***Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds (although it would be really cool if I did!)

Penelope Garcia squealed into her hot chocolate, her forefinger and thumb pausing from stirring to pluck out a soggy marshmallow and pop it into her mouth. "He tucked you in?"

JJ shot her friend a look.

"What? I've always wanted the two of you to end up together."

Garcia sucked the hot chocolate off her thumb as JJ placed her head in her hands. "I'm married, Garcia."

Penelope didn't have a good retort for that. So instead, she asked the question that had been burning inside her mind for years. "What if you weren't?"

JJ raised her eyebrows, causing Garcia to finally put down her mug. "Hear me out! Let's uncomplicate things for a second. You're at a bar, and two men approach you. One of them is Southern Gentleman Will LaMontagne, and the other is loveable dork Dr. Spencer Reid. Who would you let buy you a drink?"

JJ frowned. "I can't imagine Reid in a bar picking up women."

"That's not the point!" Garcia sighed, taking another gulp of her hot chocolate. She adjusted the pink cat-eye frames higher on the bridge of her nose. "Look, you and Boy Wonder have this sacred bond that no significant other will ever be able to fully understand. And as long as you're still working together and seeing each other every day, you're not going to be able to get over him. Trust me, your girl's got experience with this."

She was referring to Morgan, of course. Garcia had been infatuated with Derek Morgan ever since the two first met, and everyone in the office could spot her crush from a mile away. It reverberated over the phone when she cooed in his ear, and often made for uncomfortable explanations to witnesses and new team members. The spell broke when Morgan ran off with Savannah and started a new life, far away from the BAU.

At first, Garcia had been inconsolable. Both Spence and JJ had tried to pacify her, but no one could fill the void Derek Morgan had left in his wake.

No one, that is, until Luke Alvez.

"Hang on," JJ said, holding up a finger. "What if Morgan was still around? Would you still be with Luke, 'Baby Girl'?"

A shadow crept over Garcia's face. "This isn't about me. Stop avoiding the question!"

"Ah ha!" JJ exclaimed, nearly knocking over her coffee. She was currently on her fourth cup of the day, and at last, the hangover had started to subside.

"Morgan isn't pertinent to the saga that is JJ and Reid. So before I hack your old dating profiles and do my own profiling, what will it be? Who's your Prince Charming?"

JJ's shoulders drooped. She stared at the ceiling, trying to remember a life before Will and the boys. It was barely a life. Work was her sun, and she was a hopeless planet stuck in its orbit, refusing to acknowledge that there were other planets out there also seeking companionship. Every feeling she had, from the thrill of attraction to the sting of her sister's absence, was shoved back down and buried deep inside her.

She recalled the day she first realized how deeply she cared for Reid. They were working a case together and had separated, only for Reid to be taken and held hostage by the deluded serial killer, Tobias Hankel. Watching him torture Reid over videotape had dug up a hole in her JJ hadn't felt since Roslyn committed suicide.

She should have told him right then. Maybe she could have spared him the pain, the addiction. But what if he didn't feel the same way? Or worse, what if he did, and then it didn't work out?

The thought carried JJ back to the present. She laughed, wiping a single tear from her eyelid before it had the chance to fall.

"What's the point?" she asked Garcia, rubbing her palms together. "I can't do anything about it. I have a family now. And Spence—he's moved on. I told him to move on."

Garcia cocked her head, placing a hand on her friend's arm. "Do you honestly think that Reid's gotten over you?"

It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of her. JJ pinched her eyes shut, fighting to remain composed.

"I'm pretty sure, no matter what you decide, he's always going to be in love with you."

JJ sighed, blotting her eyes with her napkin. Squeezing the flimsy paper in her hand, she said, "What am I supposed to do, Penelope?"

The colorful confidante smiled. "Follow your heart."

This elicited a snort from JJ. "My heart doesn't have a clue."

"I think it knows more than you think it does."

JJ rolled her eyes. "If Will and I break up ... if the boys grow up with divorced parents ... Spence will never forgive himself. And neither will I."

Garcia nodded over the brim of her mug. "That's because you're both really good people. Better than most."

JJ gave her friend a sad smile, accepting the one-armed hug that Garcia offered her.

"Okay, enough sadness," Penelope said, standing from her chair. "Tonight, you and I are having an old-fashioned sleepover!"

"But what about Luke?"

Garcia shrugged. "He's a big boy. He can stay at his place by himself for one night. Besides, sleeping in Dr. Reid's bed is not going to help clear that head of yours. I may be a Jeid fan, but I'm not about to let you two do something you'll really regret."

~

Despite Garcia's best efforts at soothing her concerns, JJ could hardly sleep a wink that night. She kept turning over every potential outcome, weighing the pros and cons for her, for Reid, and most importantly, for her family.

And that wasn't all there was to consider. What if she and Reid tried to make a go of it, and ended up splitting? Would they really be able to continue working side by side at the BAU? And what would happen to their lifelong friendship?

Still, JJ knew she couldn't keep carrying on the way things were. It wasn't fair to Will, or to Spence. Both knew how she felt about Reid, and pretending it wasn't there only added salt to the wound.

When she received an invite from Will to meet for lunch the next day, JJ crept into the restaurant, her stomach in knots. Spotting Will at a corner booth, she hurried over to him, silencing her phone as she approached.

"Hey," she smiled, leaning over to plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey," Will said, attempting a grin but not quite pulling it off.

They exchanged niceties for a bit, him filling her in on the camping trip he had planned for him and the boys. JJ shared the good news that Emily had asked her to be maid-of-honor at her wedding the following spring, then immediately regretted bringing up the topic of marriage at all.

Silence fell over the pair as they ate their lunch tentatively, neither the least bit hungry. Finally, JJ tired of her salad, put down her fork and spoke up.

"I'm so sorry for the way I've been acting," she said, shaking her head at her own foolishness.

Will licked a dollop of mayonnaise off his mustache, saying nothing.

"I know it's not fair of me to put Spence's needs before our family's. It won't happen again."

Will folded his hands in front of him. "I know you mean well, JJ. But you can't have it both ways. You can't be his knight in shining armor and my wife."

JJ's brow furrowed, but she kept her mouth shut. Will reached for her hand.

"I can't stay married to a woman if I know she'll always be in love with someone else."

"But I love you," JJ said, squeezing his hand. "You're the one I chose."

"Because we had a son."

"No. No, that's not it at all."

"JJ," Will sighed, stroking her arm, "you never wanted to date me in the first place. I practically had to drag you down the aisle. And all this time, you've been carrying a torch for another guy. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"I know," JJ said, biting her lip to fend off the tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Will said, surprising her. "I knew when we first met that you were gonna break my heart."

JJ met his eyes, expecting to see anger or even hatred there. Instead, all she found was mourning. The sight sparked a fear in her, a sudden dread at the realization that her life was about to take a drastic turn.

"Is there anything I can do to make things right?" she asked, her voice rising in pitch.

Will frowned. "You love him. Do you think that'll ever change?"

JJ knew what she should say, but she couldn't bring herself to lie to him. Not anymore.

"No," she whispered, the word catching in her throat.

Will nodded, like he hadn't expected any differently. Wiping his eyes quickly with the back of his hand, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Tossing a couple twenties onto the table, he waved to the waitress and stood to leave.

"We'll talk when I get home on Sunday," he said, wrapping his coat around his shoulders. "Figure out what we're gonna tell the boys."

JJ nodded, covering her mouth to stifle a sob. The boys. Her family. What would become of them?

***Author's Note: If you enjoy this fanfiction, please check out my self-published book series on Amazon (see link in my profile). For some Jeid videos I've created, check out my YouTube channel (also linked in my profile). Thanks so much for all the support!