I sat in the shadows, merely watching Pan as he tried to lured Henry into belief. My eyes would cautiously watch them talk from afar, my lips mildly shaped in a simple line as I'd sharpen my dagger. James would occasionally sit with me and start a conversation, but I'd never be in the mood. Seeing the boy was enough to angry me. Why? Because he determined whether or not Pan would live and, for whatever reason, Pan was being too patient for my liking.

He was playing games and most of all, with Killian. Bringing back Neal was the biggest game changer and it would challenge the pirate's love for the saviour. Leaning over a table with a map of Neverland, my hands clenched onto the wooden sides as Pan discussed tactics; James was beside me and Felix was out in the camp making sure the boys weren't beating each other up.

"I still don't get Neal's purpose," I mumbled, taking a sigh as my eyes remained on the pin that represented a rough location of Rumplestilskin's whereabouts. "He shouldn't be our main concern." Pan chuckled delightfully, most likely enjoying how the man was caged in the Echo Caves.

"Once he's reunited with Emma -"

"If he is."

"He will be," James replied for me, nodding once in my direction and passing a silent conversation: never underestimate the power of love. Taking a sigh, I stood up straight and folded my arms, my eyes scanning the map but there wasn't really anything going on: a marking for Rumple (and Regina), another for the group of adults and that was about it, excluding the mermaids and Tink. I rolled back my lips, looking to Pan who had just turned his back to us in-thought for a moment.

"Henry's close, I can sense it," he said soothingly but my eyes fell to the ground, my throat tightening.

"We don't have long-"

"I don't have long," Pan snapped and I sighed again, feeling another argument rise. Wow, you've already taken away the plural language? With one last gaze, James looked to me for a brief second before turning on his heels and leaving Pan and I alone for a...discussion.

"You think I won't be affected if you fail?"

"You'll have the mirror," he grumbled and I scoffed in disbelief, rolling my eyes.

"And that's enough? No, I won't allow -"

"I won't fail -"

"And you're speaking as if you know you will," I cut him off, taking a step forward. We haven't been as close as we usually have been over the past few days, but we couldn't prioritise our relationship over the heart. This was life or death and for some stupid reason, I don't think Pan truly realised that. Yes, he ended up enchanting the mirror. Yes, he told me of how the Underworld works. But couldn't we focus on succeeding rather than what to do if we fail? Without a thought, I reached out and grabbed his hands, taking them in my own as I rolled back my lips, staring at his fragile yet bloodstained flesh. "Peter, we're in this together." He sighed a warm breath, taking a small step forward and closing the gap between us. Removing his hands from mine, he placed them on my cheeks and tilted my head down just a tad. Pan pressed a soft kiss against my forehead before meeting my gaze.

"I'm sorry, love," he said quietly and my chest tightened. The last time he apologised...it was for trying to kill me. It was a gesture so rare and momentarily baffled me, blinking as I stared up in awe. What was he apologising for? Disregarding my love and focusing on Henry? His negative attitude towards everything? The blood on his ledger? He was always a mystery to me and no matter how well I thought I knew him, I could never truly see behind his eyes.

His hands fell from my face and he turned around, keeping his back to me as if allowing for his words to process in silence. His motives...what were they? But I couldn't let my thoughts distract me now. We had to remain focused on this.

"I'm going to check on Henry," I said after a long while and went to exit. Just as my feet were about to leave the tent -

"Serena." It was said quietly but slithered behind that kindness was a commanding coldness, something that would never leave, no matter the outcome of anything. Turning my gaze to his over my shoulder, I waited in silence for him to continue but I could see his mind turning through the slight glimmer of water covering his eyes, the small shakiness to it. To this day, it still astounds me, how well he can continue and hide such humane emotions. And that's the very reason as to why he is anything but a human anymore. There was a glimmer of hope that sparked in my heart, yearning for the possibility that he'd return those 3 simple words or anything else that told me everything wasn't just in my head. I'd gone through so much twists and uncertainties (no thanks to Killian) that I genuinely needed reassurance.

But it never came. Instead, he turned his back yet again and didn't say whatever he was planning to say. If I were in the past, I would be disappointed but this time, I was unsurprised. I shouldn't have been but I was used to him holding his tongue. And without another word from neither of us, I left.

+++

I walked out and took a seat beside Henry, the boy smiling up at me for a moment. As much as it pained me to do so, I returned the polite gesture and took out my dagger, simply holding it in my hands and allowing my eyes to have a place to stare at.

"Is it true, that magic is dying?" he asked softly and I sighed: he'd only been fed lies and there was a small part of be that regretted this whole 'preparing the pig for slaughter' thing. I nodded gently, pretending to look hurt. Well, I didn't 100% have to fake it. I was upset at everything. For goodness sakes, I just wanted peace with Pan and the boys on here.

"You need to save it, Henry. Wendy's already dying and I expect to be next," I added. And yes, Pan had brought Wendy back for the game. Was I happy? Of course not, but I didn't have a say. Henry's head lowered, as if ashamed to hold so much responsibility. His eyes were bleak with uncertainty and there was a knot growing in my stomach, for every single moment, this boy could open his eyes and see the truth, changing his mind; I felt as if I had to tread carefully.

"Do you love him?"

What? Who asks that sort of question? Out-right refusing to look his way, I rolled back my lips and forcibly sheathed my dagger, taking a steady breath. Serena, calm, you need to play the game. I held my arms closely to my chest now, as if keeping my body warm from the coldness that Pan had been serving to me daily. Delaying the silence for as much as I could, I finally replied and answered, for once, with honesty.

"Despite everything, yes," I mumbled, seeing James cautiously listening in the corner of my eye. But I could trust him. Choosing my next words carefully, I continued, "he may be a monster but...I love him."

"He's just a lost boy..." Henry mumbled and I swallowed down the forming lump in my throat, a pang of hurt hitting my chest unexpectedly. Pan has never been one to wear a demonic mask and he's not some pure lost boy. He may be lost, but not the type that cowers away in sadness and hides that with villainy. Evil may be made but ultimately, it's a choice. But I had to lie.

"Yeah, we all are," was the best sentence I could come up with in that moment and technically, it wasn't a lie. My past still has never been revealed to me but it doesn't matter, because who I am now is me, Serena. James, Felix, the twins - every boy here had come to Neverland to escape their past and become someone new, and as I sat beside Henry then, I could feel the loneliness he had deep down: an orphan is tainted with abandonment, but people in the present merely give distraction to the hole in their heart.

For the first time in a while, I suddenly became curious as to who I had been...and how they compared to the me now.