《The Berlin Wall》Chapter 5
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Just a little something because I missed your birthday. I'm sorry about the other day. I need to talk to you if you agree to it. You know where I am. Have a great day.
I fumbled with the paper between my fingers, a giddy smile lining my lips as I read the note before me that felt like a delicate petal. Looking back into the envelope, I pulled out the small leather friendship bracelet and folded the note back into the envelope. I lay the envelope on top of my jacket on the arm of the chair and tied the bracelet around my wrist, studying how it fit perfectly around my slender wrist, the leather caressing my skin, the dark colour of the leather standing out from my pale skin and the design weaving and twirling around my wrist.
The occurrence which had happened a few days ago had left me shaken and still played out in my head over and over and I began noticing things which I hadn't at the time because my mind had been so clouded. For example, Friedrich had been hesitant to answer the question and of course, my mind festered over it beyond belief, digging myself further and further into a dark abyss of questioning whether he had lied or whether he was just awkward about the question. The debate scared me because it was a 50/50 chance of him having lied, and this note saying that he needed to talk? What if he wanted to say how he'd lied?
"Hey darlin'...Whoa, are you thinking?! I can almost see the steam coming from your ears!" I pulled myself out of my head to glance to Lukas who was now lounging in my living room on the sofa opposite the chair I had taken comfort in. Sometimes he was so quiet, he could literally just walk into a room without anyone hearing, and it always seemed very ghostly and could definitely give you a good scare. He had his hair tossed around in his stylish messy look and a smirk was plastered on his face at his last "joke". I raised a brow towards him; he had burst my thinking bubble so I would burst his smug one.
"Is that the best you could come up with? You do know that one's ancient? Like a hundred years old, like you really. Old and becoming lame." I grinned back towards his narrowed eyes and stiffened face. His ego needed keeping in check and seeming as I'd been the only one who'd stuck around for this long despite his rough patches, I had adopted said role.
"So that's how you want to play it?" A threat coated his words like a thick layer of paint, but it was always a playful threat, never a harmful one.
"So what if I do?" I challenged him. His lips curved up into a smile mischievously whilst standing up and before I could figure out what he was up to, he had strode over to me and had me over his shoulder in an instant, easily carrying me towards the small piece of land we had at the back of the house with the apple tree and because it was now summer, in the corner sat-
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"NO! Don't you dare Lukas!" I screamed, my body convulsing as if I were being tickled, trying everything I could to loosen his grip to give me a possibility to get away and back into the house where I was safe. I heard and felt a chuckle tremble through his body like an earthquake as my pathetic attempts to get free did nothing. "Lukas, put me down. Now!" I screamed once again.
"Alright." He said bluntly. I couldn't see his expression confusion spread throughout my mind.
"What?" My body froze as I realised what I had said.
"I said alright." He put his other hand to my waist and lowered me back down onto my feet. Eyeing him sceptically, I frowned. His face showed nothing as usual and I always wondered how he was able to keep such a poker face in all situations.
"So...you're giving up?" I questioned him.
"What makes you think I've given up?" He smirked and before any thoughts could cross my mind, he reached his hands out to my shoulders, pushing me back into the paddling pool full of cold water that lay on the grass behind me, every nerve in my body screaming from the cold and my muscles shivering to combat the temperature. A shriek escaped my lips, echoing around the neighbourhood which was shortly followed by a loud laugh from Lukas. I glared up towards Lukas as I sat up, ringing out my hair and putting my hand out to him to help me to get up.
"Oh no, I'm not that stupid Kirsten." He carried on laughing.
"What are you on about?" I studied him dubiously, my forehead furrowing in confusion. Whatever he thought I was up to, I really wasn't because I could barely think with all my energy pumping round my body trying to heat me up.
"You were going to pull me in." He accused me, folding his arms across his chest like a sassy teenage girl.
"No I wasn't." I said, dumbfounded by his accusation.
"I don't trust you."
"For god's sake. Fine, then just go get my jacket? I'm freezing." I yelled at him, frustrated with his stubbornness to help me.
"Aw, you can never take a joke!" He chuckled like a child and sometimes,despite his height and the fact that he was older than me, I really thoughtthat he was still a child at heart. Ormaybe some child ghost had taken over his body. That would explain thequietness too.
"Maybe once I'm warmer I'll laugh. Now go." He mock sulked off, shoulders hunched and his arms dragging by his sides. I sighed as I stood up, squeezing some of the excess water from my shirt and groaning towards my skirt which was completely soaked.
Letting the sun soak into my skin and hoping it would heat up and dry my clothes a little, I soon forgot that Lukas was here and wondered where exactly he was. I remembered asking him to get my jacket, but that was just on the side, wasn't it? How could it take so long? Sighing, I folded my arms across my chest, trying to stop the cold from attacking me any further and proceeded towards the back door that had been left open. Going to my living room, I saw him stood with his back towards me, my jacket tossed over his arm whilst he was looking at something in his hands. I suddenly went still as the mocking atmosphere we had had a few minutes ago disappeared and a sullen one took over. I felt my blood turn cold from some subconscious mind realising what was going on but wouldn't share the thought with me so I remained ignorant.
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"Who's Friedrich?" I glanced up to Lukas who had turned around to face me, having heard me come in and, surely enough, in his hands was the note Friedrich had sent me. I had left it on my jacket and I had told Lukas to get my jacket. I was an idiot.
"Just a friend." I murmured. But then I realised that by saying that, I had probably just made the situation even more difficult and told myself off mentally for being so stupid again.
"Just a friend? Right. Sure." His voice had turned cold and doubtful, just like his hard eyes that watched my every move.
"It's true!" I raised my voice, he had no right to poke his nose into my business.
"Fine. Why is he apologising then?" Although Lukas was the master of the poker face and secrets, he was also the master of finding out the secrets of others through interrogation, especially mine.
"It's nothing." I went back to mumbling, he would no doubt win this argument. He always does, but the least I could do was to not tell him straight away. For Friedrich's sake.
"Kirsten, why is he apologising?" His tone became softer as he began to try another strategy to make me open up. This was his "I'm worrying about you" strategy.
"It doesn't matter; he wouldn't talk to me for a moment and wanted me to leave him in peace. It's nothing really." I opened up a little, just to get him to back off but I doubted that it would actually work.
"Nothing? Sure. Kirsten, seriously, who is he? I've never heard of a Friedrich around here. Is he from the other side?" His eyes looked up from the paper towards me with something creasing his face I couldn't recognise.
"What? No! Of course not! I'd never interact with anyone from there!" He looked back towards the paper, scrunching it in his hand and chucking it, as well as my jacket, onto the armchair I had been sitting on.
"Thanks Kirsten. Thanks a lot." If my blood had run cold before, it was now ice and my heart had stopped.
"I didn't mean-"
"I know what you meant Kirsten. You make us lot that aren't born on this side look like snobbish monsters. Wouldn't ever interact with one of them? Fine. I can make that happen, Kirsten. I'll just be leaving. Wouldn't like to ruin crapsville for you." Once again his voice had gone dead and harsh. I had rarely seen this side of him and although I hated it, it just got my blood pumping and his words spiked up my temper once again.
"Crapsville?! Maybe the only reason we make you look like snobbish monsters is because you are them! You've always looked down on us because you have everything you need and have luxurious houses! And what makes you think I'd care if you left? I don't need you! No one does! You're just a lazy alcoholic who will never achieve anything and doesn't deserve to be on this planet!" As soon as it had come out of my mouth, and as soon as I saw his anger drain out of him, I regretted every damn word. I didn't mean it, he was my best friend. He had been for so long. I needed him. No matter if he drinks and smokes, I need him and I knew he wasn't worthless or lazy. He just had a lot to deal with and recently he had been trying so hard but somehow I just couldn't stop myself from exploding.
"If that's how you feel, I'll let myself out." His head fell once again but this time I knew it was no mock sadness.
"Lukas..." I whispered like a mouse. I felt so belittled I could be as small as a mouse.
"No, goodbye Kirsten." He had already moved to the door and opened it. Stopping briefly, my heart leaped with relief; maybe he wasn't going to go. But I soon fell further than I ever had before as he left, shutting the door quietly without a second look back. He hadn't slammed the door to show his anger with me. He hadn't left it open. He had shut it quietly, almost silently. I now knew what I had seen in his eyes earlier. I had seen hope. Hope that there may be people from the other side who had been forced to live here and leave their families. I had crushed him. I had destroyed him and with that had destroyed myself.
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