❤️

UNEDITED NOR PROOFREAD YET!

I kept pacing around in my hotel suite, I didn't know what to do next, I mean fuck I knew she wouldn't forgive me if I'd told her the truth, especially a year and a month later, suddenly popping up in her life like "hey remember me? it's been all planned! everybody's been lying to you including myself! forgive me? I love you tho"

The look on Adriana's face haunted me, the way she looked at me her eyes full of betrayal, hurt, and dare I say it hatred. She hates me, and thats no surprise, I hate me too.

Ever since I was young, everything I touched, I loved, I got attached to got ruined or taken away from me. This time, I wanted to protect her, to do it the right way, I loved her too much to lose her forever, I couldn't keep her around, losing her while she's still alive seemed as a better option than losing her cause she's dead, but guess they both hurt the same way.

I did the same mistake twice, I let her go cause I was afraid, difference is, the first time I was avoiding getting harmed or weakened by love, the second time I realized how strong my love for her was and I wanted to protect her not myself.

"GOD DAMMIT NOAH, I FUCKING CHANGED EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF JUST TO FORGET YOU, I WANTED TO ERASE THE VERSION OF MYSELF THAT FELL FOR YOU, HOW COULD YOU? WHY DID YOU COME BACK" what she said kept going through my mind, I couldn't get her words out of my head, the guilt was eating me alive.

For the past year, I tried everything, literally everything to forget about her and move on, I traveled the world, I fucked girls from all the damn different nationalities, I tried to bury myself in work, hell I disappeared from the news, from everything, I made sure she never heard about me again, but every damn night I could still smell her, feel her, crave her touch, and that voice of her that made me go loco.

I thought it would take me a month or even less to move on, to let her live her life, a normal life like she always wanted, I remember waking up that night, I heard her screaming to the vacant sky how much she wanted a normal life, the damn night I planned everything and sent her away.

I had realized how much of a toll it had taken on her, I sensed her pain, her desire for a new life, away from drama, threats, fear, especially with Luca still around, not knowing his next move, when he might strike us again. Giving her that meant keeping her away from me, losing her. I had to lose her, so she could be happy, I never knew how much she loved me, or thought about how it would destroy her, I thought maybe fooling her into believing It was all a dream, I was nothing but a part of her imagination, that would ease it down, but nothing eased it down on me, I could lie to her, force her to forget the truth, but what about me?

I reached out to her mother, she wanted her back so bad, I helped her rebuild her companies, under one condition, Adriana would own the most shares, and then we made a deal, and thats how she took her back. In less than twenty four hours, I drugged Adriana, left her on my island shore, the same way she was found, and threatened Paolo if he didn't go along, and dared to tell her the truth, I'd kill Viola right in front of his eyes, then i'd kill him. You see it was the perfect plan, it was.

I planned for everything but the aftermath, how much it killed me, I never saw that coming, so yes I went back because I'm selfish, after making sure she never heard of my name again, never read any news about me, I dared to go back and remind her I still existed, and what we had was real, but she wasn't ready for all that.

~*~*~

I sat there in my car in the middle of nowhere, as rain poured heavily outside in sync with the tears flowing down my face, its been hours since I left the company, I just didn't know where to go, I had nowhere to go.

The pain is unbearable, I've been betrayed, lied to, they made me believe I was delusional, I fucking went crazy yet nobody gave a fuck, my mental health was feeble for months, I was a suicidal ticking bomb, on edge suspended between life and death for months, I couldn't eat, sleep, talk, or act like a normally functioning human being, I had to seek therapy to get better, and when I finally did what happened? I find out I went through all that for nothing, all the struggle went in vain. I helped myself to reach the top, but now? Im back to where I was, Im one thousand steps behind, and I don't know which reality hurts more.

I rested my head on the steering wheel and continued sobbing, my heart felt so heavy and as if my chest was closing in, suddenly it got too hard to breathe like something got ahold of my throat, my heart was racing out of control, I started shaking uncontrollably, no no no not this, not again, I knew what this was, a fucking panic attack, its been a damn while

I remembered what my Dr. told me to do to stop it, I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing, I took a deep breath through my mouth feeling the air slowly filling my chest, then exhaled feeling them leaving, I breathed in again, held my breath for a few seconds then exhaled, I did this repeatedly until I could finally breathe normally again, feeling my heart beats slowing down. Oh lord thank you

I had become used to having panic attacks, but this time being all alone made it a hundred times worse.

I need some fresh air, I grabbed my hoodie from the backseat and put it on, opened the door, locked my car and started walking under the rain, I hope this helps, walking always helped me clear my mind.

flashbacks of noah and I kept attacking me, I tried focusing my mind on anything else, but I failed, he's all I could think of, he resided permanently inside my brain, "UGH! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" I screamed in frustration in the middle of the streets, thankfully all the people were inside their cars, but who cares anyway?

I can't believe he had the audacity to return after all this time, claiming he still fucking loves me, he doesn't love me, Noah only loves himself, he came back because he wanted to see how I was doing, he wanted to know if he still affected me, cause being around me made him feel powerful and dominating, who knows why the hell he returned but it surely wasn't because he missed me, as he claimed, what? It took him 13 months to miss me and come back? If he truly loved me he wouldn't have let me go, especially not in the horrible way he did, drugging me, forcing people to lie to me and go along with his foolish plan. He could have been honest with me, told me he was weak and couldn't protect me, or that he doesn't love me anymore or any other god damn reason that he had to send me away, of course I would have refused and fought to stay with him, but eventually I maybe would've been convinced that it was better for us.

I didn't even let him continue explaining himself, I ran out of the conference room so fast, he tried to follow me until I threatened I'd kill myself if he came anywhere near me again, so he just froze in his place as I left.

What about your mother? She deserves to explain herself

My mother was also being selfish, she was thinking about herself, she only took me back so she could get her companies back, once again, she bought me back the same way she sold me away.

~*~*~*~

I dialed Adriana's number for the hundredth time, it failed again, her line was still out of reach.

"Gerald, thats it! I'm calling the police, something horrible must've happened to my daughter! I can't stay put like that, her line is still off" I exclaimed, as tears started forming in my eyes, I was worried sick

"Honey, please calm down, I'm worried about our daughter too but I'm sure she's fine, Adeline can handle herself, her phone's battery must've died while she's out with her friends and she doesn't want to be bothered" his tone was so calm, "First of all, MY daughter's name is Adriana not Adeline, second of all how could you be so calm?? I told you I called her secretary and she told me she left seven hours ago, WHERES MY DAUGHTER" my blood was boiling, and I couldn't stand Gerald anymore, before he could utter any other word and make me lose control of myself and what I said, I stood up and started walking towards the door

"You know what? I'm going out to search for her myself, I don't need you"

"Don't be crazy! Where are you going to go? There are a million places she could be at right now, are you going to drive around the city aimlessly? Just sit down and let's dial the cops, although you know unless it's been twenty four hours they won't do anything about it!" Gerald yelled from behind but I didn't even turn around, I ignored what he said, grabbing my coat from the rack and putting it on, I opened the door ready to go search for my daughter but I didn't know it would take me a few seconds, she was right there, standing outside "OH MY GOD BABY THANK GOD YOU'RE BACK! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!!" I cried out grabbing her for a hug but she pulled away "Can you drop the fake concerned mother attitude? We both know you couldn't care less about me" she said dryly, and she had that look on her face that said "i know everything" , I stood there shocked and confused, my tongue was tied I didn't know what to say, "W-what do you mean?" I stuttered "You know exactly what I'm talking about, the only reason I came back is to grab my stuff and my passport, I'm traveling tonight, leaving and never coming back" she pushed me aside and entered the house, "Adriana wait! Let me explain baby, just let me tell you the full story!" I pleaded, running after her but she didn't nudge "whats happening here?" Gerald appeared "Were you a part of this plan too?! Did Noah send you to know how I was feeling? To get reports about the amount of damage he caused me?" she stood there staring at Gerald, his head dropped down in shame, he couldn't look her in the face, wait what? "That is true, Noah sent me here, but not to spy on you, to help you, cause he cares about you a lot, this man loves you, the same way I love your mother, falling for your mother and loving you both dearly wasn't a part of the plan, but it happened, and you both are the best thing that ever happened to me, I loved you as my own daughter, guilt was eating me alive but I couldn't tell you the truth, not after the progress you made...I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me" he looked at adriana then his eyes shot to me, I can't believe this, how could keep that from me?

"HOW COULD YOU! I trusted you! You became a part of our family! I loved you as if you were my own father, how could you keep that from me? You're not any better than any of them, in fact you and mother really deserve each other, and forgive you? I can't find it in my heart to forgive anyone, not anymore" Adriana said and stormed upstairs leaving me, I stood there too shocked to move, I was beyond furious

"I swear I wanted to tell you from the start-" Gerald started talking but I cut him off "leave, just leave I don't want liars in this house" and I ran upstairs, I needed to stop Adriana, she can't leave me.

I found her in her room packing her suitcase, she was crying, my heart was literally breaking, I know I haven't been mom of the year, ever, and I did things that are unforgivable but I've changed, and I want my daughter to stay. "Adriana, please just listen to me, if its not for me, for you, you deserve to hear the truth, you deserve an explanation" I said softly, "Do you know what I deserve? I deserve moving away from all of you, and you don't get to tell me anything." she snapped "I know, I know i've been harsh, the worst mother ever, but trust me, I love you too much, and I want to make things right, I've always regretted the way I treated you, ever since you were young, I hated your biological father with all my heart that I took it out on you, you reminded me of him, I saw a piece of him every time I looked at you, that was wrong I admit, everything I did in the past, but I changed, when I first sent you away, the deal I did with Noah, I thought it was best, and I was desperate for money, I was greedy" I stopped to take a breath, tears flowing down like a river "But then, one day, he called me, he told me that you deserved to live in peace, to live with family, a normal life I've deprived you off, thats why I accepted to be part of his game, when he explained everything, I knew he loved you, he wanted to protect you, so I took you in, and I never thought you'd find out this way... I'm not going to stop you if you want to leave, and take all my money too, leave me with nothing I don't care anymore, I just want you to be happy, It kills me knowing I have caused you the most harm, I hope you can forgive me one day" My voice cracked, I sat on the floor, and continued sobbing

"Mom, get up" she said, I looked up at her, she held her hands and helped me up, then pulled me into a hug, I wrapped my arms around her, crying my heart out, praying she won't leave me "I forgive you, but please understand I can't stay" she whispered, I hugged her tightly like my own life depended on it "please, please don't leave me" I pleaded, but she let go, she closed her suit case, grabbed it and left, I followed her to the stairs "ADRIANA, stop please! Im begging you!" I cried out, but she didn't stop, she didn't look back, at the end of the staircase stood Gerald, he tried to speak to her but she shook him off, I watched in horror as she opened the front door, and left, just like that, she didn't even look behind her.

~*~*~*

Just like that, I left, I threw everything behind me, and I was on my way to start a whole new life, again.

I booked a ticket to the farthest country from here, Australia. Where nobody knew who I was, and where I knew nobody.

I admit, I will miss my life here, I've become so attached to my job, my friends, hell even my so called 'family', but everything was toxic, and I truly deserved a fresh start.

The roads were kinda empty, which I'm thankful for, the fastest I get to the airport the better, the more the car moved, the lighter the weight on my chest felt.

I sat there in the back of the uber, watching the scenery outside, oh how i'm gonna miss this city. Suddenly my Uber driver, Michael, sped up "Uhm miss Lockwood, I don't want to alarm you but I think we're being followed..." he said and swerved into another lane, "wait what?!" I shrieked "There are two black escalades that have been following us for the past thirty minutes, we passed many intersections, but they're still behind us, this trip is sure as hell not worth risking my life you know" he said, I looked behind and saw the two huge SUVs

"Don't worry Michael, I'm sure its a coincidence, besides we're heading to the airport, MANY other people have flights too you know?" I said sarcastically, and he just nodded his head, a few minutes later I looked back behind and the cars were gone "You see? I told you there was nothing to worry about, the cars are g-" I was cut mid sentence when the car came to a sudden halt, and the driver let out a scream "WHAT?" and before he could answer me, I looked and saw exactly why he was yelling "OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK" I shrieked, the SUVs were blocking our way, Michael started shivering, I sat there unable to move, both SUV's doors opened, and two men dressed in black suits came out, as they approached I could finally see their faces clearly. wait a minute, I recognize them. Andres and Maximillian. Now I know what all's this about

"TURN AROUND TURN AROUND!" I screamed, "ARE YOU CRAZY? GET OUT OF MY CAR! IM SO RATING THIS TRIP ZERO STARS, AND REPORTING YOU!" he yelled angrily, I instantly opened the door and got out, and he swerved away quickly "HEY! YOU ASSHOLE, MY SUITCASE!!!" I wailed but he was fast gone, "UGH! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUUUU" I turned around, my face must've turned blood red, as I was boiling with rage "ITS ALL YOUR FAULT! WHAT DO YOU WANT" I spat "Awwwwhhhh Adriana! We've missed you too!" Andres called out "What a warm welcome!" Max added "REALLY? You really thought I would be happy to see you?! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME!" I roared "You think she's on her period?" I heard max tell Andres in a low tone "nah bro, she already whack" , seriously? "HEY! I heard that!" "Listen, I don't want to fight you, I don't care why you're here, but I have a flight in less than an hour to catch, care to drop me off?!" I said hopefully they would budge, now I hated to admit it or say it out loud, but I did somehow miss this duo

"Sorry Adriana, following orders here, we are here for the sole purpose of you not getting on that flight, oh also, to kidnap you" Andres said with such a calm tone, as if he didn't just tell me I was about to get kidnapped, I swiftly turned around and started running for my dear life, I could hear their footsteps as they ran behind me, next thing I know I was grabbed from my feet and found myself in the air, as they carried me, I tried fighting them off but max gripped both my feet while andres gripped my arms, I couldn't move, "HELP HELP! SOMEBODY HELP" I screamed but there was no one else there, all the damn cars have disappeared, they threw me in the back of the SUV, and sped off...

~*~*~*

I smirked when I read Max's text, she really thought she could just leave me behind and travel to the other side of the earth? Hell no

Okay Noah, you need to be very careful and empathetic with your choice of words, this is your last chance to win her back.

I grabbed my phone again, I texted Max, I was growing very nervous.