"You're supposed to be looking out for me," I choked, dead-set refusing to let any tears fall, but I was aching all over. It couldn't be true...no way.

"I am! You needed to know before Pan."

"He won't find out," I choked, avoiding the pirate's gaze.

"He finds out everything."

"It's not even possible!" we argued back and forth, and I wondered how nobody had heard us...yet.

"If Pan believes it is, it will happen," he snapped and I shook my head again, pursing my lips in anger.

"My purpose is more than just bearing a son," I sneered and taking a step forward, I smashed my hands against Killian's chest and pushed him away. "Get out!"

"When he finds out –"

"GET OUT!" I screamed and with one last glare, Killian left, and that was when stress hit me like a brick. Was Killian telling the truth? Would Pan find out? When would he find out? What would he do? My bottom lip began to quiver and when the tears started to fall, I quickly wiped them away. It couldn't be true...I refused to believe in such a possibility.

I grabbed a nearby candle and with a loud cry, angrily threw it across the room, the wax and gold smashing. It spilt all over the floor but I didn't care. Placing a hand against my forehead, thoughts whirled around in my head and began to give me a pounding headache. I felt sick in the stomach at Killian's...idea, whatever it was.

But I had to treat the information as if it were true. And Pan could never know the truth.

+++

I steadied myself just in time: a few moments later, James walked into the tent with Pan by his side, both completely baffled.

"We heard noises," James said and Pan crooked his head upwards, eyeing my cautiously. Sighing and already exhausted from the day, I shrugged and sat myself down on the bed.

"The pirate paid a little visit, no biggie," I mumbled and Pan walked forwards, leaning his hand against one of the chairs.

"And what did he say, pumpkin?"

Ignoring the pet-name, I replied without looking his way.

"That Baelfire doesn't have the heart you're looking for," I said with a dull tone, secretly hoping he'd buy it. It wasn't a lie – technically. I was merely avoiding the truth.

I looked up in time to see Pan lower his head, rolling back his lips.

"Doesn't matter. At least, not now," James piped in, folding his arms. "Only another 20 more days or so until Baelfire has a son."

"What if he doesn't?" I snapped, pretending to be concerned over the entire ordeal. I got to my feet and continued, "time is running out and –"

"Shhh," Pan said softly, suddenly appearing in front of me and cutting me off, placing a single finger against my lips. "It'll be okay, love." He lowered his finger as I lowered my gaze, sighing once again. "All you got to do is believe."

But what do I believe in?

I swallowed down the forming lump in my throat and walked past the boys in silence, leaving the tent.

+++

For the next following days, the boys would occasionally bring up the pirate's 'visit' and I was smart enough to know that Pan was forcing them – forcing them to get information from me. But I never told them the truth. I kept avoiding the real true by stating things they already knew.

There was a night that Pan attempted to lay with me, but understanding my distress about the heart, he didn't force anything against me. He simply placed a kiss against my forehead and went to sleep.

With every morning, I was ridded with worry. I felt as if someone was watching me all the time, reading my thoughts and unlocking my secrets. But Pan was smart - smarter than me and smarter than Killian, and if he found out the sheer possibility, he would latch onto it. He'd do anything for that heart. I may have forgiven him, but I haven't forgotten how he took my heart without a second thought, thinking I was the truest believer. He didn't think and when it came to power, he only thought about himself. I was beginning to see that now.

We all sat by the campfire after a long day of training. I had been supervising - of sorts - and didn't really practising my archery, or any other skills to be honest. I wasn't in the mood. Pan was playing his flute with Felix nowhere to be seen. I anxiously looked around, always worrying and thinking that they may be onto me. Taking a deep breath, my eyes steadied themselves on the fire and I watched the flames face before me, trying to find some peace within myself.

But all I felt was this sickness in my stomach, this unsettling nervousness that pursued to eat my mind away. And whilst being confined to my own mind, I hadn't realised that Pan had stopped playing and was now sitting beside me.

"Love, are you alright?" he asked softly and I took a deep breath, choosing my words carefully.

"I might just go for a bath in the lake quickly, just to freshen up before I sleep." I was lying, but if I wandered to my tent alone, he'd probably follow, or another boy would to try and get information. If I used the bathing excuse, nobody but Pan would escort me. Confirming my thoughts, Pan asked, "would you like me to join you?"

I chuckled, shaking my head as I saw a lustful expression plastered upon his face in the corner of my eye. Placing my hand against his knee, I rolled back my lips.

"Not tonight, Peter," I said quietly and he leaned over, placing a kiss against my cheek. I got to my feet and headed in the direction of the lake but once I was further enough out in the woods, I changed route and headed to my own tent. I didn't think about what would happen later - not having wet hair, not smelling as clean as I would have been. But I didn't care. I just needed to be by myself.

I entered my tent and sat against my bed, rubbing my face in exhaustion. Only a few more days, only a few more days, I kept repeating to myself, over and over again. But it only made me feel worse. I was about to turn my light on...but I heard voices.

Pan and Felix.

"And what of the girl?"

"Who, Serena?" It was Pan and he let out an amused chuckle. Rolling back my lips, I gulped down the forming lump in my throat, seeing their silhouettes outside of my tent. "She's blinded by her love for me."

"Do you not -?"

"I don't care for her," he snapped, chuckling in disbelief again. "Do you really think I'd jeopardise my plan for feelings? I thought I knew you better than that, Felix."

I slapped my hand against my mouth and it felt as if someone had punched me in the chest, releasing all the hair and replacing it with this heaviness and ache. "I need her to bear me a son, that's all that matters now. Got that?"

Felix's silhouette nodded and my eyes stung with tears. It felt as if my whole world was breaking and shattering beneath my feet - and yes, it sounded cliche, but the pain that I was feeling was nothing compared to being stabbed or swallowing poison. I'd take those any day.

I closed my eyes, holding my breath as I waited for them to walk out.

Killian and Ariel were right all along...and now I see Pan for what he really is, what he made me believe he wasn't.

A monster.