Chapter 38

A loud ding sounds around us. Next thing I know, we're stepping off an elevator.

I don't remember waking up. I don't remember how I got here. I don't even realize where 'here' is until we step out into the hallway.

As we walk down the long hallway, I start to recognize the blue and white doors for what they are: Apartments. Lofts.

I follow his lead and toss the black duffle over my shoulder.

"So where we going?" I ask.

Tory turns the key in the ignition.

"The Loft," He says, pulling away from the curb.

Somehow we made it here after all.

"Candyce?"

I look up as we approach a dark brown figure guarding one of the doors. My eyes are too blurry to tell who it is. My vision won't clear up until I blink my eyes and I won't do that 'cause it makes my face wet. So I just assume that it's Mad Max calling me.

If we're on the fourth floor of The Loft, then it should be Mad Max calling me. As we move closer, I see that it's not. It's actually Calvin. And the person guiding me forward isn't Tory. It's Caesar.

Instead of firing more warning shots into the air, Guiterrez has turned the gun on Tory. I step outside of my body as I watch Tory's body jump around in the car as a reaction to the bullets ripping through him.

Right.

That's why my face is so wet. Tears slide down my cheeks like they've been waiting forever to make their escape.

Me crying, plus the blood on my clothes must freak Calvin out. He holds up a hand to stop us from moving further.

"Hold up. What the fuck happened?" He asks.

"She good bruh. Open the door," Caesar says.

"You good?" Calvin asks.

I don't answer. He tries to bend down and look in my face for an answer.

"Say!" Caesar yells.

Calvin ignores him. He glances down at my blood-soaked shirt.

"It wasn't Simon, huh?" He asks.

"Aye! What the fuck I just say, nigga?"

Calvin straightens up and looks at Caesar.

"My bad," He says.

"I know it is. I don't pay you to be nosey, nigga. Stop playin' 21 questions and open the fuckin' door," Caesar says.

Calvin nods his head. He moves the semiautomatic to his other hand while he unlocks the door.

Once we're inside, Calvin sends me one more hopeful look. He wants to know if it's his potna's blood I'm carrying on my shirt. I want to tell him "No, not that brother," but I don't have the energy. I don't have it in me to confirm or deny which person I lost that means the world to me.

Honestly, I wouldn't be walking if it wasn't for Caesar guiding me forward with his hands on my shoulders.

He comes behind me now. He stares at Calvin on the other side of the door.

"Guard the fuckin' door. Don't let nobody in unless I say so," Caesar says.

"Aight," Calvin says.

He takes a step back from the door. Caesar wastes no time slamming it closed.

He turns around to face me. His hair is cut lower than it was when he ran up on me in the club. It also looks like he didn't run a brush over it.

He's dressed in a white tee and wrinkly light-wash jeans. It's not like him to come outside without being in tip-top shape so I assume he rushed out the second I told him where I was.

I guess I called the right person.

"C'mon, let's get you ina shower," Caesar says.

I don't make a move towards the stairs. I've been okay this far probably 'cause I was still in shock. But the threat of walking up stairs on my ankle is enough to snap me back to reality.

I pull my pant leg up to show Caesar.

"Damn. Aight well, I got you," He says.

I'm caught off guard when he swoops me into his arms bridal-style. I wrap my arms around his neck.

He doesn't have on his signature cologne, but he still smells like home. I bury my face into that smell.

Luckily, it's a loft so there's not that many doors. I don't have to do anything but hold on while he carries me into the bedroom at the top of the stairs.

I let go as he eases me onto the creme bedspread.

"I'm going start the water for you," He says.

I like how he doesn't ask me any questions. Maybe he had questions when he found me on the side of the road. Maybe I answered them. I don't know, but I'm happy he doesn't ask me anything now.

He walks into the adjoined bathroom. From where I'm sitting, I only see a standing shower. There's no signs of a tub in the small room.

I look down at my ankle. It's crazy knowing how much it's gonna hurt to be on my leg that long, but I can't bring myself to imagine a pain that's worse than the kind I already feel.

The shower explodes into noise as Caesar steps inside to turn it on. I watch him as he walks back over to me.

He lifts me into his arms like before. At first I think he'll carry me straight into the shower, but he detours to the toilet instead. He sits me down, then bends down so that we're face-to-face.

"You gon' tell me what happened now, Red?" Caesar asks.

"You saw what happened," I say.

"No. I saw Tory--"

I close my eyes.

Caesar sighs. I don't have to see him to know that he's rubbing his head right now.

"Aight, Candyce. I'ma try to catch the news. Let me know when you ready to get out the shower."

I open my eyes when he stands up. He's out the bathroom before I can ask him not to leave.

I had to get the fuck from out there. I haven't seen Candyce this fucked up since the night Santana died. Knowing I'm the one who put that pain on her face is eating at a nigga, I can't lie.

I can't say I ain't want the nigga dead. But I never thought the bitch was gon' actually kill him.

I saw the damage she did to that car. Felicity's ass more cutthroat than a lil' bit.

I jog down the stairs and back into the living room. I grab the remote from the TV stand then flop down on the couch.

I flip through the channels until I find a news station. A paid programming is on so I check the time on my phone. 4:55 am. Good. It's almost time for the 5 o'clock news.

I don't really do the social media shit, but I do have a couple apps on my phone. I only got Instagram to follow Keyana so I can see pictures of Amir. I got Facebook and Twitter to keep up with my niggas from New York, but my main mans here so I barely keep in contact with them anymore.

All these apps finna come in handy though. I search through all of 'em to see if there's any mention of Tory. It don't take long to realize ain't none. I ain't surprised. A nigga like Tory knew to fly under the radar.

It's cool though cause the news is coming on anyway.

I sit through them reporting on The Salvation Army Santa Clauses to the preschool carolers carrying on by Canal Street. I don't know why I expected them to jump straight into murder on Christmas morning. By the time it rolls around, I'm halfway sleep.

"Now, for the unfortunate time of the hour."

I shake myself awake. I reach for the remote to turn the TV up. Then I think about Candyce upstairs, and cut it back down.

"Officers were rushed to the scene of what appears to be a gang retaliation shooting early this morning on the I-10 highway."

The camera cuts to Tory's black truck all shot up with yellow caution tape around it. Cops in blue jackets stand around snapping pictures like they did the night 'ol girl died at Candyce's club.

The camera cuts back to the black news anchor.

"The victim had no forms of ID so his identity is still unknown. No murder weapon was found at the scene, but officers were able to match bullet shells recovered from the scene to weapons found in the victim's car. Investigators are working diligently to recover the other shell casings but that's all we know at this time. More updates following soon."

They shuffle some papers around on their desk. Then they back to the next happy-go-lucky thing.

I cut the TV off. I pull out the flip-phone Felicity gave me. I ignore all the red missed calls from her and send her a text instead.

Let's meet.

Then I cut the phone off and slip it back into my pocket.

With the TV off, I can still hear water running upstairs. I had to have been down here for at least thirty minutes so Candyce should be out the shower by now.

I climb the stairs to see what the fuck going on.

When I get to the room, she ain't in there. From where I'm standing, ion see her in the shower either. Just a bunch of steam where her skinny ass should be.

I go into the bathroom and there she is. Still seated on the toilet staring off into space.

I see I'ma have to do everything myself.

"Get up, Red," I say.

She don't move, but I ain't really expect her to. I mean, I left her in here for thirty minutes. If she ain't make a move then, I know she ain't finna' move now that I told her to.

I lean down and pick her up like before. Her arms immediately go 'round my neck. I carry her to the shower, using my foot to kick the glass door open.

"I'ma put you down right quick, aight?" I say.

Water falls over her face. She nod her head so I know we making progress.

I kick my white Forces off and pull my shirt over my head. I keep my jeans on so Candyce don't think I'm trying none.

I step back inside the shower. She's leaned herself against the wall to keep her weight off her foot. I should've done that.

"Come're son," I say.

I don't wait for her to hobble over to me. I step in the water and pick her up. Then I ease her back down so that she's standing on my foot. She holds her other foot up while my arms lock around her waist to keep her from falling.

"Can I undress you?" I ask.

Candyce stares at me. Usually I can read her face and tell what she's thinkin' but I don't know right now. I'm definitely not 'bout to assume.

"This one of them things I need yo permission for," I say.

She nods her head.

I bunch up the bottom of her sweater and move it up her body. I have to switch hands midway so I can keep holding her up.

I try to toss her sweater over the top of the shower but it's prolly gon' end up wet anyway.

She's still in a white tank when I put my attention back on her. I don't mean to but I look straight at her titties. When the fuck she got nipple rings?

Better yet, what the fuck she doing riding with Tory without a bra on?

"I gotta sit down to take yo pants off," I say.

Damn sure ain't what I wanna say, but I know I gotta keep my questions to a minimum. She in a fragile place right now. I'll ask her 'bout that Tory shit later.

I balance myself against the wall. I slide down until we're on the floor. The way we was standing means Candyce winds up stradling me when we sit down.

Them nipple piercings plus the way she looking at me is making it harder to help her in this position. I turn her around so she has her back to me.

Once I get her out her clothes, I throw some soap on a towel and start scrubbing her up. It don't take long til' she's washed off. Her clothes caught most of Tory's blood. I only knock off what managed to seep through.

I leave her on the shower floor to grab a towel. I come back, beige towel in hand and give it to her. She gotta do the rest herself while I look for some clothes.

In the room, I search through the drawers looking for a spare outfit. None of my shit here, but I know Ace used to sleep here some nights when business ran long.

I find some black jeans and another white Tee in the drawer. I leave out a pair of sweats and a T-shirt for Candyce too.

I feel somebody watching me so I turn my head to the bathroom. Candyce is there with the towel wrapped around her.

"I woulda helped you up," I say.

She blinks at me.

I grab the clothes I took out for her.

"Here. I think it's Ace's," I say.

"It's his birthday," She says.

"I know. Put this on," I say.

"No."

I raise my eyebrows. Fuck she mean 'no'?

I get my answer when she loosens her grip on the towel. It falls to her feet.

"What you doin', Red?" I ask.

She steps towards me. I step back.

"You don't have to be nervous. We did this before," She says.

I shake my head.

"Not like this," I say.

She closes the gap between us again. I don't move back this time 'cause I don't want her chasing me round this room on her fucked up ankle.

"Candyce, you don't wan' do this. You ain't even in yo right mind. You was a mute like two seconds ago," I say.

Her hands go to my face. I pull them down and keep them there.

"Candyce."

I know she fucked up right now but she in there somewhere. I know she hear me.

"You just looking for an easy way out and this ain't it."

"How you know?" Candyce asks.

"I guess I don't. I know I ain't this type of nigga though," I say.

"You the type of nigga to answer the phone in the middle of the night for a girl who dissed you in front a club full of people."

I smack my teeth. The fuck is she gettin' at?

"You the type of nigga to come running when I call. I called you for a reason Caese."

"And why was that?" I ask.

"You the only one who could help me feel better. You owe me that," She says.

I stare at her. What she know?

She ain't looking at me like she hate me. I know she hurting but I doubt she'd wanna climb into bed with the nigga that's causing her pain. Maybe she don't know shit.

Either way, it's not like she wrong. I do owe her, so how's a nigga supposed to say no to that?

Distraction worked with Reese after Jonah died. I had work to keep me busy during the days and Reese did his best to slow up my thoughts at night. Who says it won't work with Caesar?

He has his doubts but he don't know me like I know me. I won't be able to function with Tory's death sitting on my heart. At least not today. Not right now.

Right now I need to feel something other than pain. Caesar owes me. He's been my pain for months. Now's his time to make it up to me. He can kiss my tears instead of cause them.

"I know how this looks. I know how I sound. Don't make me ask again," I say.

"You don't have to," Caesar says.

I lift my face to his. His lips immediately crash into mine. I kiss him back just as strongly. We take turns parting each other's lips until his kisses move down to my neck.

I take a breath in when his hands massage my titties. He teases my nipples just right so that the little pain I feel when he squeezes only adds to the pleasure. When his tongue swirls around them, I swear I see colors.

It's a lot better than seeing red blood on dark skin every time I close my eyes.

Caesar continues kissing his way down my body until he's on his knees in front me. He lifts my bad leg onto his shoulder so I have to lean against the wall for support.

And God, do I need it.

The second his tongue collides against me, I melt into the wall.

"Oh my god, Caese," I say.

"Mhm," He says.

He can't say much of anything else with his mouth full so I do all the talking and moaning for him.

I never want him to stop what he's doing with his tongue. I rock my hips against his face and pray this never ends.

I ride his face into the sunset. A high settles over me that makes it hard to continue standing. Caesar must feel my legs shaking on either side of his face. He starts to stand up so I move my leg from his shoulder.

"Uh-uh," He says.

Before I know it, my other leg is wrapped around his shoulder and his face is being buried in my pussy. He's doing all this while standing up.

"Fuck!" I say.

I don't hear a word Caesar says but I feel his voice vibrate against me. The feeling alone almost sends me over the edge.

Caesar drops me down to his waist before I get the chance. I don't have time to complain 'cause his lips are already on mine. I let him soak my face with my juices while he carries us to the bed.

He throws me down against it. I bite my lip while he starts undoing the belt on his jeans.

He snatches it off and smirks at me.

"You missed this shit huh?" He asks.

My heart flutters.

"Mhm," I say.

Let's just say Caesar wasn't trained in all categories when we were younger. His tongue game was nothing like it is now. I'm assuming he's grown in other areas too.

I guess I have Keyana to thank for that.

Caesar undoes the button on his jeans. My mouth waters at the glimpse of the Calvin Klein band peeking underneath.

When Caesar pulls his jeans the rest of the way, I forget all about the underwear he's wearing. His dick is too busy saying 'hi' to me.

I can't stand this peep show. I slide across the bed to pull them down myself.

"You couldn't wait?" Caesar asks.

"I waited long enough," I say.

I shut him up by gripping all of him into my hands. I tease the tip by kissing it a little as I stroke him.

"Fuck, Candyce."

My mouth doesn't go past the tip. I'm not forgetting where we stood before today. He's doing me a favor right now but that doesn't mean I have to do him any.

I drop my hand. Caesar opens his eyes. They're blazing with anticipation. He's just gotta put that focus somewhere else.

I ease my hand down to my pussy to remind him of what else I have in store.

He steps out of his clothes and climbs onto the bed. I open my legs so he'll fall right in.

His lips part mine again. Our kisses are softer this time. He even takes his time easing on top of me. There's a longing in his eyes as we kiss. A look that I probably would have shared if this had happened a couple weeks ago.

I can't say that I don't feel the same way now. I'm just more concerned with the other things I feel. The feelings I'm fucking him to forget.