《When We Were Young [H.S.]》16. I Can't Breathe
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The 13th of December had been a whirlwind. Tears were shed, drinks were poured, and twitter was obsessively stalked for reactions to Fine Line. Harry had walked around with a massive grin all day, seeing the influx of love and positive reactions to the album. In fairness, they'd all worn similar expressions; two years of writing, producing and work from all of them crammed into one album had finally been released to the world. Their collective baby was now out there, free to be judged, dissected and interpreted by its listeners.
Wednesday had been especially nervous; for the rest of them, they'd felt the rush of songs they'd written being released to the world before. To Be So Lonely was her first taste of that experience. She wasn't ashamed to say she'd searched the song name on twitter various times throughout the day to see how the fans reacted to her having a writing credit on the album, let alone their reaction to the song.
The night-time had been where they'd finally brought the entirety of Fine Line to life, debuting the entire track list for the first time. The response had been deafening; Harry, donned in the Fine Line album outfit, had taken to the stage with newfound energy and effortless charm. As they'd performed TBSL, Wednesday had felt tears swell in her eyes at the loudness of the crowd, laughing as they screamed the 'arrogant son of a bitch' line. He'd looked back to her at that point, smiling proudly.
The show had been a promise of what was to come for the tour next year, and Wednesday found herself still nervous but excited for it—the forum show had gone so well and reminded her why she loved being up on stage.
They'd flown back from LA a few days after that and that was how they now found themselves, almost a week after the release, heading to the BBC Radio 1 studios for Harry's live lounge performance. With no outfit picked for her, she'd opted for flared jeans and a cropped t-shirt, paired with her converse.
Sarah had text them all in the morning and Wednesday had picked up the funny pea print Christmas bag with Mitch's present in it before leaving.
She arrived to see the rest of the band already there, placing her bags down and walking round to Harry, who was conversing with Adam.
"What are you doing for Christmas?" Adam asked her after a few minutes, and she rolled her eyes, remembering the news her mum had rang her with the day before.
"Well, my grandparents always come to mums house a few days before and spend it there. But she told me yesterday that now my auntie and cousin are coming along too now, so I have to bunk in with my mum. At 25 years of age."
Harry laughed, his eyebrows raised. "Which auntie? Helen?"
She nodded with a painful expression. Her auntie Helen had just had her third divorce finalised and so without a husband, or his rich family to stay with during the holidays anymore, she'd decided to spend it with her favourite sister.
"That's rough" Harry laughed. "Well, at least you know I'm only down the road. You can escape to the Styles' anytime."
"I think I'll have to take you up on that" she laughed, rubbing her head. The past week had been so busy, she'd barely had time to just talk to Harry. He'd seemed to always be talking to someone else and she didn't want to intrude.
Not long after, they got into their positions, sound checking all the instruments one last time before starting the performance. They went through Adore You and Lights Up, before covering Juice and Wonderful Christmastime, earning cheers from the offices.
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Once Harry had finished his radio interview and they'd all packed up and left the building, Sarah had turned to them all.
"Right, food and then secret Santa!"
They'd followed her to the sushi place she'd booked, getting seated at their round table under dimmed lights.
"This is nice" Wednesday observed, looking around at the pink cherry trees and fountains that lined the walkway into the restaurant. Large fish tanks lined the walls as the volume of the guests around them filled the air.
After they'd ordered their food and been served their drinks, Sarah had excitedly grinned and looked round at them all.
"Time for secret Santa. Who wants to go first?"
"You do realise it's not actually going to be secret Santa" Harry noted, looking at Sara with a grin. "We're all going to be giving our present to the person."
"Shut up, it's a partial secret Santa" she grumbled, swatting his comments away with her hand.
"I'll go first" Adam stated, picking his bag up off the floor and looking to the group, before turning to Harry with a smile. "Merry Christmas man."
He took the bag with a smile, patting Adam on the back, before looking in. His eyes lit up as he saw the contents, excitedly pulling out items with pleasant surprise.
"A goody bag!" he said excitedly, and Wednesday smiled at his smile.
In the bag were all of Harry's favourite food items; kombucha, tea, Haribo's, cans of sweetcorn, vegan snacks and most impressively—a loaf of bread.
"Thanks man, this is all I ever need" Harry cooed, holding the bag to his heart with a wry grin before looking around the table. "Right, well I'll go next. Miss Jones, this is for you."
He passed Sarah a neatly wrapped black present and she opened it up, smiling when she looked down at the box. Turning it around, she smiled widely.
"It's a jigsaw puzzle with a picture of me and my cat on it!"
It had been long time knowledge that Sarah enjoyed jigsaws, and the only thing she loved more than Mitch in this world was her cat—it was the perfect gift.
After thanking Harry, Sarah then proceeded to hand Daisy her gift—an embroidery kit for beginners.
"I know you mentioned you wanted to get back into being craftier" Sarah smiled as Daisy grinned down at her present.
"It's amazing, thanks Sarah" Daisy replied, before turning and looking to her left, where Wednesday sat.
Picking up a nicely wrapped thing, long present, she passed it to Wednesday with a small smile.
"Merry Christmas from your secret Santa" she said quietly, a small smile on her face as she waited in anticipation for her to open the gift.
Taking it from her, Wednesday felt the gift under the wrapping, unsure of what it was. Was that...a frame? She definitely felt glass. Carefully pulling off the paper and seeing it was a frame, she slowly turned the print towards her, taking a few seconds to realise what she was staring at.
It was a colourful art print, showing a reddish orange sunset behind a white coated mountain peak. At the bottom of the image, one word was printed. 'Matterhorn'.
She looked up to Daisy confusedly, before looking to Harry who was wearing a faint but faltering smile.
"I, uh...how did you-" she began, looking back down to the print.
"Harry told me. About it being your favourite sunset," Daisy answered proudly, confirming Wednesday's suspicions.
She looked to Harry, seeing that he wasn't catching her eye before looking to Daisy and forcing a wide smile.
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"I...I love it. Thank you, Daisy."
Wednesday placed the image down next to her, her smile falling. Why did she feel slightly...betrayed? Harry had been the only person to know that about her. She didn't often open up to people, not even Harry, but she could remember how relaxed she'd felt in his presence when they'd been talking about it in LA. Maybe she was naïve to think it would be something shared just between the two of them, but she couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment. She wondered if he discussed their private conversations with other people often, her stomach clenching at the thought.
Plastering on a smile, Wednesday looked across the table at Mitch.
"This is for you Mitchell," she said, passing him the brown wrapping paper with a gold bow.
His smile grew as he unwrapped the present, seeing the koi fish ceramic.
"This is sick," he grinned, looking up to Wednesday gratefully. "Another one to add to the collection."
Wednesday mouthed a 'thank you' across the table to Sarah, as Mitch proceeded to give his present to Adam, a new vintage 70s t-shirt.
As they moved their rubbish out of the way, their food was placed down and various conversations sounded out around the table, whilst Wednesday stayed silent, looking down to the art print again. Was she overreacting? She had to be. Daisy probably asked Harry, knowing he knew her best and it had to have just slipped out. And anyway, it wasn't that big of a deal. Shaking her head at her own ability to overthink, she looked up, forcing a smile.
They ate to their heart's content, downing enough cocktails to be tipsy and smiley. By the time they were leaving, Daisy and Sarah were linked arm in arm and Mitch and Adam were having an in-depth discussion about their favourite directors. Harry slowed down to meet Wednesday at the back of the crowd, smiling at her sheepishly.
He'd awkwardly shoved his hands into his pockets, seemingly trying to find the right words to say. "I'm sorry if I overstepped by telling Daisy about the sunset thing. It just sort of slipped out when she asked me what you liked."
Wednesday shook her head, forcing a small smile. "It's fine. Actually, the print's really cool, so I guess I should be thanking you."
He smiled down to his feet, not meeting her eye. Hesitantly, her mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to find the right words to say next.
"So, did you...do you talk about our conversations...with other people" she asked curiously, mentally berating herself for how weird it sounded.
Harry looked at her then with his eyebrows pinched together, a stern expression on his face.
"No, no. Not at all. This just completely slipped out this time, but I promise it won't happen again."
"You're not lying are you?" she teased with a grin, which he tersely returned after clearing his throat.
"No. Promise."
They went their separate ways shortly after, sharing their excitement at the London show they'd be giving the night after and the mini album party that was being thrown for the team and family members after it, before their Christmas break.
As Wednesday arrived home, she laid down on her sofa and unlocked her phone, scrolling mindlessly through her social medias before opening up her photos. Flicking back through the months, she arrived at the pictures of Patrick, of him smiling and joking, ones where they were together. She knew it was probably time to delete them, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. It wasn't like she still wanted to be with him—she'd slowly started to realise that they were better apart than together. But she couldn't ignore the fact they'd been together for two years by deleting every evidence of the relationship in her camera roll she had. That wasn't the solution at the moment.
She swiped further, seeing the pictures from the first tour pop up, smiling when she saw Harry smiling at the camera. He looked so young. How had he grown up so much in such a short space of time and she hadn't even noticed? Warmth invaded her stomach as she looked at the multiple pictures of him, feeling comforted. He wasn't even there, and he still had that effect on her.
The next day was their last performance before their break for the holidays and it was the London Fine Line show this time. Wednesday enjoyed performing in LA, but there was something so incredibly electric about the London shows that she couldn't help but be more excited for them. They spent most of the day rehearsing, before finally taking to the stage and the small venue meant it felt more personal and enjoyable; Wednesday laughed as she spotted Gemma going crazy whilst dancing at the songs on the top floor. And then to top it all off, Stormzy came out to perform. The cherry on top of a fucking perfect cake.
Once the show had wrapped and they'd gotten changed, they headed to the private bar where they were having drinks and celebrating the album. Wednesday had no plans to do anything the day after, so she ordered a bottle of champagne for herself, pouring glasses out and drinking them down easily.
Harry had been busy, being endlessly congratulated and drinking with other party goers. By the time Wednesday had made her way over to him, his eyes were already droopy, his lips set in a goofy smile.
"Hello, you," he grinned, leaning forward to ruffle her hair. "You were excellent as always tonight."
"Well, I have a sick boss to look up to," she smiled back, hesitating before taking a step forward and wrapping her arms around him. She was definitely tipsy. "I'm really proud of you. The album, the shows. It's all incredible."
She felt him soften into the hug, feeling his arm on her lower back.
"Is this Wednesday Green giving me a hug out of her own free will?"
"It's the drink, it makes me soppy. Don't get used to it," she laughed, and he smiled down at her with a look in his eyes she couldn't interpret.
Shifting under his gaze, she laughed awkwardly. "What are you staring at me for?"
"Just looking," he smiled, and she felt her cheeks heat up, biting her lip to hide her smile.
A familiar song came over the speakers and Harry grinned down to her, grabbing her hand.
"Come on, dance time," he insisted, pulling her closer to the dancefloor as she tried to resist.
"Harry, no, I'm not nearly drunk enough."
"Wednesday, I say this with love. Shut up and dance with me right now."
Huffing, she let him pull her to the dancefloor where a few others were already drunk and dancing about, including Gemma. As he turned around, he lifted her hand up and prompted her to do a spin, which she did rather ungracefully with a laugh.
"Slip inside the eye of your miiiiiind, don't you know you might fiiiind a better place to play," he sung loudly, his one arm coming around her waist as his other grabbed her free hand.
"You said that you've never been, but all the things that you've seen, slowly fade away," Wednesday joined in now, falling into him as they swayed unsteadily to the beat together, unable to stop their laughter as they looked at each other.
"So, I start a revolution from my bed, 'cause you said the brains I had went to my head. Step outside, summertime's in bloom," Harry cooed, his goofy smile wide on his lips.
"Stand up beside the fireplace," Wednesday sang, getting louder.
"Take that look from off your face," Harry returned, even louder.
"You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out," she sung, smiling as she did the air drums to the songs build up to the chorus, feeling a warm slither of nostalgia running through her at them singing the song together.
"And SOOOOOO Sally can wait, she knows it's too late as we're walking on by," they both sang out in unison, still swaying together with his arm on her waist, pulling her close.
"Her soooooul slides away, but don't look back in anger, I heard you say!"
She laughed at his closed eyes as he sung out the last notes of the chorus, putting his all into belting the line out. His eyes opened and he grinned at her reaction, watching her throw her head back in laughter. They continued like that for a bit longer, enjoying the song together and acting as if no-one else existed. Wednesday let herself live in the moment, enjoying it too much to care about what others thought, or what she was thinking herself. She felt her loose limbs swaying and his fingertips burning on her skin.
"Oh, by the way," Wednesday shouted over the music, needing to remind Harry of their plans for the day after while she could still remember them. She was only a few drinks away from forgetting her own name. "Remember we're exchanging our Christmas presents tomorrow morning. I'm coming over to yours."
Harry nodded but continued to sway, his eyes closed as his smile remained.
"Harry, are you listening to me? I'm coming over to yours at 10 tomorrow morning because I need to pack later in the day, so don't be sleeping in hungover."
"Okay, okay, shush," he replied drunkenly, acknowledging her words with a quick nod, before placing his finger on her lips to silence her. "Enjoy this moment with me a bit longer."
For once, she did as she was told.
The night wore on and Wednesday got progressively drunk enough to know that by 2 in the morning, she was ready for home. She didn't tell the others she was going; a bad habit of hers. Instead, she quietly ordered a taxi and left, shooting one last glance at the others and smiling when she saw Harry, stumbling slightly with his arm wrapped around his sister.
As she got in (with the cheesy chips she'd got from her local takeaway) she downed enough glasses of water to fend off a terrible hangover the day after. After eating, she took off her makeup and climbed into bed, setting her alarm to make sure she got to Harry's early enough to have the rest of the day to wash and pack her clothes, ready to go back north for Christmas.
After what felt like ten minutes of sleep, her alarm went off and she hit snooze a few times before eventually dragging herself out of bed. She felt slightly shaky and dehydrated, but other than that she was okay—no hangover. Taking two painkillers just in case, she got a shower and threw on some jeans and a sweatshirt.
Looking down to the pile of presents for Harry, she smiled, feeling hopeful he'd like them. Every year they promised not to go overboard with each other, agreeing on only one present and every year since, they'd broken that promise. This year, Wednesday had got him an oversized Boston band t-shirt she'd found in a vintage store in New York, a copy of her favourite poetry book called The Poetry Pharmacy by William Sieghart that she knew he'd enjoy and lastly, a small canvas painting by her that she'd painted a few weeks prior.
Knowing how much he loved Japan, she'd attempted to paint Mount Fuji, with branches and flowers from a cherry blossom tree partially obstructing the view of it. It had taken her three days and by the end of it, she'd been convinced it was no good—but after showing Zara it on facetime, who'd emphatically told her it was beautiful and she was being 'a donut' (her words), she decided to keep it and give it to him.
She popped each wrapped present carefully into a bigger gift bag, grabbing a pen and writing her message down on the tag.
To Harry, thank you for being an incredible person and an even better friend. I can't wait to see what you do in 2020 and I will be there alongside you the whole way. Merry Christmas. Love, Wednesday x
After putting on her shoes and tying up her hair, she checked to make sure she had everything before going to her car a bit further down the road and putting them in the backseat gently, before strapping in and setting off. She rarely drove through London, preferring to use public transport or walk, but today she didn't want to forget or lose anything. Looking to the clock, she saw it was quarter to 10, and knowing that Harry would be hungover despite her warnings, she drove to the nearest McDonalds drive thru, getting them both a coffee and a hash brown each.
After ten minutes, she pulled up outside of Harry's house. Balancing the bags on her arms, with the coffees in her other hand, she knocked on the door with her elbow. No response. She knocked louder, sighing. He'd slept in.
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