***Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds (although it would be really cool if I did!)

Reid blinked his eyes open, taking in the shadowy room. For ten seconds, he remained blissfully unaware of what had happened to his mother. For ten seconds, everything was right with the world.

But then, as reality came crashing down on him, the warm fuzziness of waking was replaced by a sinking dread that slammed into him out of nowhere. The impact of the devastation blindsided him, leaving Reid feeling hollow and heavy.

As he moved to wipe his eyes, Reid felt an obstacle pressing down on his right hand. He turned, finally spotting Jennifer Jareau, curled up on the bed beside him.

The sight of her made Reid weak. She was fast asleep, her eyelids fluttering from an intense dream, her knees drawn up to her chest.

Guilt washed over him. His best friend was going through enough right now without the added burden of watching over him.

Reid cautiously extracted his hand from JJ's and sat up, slinging both legs over the side of the bed. His head felt wobbly on his shoulders, his joints aching as he tried to stand.

Spencer traipsed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He took one look at himself in the mirror, and self-loathing crept over him. His eyelids were swollen and puffy, his nose crusted with snot. His clothes were wrinkled and draped over him like curtains. The hair on his head flailed about at odd angles, making him look insane.

A single thought battered away inside his head. His mom was gone. Not here anymore. Dead.

Wincing from the pain, Reid bit down hard on his tongue to keep from crying out. His hands shook as he pried open the medicine cabinet, searching for something to take away the pain.

There had to be an old Dilaudid pill in here somewhere.

As his search became more frantic, Reid accidentally knocked a bottle of NyQuil over, sending it to the floor with a crash. The loud bang felt like a release, making the hollow sensation in his chest subside, if but for a moment. Reid pushed his arm along the length of the counter, causing his hairbrush, razor, and mouthwash to crash onto the floor.

He looked at his crazed eyes in the mirror, ready to punch through the glass, when the bathroom door creaked open.

"Spence?" JJ said sleepily, her eyes slits. "What are you doing?" She looked at the items strewn onto the floor, then at the open medicine cabinet. Her eyes widened.

Reid drew his fist back, his shoulders slumping. Eyes watering, he forced himself to meet her gaze. "I can't do it, JJ. The pain ... it's too much!"

JJ caught his trembling form in her arms. She hugged him tight while he sobbed into her shoulder.

"I don't know ... how ... to make it ... go away!" he gasped between breaths.

Concern pooling in her eyes, JJ pushed him upright to face her. The look on his face tore through her, wrenching her heart.

"Please," Reid whispered, his eyes red. "Make it stop!"

Before JJ could think twice about it, she seized him by the collar and smashed her lips against his. Reid wavered for a moment, shocked, before pulling her closer with such desperation, JJ's knees almost gave out underneath her. They clung to each other, mouths opening, tears streaming down their faces as they gave in to their emotions.

When the pair finally pulled apart, Reid's features had softened, his eyes losing their manic, fidgety quality. JJ wiped a stray tear from his cheek with her forefinger. They leaned in, exhausted, their foreheads touching.

JJ couldn't believe what she had just done. And yet, in the moment, it had felt like the only thing to do. She wouldn't stand by and watch him wither away the way he had when he'd been led to believe Emily had died. This time, she would do whatever it took to ease his pain.

As it turned out, JJ's split-second decision had helped her, too. Although she still felt weighted down by her pending divorce and the tragedy of losing Diana, kissing Spencer Reid had reminded her that she still had her best friend. Her twin flame.

After a long moment with nothing but the sound of their breathing to disturb the silence, JJ tilted her head back and kissed Reid on the temple.

"You okay?" she asked, lips turned upward in a hopeful smile.

Reid nodded, his mouth half open in thought.

"Good. I'm going to make us some dinner. Why don't you take a shower, get cleaned up. You'll feel better."

She knew this from personal experience. After her sister had died, JJ had cherished the welcoming relief of a long, hot shower, where she could scream without being heard and sob without worrying about leaving clues on her face. There was something about the heat and pressure of the water that always seemed to relax her—comfort her, even.

To her surprise, Reid agreed to the plan without questioning her. JJ set about combing through the cupboards, looking for something nutritious yet bland that Spence might have the stomach for. By the time Reid emerged from the hallway wearing a violet button-down and slacks, his hair flatter than usual, she had set the table with two large bowls of chicken noodle soup, a platter of fruits and cheeses, and a small sampling of trail mix.

Reid greeted her with a smile, his posture already improved from earlier. He seemed lighter on his feet, which JJ observed with great relief.

"I know you don't have a cold," she began nervously, "but I always found soup to be the easiest to digest after a hard day."

"This is ... wonderful," Reid beamed, his eyes fixed on the neatly arranged courses. "Thank you, Jennifer."

JJ blushed. "Well, it's not like I cooked anything. The soup came out of a can. And—"

Before she could continue, Reid was hugging her, his arms squeezing her tight. She felt a giddy fluttering in her chest.

When they pulled apart, the pair exchanged an awkward smile before JJ suggested they go ahead and dig in.

Dinner was consumed mostly in silence, with the occasional small talk instigated by JJ. To her surprise, Reid finished off his bowl of soup, and even picked at the trail mix. When they were done, JJ jumped up to clear the plates and load the dishwasher, ignoring Reid's protestations.

"So," Reid said after she had started the rinse cycle, "I guess I should get to work on arrangements."

JJ leaned back against the counter, folding her arms. "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

Reid sighed. "No. But it has to be done."

"Then I'll help you."

~

Several hours later, after numerous calls with funeral homes and relatives, JJ collapsed onto Reid's couch, a glass of red wine in her hand. A small part of her regretted offering to phone Diana's friends and family—almost every one of them asked if she was Dr. Reid's wife, which made for an embarrassing dialogue—but Reid didn't have it in him to deliver the news just yet.

As Reid sat down beside her, JJ heard an audible sigh escape his lips. She nudged him with her toes.

"Good job today, Spence."

Reid looked down at his hands, scoffing. "I barely made a dent."

"Hey," she said, "it's not a race. You have to take it at your own pace. Cut yourself some slack."

Reid nodded, biting his lip. "I know. But having something that I can do for her ... well, it makes it hurt less, I guess."

JJ nodded, understanding. "You know, you can do something for her that doesn't involve flowers or gravestones. Something that would honor her memory, make you feel close to her." Her eyes flitted across the room, and she raised an eyebrow, gesturing with her chin. "A game of chess, maybe?"

Reid faltered, hesitation purring at the back of his throat. "She did love to play chess together."

"See?" JJ grinned, standing up from her perch. "Perfect."

"But you don't know how to play."

JJ placed one hand on her hip. "Since when has that ever stopped me?"

This elicited a smirk from Spencer. He stood up, a slight bounce in his step as he began to cross the room toward the waiting chess board.

"Besides, I happen to know you're one hell of a teacher."

***Author Note: Thank you so much for all the votes and comments; they mean the world to me! If you enjoy this fanfiction, please check out my self-published book series on Amazon (see link in my profile). For some Jeid videos I've created, check out my YouTube channel (also linked in my profile). Thanks again for all the support!