💪🏽

I sighed as I entered my house, closing the door behind me and kicking off my Ugg boots to the side. I plopped on the recliner, making the chair recline back, peeling off my coat and throwing it on the other chair adjacent from me getting comfortable in the process. I then got on Snapchat and took a picture of my freshly manicured coffin nails with my fuzzy socks in the background captioning it 'Best day ever 😌💜'.

Regents week where we get off days because underclassmen have to take exams is probably the best thing the Department of Educational could've ever done.

It indeed was one of the best days I ever had since I moved to New York about three months ago. I still can't believe it been three months! It feels like I've been here for over a year.

Snapping out of my daydream, I exited out of Snapchat closing all of the extra apps I had opened and swiped down to look at my notifications. I missed the call. I missed the call once again.

"Why does this keep on happening!" I yelled out in frustration looking through my recent missed calls.

Jasmine called two hours ago but I left my phone in the car after going on a road trip for the whole day with Christopher. My lip began to quiver as I got up from the recliner and made a beeline to the staircase. I clicked on her name, putting the phone to my ears hoping and praying she'd answer my call. I leaned up against the door frame of my room waiting in angst as the phone started to ring.

"Your call has been forwarded to an automa—"

"Shit!" I yelled hanging up and throwing my phone on the bed.

I started pacing around my room running my hands through my curly hair from the takedown of my cornrow braids. What do I do?

It's happening again. The same feeling of not being able to breathe properly. I was overwhelmed and my heart is pounding unbelievably fast.

You had the chance to help her the first time but you didn't, you're so stupid! Why didn't you help her? She's probably in danger and your useless ass is just sitting here feeling sorry for yourself.

"I tried helping her! She said she was going to be fine. What could I have done? "

What kind of friend are you anyway? Are you just gonna let her be in harm's way, huh? That's what friends do?

"Jasmine, I'm so sorry!" I yelled dropping to my knees, "I don't know what to do."

I felt like I was dying. I'm trying to catch my breath, but I just couldn't. I was getting light headed and I felt weak.

"Trinity?" I saw a pair of Cement 4s running up to me but my tears blurred my vision.

I knew it was Chris, his scent instantly clouded my nostrils. It calmed me down a little but I was still in hysterics.

He kneeled down in front of me holding my shoulders forcing me to look him in his eyes, "Trinity, I need you to take long deep breaths with me okay?"

My eyes were closing put he kept lightly tapping my cheeks to keep me up, "Trinity, I'm here for you okay? You got me, you're not alone." He looked around my room frantically and got up to grab a pillow from my bed.

He then sat up at the foot of my bed laying the pillow on his lap, "Babygirl, calm down and breathe with me okay? Listen to my voice and inhale and exhale with me okay?"

I nodded laying my head on his cushioned lap looking right up at him.

"Inhale." He said inhaling deeply as he wiped my tears.

I followed watching his chest move, "Now exhale."

'''

"I hate that you had to see me like that," I said scratching my head keeping my eyes glued to the television.

I had a slight headache from the crying and I wasn't feeling too good. We both sat on the couch playing Call of Duty, he thought it'll make me feel better. I was stretched out on the couch while he sat at the end with my head resting on his lap with the covers over me.

"Your front door wasn't locked and I came in to give you your spare keys you left in my bookbag. When I saw you struggling to catch your breath I realized it was happening again, and I'm not even gonna front, it's scary."

"Don't tell my father about this please." I looked him straight in his eyes, "Don't tell anyone."

"Trinity, you know I have to tell your father. This shit is probably dangerous, you probably have a disorder."

I sighed sitting up, "Chris, the first time it happened he wouldn't let me breathe on my own. I don't want him to be stressed out. He was so worked up over something small."

"Why does it keep happening?" He asked sitting up also.

I couldn't tell him about Jasmine's situation, she would hate me if I did. The one thing Jasmine hate the most is people pitying her or having others feel sorry for her. She told me not to tell anyone, and I just can't bring myself to do that.

"I'm not gonna lose you, Trinity!" He yelled tossing the controller to the side, "Listen man, I don't know if people can die from panic or anxiety attacks, but I know damn sure I'm not losing you over one. I'm not losing another person in my life."

"Christo—"

He got up throwing the covers off of his lap, "Man I'm sorry, I gotta go."

"Chris, don't go!" I yelled as he took his jacket and headed to the door.

He looked at me over the shoulder with the front door open, "Hit me up if you need anything, I'll talk to you later." And with that, he left.

What I need right now is you.

"Aight bro, tomorrow we gotta go to Party City and get black, gray, and white balloons. Like I want that shit to cover the whole venue floor." Khalil nodded his head typing everything down in his notes on his phone. "And maybe one of them helium tank shits."

We all sat in the food court of Queens Center Mall planning. When it come down to throwing parties, Khalil is the man with the plan. To be honest, I see him as a party planner, none of his parties that he threw ever flopped. He knows people and always got the connects. This listening party is gonna be unforgettable, bet money.

"Ooh, I wanna be in charge of that!"

"Ok, so you got decorations baby?" Michael asked kissing China on the cheek.

She nodded, "I'll have Trinity take me to Party City tomorrow. Speaking of, where is Trinity?"

Everyone snapped their necks in my decoration, "Why yall looking at me?"

"She just posted on Snapchat, look likes she's out and about with her father," Khalil announced.

I don't know if she would want me to tell the others that she had another panic attack, so I just kept my mouth closed and kept to myself.

"As always, I can help with the food." Kae piped up, "My mother would be more than glad to cater for something like this, especially if yall are doing something good for yourselves."

"Didn't your mother bring that good ass baked ziti to China's Christmas dinner? Hell yeah, she could cater!" Michael exclaimed, "Khalil, put her ass on the list in charge of food!"

Kae laughed out loud, "You're so fucking fat."

I hope she's okay. I was kind of harsh to her, but hearing that she doesn't want to let her father know that what happened, happened again bothered the hell out of me. Her life could be in danger and she being careless as hell, we don't know how serious this shit is. I don't want to lose her. After losing Chelsea I was a mess, I can't even imagine how things would be If I lost Trinity.

Michael started hitting me in my arm getting excited, "Yo bro, we should have a fake red carpet in one area of the venue, and have a big ass picture of the mixtape cover so they could take pictures in front of it. We all know they gon' post it on Snapchat and Instagram so that's gonna give us more clout."

"That's a good idea, maybe even have a professional photographer." Khalil nodded typing down more notes. "People see a picture of you and Chris and are gonna wonder who yall are, meaning they're gonna search you up and come across your music."

Kae groaned loudly, "Why the fuck is shawty coming over here?" She rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat grilling someone behind me.

"Every side bitch you had Chris, makes my ass itch," China said laughing shaking her head.

"What are y'all talking abou—"

"Chris! I didn't expect to see you in QCM today." Lauryn stood next to me placing her hand on my shoulder.

Funny because she was the first to view my snap when I posted about it earlier this afternoon.

The whole table got quiet looking from Lauryn to me to Lauryn's hand then back to Lauryn anticipating my next move. Trinity is mine now, I don't care. I'm not losing her again over this same whack ass bitch.

I shook her off, "Yo watch out."

"Ooh, are yall planning for the mixtape listening party?" She peeked over Khalil's shoulder looking at his phone, "You already know I got yall with the drinks, that's my profession. No charge."

"Yo, for real?" Michael asked but China quickly shut him up by punching him in his leg.

"Ouch!" He yelped, looking at her with wide eyes.

"Sorry, my fist slipped," China said giving him a fake smile

"More like had a spasm." He mumbled rubbing his leg.

"Of course, anything for my Chrissy pooh." She cooed rubbing my shoulders.

"Um, Chris got a girlfriend bitch!" Kae barked jumping at her, "Back the fuck up."

I stifled my laugh, Kae is like one hundred pounds, I don't understand how bitches find her any kind of intimidating.

Lauryn's hands fell to her side as her forehead wrinkled, "Chris, what is she talking about?"

"Is this bitch dumb?" Kae whispered to China making sure Lauryn heard.

China shook her head laughing. She took a sip of her fruit punch she got from Charley's looking away.

"Lauryn, ion fuck with you no more." I sighed turning in my seat to look up at her hovering over me.

Her face fell, I can tell she's genuinely confused right now, "What are you trying to say Chris?" She asked.

"I don't want you man! You was just a quick nut Lauryn, that's it."

"Chris, baby, are you serious? I thought we had some sort of connection or something. I sucked your dick, I've never done that to anyone before!"

It was my turn to be confused, she gave me elite spits, "Are you sure you haven't?"

There was no way my dick was the first dick she sucked.

"Thank you, we all wanted to know that," Michael said nodding

"Can you go? You're making us look bad." China said shooing her away.

China was right, neighboring tables were obviously watching and listening to what's going on. I even noticed a few phones being pulled out to record the scene.

Tears were slowly streaming down her face "That's your word Chris? You just gonna fuck me over and embarrass me in front of everyone in this big ass fucking food court?"

"I'm sorry, you're the one who announced you got the ultimate cock mouth," Kae said

Khalil busted out laughing slapping the table because he's so weak, China spat out her juice and Michael buried his head in his hands.

Kae sat back in her seat with her arms folded across her chest, "My girl Trinity will fuck you up, don't play yourself."

"Shut up bitch! Chris fuck you and all of your immature ass friends. You gonna get yours, just watch." She stood there for a second watching the whole table laugh then turned on her heels leaving the whole food court.

"Skeeve!" Kae yelled after her.

"Bitches be crazy man." I said sitting back in my seat shaking my head.

"Facts. shawty said you gonna get yours." Michael said cackling, "Who the fuck says that?"

😭