"Let's get started shouldn't we? Reason number one. This is what started it all. Well actually, this is who started it all. And that person is....

I know my name is on the last cassette tape, but I haven't looked much at the other tapes so I can't help myself squeezing my eyes shut forcing out the words. "Don't be me. Don't be me. Don't be me."

"Taylor Swift."

I sigh of relief, but focus on the fact that Taylor Swift, the high school sweetheart, is the number one reason for Louis' suicide. I always pictured her as such a kindhearted, innocent person....

"You probably just know her as the sweet, popular, pretty girl, but trust me, she's much more than that."

I pause the tape, take a deep breath and prepare myself. This will probably be a horrific story, and for a couple of moments I even considered not listening to them, but I have to. I need to know how people - how I - apparently made his life horrible. I have a hard time trying to find the moment where I did something bad towards him though. I've always just been longing after him like he was some god. Well, maybe that is the reason...

I start the tape again, not at all ready for what's to come.

"As some of you may know, I'm gay."

My eyes widen and eyebrows rise at that. I did hear rumors around the school that he was a 'fag' as they called him, but I never knew wether it was true or not.

"Until a couple of weeks ago the only people knowing that, was my family and I - which in it self was worse enough because of my dad, but I'll come back to that - but because of a certain someone, named Taylor, the whole school knows now as well."

I'm already getting mad at Taylor, and I hope for her own sake that I won't see her around the school on monday. I really hope she's feeling guilty about what she did, though I don't even know that yet. 'Maybe it isn't that bad' I try to convince myself.

"It's not that I'm ashamed of it per see, I would just have liked to come out myself, not the whole school finding out from some diva, mean girl having a boring day."

That made me think; why haven't I been bullied as much because of my sexuality? The whole school knew, but it was only the reason for bullying towards me maximum two times. So why was it such a big deal with Louis?

"Let's get started with the actual story, shouldn't we?

It all started on a normal day of high school. I was minding my business when suddenly Taylor, and he little minion crew, came up to me. I asked her what she wanted, to which she smiled and said - and I quote - "Hi Louis, I was wondering if you wanted to do something after school? We could do homework?""

I must say, he nailed the Taylor voice.

"Since I was behind on homework I thought, might as well get some help with it, so I said yes. Later that day, when school was over, Taylor and I walked home. I remember thinking she was so sweet and a person I actually wanted to befriend. Little did I know what was to happen next.

So we went to my house and Taylor suggested we should sit in my room instead of in the kitchen so that's what we did. I was sitting on my bed, finding my books and laptop when Taylor suddenly crawled on top of me, pinning me down against the bedsheets, and that's when I realized, she wanted sex. I tried asking her what she was doing, pushing her away a little, but she wouldn't budge. She began undoing my pants, and I panicked not knowing what to do. I didn't want to have sex with her. Not only was I gay, but I was also a virgin. So I tried telling her I didn't want to do that, that I wasn't in the mood. Every excuse I could come up with, but she kept forcing herself on me. Until finally I yelled, "I'm gay.", that shut her up."

At this point, I can practically imagine the whole thing and I cringe at the thought. I hear Louis breathing deeply, and it hits me. He's crying. I feel so bad for him. I want nothing more than to wrap him up in my arms and hug him tightly saying everything will be okay. But I can't.

"She immediately jumped back and started calling me names like fag and disgrace and gross. And she just confirmed everything I had been scared of about coming out. Before I knew it she was running out of my house, and let's not forget, ruining a very expensive vase on her way. But I thought to myself, it'll be okay, it's just Taylor, it'll pass. What I didn't expect was that the next day the whole school would know."

That son of a bitch, Taylor!

"So when I walked onto school property the next morning, having hoped to just put that whole episode behind me, everybody were staring at me like I was the grossest human being they had ever laid their eyes upon. I felt misplaced and unwelcome to say the least."

I remember this. It was the day I heard Louis crying in the bathroom after which he ran out and skipped school the rest of the day. I felt bad for him then, but now that I know the story behind it I actually understand and feel so much compassion.

"But remember, this is just tape one, it gets so much worse."

Oh God. How can it even get much worse than that?

I hear a click indicating that the tape is done, and instantly take it out replacing it with the next in the line.

Here we go.