"So, how was St. Lucia?" Sade asked, smiling as she opened her notebook.

"Yeah, it was good, thanks. Nice to get a change of scenery and see Zara," Wednesday replied, settling into the sofa.

"Holidays are a great way to replenish our minds and give ourselves breaks. After all the things you've experienced in the past year, I'm sure it was well enjoyed," Sade smiled.

"It was," Wednesday smiled. "We had lots of fun. She, uh...gave me plenty of interesting advice."

Sade looked up, smiling gently. "Am I right in assuming the advice would have been regarding the breakthrough we made in our last session?"

"Weird to call it a breakthrough," Wednesday said, laughing nervously. "Felt more like a setback to me."

"I know it might seem that way at the moment, but the deeper we dig, the more positive and long-lasting the results of these sessions will be," Sade replied confidently.

Wednesday didn't know about that. Though, she was sure that the effects from whatever she decided to do regarding her feelings were sure to be long-lasting.

"Okay, let's get started," Sade spoke, but Wednesday looked up to her quickly.

"Can I—" she began, licking her lips nervously as her brows furrowed. "Can I ask you something?"

Sade's eyes widened slightly at the interjection, but she nodded and smiled encouragingly.

"Of course."

Wednesday looked down to her interlocked fingers, itching to start pulling at the skin.

"I...I'm planning to tell my best friend. That I have feelings for him." A beat hung in the air as Sade listened. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

She didn't immediately respond, making Wednesday panic slightly. Maybe it wasn't a good idea after all.

Crossing her leg, she set back and smiled.

"Do you think it's a good idea?"

"Well, I mean...I think so...but I wanted to ask you for your opinion, because you always know what the best thing to do is," Wednesday said, the words nervously spilling from her mouth.

"Wednesday, I'm not here to tell you what to do and what not to do. That's not my job. But what I am here to do, is help you break your unhealthy behaviours and prove that you are capable of making these big decisions yourself."

It was hardly the answer she wanted to hear, and she couldn't help but slump back into the sofa dejectedly. Sade had had no qualms about dragging the feelings from her subconscious, but now she'd asked for some simple advice and apparently it was too far outside of her realm.

Typical.

Sade's face softened as she breathed out, looking to her.

"Why do you want to tell him Wednesday?" she asked gently.

"I don't want to tell him," Wednesday clarified, as if it was obvious. "In fact, I'd probably rather cut off my own arm than tell him the truth. But I just...I feel like it's something I need to do."

"Why?"

Wednesday shrugged, looking at the long, dwindling plant that hung from the wall, cascading beautifully down the white walls.

"Because if I don't, I'll feel like I'm being dishonest. With him, with myself. It's just too much stress to keep a secret that big inside. And at least if I tell him, I won't feel so on edge all the time."

Sade smiled, pursing her lips.

"Well, it seems like you don't need my advice after all. You've already made the decision that will make you feel the best in the long run."

Wednesday smiled, rubbing her palm with her thumb nervously. "Yeah. Once I've got over the rejection that is."

"Why are you sure that that will be the only outcome?" Sade said curiously.

"Because," she started, chewing her inner cheek. "I know him. And I know in my gut that that is what will happen."

Sade considered this for a moment, before speaking again.

"Have you ever considered that maybe it's a not a gut feeling at all. You've just convinced yourself that, because you believe you're not worthy of love, there's no possible way he could like you back in a romantic way?"

Wednesday opened her mouth to protest but found no words to say. She'd not considered that before, despite it feeling glaringly obvious now. But then those memories of Amsterdam popped into her head, reaffirming her own stance.

"Maybe," Wednesday said quietly, ready to move on. "Anyway, sorry for interrupting. We can get back to the proper session now."

Sade smiled and looked down to her notepad, whilst Wednesday's eyes travelled towards the window, watching the rain tapping against the glass.

Later, when the session had long since finished, Wednesday found herself mooching around the shops. After every session, her brain felt so spent and tired, she just needed an activity that didn't require any effort. She'd started to call the post-session slump her 'therapy hangover' because it honestly felt equally as rough—the headaches, the exhaustion. She felt drained in every way once it was over.

Today, they'd powered through so many topics, she'd felt like she was on a rollercoaster, switching lanes and going through loops and tunnels at every turn. After going through the fallout from the previous session's revelations and pinpointing the catalyst for Wednesday's core belief as a mixture of painful moments of rejection and degradation—fun—Sade had then moved onto techniques and routines to practice, to actively unlearn those internalized beliefs. And then, just when she'd thought there was nothing more to add, Sade had moved onto the grief.

It always hurt, to talk about her Dad and Nanna. But lately, she'd noticed that it was easier. No more feeling the need to bottle up or hide her grief with Sade. And it had made her start to feel better, lighter somehow. In fact, she realised that despite the whole feelings-for-Harry issue, she'd been feeling the best she had for a long time.

Nothing major had happened, no big life changes to thank for it. But she guessed it was in pushing herself to be open and frank with others, that the heaviness that had weighed her down for so long had begun to lift.

She hadn't realised until she'd compared where she was now to a few months ago. Sometimes it's hard to see progress within yourself until you look more deeply.

As she stood in the crowded high end department store, flicking through the rails of the fancy clothes and wondering whether to just be reckless and splash out on something expensive, she looked up at the fellow shoppers and down just as quickly. But then her brows furrowed as she swore she'd seen a flash of blue hair that looked familiar.

Hesitantly, she looked back up, her fingers pausing on the rail. As her gaze lifted to the blue haired girl once more to see her looking back at her, equally as shocked, she swallowed nervously.

Daisy.

What did she do? Did she pretend she hadn't seen her and walk away quickly? Did she shoot her the middle finger and yell a curse at her? The petty side of her liked both of those options, but the nearly 26-year-old within her realised that they were probably not the most mature ways to deal with the current situation.

Making her mind up, she breathed out her frustration and began to walk around the clothing rail, over to where she stood by the jackets. Her heart beat more with every step and she tried hard to forget that the last time she'd seen her had been when she was in Harry's bed. Naked.

Clearing her throat as she reached where she stood, she forced a smile down at her.

"Hi, Daisy."

"Wednesday," she said, seemingly even more in shock that she'd come over to talk to her. "Hi. I'm...I don't really know what to say."

She laughed nervously, holding her arm as she looked back at Wednesday.

"I just—I thought I'd come say hello, see how you are. I know...I know things ended pretty suddenly when everything...happened."

Looking almost ashamed, Daisy's voice got quieter as she spoke again. "I'm really sorry Wednesday. About all of it. I know...I know I didn't get a chance to say sorry to you, to all of you, in person and it sucked. Me and Harry, it was—"

Wednesday shook her head quickly, forcing a smile. She didn't need to know the fine details.

"Daisy, it's fine. I—I won't deny that I was mad when I found out. But it's been months and we're all adults. I'm sorry too, for the way I ghosted you. I should have given you the chance to explain your side of the story."

A small, grateful smile crept up onto her lips. Wednesday used the momentary pause in the conversation to analyse her outfit. She had on a black dungaree with a striped long sleeved tee underneath, chunky trainers and a borg jacket. Wednesday begrudgingly thought about all the times she'd tried on a dungaree in a dressing room and left feeling like she never wanted to step in front of a mirror again. Her hips were too wide, her thighs and boobs a bit too big.

But Daisy could pull it off easily. She was petite, small.

And then Wednesday realised what she was doing. Comparing herself to Daisy. Again. Only this time, she knew why.

She chided herself mentally, shutting down the part of her brain that so desperately wanted to find a way to compare every single feature of hers against Daisy's. Sade would tell her that it was her core belief, finding a way to justify itself.

"It was all just one big mess in the end. And the worst part was that I lost a job I really liked with really great people," she said, looking down to her shoes.

Wednesday almost felt bad for her. Almost.

"I think it was probably a learning curve for everyone," Wednesday said, breathing out a nervous laugh.

"Some more than others," Daisy said self-deprecatingly. "I just...I'm sorry. For everything."

"Daisy, it's fine. Honestly. Anyway, what are you doing now job-wise?" Wednesday asked, trying to keep the awkwardness between them at a minimal.

"I'm just doing sessions at the minute, in the studio constantly. It's fun, I've always felt most at home doing that," Daisy smiled. "I suppose you guys are nearly ready for tour soon?"

Wednesday laughed anxiously. "Yeah, about that. I'm actually taking some time off of work. At least for the European leg of the tour. Just needed some time away from it all."

"Oh. Well, I'm sure you'll be all the better for it when you do go back," she said, and Wednesday was glad Daisy picked up on the undertone of her not wanting to go into it any further.

"Yeah," Wednesday said, having had enough of the awkward chatter now. "Well, I should probably get going. Got a lot of things to get done today."

An entire lie, but sometimes lying was the best and kindest way to escape awkward situations. Such as this.

"Yeah, me too," she said. "It—it was nice seeing you Wednesday. I'm glad we cleared the air."

"It was nice seeing you too. And I'm glad you're doing well. See you later Daisy."

Wednesday made a move to turn around, already planning to escape the store as fast as she could. But Daisy calling her name made her pause and look around.

"Yeah?"

She bit her lip unsurely, as if she wanted to say something. After a few seconds of hesitation, she spoke again.

"Every time me and Harry were...together...the one person he would always talk about was you. Without fail. I just...I just thought you should know that."

Wednesday had no clue what to do with that information. Blankly staring, she nodded. And without saying anything in response, she turned and walked away.

As she exited out onto the bustling street a minute later, her head swam with what Daisy had said. Specifically, why she'd said it.

It hadn't been a brag or some sort of attempt to make her jealous. She hadn't been accusing or angry. She'd just wanted to tell her it, for some unknown reason.

By the time she'd reached the tube station, her head hurt. From therapy, from Daisy, from Harry. Everything. She tried to make sense of her words, to understand what she'd meant.

But she couldn't.

Or she didn't want to.

/