《A beta life》Chapter 2

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As I approached the meds counter, I noticed nurse Esme was in today. She was easy to manipulate; she felt outwardly sorry for us, and I used it to my advantage. Today, I wanted to skip breakfast and get an early start on Art Therapy class. She helped me do that last week. She feels sorry for us, I think, the crazy, sad kids locked up in here day in and day out.

The thirty-two residents of this lodge are all aged in our late teens. After our 21st birthday, we have to leave. It's like they give up after that. No funding means no further treatment. This was my impending doom. It horrified me as much as it made me aware of the ticking timeline of my life here.

Last week, a raven-haired girl named Jess had aged out. She cried the entire day. It's like she knew she had little chance out there. After all, if we aren't stable here with all the help, what chance do we have alone on the outside?

Most of us feel that way. We know this is the last step before death or prison. It's not all cures and healing. That's not realistic for the majority of us. The day of her birthday, she was unceremoniously thrown out. She had been here three years, being treated every day, and then just like that, she was gone. For a week, each day, I wondered how she was.

I didn't have to wait long to find out.

I heard the nurses talking about her yesterday, whispering inside the meds room.

" They found her like that, just hanging," Erin had said. The others looked sad, but she simply looked empty. No emotion meant no getting attached.

It wasn't the first time a patient hadn't lasted on the outside. We would hear rumours of their demise or their sentence from the nurses and med students. Poor Jess. I didn't know her really, but we smiled at each other in the halls, and I gave her a muffin once. That counts as friendship in here.

I can only hope that in four years' time, when I turn twenty-one, I'm at least a little more stable and freer from the mental chains that bind my mind and heart. I really hope I'm far from this place by then.

"Hey, Essy. I've missed you," I greet Esme, shaking the thoughts of Jess from my mind and approaching the bar.

"Hey, Aida. How are you?" She smiles sweetly and hands me my little paper cup of pills.

" I'm okay, sort of. I had a bad night last night, and I feel like I just need to get some time to myself. Maybe in art class ahead of everyone else?" I look up at her hopefully. She could only be maybe a few years older than me, but for some reason, she's always nice. Like an older sibling I never had.

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"Go on, then. I'll tell them you went to the bathroom if they ask where you are," she replies sweetly as she hands me a juice to wash down the meds and gives me a quick wink.

She always lets me break the rules a little. It's the joy in these tiny spontaneous moments that keep me sane—figuratively speaking, of course.

I nod a thank you and head left down the hallway, avoiding Clarice and her screaming and pelting random objects from her room as I hurry along to the art room.

This tiny space is my solace; my light in the dark. The teacher isn't a therapist but an actual art teacher, so I like to pretend this is school and I'm a regular kid attending class. Just with a bunch of kids in pj's talking to themselves instead of chatting about guys they like or the latest songs from the latest bands, which I don't even have a clue about anyway.

It's not like I'm going anywhere, but still, I like to at least act as regular as possible. Besides, I know that today some of the board members are coming in to look around, and I don't want to have strangers see me in my pj's. I try to keep whatever dignity I can.

It's all I have left now.

The nurses explained that the board is visiting art class because it's one of the safest areas in the institution. Aka, limited objects to be thrown at heads in here. And everyone is usually pretty docile, or else they aren't able to attend.

After an hour of painting on my own, I hear feet coming down the hallway. I can hear the teacher, Ms. Hames, talking excitedly about her class and the progress she sees daily. She has made no secret of the fact that she needs funds from the board for more materials. I smirk as I overhear her going hard at the ass kissing. She is really working it today.

My focus shifts from my work to the handle of the door as I prepare myself to be stared at, as visitors tend to do, trying to see if they can tell what's wrong with me.

Taking a deep breath as they open the door, I smooth my long dark plait down over my shoulder and put a fake smile on my face.

I hear the boys voice before I see his face. It sounds like the smooth, rehearsed kind of voice you hear in the movies. One from the dream boat lead character with the too-good-to-be-true looks. I feel compelled to raise my eyes from my art to search for the owner of the beautiful sound.

My eyes meet his just as he comes into view.

He stops dead in his tracks, bumping into one of the med students he's following as his gaze locks with mine.

"Mate," he says just loud enough for the huge man behind him to stop and stare in the direction of the boy's gaze.

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I feel a sickening feeling deep in my gut. I've never felt anything like it before, the instant feeling of nausea followed by what I can only describe as a rush of emotion. A warm, calming sensation rakes through my entire body as I just throw all manners to the wind and continue to stare at the open door, seemingly dumbfounded and speechless.

I blink a few times and realise the entire group is now staring at me, mouths open, no one moving or willing to speak. Like a wounded deer in headlights, I manage to shake my head and attempt to clear my thoughts. What a trip.

The meds are extra strong today, I guess, and I laugh to myself as I continue to try to calm the overzealous beating of my heart and the raging of a newfound energy through my veins.

The ridiculously hot guy clears his throat as my teacher barges past and into the room. Still staring, he blinks a few times and then shifts his gaze to lower over my body.

I snap out of my little daydream, shamelessly ogling him as well, and the ginormous man behind the boy coughs awkwardly and taps his shoulder. The boy shoots him an annoyed look but finally tears his gaze away from me, making me shiver as he does. He bends in close to the older man and listens to whatever he's saying.

I pretend to be minding my own business as the group finally walk in and Ms. Hames introduces them to me.

" This is Aidalyn Craig. She's one of my most gifted students." she says proudly, gesturing to me. "Aidalyn, this is the head of the board, Mr. Lake, and his son, Argent." She points to the dark-haired boy and the very large man, who I can now tell is obviously his father. They are both the very definition of tall, dark, and handsome, but with a side of absolutely drop dead gorgeous for the younger and freakishly massive for the older.

Argent steps towards me and gives me a kind smile that sends a warm, fuzzy feeling straight to the south of me, and I squirm in my seat and squeeze my thighs together to try to stop the buzz it creates. I struggle to keep eye contact with him as he dazzles me with his crazy beautiful face, a grin plastered across it.

"Nice to meet you, Aidalyn." Jesus. Even his damn voice is something from a dream. I have to stop myself from staring at his mouth. Think, Aida, think! Stop staring. Be normal, damn it!

He smiles politely, waiting for my reply, but all I can do is stare at his plump lips.

Shit.

"It's Aida," I say as smoothly as I can before standing to shake his outstretched hand.

I pull mine back immediately and cradle it to my chest soon as we make contact. Strange bolts of electricity literally shoot through my hand and up my arm. I feel the pace of my heart start to pick up. I step back slightly, looking around to find the cause of the shock and search his face for any sign that he felt it too.

"You felt that too, right?" I ask, expecting him to have an explanation, some kind of excuse, or at the very least a shocked expression. But he merely nods, his eyes raking over me shamelessly as he steps away and back to the group. A small chuckle rumbles from his throat, and instantly, the warm feeling returns to my nether regions.

I find myself feeling all kinds of hot and bothered and what's worse is that he seems to know. How fucking mortifying!

What the hell was that? Could this day be any stranger?

He smiles at me like he knows something I don't, continuing to quietly stand with his father, both staring at me like some sort of freakshow.

What is he doing? A small frown forms on his face, and I find myself wanting to be the one who takes it away.

He opens his mouth to talk again, but his father interrupts.

"Come along, Arge. We have things to attend to. Nice to meet you, Aidalyn." He turns abruptly and walks out the door before I have time to reply, the med students and Ms. Hames following closely behind him. I hear the students start to discuss me as they leave, and a sinking feeling settles in my stomach.

Soon, he will find out just how damaged I am.

Argent seems torn as he goes to leave, but he soon moves to follow his father. Before he closes the door, he pauses and turns back to face me.

" I hope to see you again soon, Aida."

" Yeah, sure," I say .

He makes no further sound as he closes the door, and I exhale hard in relief that they're all gone. Even his cologne was appealing. And the way he said my name ... damn. If I was in school or a college, that would have been something to talk about. It was a meeting cute to discuss with the other normal kids for sure. But I'm not normal. I'm here. And he may as well be a million miles away. I'll probably never see him again, and even if I do, then what? Someone like him would never be interested in damaged goods like me. Not to mention the way his father looked at me. Broken. No good. I've heard it all before.

After the door is latched closed, I feel like I'm more alone than I was before, and for the first time in a long time, I hate it.

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