"Do you have a, umh, you know... the thing?" stammered Arena as she pushed herself up on her elbows. Her bra was on the floor with her and Kihyun's shirts. Arena bit her lip, realizing how naked she actually was as the only thing on her were her underpants, that really didn't do a good job of hiding anything. Her face heated as her blood thrummed.

"Yeah, I do," laughed Kihyun, reaching into the back pocket of his jeans to pull out the condom. Arena leaned forward, undoing the zip of his jeans in one swift motion. The bed covers were pushed into a heap on their right. She snatched the rectangular package from between his fingers, smirking. Kihyun swiggled out of his pants.

Arena almost choked at the sight.

He had been going commando.

His pants joined the pile of clothes on the floor as he leaned over her, planting kisses from her jaw to her stomach. "You are a goddess," murmured Kihyun against her lower stomach, his fingers snaking under the sides of her lingerie. Arena's hands flew to cover her face as he tugged off the last piece of clothing between them. He kissed her hipbone, the inside of her thigh.

"Kihyun.." groaned Arena dangerously. He grinned, tracing his tongue from her waist and from between her breasts. Arena's eyes shut as she bit back a sound.

Arena heard the crinkling of the plastic. Her eyes flew back open, craning her neck to peek. Arena's heart was pounding as fast as the speed of light when he lowered himself over her, bracing his left hand on the headboard. Kihyun noticed the faint worry in her eyes, kissing her neck to ease it. Arena's hands gripped Kihyun's toned shoulders. A small yelp escaped her lips as her back arched into him, her nails digging into the skin above his shoulder blades. His dark eyes met hers. Arena took a deep breath, exhaling from between her lips, her still damp hair sprawled over the sheets.

"Okay?"

Arena smiled through the heat, "Okay."

***

She could hear his heartbeat.

Arena nuzzled closer to Kihyun, her arm tightening over his waist, her head on his chest. Hours had passed but Kihyun's heartbeat was still rather quick. His hand rested on her head, fingers gently brushing through her hair. They were quiet, just listening to each other breathe.

"I have a question." Kihyun's voice was rough, low.

Arena turned her head to look at him, her own throat sore, "Yeah?"

Kihyun tucked a strand behind her ear, "You said something before, that you liked me before you ever even got the chance to meet me, right?"

Arena nodded.

"How long?"

"For a few years I guess."

Kihyun pursed his lips. Arena could now talk about it with ease. When she had first noticed him, she had fallen hard, fast. Thinking it to be a simple celebrity crush and not paying attention to what she felt in her heart then came back to haunt her. Arena knew she should move on from an idol. Someone who would never even look her way, someone who was way out of her reach, on the other side of the world and didn't even know she existed.

The 'what if' was what had stopped her. What if someday they met? What if she went to Korea? What if they fell in love..?

There were too many 'what if's '. Too many reasons not to let go. To just hold onto the thought of him. Because she didn't know. Arena didn't know what the future would hold for her.

Kihyun sighed, opening his mouth to speak. His voice snapped Arena out of her memories, the amount of pain and loneliness she had felt. Someday she would tell him.

"Was it hard? To live like that." His voice was soft, his fingers brushing over her cheeks.

Arena leaned into his touch, her lips curving into a sad smile. "I went to sleep every night with my heart in pain and my mind a mess." She sighed, sitting up. Her gaze lingered on the wallpaper as she spoke again, "I was so sick of being alone, I thought I should just move on with my goddamn life," Arena turned her head to look at Kihyun as a tear rolled down her cheek which she quickly wiped away. She rested her chin on her knee. Kihyun traced the silhouette of her spine as her back was wholly bared to him.

"Did you? Look at someone else?"

"Not even once."

She took a deep breath, the air getting caught in her throat as she leaned back down next to him. Kihyun wrapped her in his arms, covering her body with his. Her small frame shuddered beneath him, tears rolling down her cheeks. Kihyun's arms tightened around Arena, the smell of her vanilla shampoo gently tickling his nostrils.

He kissed away her tears, his heart clenched tight in his chest.

"I will make sure you never feel that way ever again," whispered Kihyun, "I am here now and I will take care of your heart and soul until my last breath."

Arena's breath hitched as she wiped her wet cheek with her fingers.

Kihyun leaned his forehead against hers.

"I love you."

***

"There's a car downstairs ready for us," Kihyun pulled his hair back beneath a beanie, eyeing Arena as she struggled with her laces. Her hands were shaking.

"Hey," he kneeled down in front of her, tying her laces for her. When Arena had wanted to take a shower in the morning, Kihyun had followed and joined her. A hint of a smile still played on his lips whenever he let his thoughts go there again. But Arena wasn't smiling.

"Are you okay?" He helped her stand up.

Arena looked like her mind was somewhere far away.

"Look, if you're worried about the security..."

"Kihyun, it's fine. I'm fine." She leaned down for her bag, heaving it onto her back. Kihyun wasn't so easily brushed off. He put his own bag down, trying to get ahold of her.

"What's wrong? Did I... did I hurt you?"

Arena's eyes flicked up, she took his face between her delicate hands, kissing the corner of his mouth. "No, of course not. You are the most perfect person in the world. Nothing is wrong." As Arena started to pull back, Kihyun caught her lips in his, one of his hands finding their spot on her jaw. "Why does it seem like you're distant somehow."

She smiled as she ducked away from under his arm, heading toward the door, "Everything will work out."

What a weird thing to say, wondered Kihyun, closing the door to their room behind them.

He held her hand the entire car ride, not daring to let go. Arena was quiet, looking out of the window. Kihyun leaned his head on her shoulder, his hat tickling her neck. Their car was headed back to Arena's hotel, where she had been staying the past month. She said she needed to change her clothes.

Something was up. Kihyun could sense it, but he had no idea what it could be. Last night he had told her that he loved her. Arena hadn't said it back, but Kihyun had wondered it was just because she had loved him for years. Now when he started to think more about it, scary thoughts started to cloud his mind. What was Arena not telling him?

When the car stopped Arena stepped out and waited for Kihyun to do the same. They walked into the hotel together, keeping their heads down.

"You can wait outside, I'll be quick," said Arena, before swiping her keycard before her door. "Are you kidding? I'm coming inside."

She sighed, "I really think you should just sta..."

The door opened from the inside, revealing Naha. Dressed.

And packed.

To leave.

"Oh, I'm sorry.." started Naha as Arena swiggled in, cringing. THis was not how he was supposed to find out. Kihyun pushed in after her, his eyes widening at their suitcases standing next to the wall with the entire room empty.

"Arena?" He looked at her, trying to find the answer. This was why she was acting weird? She was leaving?

"I was going to tell you."

"Ohlook at thatIleftmylipbalmoutside," said Naha quickly, closing the door behind her swiftly as she stepped out of the room, leaving the two inside together.

"When were you going to tell me? Before or after I said I loved you?" Kihyun threw his things to the floor. Of course he had known that she wasn't going to stay here forever and that one day she would have to go back home and deal with her things but he didn't think it'd be this soon. Considering everything that had happened between them.

Arena turned to face him, her voice small, "That has nothing to do with it."

"When?" Kihyun didn't look at her.

"My plane leaves in 5 hours."

5? Kihyun thought he was going to rip his hair out. THere must be a positive side to this somewhere. "But it's okay, right? You're coming back?" The pitch of his voice rose eagerly, his eyes flicking back to where she had sat on the bed.

Arena didn't respond.

"You're not...coming back?"

"I'm sorry."

"What.. what about us?"

She just looked at her feet.

"No, Arena. No. You can't just. You can't just pack up and leave. You can't leave me like this." He paced the room. Arena cracked her knuckles, fumbling with the beautiful silver ring with three small stones Kihyun had given her for Christmas. It was around her ring finger.

She stood up, taking a deep breath. "I have to go. This is what's best. Your fans hate me, they even turned against you. Can't you see that you've gotten physically hurt just because of me? I can't be with you like this if it turns your whole life against you."

Kihyun scowled, "That's my line. You don't get to say that this is for the best. I know what's for best. You are. I want to be with you. You wanted to be with me. What about the things you told me yesterday? That there never was anyone but me?"

Arena grabbed his shoulders, "That was true, it still is. But I have to go, I can't watch your career crumble because of me."

"You don't get to make that decision."

"I'm sorry."

Kihyun yanked away from her grip, his voice rising. "No. Don't you dare choose this over me. I'm the one you've always wanted. ME! You don't get to walk away with my heart after I give it to you! If you truly loved me back, you wouldn't just disappear."

"Kihyun.."

"Stop. Just. Don't. If this is how you're gonna be, then just go. Just take my heart and throw it away with everything we had. Everything else we could've had." His voice cracked as he turned on his heel, storming out of the room.

Arena was left staring at his vanishing shadow, the scent of his cologne still in the air.

"I do love you, I'm sorry."

Naha got back just in time to catch Arena as she crumbled.

"We'll be okay," whispered Naha against Arena's hair as she rocked her back and forth.

***

Everything had been organized for a while already. Arena had asked Naha to book their plane tickets the moment she had stepped out of MX's dorm that day. The CEO knew, Mrs Park knew, Jaehyun knew. Everyone had known, except the boys themselves. Security was already organized to get them into the airport and safely on their plane back to Colorado.

Arena needed to go. She had to.

Yes it was so so incredibly cliche to say that she was doing this for Kihyun. To keep him safe from crazed fans who were possessive, the very same girls who had thrown eggs at them. Kihyun had such potential, incredible voice with an amazing group. They were bound to make it big. Go worldwide.

Arena loved him too much to stand in the way. She couldn't be the distraction that kept him from fulfilling his dream.

Jaehyun and two other security walked with Arena and Naha through Incheon Airport. They had already given their luggage and were about to go through the final security point before they had to board their plane.

Screams echoed through the west wing of the airport, not very far from where they were standing. Arena kept her head down as Naha turned around to see what or who was causing the commotion.

Naha touched her fingers lightly to Arena's shoulder, her voice barely a whisper, "Arena."

Her friend's head rose up, their eyes meeting before Arena followed Naha's gaze behind them. The crowd of security guards had increased, making it difficult to see through.

Her heart flipped before he reached her.

His eyes were red, skin pale as he pushed his way through. They wouldn't let him get to her. Jaehyun and some other security member had to stop and seize him.

Kihyun's eyes were...

actually no, there was no way to describe the emotions in his eyes. It was like everything he had ever felt was now pouring out of him.

He struggled against the men who held them apart. "Wait no, I'd never hurt her, let me go. I just gotta say something."

"Then say it from here, boy." Crumbled the guard, glancing at where Arena was standing 5 feet away, her hand on her chest.

Kihyun's head dropped in defeat. Like this everyone will hear them, "Arena!"

She looked up at him.

"I'm sorry if I acted like a brat. I'm older and should know better, I'm sorry. Please don't go, I need you."

The fans had gathered around them, holding their breaths and recording telephones.

Arena started to take a step forward, but stopped after she saw the crowds. She pursed her lips, shaking her head.

"Goodbye," whispered Arena, as she and Naha turned away and disappeared through the gate.

"No! No, Arena please. Hey. Arena! Let me go I need to go after..." Kihyun tried to break free, desperate to run after. "You don't understand, I love her, she can't leave. Arena ! ARENa !"

"Snap out of it, man," mumbled Jaehyun, Kihyuns words echoing from the walls. She had heard him. So had everyone else.

Later that day once again there were many reports on sites and different articles released under the names of "Monsta X Kihyun's painful departure of girlfriend" or "Fans' fury and violence leaves behind Kihyun as his foreign love leaves."

The articles were unbelievable. People were dragging down both of them, netizens angered at Arena and at the fan who had acted so disrespectfully, at Kihyun for dating and then not holding onto her. The empathetic comments outweighed the malicious ones by thousands.

Hundreds of comments reached the site.

"I was there, Kihyun oppa looked so sad ㅜㅜ"

"They are human too, why would you drive her away?"

"This is so sad, they didn't deserve this."

"Kihyun oppa was heartbroken, this is our fandom's fault.. i'm embarrased."

"who were these sasaengs who got violent? what the actual f..."

"i hope she comes back ㅜㅜ"

***

Arena never saw the articles. After getting back home to Colorado, her family had been waiting in the airport. Arena had buried herself in her mother's arms, staying quiet the entire journey back to their house. It felt weird to be home again.

Arena had staggered up their stairs, not even bothering to unpack as she fell face down into her bed, bringing her knees up to her chest as she drifted away deep into sleep.

***

She awoke in the middle of the night. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Breathing ragged. Arena's still asleep eyes scanned her room, everything was neat. Nothing was laying around, there was no suitcase.

"Oh god," she buried her face in her hands, no rings on her fingers. Arena rocked back and forth on her bed before climbing out of it.

She grabbed her phone from her table, making her way into her bathroom to splash water onto her face. Her long dark brown hair spilled out of her ponytail.

Arena checked the time on her phone.

4. a.m

Sunday.

The last day of winter break before going back to school, her senior year.

January 7th.

2017.

Arena gripped the edges of her sink, trying to remember why she had been crying in her sleep. She shook her head, stumbling back into her bed.

"What an awful dream," mumbled Arena.

Because that's what it had been.

A bad dream.

All of it.