Chapter 30

Betty Wright's soft, melodic sound travels through the house just low enough that Mama's shouts to clean up can still be heard over the music. It's funny how this mission to save Paryis started as my own and now Mama's hijacked it. I guess I should be happy that she's finally stepped up to the plate but ever since she has, it's like all the swings she takes are at us.

I roll my eyes as I hear Mama shouting at Simon to straighten his room. I sit on my knees scrubbing away at the inside of the tub, occasionally stopping to inhale air that doesn't consist of Ajax or Lysol.

Betty's call for us to take the pain with the gain keeps me from shouting at Mama to calm down. She's been like this ever since I told her what happened at the interrogation. She was so agitated by Gutierrez's threat to take Paryis away that she leaped into action the next day. She started by taking Paryis to her pediatrician, who then referred her to a child psychiatrist, who led us to Tammy, Paryis' new therapist.

I guess that bitch Gutierrez really kept her promise cause one week after Paryis started seeing Tammy, Child Protective Services called to say they were coming to do a walk-through of the house and a full analysis of us. Hence why I'm on my hands and knees scrubbing away at dirt that isn't there while Mama stomps through the house, barking orders at everyone.

I sit back on my knees and pull the yellow scrubbing gloves off one by one. I throw them to the floor, pushing sweaty strands of hair back with the back of my hand. I stand on the edge of the tub while I use the showerhead to wash away the blue tint of the Ajax. I climb down to use a cup of water to catch any spots I missed when the door flies open.

An annoyed look immediately settles on my face.

"What now?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

"I don't know who you talking to but you can save the attitude for when you talking to yo friends," Mama says.

A small part of me is happy for Gutierrez's threat cause it reminded Mama that she's still a mother, but the show she's putting on for us is unnecessary. The house ain't even as bad as she making it seem and yet, we were woken up at 6am to clean up. She's acting like she's been in charge which is funny, since I've been the one keeping us together for the last few months. We might have been behind on dishes or laundry but I'm only one person and who am I to boss around Simon or Paryis? That was Mama's job but she left it up to me to do.

Now, she's treating me like I'm only a pawn in the plan to keep Paryis from being taken away when I'm the one who set that plan in motion. If it wasn't for me, Paryis would never be in therapy right now and this visit may not have happened at all. We wouldn't even have had a chance to explain why Paryis is where she belongs if I didn't push Mama to take her to therapy. Even then, she waited until the last minute.

It's sitting on the tip of my tongue to tell her about herself but today isn't the day so I swallow the attitude as best I can.

"Yes, Ma?" I ask her.

"Mhm. That's what I thought," Mama says, "I need you to tidy up Ace's room while I help Paryis make it seem like she's been sleeping in her own bed."

"What's wrong with her sleeping in her brother's room?" I ask.

"Look, I don't wanna give these people no reason to take her away. I don't know why you even told her she could sleep in that filthy ass room," Mama snaps.

I twist my face up. That itch on the tip of my tongue is begging to be scratched.

"You know it's not just a sleeping problem with her right? She's depressed. Everybody she loves is being taken away from her. She almost broke down when she saw me leaving Ace's room, thinking it was him. I wanted her to feel better. That's why I told her she can sleep in there," I snap back.

"I'm telling you now, Candyce. Today ain't the day. You been saying slick shit all day but don't think I won't slap some sense into you," Mama says.

"I don't know why you think this slapping me in my face shit boutta be yo newest thing," I mutter.

"What was that?" Mama asks, cupping her ear.

"Nothing," I say.

I walk past her but she catches me by my arm. Her lips are pulled back like she's trying to collect herself before losing her patience with me. I've seen her do it all my life up until Daddy died. Then she stopped discplining us altogether.

"Candyce..." She warns.

"Do you want me to clean the room or not? The people can be here any minute," I say.

I don't wait for an answer. I yank out of her hold and storm down the hall to Ace's room. I feel Mama's glare drilling a hole into my back the entire time but I don't care. Once I make it to Ace's room, I slam the door shut.

One look around the room and I'm bout ready to scream. I told Paryis she had to clean the room to stay in here but all she's done is clear the path from the door to Ace's bed by pushing everything out of the way. There's still broken picture frames and plastic shards of trophies everywhere. Now I can see why Mama was mad about her staying in here.

"Dammit, Paryis," I whisper.

I get a closer look at what's on the floor. I sigh, realizing most of it is Ace's memorabilia from the years before he was a drug lord. His football trophies, pictures of him with Daddy and pictures of him and Caesar are all destroyed. I pick up the picture of him and Caesar. It's the least destroyed with only a slight tear from the thumbtack that was holding it up.

I can't help smiling at the picture. Caesar looks the same, but different. Younger. More innocent. They look too happy for anything bad to have happened yet so I'm guessing they were about fourteen, which is before Daddy or Caesar's grandma died. He's mugging in the picture, throwing up his set while Ace does the same. Two fake chains hang around their necks. One of which I remember gave Ace a bad rash but he wouldn't stop wearing.

Ace's hair is twisted into dreads that almost brush his forehead. I can't believe I forgot about his dreadhead phase. When we first got back from LA, Ace decided he wanted to be a gangsta. He asked Mama if he could lock his hair up to fit whatever image he had created in his head, but she said no. Then, he asked Daddy who said 'yeah' and his decision always trumped Mama's.

I grab a tack from the floor and hang the picture back up. Like I told Paryis, the room should feel like home when Ace comes back. So instead of throwing everything away, I make neat piles of what to keep and what to throw away. Unfortunately, all of his trophies are tossed. But, I'm able to salvage most of his pictures with some tape or with a few minor scratches on them.

As I'm sorting through the piles, I come across a picture frame. The wooden popsicle sticks are smashed from being trampled on but some of the glued on hearts remain. The picture is of Ace and a little girl. They stand at the same height, so they must have been the same age when the picture was taken. Ace is much smaller than I remember him being so it's hard for me to pinpoint exactly how old he was. He has on a red Polo shirt with matching plaid shorts. The girl has on a blue tank-top with tan shorts. They're hugging each other something fierce but I can't place the girl.

I pass it off as an elementary crush but I put it with the keep pile anyway. If it mattered so much to Ace that he kept it all these years, I'm not gonna be the one to throw it away.

When I'm finished, I go downstairs to retrieve a black garbage bag. I'm in the kitchen, rummaging through cabinets when the doorbell rings.

I freeze. All the movement from upstairs stops and the floor stops creaking with it. Soft knocks follow the second doorbell ring.

After a minute, someone shuts the music off. I peek to see who's answering the door. When I see that it's Simon, I rush to the door before he can open it. He has a full mean mug on his face like he's ready to chase off whoever's on the other side of the door.

"Why you gotta look like that?" I say to him.

"Look like what? I always look like this," He says.

"Exactly. You tryna scare them off?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

He smacks his teeth, moving away from the door.

"If the music wasn't so loud maybe you would have heard them knocking on the door so you could be the one to answer it. That way you can be fake, smiling in these people faces like they ain't here to break up our family," Simon says, sitting on the couch.

"Is that what they're doing? They're here to take me away?" A soft voice erupts behind me.

I turn around to see Paryis standing in front of Mama on the steps. Her hands are pressed into Paryis' shoulders but her eyes are trained on the door. I let out a sigh of relief that I'm not the one who has to answer her question. I couldn't bear the weight of promising her things we have no way of knowing will be true.

The person knocks again. All three of us jump. Simon rolls his eyes.

Mama turns Paryis to face her. She crouches so she's eye-level with her.

"No baby. Nobody's here to take you away. They just wanna make sure you're okay," Mama says.

"And what if they don't think I'm okay?" Paryis asks.

I can hear the tears settling into her voice along with the tremors.

"Well then they'll do what they think is best for you until we can show them otherwise. We're your family," Mama points to me and Simon, "We know what's best for you. And we love you. So you're not going anywhere as long as we're here."

"But you're okay right? You like being here with us?" Mama asks.

Paryis nods her head.

Mama wipes her tears away.

"Then you have nothing to worry about," Mama says.

She cups Paryis cheek and kisses the side of her head.

The person knocks again, this time a little less patiently.

"Mrs. Ortiz? I'm Leslie Sullivan from Child Protective Services. You're required by law to open the door or else I'll have to come back with the police."

"I'm scared, Mommy!" Paryis says.

She buries her face in Mama's shoulder. Mama chokes back tears as her eyes find mine. I give her a sad smile.

I told her Paryis called her mama.

"We answering the door or what? Cause ain't no more cops coming through here," Simon says.

I look at Mama for confirmation. She pulls Paryis away from her and wipes her face clean. She whispers a few more calming words to her before Paryis settles down. Her eyes are still red which isn't good for the visit but fuck it. I pull the door open anyway.

The woman standing on the porch is short with short blonde hair. She wears a pantsuit with a hideous white shirt underneath that ties into a bow at the collar. She's wearing flat shoes so her pants drag a little. She holds a stack of papers tucked inside of a blue folder in her hand. She sticks the other one out for me to shake.

"Hi. I'm Leslie Sullivan with Child Protective Services. And you are?"

I shake her hand.

"Candyce Ortiz. Paryis' big sister," I say.

"Nice to meet you," She says.

I can't say the same so I give her a fake smile and open the door wider to invite her in. She steps inside and I close the door behind us. Mama, Paryis and Simon are all on the couch.

"It smells like Thanksgiving in here!" Leslie laughs.

Mama smiles, "It's a pumpkin spice scented candle. We wanted to get into the holiday spirit."

Leslie smiles.

"Well that'll do it," She says.

I stand awkwardly by the door while Mama smiles at the ground. Leslie clears her throat.

"Do you mind if I take a walk through the home before I ask you guys some questions?" She asks.

"Yes, of course," Mama stands up.

Paryis grabs her hand. Leslie must notice because she shakes her head.

"It's okay. One of the other children can show me around. I know how tough these visits are for the children so maybe it's best if you stay close by," Leslie says.

"Thank you," Mama sighs.

"I can show you around," I say.

Leslie smiles at me. Mama mouths a 'Thank you' my way.

I lead her upstairs first. We start at the far right of the hall, where Simon's room is. I open the door, silently praying she doesn't go through his closet.

Leslie steps inside first.

"And whose room is this?" She asks, checking the file in her hand.

"Simon, my twin brother."

She walks around the room, looking at the dark anime posters on the wall.

"Does Paryis spend a lot of time with your brother?" She asks.

"No. Simon's real reserved. He stays to himself for the most part," I say.

She walks over to his closet. I hold my breath when she pulls it open. Thank god, all of the shit he's stolen is gone. But that relief only lasts until we're out of the room.

Did he sell the rest of that shit?

I push my worries aside while Leslie pushes open the door to the bathroom. She flicks the light on. I must say I did an amazing job in here. I turn to Caesar with the cleaning when my sister's livelihood is at stake. I smirk to myself while she pulls back the shower curtain to reveal the tub.

She stands in the middle of the bathroom jotting down notes in her folder. I lean against the doorframe while she opens the medicine cabinet. She examines a bottle of Aleve before putting it back. She opens the drawers beneath the sink. She sorts through my tampons and pads while I roll my eyes. Then she pulls out my pink ring of birth control pills.

"Uh, that's-- those are mine," I say.

"Oh sorry," Leslie says.

I smile awkwardly as she closes the drawer.

"Do you share this bathroom with Paryis?" She asks.

"Yeah."

"So the birth control pills are in her reach?"

My tongue twists into a million tiny knots when I try to speak. So it's no suprise when this comes out of my mouth:

"I mean, I hide it all the way under the tampons and stuff. She don't have to go in that drawer yet so she'll never find it. But I can put it in my room now if you think it's safer. It's just easier to remember to take it every morning during my morning rou--"

Leslie holds up a hand.

"There's no need," She says.

She gives me a smile as she walks out of the bathroom.

I mentally slap myself while she takes the lead down the hallway.

The next room she goes in is Paryis'. The walls are bubblegum pink, her favorite shade, just like mine. Her drawers and bed are white but the sheer canopy net draped over her bed is pink. Her toys are tucked away in the brown toy chest near the closet. Mama made sure to leave some baby dolls out to make it seem like Paryis was playing in here recently.

Her dollhouse is in the corner of the room. Her tea-cup set is sitting on a kiddie table with her stuffed animals sitting in the chairs around it. The entire room is every little girl's dream. Yet, Paryis can't seem to spend one night in it alone.

"This is very nice. Does Paryis enjoy spending time in here?" Leslie asks.

"Yeah. Sometimes it's hard to pull her away from it to get her to eat," I say.

Leslie smiles.

The next room is mine. It's in and out, and that's probably cause I'm here with her. Then she starts down the hall to Ace's room.

"Uh, before you go in there you should know that the federal agents destroyed the room when they were looking for my brother. It's a mess but we've all been helping to clean it up," I say.

Leslie stops a few feet from Ace's closed door. She opens her file and scans through it.

"Yes, I remember reading that in Paryis' file. Was she here the night everything happened?" She asks.

I nod my head.

"So she saw..." She starts.

She can't bring herself to finish the sentence but I know she's asking if Paryis saw Jonah get killed. I nod my head.

"They came in here in the middle of the night while we were sleeping. They woke everybody up and I guess everyone, including the SWAT team was on high alert," I say.

Leslie's face falls apologetic.

"I'm sorry for your lost," She says.

I nod my head. I still haven't gotten around to appreciating anyone's sympathy.

Instead of going into Ace's room, Leslie turns on her heels.

"I think we're done up here," She says.

I'm grateful cause I don't know what evidence Paryis left in Ace's room that would show she's been sleeping in there. I didn't have a chance to go through the whole room so there's no telling what stuffed animal she left in there.

Downstairs, I show her Mama's room and Jonah's playroom beside it. We don't spend much time in there since the legos are in the same design he left them in the day he played with me. The checkers board Simon and Jonah left is in mid-game, never to be finished again. It's so fucking depressing, even Leslie doesn't go in. She just stands by the door and peeks inside.

After the tour is over, we re-join Mama, Simon and Paryis in the living room. There's a couch against the windows that Mama and the rest sit in and two high-back armchairs Leslie and I sit in.

"I haven't had a chance to introduce myself to the rest of you but my name is Leslie Sullivan, Paryis' case worker," Leslie says.

I don't like how she says 'case worker' like Paryis' case is gonna stick or something.

Leslie's eyes fall on Paryis sitting between Simon and Mama, hiding behind Mama's shirtsleeve.

"Hi there, Paryis. I'm Leslie but you can call me Sully if you'd like," She says.

"Like Monster's Inc?" Paryis asks.

Leslie smiles. I guess that's the reaction she got from all the kids.

"Yes. Exactly like Sully. You know how in the movie Sully and Mike Wazowski tries really really hard to get Boo back to her home?" Leslie asks.

Paryis nods slowly.

Leslie leans forward as if she's trying to get as close to Paryis as she can with a coffee table between them.

"You remember how much Boo loved Sully and how much she wanted to stay in the monster world with him?"

Paryis nods again.

"But that world wasn't safe for Boo was it? So Sully had to return her to her real room before it was too late, right? That's what I'm trying to do for you," Leslie says.

"But this isn't a monster world," Paryis says.

Leslie smiles, "I believe you. I just need to make sure. Is that okay with you, Boo?"

Paryis smiles.

Leslie leans back in her seat, opening her file back up. Now it's time for business.

"So, Mrs. Ortiz," Leslie starts.

"Rochelle is fine," Mama says.

"Okay, Rochelle. I see here that you haven't had a job since you were sixteen years old, at which time you used to work at a gas station is that right?" Leslie asks.

Mama visibly tenses.

"Yes. I met my husband at the time and he and his family were very generous. When we had my son, Ace, two years later, his parents made sure I didn't have to work and could stay inside with the baby. It's been that way ever since," Mama says.