wants to rip me from inside. An urge to get away strikes me like a fierce lighting bolt, making me want to escape these four walls in order to just breathe. I suddenly miss Sweden, thinking back on how simple my life had been back there. I need an escape, just for a short while.

Impulsively and with my mind distanced, I throw on my running tights, grab my phone and leave the house -- without uttering a single word or thinking twice.

Frustration has completely engulfed me, my mind in a cloudy daze as I make my way through the empty streets. Too far away from my house, I curse myself for not putting on a hoodie since the air had appeared to become much colder than I thought it would be. Picking up my pace, I start rubbing my exposed arms with my hands in order to warm myself up. Along the journey to I don't know where, I keep inhaling and exhaling deeply in attempt to calm my triggered nerves.

How he managed to turn me this unstable is something I'm not quite happy about. I hate losing my temper like this, but I mostly hate how easily he affects my mood; how I allow his words to etch onto my mind and never fade away.

An hour pass much like a soft sea breeze, and I've successfully calmed down during my walk, feeling the tension gradually leaving my shoulder for each breath that I had taken. My mind suddenly bursts free from the trap that is my deep thoughts, allowing my eyes to finally focus on my surroundings. Much to my bewilderment, I had ended up crossing the entire park and approaching towards the outskirts of town. My heart was beating faster than normal due to the brisk pace I had kept up, but at least I was feeling warm -- except my still freezing arms.

Though, my journey had fulfilled the reason for the origin of my escape; and that was to rationalize with myself and clear my thoughts. I suddenly feel guilty for lashing out on him like I did -- even if he deserved it, I still felt bad.

Deciding to finally reply to him, I pick up my phone and it wasn't until then I notice all the additional messages that he had sent me. A smile finds its way to my lips unknowingly as I read them, chuckling to myself thinking how panicked he appeared to be. Before I type in any sort of answer, I just stop and sigh to myself, wondering why I'm even putting up with this idiot.

Literally two seconds after I send it, his name suddenly glows up on the screen, indicating that he was calling me. My stomach immediately twists in nervousness, my eyes keeps rereading his name over and over, not sure if I was hallucinating or not.

I press accept.

"Tae?" I breathe quietly, not hiding the surprise behind my voice.

"You made me worried," Taehyung says through the speaker, his voice nothing but a soft murmur. The vulnerability behind it makes my heart melt in an instant, causing all my previous anger towards him to disperse, only a pile of dust was left which then slowly followed a single cold gust of wind; disappearing completely into the night.

A sigh seeps through my lips, my eyes looking up at the soon pitch black sky.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer. I was just too frustrated to talk to you at that moment, I guess," I say while making my feet start moving, commencing the long walk back home again.

"No I'm sorry I reacted that way-, wait, are you outside?" he asks, sounding alerted.

"Yeah I went for a walk but I'm on my way back now."

"Where are you?" A door seems to slam closed at his side of the line.

"The park, kind of?" I didn't really know how to explain since even I didn't know where I was. Light pants suddenly resonates from the speaker. Was he working out? "What are you doing?"

"Don't go anywhere," is all he says, making me furrow my eyebrows even though he couldn't see me. I keep walking anyway, soon enough reaching the park.

"Taehyung what are you-" I suddenly stop right in my tracks, my words trailing off until they get stuck in my throat. Out of nowhere, I suddenly see a panting Taehyung before me, his phone pressed against his ear while his eyes find my own. For each breath he let out, small clouds of white smoke escaped through his lips.

And we just stand like this, staring at each other in complete silence.

He's the first one to move, approaching me with quick steps while I just stand here frozen, unable to process that he was actually here. It all feels surreal.

I suddenly feel his arms wrap around me. He completely envelops my body with his, holding me tight against his chest. Closing my eyes, I mimic his action and return his embrace by snaking my arms around his back. I can feel each beat of his heart. He actually ran all the way here? I secretly smile thinking that he crossed half the park just to see me. Since we were so close, I could inhale his signature scent with every breath I took, which caused me to instantly melt into his touch along with a horde of butterflies bursting free in my stomach.

"I'm sorry," he breathes quietly, burying his face in the crook of my neck. By now I thought my heart would explode in my chest. Every single cell in my body was cheering, every nerve screaming with affection because they had craved his touch ever since he held me last Friday, right here in this very park. I felt nothing but complete safety in his arms, leaving me never wanting to let go of this otherworldly bliss.

Eventually he lets me go, but he did so very slowly. His hands remain on my arms, holding me in place as if he was afraid that I would run away. They slowly move downwards, tracing a path of warmness from my elbows to my wrists, before gently cupping my cold hands with his warm ones. He did all this without letting his eyes leave mine.

At this point, I thought I'd explode due to the wave of sensations that erupted inside me as a result of the sparks igniting between his skin against mine.

But something even more beautiful than this moment was how many emotions his face was giving away. It was impossible to rip my gaze away from his, because he had completely immersed me under his enchanting spell.

Concern. Regret. Affection.

His features said it all.

He truly is a work of art.

"You're cold," he murmurs gently with concern in his voice.

Oh, how weak my heart has grown towards him.

"I didn't think it would be this cold," I say quietly, my voice coming out as a whisper. My throat was clogged up with so many emotions, I almost forgot how to speak.

His hand find its way to the zipper of his hoodie, dragging it down in order to slide the clothing off of his torso. Instead, he wraps it around me, feeling the warm fabric colliding with my exposed skin.

"Put it on," he demands, giving me a look saying that there is no point in arguing about this. I obey and pull my arms through the too long sleeves and lastly close the zipper. The hoodie smells just like him; like heaven on earth.

"Thank you," I murmur with a small smile. "Are you sure you won't be cold?" I ask in concern, since he was left only wearing a T-shirt. He chuckles and watches me with an amusing gaze, smiling as if I had said something funny.

"Don't worry about it. Now, let me walk you home," he says, putting his hand on my lower back which indicates that I should follow his lead. We walk closely to one another, a comfortable silence immersing us while we both appear to be in deep thought.

Then I fixate my eyes on something.

"Oh look, a swing-set!" I gasp excitedly. I can't even remember the last time I played on one of these.

"You wanna go there?" Tae chuckles beside me. I look up at him and nod with a smile. Then without thinking, I grab his hand and drag him towards the swings. Soon we're swinging back and forth as if we're eight years old, not eighteen. We laugh hysterically when we start competing in who can swing the highest, but of course he won. Damn show-off.

Then we start talking, lazily swinging back and forth in a slow pace.

"Why were you so angry with me about Jimin?" I ask him, my eyes locked on the now pitch-black sky. I hear him sigh beside me.

"Honestly, I don't know. It's just.." he begins, pausing for a moment as if internally searching for the right words to say. I break my stare from the stars in order to look at him instead. He notices, and captures my eyes with his.

"Does it really bother you?" I ask softly. I desperately needed to know if he was serious when he said it.

After a moment of thinking, he eventually lets out a soft sigh.

"Yeah, it bothers me."

My heart somersaults in my chest out of pure bliss. So he does care.

A thoughtful silence follows before I carefully ask, "Why?"

"I honestly don't know. I just felt.. so annoyed seeing him with you like that. Actually, it pissed me off."

I stare at him, unable to believe my ears. Was he jealous?

I am at total loss for words. All my emotions and rational thinking started to blend together, leaving a messy blob of total confusion inside my head.

What was I supposed to answer to that?

A painfully large number of questions blew up in my brain, overwhelming me with its imaginary scenarios and problems that were never there from the beginning.

Is he messing with me? Is all of this part of his game? Is he saying this just to let my guard down? Is he even speaking the truth?

However, as I let my eyes take in his facial features, and based on the way his eyes were watching me, I couldn't allow myself to believe that he was lying. His face didn't hide anything anymore. It was enticing, to say the least, to watch his beautiful features provide something more than just a blank canvas.

"Seeing you with Jimin kills me.. can't you see that?" he murmurs quietly at last, diverting his eyes and looking down on his feet instead.

My heart picks up its pace. Now that he mentions it..

An imaginary cloudy sky suddenly opens up before me, making me realize something that had been so obvious from the beginning.

The time he interrupted mine and Jimin's pepero game, and later on the boys had stared each other down when I introduced myself to their group.

The time in the classroom when I told him that Jimin drove me home after studying, when he later on found me on the roof and begging me to listen, telling me he was sorry. That same day, he had been unusually tense by the lunch table when Jimin mouthed to me if I was okay.

Last but not least; yesterday at the restaurant when Jimin pretended that we were on a date.

I really am dense, aren't I.

Even after realizing all this, I still couldn't understand the reason why it was bothering him.

"I simply can't stand thinking of you with someone else."

His words caught me off guard, further intensifying my already overflowing emotions. Words. With my mind spinning in full speed, I try to find the right words to say, however with not much luck.

What do I want to know?

Heart, what do you want?

Is it confirmation I'm seeking? Confirmation on what? Do I want to hear him say that he likes me; is that what I want?

I'm feeling anxious all of sudden. I had never in a million years expected him to confess all this, heck I'm still shook over the fact that he found me, unexpectedly embracing me in the way he did. This was something that only happened in my daydreaming; nothing I ever thought would occur for real.

I could see that he was desperate for me to say something, as if he expected me to laugh in his face or taunt him. It's almost relieving that he was the one to say it first, because I also felt that there was something there between us -- perhaps this was the beginning of finding out what exactly that something is.

"Why is that?" I eventually ask after one agonizingly long minute of silence. I want to hear him explain, I need to hear his reasons before I can even begin to put my feelings into words.

"Like I said; you belong to me," he says unexpectedly, a slight smirk rising to his lips. Memories suddenly awakes, mentally throwing me back to the party and into that particular room where Taehyung had pushed me against the door, his lips attached to my neck which had sent fiery sensations to course through my entire body. A shiver goes up my spine.

"I thought you weren't serious about that," I reply, my voice low, capturing his gaze.

"Me neither."

"You're seriously confusing me," I say, lightly shaking my head at him.

He smiles at my words. "I know.. I'm confusing myself as well."

Silence engulfs us then, both appearing to process how we should go on from here. I had never thought that he'd feel this way, and I can't lie to myself and say that it wouldn't bother me if I saw him with another girl.

This would be so obvious in every other situation but ours. I know that he isn't the type to be looking for a relationship -- and I don't want to be giving my heart false hopes and believe that he will someday change is mind. But no matter what I did, it all would just end up the same destructive way at this point. If I stay away, my heart will still crave him and thus keep hurting. If I choose to be with him, I'd end up hurting in silence because we'd never be something more than a temporary fling.

The more I realize this, the more confused I get. I'm utterly screwed at this point.

It was too much for one evening. I eventually stand up from the swing at flash him a soft smile. "Let's go home, you're probably freezing like that."

He joins me by my side and so we start walking to my house again. Along the way, I tried to convince him several times that he didn't have to follow me all the way -- but he was determined not to show any weakness to the cold and maintain his 'masculinity' by doing so.

I only sighed and let him have his way, internally fangirling over how romantic I think this all is. I secretly love that he lend me his hoodie to keep me warm -- even though he was obviously freezing -- and that he wasn't letting me go home by myself in this darkness.

Would my heart be okay with us being a couple in secret, if this is what it would be like? He'd at least be mine for a while.. Perhaps that would be enough before my heart can let him go completely?