"My mother was my hero. The one person I could always count on. The one person who was there for me through bad times. She was my lifeline 'till the very last end."

I never personally met his mother, but I remember thinking she was absolutely stunning. She must have been to have given birth to the wonder that is Louis Tomlinson. The same with Louis' sisters. Each and every one of them are so beautiful and all look a little like Louis. The family - well, except from Troy - amazes me. I really hope they didn't do something to hurt him as well.

"I could never say one bad thing about her and I won't because she didn't do anything wrong or with any intention to hurt me at all. But this is an important part of the story of how I died. So, mom, since I know you're listening to this, don't you dare blame yourself for what I'm about to say. You didn't do anything but bring sunshine and smiles into my life, and I will forever love you for that.

Oh, and I've left another personal note for you for when you listen to this. I want you to find it and follow the directions. What it says might come as a shocker to you, but I explain it on the note - and Harry, this includes you as well."

Not gonna lie, I choked a little on my own spit there. I feel like I'm getting brought into more and more of these tapes. Not that I might. I love they way my name sounds in his tongue.

"So, while all the bullying, beating and humiliating went on an on I continuously was asking - more like begging and pleading actually - my mother if we could please move to another city. Or if I could and least change school. I would do anything to distance myself from the people that made my life miserable.

I knew it was a long shot to suddenly ask my mother to quit her job, her friends and her life where we lived, but I knew I couldn't take this much longer. I was constantly scared and suspecting everything around me. I would flinch at every touch or movement from a person in the same room as me and I was tired. I was tired of always being paranoid and afraid. I was tired of being tired.

I was worn out and at that point I knew I would kill myself if it went on for much longer. So I figured, if I moved away, started on a new school, made new friends, hid the fact that I was gay, maybe I could start on a fresh."

Wow. What if he had moved away. Maybe he wouldn't be dead now. He would live a happy life for once. Away from me, but as long as he's alive that doesn't really matter.

"I thought of it as a rebirth. A chance to start all over. A clean slate where no one were judging me anymore.

So I asked my mom. First time I asked her we were watching a movie. I had thought about it for quite a while. Basically since Taylor first started the rumor that escalated it all. I turned to her and I asked if she would consider moving away or maybe finding a new school for me. I figured that since she knew what people had done to me and how terrible I was feeling she would understand.

But she didn't. Or I think she did, but she said no. She had created a life for herself. That town was her safe space even though it wasn't mine. It was where she was happy, and she couldn't give that away. I get that, trust me I do Mum, but my life was a living hell. I was pleading and begging and crying. That was my hope for making my life good again."

I don't blame Louis' mom at all and I get why she didn't want to move, but Louis had the right to get a new beginning. No matter how sad I or his mom would be about them moving away, he deserved it. More than anyone.

"Mom, I love you so much. You mean the whole world to me and I don't know what I would do without you so don't feel guilty about that. I can't have you bearing a burden for the rest of your life because of this because it truly wasn't your fault and I hope you know that. I just had to say this, because it did effect my final decision. I'm sorry."

He's definitely crying and I can't imagine how hard that must be. I'm sure his mom will - no matter what he says - feel guilty about this, and she doesn't deserve to live with that guilt forever. She deserves happiness just as much as Louis does.

She's already heartbroken that her son is gone, but to also deal with the fact that she could have maybe prevented that, that's tough. Which reminds me; I have a tape as well so maybe I will have to deal with that fact too. I could never. That would completely break me.