Chapter 16

Being 18 ain't all it's cracked up to be. From the looks of it, 18 is just a permanent reminder that a carefree childhood ceases to exist. There are no more themed birthday parties or ridiculous tiaries to wear. There's no longer any kids in birthday hats wishing you a happy birthday as you blow out candles on top of a cake. Although I'm not really tripping off that last part since last time I checked, nobody--adults and children alike-- got to wish for two brothers to come back.

Unless Ace and Jonah appear like two figurines on top a wedding cake, I'll settle for refrigerated cheesecake and a pint of strawberry ice cream instead of an actual birthday cake.

I'm ripping open the packaging for the store-bought cheesecake when the lock on the back door turns. Panic runs through me for only a second when I realize the deadbolt is still intact. Besides, only a handful of people had keys to our house and all of their last names ended in Ortiz. After I hear the deep groan pushing through the door jam, my body relax even more. Before I make it to the door, I already know I'll be staring up at my own reflection.

"You do know it's like 3 o'clock in the morning right?"

"Duh. Why you think I used the back door?" Simon says back.

"I don't know. Maybe cause you ain't want Mama to see whatever it is you hiding behind your back since you know, there's a good chance it doesn't come with a receipt," I say.

My eyes move away from the black garbage bag he's doing a bad job of trying to hide from me, back up to his face.

He stares down at me without moving a single muscle in his face, "Ou, you caught me. Can you let me in now?"

A sad smile finds it's way to my lips as I peer up at him. The Simon I knew and loved was actually gone. I still loved him; he's my twin brother and I dont know what I'd do without him. Still, I missed tugging on his braids to get him to chase me around the house. I missed talking his ear off as he played an online video game while still knowing he was listening to every word I said. I missed the boy who didn't sneak inside in the wee hours of the morning.

Simon was always the better version of me. Lately, I've been staying inside and he's been going out more and staying out later. We never talk anymore and he damn sure don't listen. The boy in front of me is like a stranger which is ironic since we practically share the same face.

Raising my hand to push the deadbolt out of place, I stop to rest my hand on the lock. Maybe it's cause I'm feeling nostalgic or maybe its cause I just miss him, but I'm in the mood to play.

"What's the magic word?" I ask.

He doesn't hesitate before saying "Happy birthday," with the smallest smirk on his face.

Seeing him smile is probably the best gift I'll receive all day. If I'm being honest, it's probably the only gift I'll get. That is unless Si had something stored away for me inside his bag of goodies.

The quick thought of Simon stealing something for me makes me curious enough to reach for the bag as he steps through the door.

He moves the bag to his other hand with ease. He keeps walking straight past me. When he's nearly halfway across the kitchen I rush after him for the bag. He doesn't expect my sudden burst of playful energy so he doesn't have time to move the bag from my reach. I grab ahold of it but he pulls it away just as fast. But somehow my acrylics get caught and tears a hole in the bag. I'm about to apologize and help him retrieve whatever the fuck it is he decided to steal when a pound of weed falls onto the kitchen floor.

"The fuck?" I question aloud.

Simon only rolls his eyes at me as if to say that I'm the one doing too much. He stuffs the weed back into the garbage bag. I watch him in disbelief as he carries the bag to the kitchen counter.

"Simon!"

"Candyce, I just know you, of all people, not finna get on me about this," He says.

His face is calm as ever but I can tell he's pissed by the way he's slamming the cabinets shut looking for another trash bag I assume.

"Oh was I really supposed to act like I ain't see that? I ain't know we were both being stupid today."

"Ain't Mama sleep? What is you yelling for? And where the fucking trash bags at?" Simon goes.

"Maybe she needs to be up. She'll scream at you a lot better than I can."

I turn on my heels to march straight to Mama's room when Simon shouts, "Do what you need to do, Ace!"

I stop dead in my tracks. Since Ace left, I have been more telling about a lot of shit I probably would've let slide otherwise. Mostly that's just a result of me being at home more often so I notice what Mama is too depressed to see. It's a good fucking thing too cause clearly somebody need to be watching out for Simon.

"I'm nothing like Ace. You bring a bag of weed into Mama's house like this yo trap spot or something and you expect me not to be worried?!"

I have to try really hard to keep my voice down since I'm no longer trying to wake up Mama. I'm straining my voice trying to keep my anger under wraps. Reasoning with Si is like talking to a brick wall.

"You ain't even ask me what it was for! You just jump straight to conclusions thinking you know what's best for me. Tell me that dont sound familiar."

Alright so maybe I am taking a play out of Ace's book but what the hell else am I supposed to do? I refuse to watch my only remaining brother spiral his way into a prison cell. Still, ain't no way in hell im fessing up to acting like Ace.

"Well I know you ain't smoking all that shit by yourself so what you doing with it?" I ask.

Then something else occurs to me.

"Matter fact, where did you even get it? Who sold that shit to you and how you even afford it?"

"Mind ya business, Candyce," Simon says as he re-bags his 20-year prison sentence.

"Si, you all I have left. If I dont look out for you, nobody will," I say.

"Good. Look out for me the way I been looking out for you. How many of yo secrets I kept from Mama and Ace?"

I cant do nothing but stare at the floor cause he's right. Its nobody's fault but mine that Simon and I developed that "Show no tell" relationship.

Things were different back then, though, I think as he walks away from me. Back then, I was still seventeen, which means I had license to be stupid and reckless. As I listen to Si climb the stairs, all I can think about is that it's our birthday today. If Simon gets caught selling that shit, he is gonna be tried as an adult. The fucked up part is after losing Jonah, I dont think he even cares about throwing his life away.

Luckily for the both of us, I still do. So, I spend the next few hours at the kitchen table plotting out a way to get a hold of Si's phone while he sleeps. If I can't make him see the unnecessary risks he was taking, I'm determined to figure out who was fronting him and with Caesar's help, I'm hoping we can stop that person instead.

After a long while, I no longer hear movement upstairs which let's me know Simon's finally asleep. I scoop the last of the strawberry ice cream into my mouth before tossing the pint.

I'm creeping up the stairs as quietly as I can when I realize Reese had yet to tell me happy birthday. When I pull my phone from its holding position in my bra, there's only one notification. A random ass "Happy Birthday" text from an unknown number in California. Funny how a stranger could find time to wish me a happy birthday but my own boyfriend couldn't.

I delete the text thread along with the other bajillion messages from people whose numbers I've either deleted or never got around to saving. At the end of the day, 'happy birthday' dont mean shit when it's not coming from the person you want to hear it from.