♣ ♣ ♣

Friday came along at last and the highly anticipated party hosted by no other than Baekhyun was taking place tonight. Areum and I have been hyping up this party the entire week, since we've been drowning in studies and couldn't wait to finally relax and drown our problems with a decent amount of alcohol.

Ever since my little encounter with Jimin two days ago, I haven't been able to get him out of my mind. And every time he broke through the paperthin barrier representing my ability to concentrate, I was immediately attacked by immense amounts of cringe. I really wanted to personally apologize to him for acting the way I did -- which is why I hoped that he would come to the party tonight. I had even planned the perfect way to do this; I'd get a reasonably amount of drunk, just to lighten myself a bit, then I'd cheerfully greet him and show him the real side of me that's not awkward or weird. But knowing myself, I will definitely somehow find a way to screw it up even more.

However, there's one presence I most certainly not want to acknowledge tonight -- and that is Taehyung's. Yesterday at detention made me lose the last living particle inside me that contained the tiniest bit of hope in him I had left. I was too naive thinking that he would actually change, at least a little bit, after we spent one actually happy and conversation-filled detention the day after we snuck out to the roof.

So, I've been avoiding him all day while trying to repress all the memories we shared and decided to just try to forget about him.

But there was one thing that bothered me so much, which I suspect is the reason behind why it was difficult for me to forget him easily; and that's the fact that he without a doubt makes me feel something. Only the Universe would know what this feeling could be, because for me it was completely foreign and creepy. After spending countless of reflecting sessions with myself, I finally decided to just ignore it since I'm pretty sure it will go away by itself as the time goes -- I hope.

The last bell of the day rang at last, and the sound of enthusiastic chatter and quick steps making their way through the endless corridors followed. Areum and I are squeezing our way through the crowd of students towards our lockers and somehow cross paths with Baekhyun, Kai and Chanyeol along the way, who greets us with wide smiles.

"You guys ready to get out of here and prepare for the party?" Kai asks with a smirk, wiggling his eyebrows at us.

"Did you forget? I'm having a pre-party at detention first," I remind him with a sigh.

"Are you sure you don't want us to stay?" Areum asks me with a pout, for the thousandth time this day.

"I'll be fine! Honestly, you don't have to pity me," I reassure her with a chuckle. "Just head home and prepare for the party, okay?"

"Fine. But when you get outta there, we're going to make sure that you'll have the time of your life tonight!" Baekhyun exclaims happily while throwing his arm around my shoulders.

I chuckle at his cuteness. I've honestly never met someone with the same level of energy and charisma that Baekhyun radiates around him. He never fails in making anyone happy, and I admire that about him. Chanyeol and Kai are the same, they are both such happy-pills but they're also supporting and encouraging. I honestly couldn't have asked for better friends.

We eventually reach the stairs and that's where we part ways.

"Text me when you're done! I'll see you later!" Areum shouts with a wave as she descend down the stairs to the ground floor together with the boys. I chuckle and wave back before making my way upstairs to the top floor where I commence my journey towards the roof.

♣

I managed to reach the door at the top floor without attracting any kind of unwanted attention. Before picking the lock, I throw one last glance around my surroundings to make sure that the coast was clear. After a few seconds, the satisfying sound of a click was heard and the door swings open, revealing the secluded space of freedom I had been craving to visit the entire day. Making sure to close the door behind me, I take one step forward and deeply inhale the fresh air. Oh, how I needed this right now.

I went to sit down against the wall just around the corner, so I wasn't visible if a teacher somehow came up here out of the blue. After making myself comfortable, I put my earbuds on and let the world of music engulf me in its pleasant vocals and beats while closing my eyes. Then I just enjoyed this moment, feeling the tension slightly lift itself off of my shoulders.

After a while, I sensed something strange, as if I was being watched. This caused me to inspect my surroundings for a second, to confirm that I was indeed just imagining things. However, I was immediately startled when I notice Taehyung leaning against the wall next to me, watching me warily. Feeling my blood starting to boil, I bring myself up on my feet as I bite my lip, and proceed to walk past him without a word leaving my sealed lips.

I did not make it far, though, since fingers suddenly wrapped around my wrist in a firm grip, bringing me to a halt. I heavily groan inwardly while trying not to acknowledge the sparks of affection running through my body due to his touch.

"Don't leave," he says with a low voice, almost whispering. I inhale deeply to gather at least some courage to face him without appearing affected by his enchanting aura, before turning around and looking straight into his eyes. I then realized I shouldn't have done that, because my heart was picking up its pace as I notice the gentle, almost sad emotion behind his dark irises.

Don't let his regretful eyes deceive you.

My throat clenched before finally speaking as calmly as I could muster at this moment, "I really don't want to argue with you. So please let me go." I try to release my hand from his grip, however without any luck.

"Me neither, so will you please just listen to me this once?" he begs. The vulnerable tone of his voice immediately made my heart skip a beat while slowly melting the icy facade I tried to portray before him. He appears to be genuinely sad, which completely discouraged me from attempting to ignore his pleads. And I know for a fact that I'd regret not hearing him out, which is why I stand there in silence, waiting for him to continue.

When getting the cue that I wasn't leaving, he slowly soften his grip around my wrist, but instead of letting go completely, he let his fingers slowly glide downwards before carefully wrapping them around my hand. The touch immediately caused sparks to ignite between the closed space, sending shivers through my entire body. My cheeks warmed up slightly as my heartbeat increased in speed.

Taehyung is holding my hand. Holy shit.

He tugs on my hand to indicate that I should sit down again, and I imitate his actions as we both make ourselves comfortable on the spot where I previously sat. Then he lets go of my hand, the withdrawal sent a tiny wave of disappointment to course through my body. No matter how much I refused to admit it to myself, I found his touch safe.

Even though I was dying a little inside due to the sudden burst of emotions, I remained calm and collected on the outside. Taehyung then takes a deep breath before finally speaking up, "I'm really sorry for what I said yesterday."

I'm completely taken aback. Him apologizing to me was the last thing I had expected.

"Are you such a nolifer that you have to disturb me every chance you get? You're so goddamn annoying, did you know that?"

His sudden hurtful words left me completely shaken and upset. I only tried to start a conversation with him, like yesterday at detention where we were laughing constantly. What the hell was his problem? I swear, his moodswings were really getting on my nerves, and this time he completely crossed the line. If this is how he'll always treat me, then I might as well never talk to this asswipe again.

"Maybe you should get a fucking life instead of acting like a dick as soon as someone talks to you!" I suddenly spat at him, unexpectedly raising my voice loud enough to startle him. I was a split second away from raising my hand and deliver a solid slap across his cheek, but I restrained myself in the last moment. Instead, I took a deep breath and looked straight into his eyes. "Seriously, go fuck yourself. Asshole."

Tears welled up while I left him by the lockers with my fists clenched, anger and anguish clouding my senses. He doesn't deserve any of my energy or time. From now on, I will completely ignore him and stop caring about him at all -- just like he wants.

Emotions welled up inside me as my mind replayed our fight yesterday, reminding me to not forget why I was mad at him in the first place. I was still angry and hurt, which tempted me to just stand up and leave. However, with all my rational thinking completely obliviated, I waited for him to continue.

Why did I even force myself to tolerate his shit?

"I really didn't mean any word I said. I was just..." he pauses for a few seconds, chewing on his lip before continuing, "I had a lot on my mind. And I took it out on you. You didn't deserve that and I'm honestly sorry."

His voice while expressing his regret sounded so raw, I couldn't help but feeling my anger slowly fade away -- which also left me confused over his remarkable ability to make me forgive him so easily. He then avert his eyes to meet mine, and they radiated nothing but sincereness. We stay like this for a moment, slowly drowning in each other's eyes, seeking for closure to this feud. For each second passing, I could feel my wall starting to crumble bit by bit. A small flutter was roaming around in my stomach, causing warmth to spread through my body.

He indeed possessed a very unique way to make my hormones break loose.

I hated being on bad terms with someone -- even him. So I eventually let out a sigh as I break our eye-contact, averting my gaze to the clouds.

"Thanks. I'm sorry I called you an asshole, even if it's true," I say with a small chuckle. He chuckle as well, a small smirk evident on his lips.

"Yeah, I know. I guess I deserved it."

"You deserved it."

"Fine, you don't have to rub it in my face.." he whines, making me laugh.

"But you're really confusing, did you know that?"

"Maybe a little," he admits with a low chuckle, smiling weakly. A few seconds of silence follows.

"Why?" I finally ask, my voice sounding more like a whisper than intended. He was without a doubt such a mystery. It was difficult to interpret his actions and expressions into emotions, making it very hard for me to understand what his true intentions were. If anyone, he was the expert in sending mixed signals. Trying to scrape even the tiniest piece of the surface to his hundred-layered shell was extremely challenging, truth to be told; it gave me major headaches. But for some reason I refused to give up, not just yet.

As the silence engulfed us once more as Taehyung appeared to be deep in thought, I caught myself staring at his bottom lip that was trapped underneath his teeth. The sight made the lower part of my stomach twist in a peculiar way, as I found myself thinking; wow, he looks really hot.

"It's none of your concerns," he finally speaks up coldly before rising to his feet. His answer and sudden change of mood made me disappointed, making me question my sanity yet again. I started reflecting over the weak, handful of reasons to why I keep bothering with this cranky dickhead. However, something deep down keeps telling me that something isn't right; that he needs someone.

"Detention starts soon, we should get going." Taehyung's voice woke me up from my thoughts, surprising me that he hadn't left yet. I nod as I help myself up to a standing position, while he quietly waits for me. Then we leave the roof and make our way to the detention room, while the thick cloud of silence engulfed us once again.

The cloud decided to accompany us the entire hour in detention as well, meanwhile I was drowning in my own thoughts. What was I supposed to do about this guy? He always act like he doesn't need to confide in anyone. I know he has friends and that they all trust each other more than they trust themselves, but I still couldn't shake the feeling that he was in desperate need of help. At least, that's the impression I get every time I look into his eyes.

He's hiding something. The question is, though, will I be able to help him? Or will he just remain closed forever, pushing people away for trying to open him up?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Her words echoed in my mind ever since she asked me that question. My mind started to race thinking about it, slowly opening up the memories I've been clouding for years. Memories I wish I could forget. Memories that made me lose my sense of dignity and self-control. Memories that made me the way I am. Memories that will always remind me what kind of pathetic, weak, sick person I am.

Why?

Because I couldn't protect her. That's why.

Because I'm a coward. That's why.

Because I hate myself. That's why.

Why? She asks.

Because I'm fucked up. That's why.

♣ ♣ ♣

but GUUYS this was the last short/eventless chapter and from now on things will get interesting >:3

the warm-up is over, now the fanfic can finally start for real