sunday

10:30 pm

i cant get anything done. i suck.

i have shit grades and a shit relationship with my family. all the new friends im making this year are going to graduate and ditch me so im going to be all alone.

i fucking hate that.

i gaining so much weight and i literally cant fucking get off my stupid ass and do shit about other than complain

i hate that too

i wish i knew how to shut up and just get my shit done without having to feel the need to talk or complain or make a dumbass sarcastic joke that was probably mean or offensive but i didn't realize at the time.

this exactly is why teachers hate me. i mumble and stutter and make dumb jokes and get by only off my natural ability and without trying. hell this is why people hate me.

i hate me, ugh

dear lord fucking jessus christ i wish i could make myself believe in jesus again just so that i had something to rely on. even if it may be fake. i hate myself. so. damn. much.